37.

Yuki's POV

"Please, stay with me Yuki."

It is barely a whisper, my heart aches thinking that I could have missed it.

My pulse quickens when I hear it. Hearing those words is having one of my wishes come true. But I am trying to do what is right here once in my life. I am trying to care. I am still awfully sorry that I have to refuse him and myself.

"No, Shuichi, you don't want it,"

Shuichi's POV

He says I don't want it. Yuki is trying to be noble. Well, that is something new. Yuki I know never tries anything, because he doesn't care. And he is never noble; he takes what he wants not considering consequences and people's feelings. He detests feelings as such I think.

He is trying to impersonate a brick wall, so all the things that could hurt him would just bounce off it, nothing would get past his defenses. But what Yuki has never seen is that his pain is coming mostly from inside, from himself. Nothing from the outside world hurts Yuki as much as he is hurting himself.

Besides along with bad things he also doesn't let anything good inside.

Nothing could get to him, nothing. I thought I could, but I was wrong.

He is trying to be noble! It so ridiculous…

I let out a laugh which probably surprises him, since it is very inappropriate at the moment, but I have never been proper, so no one expects that from me: "Get your mind out of gutter, Yuki Eiri. I don't want to sleep with you; I just don't want to be alone."

Yuki turns around and looks in my eyes for long time. I don't know what exactly he is looking for. I think there is nothing much in my eyes at the moment. I try not to think about anything for now. I am just sleeping with my head on the pillow and waiting patiently.

Then Yuki closes the door and walks back towards my bed. He kicks of his shoes and starts unbuttoning his shirt. It gives me a nice view. He is beautiful as ever. It is not a surprise. It has been only a year after all. When Yuki starts undoing his belt I am almost sorry for the request I made.

I know he will notice it, but I burry my face in the pillow so I don't have to look at Yuki as he takes of his trousers. He, silly me!

I don't really know what kind of moment of weakness was it. Why did I ask him to stay with me? I always do those stupid, impulsive things.

Yuki lifts the sheet and the bed dips behind me. I hope he doesn't feel me shivering. Or at least he doesn't know that it has nothing to do with cold.

His arms sneak around my waist. I give him a credit, his hands stay over my T-shirt. But they pull me closer and Yuki buries his face in my hair.

Do you really want it? Do you really want to be close to me this way? This is something I have always dreamed of and something he never gave me. Does this mean that I am not the only one who has changed?

I am excited, but I am also scared, because this can't be true. It can't be real. Still. His body pressing in my back is very real. He is here, ready to give me everything I want, everything I had always wanted, even against my will if necessary.

It is thrilling in a way. I have power. I can make Yuki to do everything I want.

Ok, that sounds ridiculous. Yuki listening to someone and doing what they ask. It's as likely as Ryuichi soaking Kumagoru with petrol and setting it on fire.

I don't know what to make of this. I am afraid do make something of this.

So I don't.

I close my eyes and bask in the warmth of Yuki's body; I listen to his breathing, like a lullaby and try not to think big thoughts.

Yuki's POV

The light is too bright. Damn Tohma! Someone as thoughtful as him should be able to cover their windows with some proper curtains!

I still manage to crack my eyes open. The warmth I feel makes me smile. And also the fact that Shuichi is the one who has ended all over me. Despite the fact that we fell asleep lying one next to other, Shuichi now is sleeping on me.

I bet the brat had some very nice dreams, since I can feel his morning wood poking at my thigh. But I won't be the one to make fun of Shuichi, because I have the same problem. I never thought myself to be a hypocrite. At least not in obvious ways.

The question is what to do about it?

I have an idea. I lift my head a bit and blow on his ear. Shu growls and turns his head away trying to escape my attack.

Naturally I repeat it. And regret it as this time the brat squirms or should I say rubs against me quite suggestively?

Would be nice if I could just flip him over, rip off his boxers, grab that little tight bottom of his and…

Shit! This was the worst time for fantasizing. Now I am painfully hard now.

I try to think about something disgusting – my brother fucking Sakuma's pink bunny, my father naked, me getting married to Ayaka… luckily it helps a bit. Well, maybe not the first one, it is kind of funny. Or not, the more I am thinking about it the more disgusting the mental image gets. Besides there's the fact that no one knows with Tatsuha, I wouldn't put it past him…

Damn it! Kill me someone!

However I don't think it is a solution for long time. I ran my fingers through his hair gently: "Wake up, Shuichi."

Next moment two violet eyes are staring at me. Since he is lying on my chest we are almost nose to nose, barely inches from each other.

"M…mm… morning," his cheeks turn a bit pink and Shuichi crawls off me instantly. Some things never changes.

I smirk and he obviously notices that, judging by that glare. I have to get out of here before he does something else which makes me jump him.

"Breakfast will be ready in half an hour,"

I announce in a business-like manner and leave the bedroom.

Shuichi's POV

Oh, I know that I let Yuki to close. I know. But what does that really mean?

What does Yuki think it means?

Who knows what is happening in that twisted brain of his…

But what did I mean by it? Oh, I know what I mean. I am a human, and I am week, and a week human like me sometimes needs a human contact. Besides Yuki was there and he was willing. So does it mean that I used him?

I used Yuki… but who cares? Why would I care? He fucking kidnapped me, the bastard and I am the one here worried about the fact that maybe I used him by asking for a bit of cuddling.

I want back to Tokyo.

No, not Tokyo. USA would be better.

Or another planet.

Yuki told me he loved me. I lost it and he told me that he loved me. How could he? He's Yuki. But I guess I should get a shower before breakfast.

And then I will have to face him.

But before anything I have to write down a song.

Your hands on me –

Such a sweet torture

And I can hardly say

Do they hurt more today

Or tomorrow

When they will push me away.

TBC

Thank you very much for those who are reviewing. I was really surprised that so many of you like this story.

I am not the steadiest writer and I am working on some other stories too and have other things to do, but I am really trying to work on this as much as I can. Right now I can't decide if I should still stretch it out a bit or wrap it up. But I guess as often stories do this will also go its own way. People who write would understand what it's like.