Chapter 38

Complications

The thunderstorm woke Zara in the middle of the night with a start. She ran across the hall to Bucky's room and rapped until he opened the door.

He pulled her to him as another thunderclap boomed. She wrapped her arms around him as if her very life depended on him. When the echoes died and he calmed her down, he walked her back to her room and tucked her in.

"Please don't leave me!" She begged him. "Please don't leave me! Everybody leaves me."

He pushed her over and climbed into the makeshift bed on top of the covers. "You stay covered and I'll stay right here."

When the thunderstorm finally passed, she dozed off and before Bucky knew what hit him, he dozed off too. The sound of her steady breathing was like a soothing tonic to his soul.

When the sky brightened at dawn, Bucky opened his eyes. Blinking them to adjust to the daylight pouring in, he saw a bright and beautiful blue sky. It was going to be a glorious day.

He removed his arm from its resting place on Zara's body. How'd that get there? He hoped to make an exit before she woke and in case Steve strolled by and knocked on his door.

Zara moaned gently in her sleep and sighed contentedly. Bucky froze. He held his breath for a moment. When she settled down, he resumed his getaway. Just when he thought he was in the clear, she rolled into him and put her arm around his waist. He stopped his efforts again, but she yawned and snuggled into him. He was in a worse predicament than before! Now, if he moved, she'd be sure to wake up. Where was the Winter Soldier's stealth when I need it? He settled back down in defeat.

Her face was buried practically into his chest. How can she breathe? Worried, he tried to tilt her head a bit. She stretched and resettled herself against him. "Mmmmmmm…." She mumbled. "You're so nice and warm."

Biting his tongue, he didn't reply, and hoped she wouldn't notice. She did. She picked her head up and squinted at him. "What time is it?"

"I don't know."

She cast a glance at the windows. "It's too early, go back to sleep." She re-positioned herself against him and pressed a small kiss to his chest sleepily.

Bucky remained still, and wondered what the hell he was supposed to do now. Her breath was warm on his chest, and it stirred up echoes of long forgotten memories; slow dancing to Glenn Miller's "Moonlight Serenade" and the anticipation of a kiss afterwards. He could almost feel the dance sway of her body against his. Then something really unexpected happened! OH SHIT! His breath turned erratic. He closed his eyes and was really glad he was on top of the covers.

"Are you okay?" Zara asked.

"What? Yes! I'm fine! I'm just fine! Why?" He struggled to get his breathing under control.

"I don't know, you just…it felt like…"

"It felt like what?"

"All the muscles in your back just tensed up. Do you have a cramp in your back? I could massage it."

"What? NO! I mean, it's fine; I just had a twitch, that's all. It's gone now."

"I get those all the time, mostly in my calf muscles, especially when I stretch too hard." She stretched as if to demonstrate. "Can you get up? I gotta pee."

Panicking, he struggled upright, shifted to a seated position and covered himself with the corner of the blanket. His pajama bottoms did nothing to conceal his predicament. He didn't want to freak Zara out, and he certainly didn't want to have to explain ANYTHING to her.

She wormed her way off the sofa bed and padded to the bathroom, completely unaware of Bucky's situation.

He looked down at his lap and frowned. Why now? Why do you have to do this to me now? I have to think of something! He threw off the blanket and at the bathroom door told her he was going to his room to go pee as well. He peeked out of the door into the hallway; all clear. Thank goodness! And he bolted across the hallway and into his room.

With a sigh of relief, he turned on the shower. He used the toilet and then stepped into the spray. The shock of the cool water had the effect he was expecting. He threw water droplets everywhere as he shook his head. He let the water run over his face and drip off his beard and hair. He felt the heat that colored his cheeks dissipate at last.

The last thing he wanted was for Zara to see him aroused, especially after all she'd been through. He didn't want her to think that all he wanted was to hurt her like those other men had.

He rushed through his shower and got dressed. Then he ran down to the cafeteria for coffee and was finishing off his second cup when Steve and Sam came in.

"You're early." Steve observed as he poured coffee into his cup.

"I was up early." Bucky commented as casually as he could.

Steve sat down followed shortly by Sam.

"So, how did your date go Sam?" Steve asked him.

"It wasn't a date, technically, but dinner was nice." The woman he'd been mooning over finally said yes to a dinner. "We went to this place she knows, and apparently everyone knows her, so I was on my best behavior. What about Sharon? How are things with her?"

"Well, she still has to account for giving our stuff back, and there's lot of details to be worked out but I think she'll be alright in the end."

Bucky was really interested in his coffee until Zara showed up, and his head snapped up.

Sam looked at his watch. "She's really early."

"She is." Steve said. "I wonder why."

Please don't say anything Zara. Please don't say anything Zara. Bucky mentally pleaded in his head. Of all the times you blurt stuff out, please let this not be one of those times.

Zara sat down with a sleepy smile and her bowl of cereal.

"Why are you all sunshine and roses this morning?" Sam asked her.

"Huh? What does that mean?"

"You're all smiles; how come?"

Bucky braced himself for the worst.

"I slept good last night."

"Really?" Steve asked. "The thunder didn't wake you up?"

"Oh, it did, and I was scared, but when it went away, it was the best sleep I've had in a long time."

Sam and Steve exchanged raised eyebrow expressions.

"Wow, that's great Zara! Does this mean you are getting over your fear of the thunder?"

"No, not really. I knocked on Bucky's door and he tucked me back in. He waited until the thunder went away, and then I went back to sleep. I knew Bucky was close by, and I knew the thunder was over, so I slept really good after that."

"I'm glad to hear that. Good job, Buck." Steve leaned over and clapped Bucky on his left arm.

Bucky smiled at Steve when he really felt like swallowing his tongue. What the hell is going on with me?

"Thank you Bucky." Zara said with a shy little smile.

Bucky nearly choked on his mouthful of coffee, but he forced it down. "Um, you're welcome Zara."

Thankfully, conversation changed topics back to Sam after that, much to Bucky's relief.

After dinner, Zara pleaded with Bucky for "Up!" He obliged and swung her around until she begged him to stop. She wobbled and grabbed Bucky around his waist to steady herself. She panted in between leftover giggles.

"Come on, I'll carry you to your room."

"Will you tuck me in?"

"Sure."

Of course, she managed to keep him there for 15 minutes begging and pleading with him to stay. "But I slept really really good. I felt safe. You make me feel safe."

"Zara…"

"Just for a little while? Please?"

He'd been telling her no for so long, it sounded like an old song.

"Please, Bucky, just for a little while, and then you can go. You can sleep on the covers." The wistful, hopeful look in her eyes was getting to him.

"I shouldn't be here, Zara, you know that, but…" He cleared his throat. "Just for a little while."

When he opened his eyes and it was dawn, he knew he was sunk. Those innocent eyes lured him in, but even he had to admit he had had a good night's sleep. Why? Why had he slept so well? That question stayed on his mind all day.

Zara got her first inkling that something wasn't right when she walked in on Steve and Wanda discussing something. When they saw her, they grew silent.

Zara felt as if she had done something wrong, and quickly left.

"We'll talk some more later." Steve said, and left Wanda alone in the room.

At dinner, Zara felt a tension in the room that hadn't been there before. She kept quiet and focused on her dinner. The usual chatter had been cast aside.

Bucky walked her to her room. He changed and came back over to tuck her in.

"Did I do something wrong, Bucky?"

"What makes you think that?"

"Steve and Wanda were talking and when I came along, they got quiet. Was I not supposed to be there?"

"It's complicated."

"Will you stay with me tonight?"

"Sure." He didn't fight with her this time.

He ushered her to get under the covers while he flipped off the light. His enhanced eyesight got him back across the room with no problems. He slipped under the covers and they settled in.

And this set up a routine. If he woke up in the middle of the night and could slip away, he did, otherwise, he stayed until dawn and crossed back to his room.

He began to notice a pattern. If he slipped away earlier, he slept restlessly back in his room, but if he stayed he felt calmer.

Steve's words came back to him. 'She'll be a good influence on you Bucky.' Steve was right; being around Zara made him feel…human.

Over the course of the next few weeks, things got more tense with Wanda and Steve. Zara didn't know why Steve was so angry at Wanda; all she knew was that she didn't want that anger to spill over onto her. She stayed on her best behavior and avoided direct eye contact as much as possible. As a result, she clung to Bucky even more so.

One Sunday morning as they lay snuggled together Bucky kissed her on the top of her head. She responded by pressing a kiss to his chest. She looked up at him and smiled. "You don't have to do that if you don't want to." She cautioned him.

"I want to." He pressed a kiss to her forehead. "Is that okay?"

She nodded.

Then he kissed her nose, and she giggled. "I take it that kissing your nose is okay too. Am I right?"

"It's okay."

"Good. I don't want to make you uncomfortable."

She pulled his head closer and kissed his earlobe.

"You like my ear, huh?"

She giggled. "That's because your face is all scratchy." She ran a single finger across his cheek and then pulled his head closer again to plant a tiny kiss to his lips. "See? Scratchy."

Bucky was surprised that she kissed him on the mouth. "No, I don't see." He bent his head down and returned her tiny kiss. "But if you help me, I might." They kissed again, Bucky letting her control the situation. They kissed several times more.

"Do you see it yet?"

"I'm beginning to." And he smiled.

"You're just pretending!"

He laughed. "But I got the kiss, didn't I?"

"That's because I let you."

They fell silent for a moment, and then Zara's face got serious. "What is the purpose of kissing?"

"What is the purpose?"

"Yeah."

Bucky was speechless. He wracked his brain for a way to answer her. "Um, well, I guess, it is to show how much you like someone."

He'd never thought about it before. He'd kissed plenty of women, at least he thought he had, but as to why he kissed them, even he wasn't sure. It was just something you did. 1940's sex education wasn't always informative or complete, and you got what little there was from the "birds and the bees" talk from your folks. You learned stuff from watching your parents interact; you learned stuff from older siblings if you had them, but mostly you learned by trial and error.

"Hmm."

"Did you not like the kiss? I mean, I haven't kissed anyone in a long time, so I'm probably out of practice."

"It was okay, but can I ask you something else?"

Okay? "Um, sure." He braced for the worst.

"Please don't stick your tongue in my mouth. I don't like it, and it brings back bad memories."

Bucky breathed out in relief subconsciously. "I won't do something you don't like, you just let me know if I do something wrong, okay?"

"Okay." Life was so simple for Zara; she accepted things in a straightforward manner.

Bucky gave her another kiss. "Was that better?"

She smiled. "All your kisses have been good. I just don't know what I'm supposed to do. I'm just not very good at it."

"If it feels right, then you're doing fine. You kiss me the way you want to; the way that feels most comfortable to you."

"Okay."

This led to an exploratory kissing session; her tentative kisses found all sorts of places to land; his earlobe, his nose, his cheek, his chest, and his lips.

When she stopped and looked up at him questioningly, Bucky felt prompted to ask her what was wrong.

She fidgeted and looked uncomfortable. "There's something I've always wondered, but I've been too afraid to ask."

"Oh?" All sorts of thoughts ran through Bucky's mind. "What did you want to know?"

"You won't laugh at me?"

"No laughing, I promise."

"Are you sure?"

"Well, I have to hear the question."

"When you…when you put on your under…clothes…what do you do with it?"

"Huh?" Bucky's mind whirled in confusion.

"You know…" Her hand moved down to his hip.

Suddenly, it hit Bucky. "Oh…um…um, well…" Bucky was in a predicament he'd never faced before. He'd rather be gut-punched than try to explain this. He took a deep breath in, uncertain of how to begin. "Um…well, um…" Then his brain latched onto something. "Well, I suppose it would sort of be like when you put on your bra. Clothes are made to…um, fit the person wearing them."

She blinked several times. "I don't think that answers my question."

Bucky's stomach flipped over. She wanted some kind of answer. The last thing he ever expected to have to do was explain sex education.

"Did I ask a bad question?"

"No, it's just that…" He struggled for words.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry! I said something wrong, didn't I?"

"No, Zara, you didn't say anything wrong. It's a natural question to ask. I just never thought about it before, let alone try to explain it. My parents just taught me how to get dressed; it's just that simple. Boxers…that's what I wear, have a…." His mind groped for the right word, or one that she could understand. "They have something like a pocket, like your bra has, and everything fits in there."

"Oh. Okay."

There was a long silence.

"So, you understood that?"

'It kinda makes sense now."

Bucky let out a breath in relief. I'm glad that's over with. "You're not going to mention this conversation to Steve, are you?"

"Would you rather I didn't?"

"Yeah, I'd rather we kept it between us."

"Are you going to tell Steve?"

"No, I don't think so."

"Are you going to tell Steve you sleep in here?"

"No, I'm not going to tell him that either."

"Why not? We're not doing anything wrong."

"Steve is your guardian; he might not understand why I'm here."

"But I would explain everything."

Bucky paused. "What you think is okay where you come from, has a totally different meaning here. It doesn't matter what you explain, people still might take it the wrong way. As long as you and I agree, and there is no harm done, no one needs to know that I'm sleeping in here. Please, I'm asking you not to say anything. Can you promise me that?"

"I promise Bucky. I won't say anything to Steve or anyone, unless you tell me it's okay. I don't want Steve to be mad at you because of me. I need you. I don't know what I'd do without you. I love you with all my heart."

"I love you too, Zara. I love you too."