Blurb: Alternative ending to She's Leaving Home based off the song Amnesia by 5 Seconds of Summer. In which Clint has lost Natasha and she is now happily dating Steve, but Clint hasn't stopped loving her.

I remember the day you told me you were leaving

I remember the makeup running down your face

And the dreams you left behind you didn't need them

**IN CLINT'S DREAM**

"Goodbye Clint," Natasha shrugged sadly, and Clint's world slowly started crumbling around him. His Natasha. The girl he loved so much taken from him, and it was all his fault.

"Of course she's leaving," his subconscious told him. "You were never good enough for her, ever. All you ever did was hurt her, bring her down. She's the Black Widow, she never needed you, but you were too selfish to let her go," Clint stared helplessly at the door, allowing his subconscious to tell him all the reasons Natasha was never going to come back.

**END DREAM**

Clint woke with a start. 34 days since Natasha walked out and every night the same dream. Her leaving, and then it was just Clint and a door shut tight. He looked at the clock, not caring enough to do anything about the tears streaming down his face. 2am. 2am and already Clint knew he was not going to be able to fall back asleep.

Pushing himself out of bed, Clint went over to his desk and wrote yet another letter to Natasha. He told her he missed her, he told her he missed her so much and he was so so sorry for everything he'd said that night. He told her he loved her more than she could ever, would ever know, and then he signed it with the words Forever yours, Clint.

God, he loved her. He loved her so much.

I'm so sorry, Natasha. he thought to himself.

Sometimes I start to wonder,

Was it just a lie?

If what we had was real,

How could you be fine?

'Cause I'm not fine at all

It had been two weeks since Natasha had returned home and Clint had apologized. He'd been so sncere and apologized with everything in him the day she arrived.

Instead of jumping into his arms like he had dreamed about so so many times, Natasha had shaken her head sadly and asked him politely to leave. Later, he'd found out that she was now dating Steve, just two months after their ugly breakup and her leaving for the two month long mission. (Author: Confused? I said ALTERNATIVE ending to She's Leaving Home)

Steve and Natasha were happy, really happy. Clint was not happy. He spent much of his time locked away, wishing he'd never yelled at his dearest Natasha, the only woman he'd ever loved.

Some days, Clint would just stare at his ceiling, replaying the night he'd let Natasha slip away. Every time it played in his head, there was a different ending. Sometimes, he'd stop her from leaving all together and apologize and they would kiss, and he would treat her well from that point on, constantly making up for that night but not minding because at least Natasha was still with him.

He couldn't even fake a smile any more, because it was hard to be around Natasha nowadays, and she had been the only thing keeping him grounded.

I wish that I could wake up with amnesia

And forget about the stupid little things

Like how it felt to fall asleep next to you

And the memories I never can escape

Some days, when Clint couldn't sleep, he would shut his eyes really tight and remember what it was like to sleep in the same bed as Natasha, not even the sex, just the cuddling. If he tried really hard, it was almost like he could see her green eyes open in the dark of four am, wild with the aftershocks of a nightmare. It was almost like he could feel the curly red locks sprawled across his bare chest as his heartbeat lulled her back to sleep. It was almost as if she was there with him once again, where she should be.

On those rare nights where Clint actually had a relatively decent dream, they were always of Natasha, always something happy, always a memory. Most recently it had been the time they had been dragged to the carnival by Tony but ended up falling for the touristy feel and actually having a good time, having snuck away from Stark and the rest of the Avengers.

**DREAM**

"Clint, come on, just do it!" Natasha begged, trying to get him to go on the roller coaster. When he still declined, Nat resorted to puppy dog eyes. "Please?" She asked softly, sticking her lower lip out, pouting up at him with huge innocent eyes.

Clint caved quickly, rolling his eyes as Natasha squealed with glee and dragged him into line. Her green eyes sparkled with joy and Clint couldn't help but swoon internally, happy to see his girl happy, like she so deserved. He loved her, he always had, ever since that fateful night in Budapest when they'd kissed. They'd both been drunk, Natasha more so, but he remembered. She didn't, but the look on her face after the kiss was burned into his brain, was all he'd see after he shut his eyes. She had looked so at peace, something he had thought she'd never ever be.

"AAAAAAAAAH!" Clint screamed. The line had moved much too quickly and now they were rushing down a hill at speeds faster than a quinjet, it seemed. Natasha laughed, grabbing a terrified Clint's hand. When the ride finally came to a stop, they were still linked by their hands, and Natasha leaned in to kiss him, and they were so close he could smell the peppermint of the gum she'd spat out moments before hopping on the ride. Their lips became closer and closer and then...

**END DREAM**

Clint's eyes snapped open in the dark of his bedroom just before their lips could touch.

And all my friends keep asking why I'm not around

It hurts to know you're happy

Yeah it hurts that you've moved on

A knock on the door dragged Clint from his thoughts. Two whole months had passed since Natasha had started dating Steve, and still Clint missed her so. It hurt, really, that she had moved on so fast, that their entire relationship ending appeared to have been a minor thing for her.

"Birdbrain? You in here?" Tony's voice worked its way into Clint's depressed bubble. "I just wanted to know if you wanted to come out with Brucie, Thor and I. You haven't been out in a while and we are all really worried about you. Capsicle apologized, he really didn't mean for any of this to happen, I hope you know th-" Tony's voice was effectively muted as Clint turned over in bed and slammed a pillow over each ear.

He just couldn't. Couldn't listen to his friends, couldn't face Steve, let alone Natasha. Not today. Maybe not ever.

If today I woke up with you right beside me

Like all of this was just some twisted dream

I'd hold you closer than I ever did before

And you'd never slip away

Every day. Every single day, Clint would wake up wishing that Natasha was here. He'd wake but keep his eyes shut, rolling over and trying to imagine the pillow he was hugging to his figure was Natasha, red curls and all.

Every day, he would force himself to think that all of it had been some stupid dream and she was right here with him, and they could just be happy, be in love, be Clint and Natasha, be them.

God, he loved Natasha so much. Everything about her.

This literally took me a good four and a half days to write and I can't even express to you how much I despise this piece. It didn't work out, but I was just in a state of utter and complete sadness, and therefore this was born. Thought I should upload it anyway.

Speaking of uploadings, I'm trying to get on a steady schedule. How does two to three times a week sound? Mostly Mondays, Thursdays, and Saturdays. I realize its a Friday, so I'm starting Monday, not tomorrow as it's a holiday.

Happy Fourth of July if you live in the US, and see you all Monday!

-Leah xx