Chapter Thirty Eight
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As soon as Cas woke up, Dean told him about their newest guest. Cas was quiet for a moment, then stomped over to the door. "Dammit Cas, come back!" Dean yelled from his bed, though he regretted it immediately as his bruised ribs stung, causing him to wince. Cas was at his side in an instant.
"You should remain as still as possible Dean." Cas said, checking him over.
"Well don't run off then. I know what she did ok, with her Clockwork Orange thing and trying to kill me. But seriously, who hasn't tried to kill me? She helped us in the end Cas, she helped save Sam and tried to help the angels. Hell, she even brought Bobby up to Heaven." He scooted back so he can be at an incline. Cas saw what he was trying to do, and helped him.
"I know, but you weren't the one with the drill in your brain Dean. You didn't have to kill me over and over again, thousands of times." Dean could hear the anger in his voice. "It was a nightmare Dean. She has to pay for what she has done." He stood up, clenching his hands. Dean reached over and held one of the fists. It hurt like a bitch to do so, but he wanted to stop Cas from doing something stupid. "Dean, let go. You would do the same."
Cas was right, he would do the same thing. He would charge headfirst into a fight because he didn't think. But because it's something he would do, does not mean Cas has to too. Not letting go of Cas, "Don't. Whatever you're thinking, just don't Cas. You're not me. I don't think about the repercussions. And that's how things get fucked up."
Cas sighed, and slumped into the chair beside him, but he unclenched his hand and intertwined it with Deans. "I feel so angry Dean, it hurts. I want to…just hurt her, punch something, I don't know."
Dean knew the feeling all too well. That anger demands to be feed, and hell, he kept it well feed for a long ass time. The need to lash out, to just break something, to destroy, it's intoxicating. That's him though, not Cas. Cas is cool, collected and thoughtful. Dean sighed, "Cas, don't let that anger control you. It's like a drug, once you start, it's hard to stop. I know. I've beat the shit out of cars, drank myself under, ran into fights. It solves nothing thought, so yeah, go, scream and fight with Naomi, but what's it gonna do Cas?"
He was silent for a few moments. Dean kept his eyes glued on Cas. He's been human for months, and he's been through an emotional ringer, but anger. That's a beast to tame. Cas shifted and looked into his eyes, "Dean, it is…hard to reconcile my anger with Naomi. I do not know if I can forgive her."
"Not asking you too man, just, don't do anything stupid or rash." Dean paused, thinking, "listen Cas, if you want to vent it out, use the gym, using the punching bag, or go do shoot some rounds. Just vent, and think it out."
"I do not feel like doing any of those things."
"Go for a walk then! Or watch a movie, just do something to vent Cas. You can't bottle this crap in, it's not good for you."
Cas withdrew his hand, "and why not Dean, that's what you do! You keep it all bottled up inside! All of it! Because you're too afraid to let anyone see! So don't lecture me about venting it out Dean!"
Dean was stunned. He felt an ugly beast turn its head inside, and before he could rein it in, "Get out Cas, just get out. I don't fucking care. Do whatever you fucking want."
"Avoiding your feelings as usual Dean, how typical." Cas got up and slammed the door on the way out.
"Cas…" he called out, but he knew there was no point. Good going he thought to himself, try to teach Cas how to control anger and he went a failed to heed his own words. Now he felt like a jerk.
Cas stormed out of Dean's room, passing Crowley, who was getting something to eat. It was early morning, and most people and angels were asleep. He couldn't rest though, not with Ezekiel and Aaron next door 'celebrating'. The walls down here were thick, but damn. It was nice to see Naomi, and they talked in length, before she retired for the night. Seeing Cas head outside under a dark cloud, it could only mean a fight between the lovebirds. Debating the merits of going to read a boring romance novel or seeing what's up, he went after Cas.
He caught up with Cas in a few moments. "Cassie love, whatever is the matter."
"None of your business Crowley." Cas growled.
Not intimated, Crowley pushed on, "lover's quarrel with Dean then?"
Cas sighed, seeing that he wouldn't be chased away. "Naomi's here."
Ah, that's the trouble then. She told him some about her misdeeds, though, in comparison to him, that was nothing. Still, Cas must have wanted to hang her from a high tree and Dean must have argued with him. "I see. Yes, I know. We had a chat she and I. Something of fremeny." He walked beside Cas, "walk with me, and tell me your troubles."
Surprisingly, Cas did, and they walked under the stars in a moonless night. "I feel so angry Crowley, at what she did to me. What she tried to make me do."
"And what was that?" He said feigning ignorance.
"She made me kill Dean, in every conceivable way, thousands of times over and over until I would kill him with no hesitation. Then I really tried to kill him. I nearly did. I can't forgive her for that."
"Cassie, have you forgiven me?"
They stopped, Cas looked at him confused. "What do you mean?"
"I asked you to kill them too remember?"
"That was different Crowley, and a long time ago."
"Not so different in my book. See, I asked you to do something you couldn't possibly do. I know that now. But you wouldn't. No, you went around and out of your way to protect them. Now I ask again, have you forgiven me?"
"I don't see the relevance of the question."
Crowley rolled his eyes, "it's a simple question Castiel."
Cas thought for a moment, and sighed. "Yes. I believe I have. You have proven yourself an ally."
Close enough he thought. "Ok, the reason why I asked is because if you could forgive me, you can in time forgive her as well."
"But I won't." Cas shot back.
"Tsk tsk Cas, holding onto that anger gives one wrinkles."
"Well I am angry!" Cas shouted. "I am angry that she made me live a nightmare. Angry at Dean, angry at my own stupidity, I am just angry!"
Crowley arched an eyebrow, he's never seen Cas become so unlike himself. However, he was shouting now, venting without realizing it. Primal screaming, does wonders, however, there was a lot of anger buried. Learned from the best emotional denier he mused. Sighing to himself, he's going to regret this in the morning.
"Punch me Cas. Let it out."
Without hesitation, Cas punched him, hard in the chest. The in the arm, the chest again and then across the jaw. He buckled under the pain, but he knew what he was doing.
Cas stood panting over him, then suddenly unclenched his fists. He kneeled down next to Crowley. "I am so so sorry Crowley." Cas offered his support and he took it.
Taking out a handkerchief from his pocket, he wiped the blood from his mouth. "No hard feelings Cassie, I had it coming."
"But…why, why did you let me? I…I don't have a quarrel with you."
"Listen Castiel, everyone needs to vent. And I mean everyone. You're new to this human condition, and Dean isn't the best teacher. You can't keep emotions inside you buried, or try to forget them. You have to, understand them and flow out of you." He was paraphrasing a self-help book, but no need to share that.
"Yes, I think I understand. I am sorry for hitting you, but thank you."
"Pleasure Cassie, remember, bit of sadist here. Next time though, use the Moose."
Cas smiled, and together they walked back to the bunker.
Cas came back to Dean's room, where Dean was sitting in the chair. Evidently he tried to follow him, but was stopped by his injuries.
"Did you forget already what I said Dean, don't move." He walked next to Dean and helped him back into bed.
"Cas, I'm sorry, look…" Cas silenced him with a kiss.
"Hush Dean. I know, and I am sorry. You were right though, I needed to vent. And I did. So thank you."
Dean licked his lips, and thought for a moment. "Good, that's good. But I'm sorry, sometimes my temper gets the better of me. And…yeah, I do avoid my feelings ok."
"Dean, I'm here now. You don't have to hide them from me, because I'll love you all the same. Just promise me that we'll work together on this."
"I promise." Dean tried to reach to kiss Cas, but he couldn't so Cas meet him halfway. "Now, you're not going to go all Dr. Evil on her are you."
"Seeing that I don't have a flamethrower room at hand, no."
"Good. Because there's only three rules in this house. Don't use all the hot water. Clean your mess. And no ganking."
Cas chuckled, and after changing into his sleepwear, nestled next to Dean. "We'll deal with her tomorrow." Dean nodded. For a while, they talked and watched a movie on the tablet before sleeping. After Cas was asleep, Dean felt pretty certain that Cas was the one.
The next couple of days the angel left after they recovered. Raziel was finally able to heal him mostly all the way, afterwards he said he'll deal with it from there. Naomi and Cas eventually had a long talk with her, and talking it out with each other, they reached a tentative reconciliation. Dean was proud of his angel, taking the high road. Eventually, all the guests were gone and a house/bunker meeting took place.
Around the table was Dean at the head, to his right, Cas, then Sam, Kevin, Linda, Charlie, Raziel, Naomi, Crowley, Ezekiel and then Aaron. The golem stood silently behind Aaron. Looking around, Dean was impressed that the small ragtag team of just him, his brother, a drunken old man and a nerdy angel evolved to this multi-species organization.
Raziel called order, and motioned to Dean to begin. He sucked at this. Sam was the talker, not him, but somehow, he became the de facto leader of…whatever this was.
"Ok, so…to begin, well, Abaddon is dead." Looking over to Crowley, "thanks to Crowley. Man, I can't believe you ended up saving the day, so…uh…good job." He gave Crowley a thumbs up. Crowley dramatically waved his arms mouthing 'oh you shouldn't have'. Aaron laughed.
"So, that said, what's next?" asked Charlie.
"With Abaddon gone, Hell has no central authority to direct it. Crowley is most likely correct in assuming that Hell will devolve into bickering demon lords. Still, we will keep an eye out on developments." Raziel said.
Aaron spoke next, "there was a number of Thule agents in the battle. I want to go and interrogate them. See what they are planning. Been trying to find out on my own, but it's hard."
"You know we can help Aaron." Sam offered.
"And I'll stay with you" Ezekiel supplied. Aaron and Ezekiel stared for each other a bit.
Dean leaned to Sam over Cas and whispered covering his mouth, "is that how Cas and I look at each other." Sam nodded. "Damn."
"There is also the matter of the angels still here on Earth." Naomi said. "When I was…searching Metatron's mind, I saw his intent to cast the angels out, but there was nothing in reversing it. That's when I went to find you Castiel."
Cas nodded, "yes, you were right. However, we've been looking for a way to reverse the spell."
"I found it a couple weeks ago on the tablet, but nothing yet if there is way to reverse it." Kevin added. "I'm going to focus on just the angel tablet for now. Since Abaddon is gone, the demon tablet can wait."
"We have also been looking for clues and leads across the globe as well. As of yet, we have found nothing. For the moment though, most of the angels are doing well, But…" Raziel sighed, "we have heard that some are not adapting well, and have terminated their existence." Dean felt Cas reach for his hand under the table, he took it, offering silent support. Raziel continued, "for the moment though, we have begun working on long term integration."
Crowley spoke next, "and I want to go help them." Everyone turned to him.
"Excuse me, what?" Sam asked.
"I want to go help the angels. Listen moo..Sam, I have done all I can here. Abaddon is dead, and all the other demons that might be gunning for me I can handle. You don't need to protect me."
"Crowley, you can't just leave us. You're….a friend." Cas stammered out.
"Aw, thank you Cassie. But the truth of the matter is, I'm a liability and dead weight here, and you know it. I'm a hell of a businessman, and they could use my expertise on that."
Raziel stroked his beard in thought, "he's right, we could."
"And I'll keep an eye on him." Naomi offered.
"Whoa there, we didn't agree to anything yet."
"Dean. He's right." Sam said. "We can't keep him here all the time. And if they could use his help, let him. I think he's earned his freedom." Dean thought about it. Yeah, Crowley has done good, not for the Abaddon thing, but also helping Cas the other night. He's not sure when it happened, but no longer thinks of the ex-demon as an enemy, but…not friend, but ally.
"Ok. If it's what you want, you're on parole then."
"Thank you Dean, Sam. I'll make the best of it, promise." Crowley looked over at Naomi, "so, you're my parole officer. Such a bureaucrat."
"Crowley, I will not hesitate to revoke your parole and stuff you in a freezer if you call me that again." Dean wasn't sure if that was meant to be taken seriously or not. No matter, no skin off his nose.
"I was wondering guys, if I can stay full time. You could use my help in setting up a database here and you can train me! It'll be fun!" Charlie offered.
" Ah, yes, about that. Dean, Sam. Itheriel and I were talking about upgrading the bunker. The weapons that the Thule could have breached the physical defenses. Also, some systems could stand to be upgraded."
"Yeah, we thought about doing that. But we can't do it ourselves and it's not like I can call and ask, 'hey, want to upgrade my super-secret underground bunker' to a contractor." Dean replied.
"You forget Dean, that angels have many skill sets. We can do it." Raziel responded.
"I would like a larger room and private bath Dean." Cas whispered in his ear. Sighing to himself, if Cas wants it, sure, why not.
"Ok. Fine. Charlie you can stay. We'll work on that later." Looking around, "is there anything else?" No one said anything. "Cool, so…I guess, meeting adjourned?"
They all broke up, Aaron and Crowley departing to pack their things to head out. Dean thought to himself a moment, things appeared to looking up for once. He had his family, a home and at the moment, no one trying to end the world. Of course, it would be a matter of time before the shit hit the fan.