Dedicated to Leslie Nielsen, February 11 1926-November 28 2010

R.I.P.

"Oh, hi Sara." Spike greeted his son's friend as he opened the door.

"Hello Mr. Witwicky, is dumba-I mean, is Daniel home?" Sara asked as she fiddled with a small, mechanical cube.

Spike rolled his eyes "Yeah, he's just upstairs. Hang on, I'll go get him."

"Thanks Mr. Witwicky."

Spike walked up the stairs and entered his son's room "Hey, Daniel? Your friend Sara's here, she wanted to-" Spike broke off as he noticed a camera sitting on Daniel's dresser.

"Oh, ok, thanks dad." Daniel said as he began to leave.

"Uh, son...where did you get that camera?" An astonished Spike asked.

"Hmmm? Oh, I found it lying in the street! Neat, huh?" Daniel questioned with a smile.

"Uh, yeah...listen, why don't you go out and play with your friend, ok?" Spike suggested.

"Alright, cya dad!" Daniel called out as he ran down the stairs...and promptly tripped and fell the rest of the way down.

Spike sighed at his own son's stupidity, before closing the door, sitting on the bed and facing the camera "Hello Reflector."

The camera did nothing.

"I know it's you, we fought enough back in the day for me to recognize you." Spike said, staring at the camera.

The camera sighed "H-hey there Spike."

"So...what brings you to the hovel which is my son's room?" Spike questioned.

"Uh, Cyclonus noticed a whole lot of energy radiation coming from this area, and then we realised that you lived here, so we thought that the Autobots had given you some weapons or something, so Galvatron sent me here." Reflector answered.

"Huh" Spike muttered "You know, I've noticed some weird explosions in that empty lot recently, it started when one of his friends brought a weird cube here...weird."

Reflector seemed to shrug.

"So, what's going on with the Decepticons?" Spike asked.

"Oh, same old, same old...Galvatron's still insane, Skywarp's still a spaz and Cyclonus is still the glue which holds all of us sane Decepticons together...oh, and Soundwave got fired and rehired as the base's souvenir shop owner."

"Huh...how very...bizarre." Spike muttered.

Again, Reflector seemed to shrug...how that was possible for a camera is beyond me "Yeah..."

Spike suddenly stood up "Well, it sure has been nice talking to you Reflector, but I think it's time for you to leave...don't come back."

Spike strode over to Reflector, picked him up and punted him out the window.

"Argh! Oof!" Reflector grunted as he bounced off of the pavement and several pieces of him broke off.

The three separate pieces of Reflector broke off and transformed back into robot mode.

"Well, I guess..."

"...I should..."

"...Go home and get repaired."

Reflector groaned and walked off, dragging his/their broken pieces.

In the Autobot base, Hoist and Hauler were talking while standing around the water cooler.

"So, did you hear that lunatic who was on Chatterbox?" Hoist asked.

"Oh, you mean that Reed Tucker guy? Yeah, he was...he was messed up." Hauler replied as he took a sip from his cup.

"Yeah, and another thing is-" Hoist began, only to be cut off by a shrill scream.

"Aieeeee! They're all out to get me! They're all out to get me!"

"Red Alert?" Hauler asked.

"Red Alert." Hoist confirmed, not taking his eyes off of Hauler.

Suddenly, Red Alert came up, wearing a tinfoil hat on his head and clutching a rifle in his hands "Hey, have either of you guys seen Bluestreak?"

Hoist and Hauler exchanged glances before turning to face Red Alert.

"Uh...no?" Hauler replied, looking uncertain.

"Lies! YOU LIE!" Red Alert shrieked, baring his fangs (?) and waving his claws around (claws? Wait, what-?)

"Uh, ok, what do you want Blue-?" Hoist asked.

"He's plotting to get me! Get me I tell you! He tried to kill me!" Red Alert muttered, getting in close to the pair.

"Uh...how?" Hauler questioned.

"He placed a small, pike like weapon on my chair! It was probably poisoned too!" Red Alert suddenly shouted, causing Hauler and Hoist to jump back.

"You mean...a thumbtack?" A severely Hoist confused asked.

"No! Maybe...yes, yes it was a thumbtack...an evil thumbtack!" Red Alert shouted, his eyes wild and crazy looking.

"Uh, we think we maybe saw Bluestreak in...the moon." Hauler offered.

"Uh, yeah, the...the moon." Hoist added.

"To the moon!" Red Alert screamed as he ran and leapt out of a nearby window.

Hauler and Hoist looked puzzled for a moment, before getting back to their drinks.

"So...Did you catch Detroit City Survivor last night?" Hauler asked.

"Oh yeah, yeah...didn't Sanderson get shot?" Hoist questioned.

"Yeah, yeah, by Jellico." Hauler answered.

"Hmmm."

"Yep."

Back in the Decepticon base, Reflector was being patched up by Long Haul, Hook and Scavenger.

"Well, that just about does it, you guys should be as right as rain now." Long Haul assured Reflector as he wiped his brow.

"Not that anyone cares about the work we did..." Scavenger muttered under his breath.

"Aw shut it!" Hook snapped, shoving Scavenger down "We got the job done, and with my help, you two losers helped to make a masterpiece of construction!"

"Uh...thanks?" A confused Reflector said.

"Not you! My repairs!" Hook snarled, jabbing a finger at Reflector.

"Uh, well, thanks guys, I guess I'd better get going...bye!" Reflector thanked as he got off the slab and walked off.

"...So, are they one guy, or three?" A puzzled Long Haul questioned.

"Beats me." Scavenger replied, picking himself up off the floor...only to get knocked down again by Hook.

At that moment, Ramjet and Dirge walked in, both were carrying pieces of what looked suspiciously like Dirge.

Long Haul sighed "Ok, what happened this time?"

"Um...we kinda dared him to eat two dozen packets of baking powder and drink two gallons of vinegar." Ramjet replied, somewhat embarrassed.

Back at the Autobot base, Red Alert and Starscream's ghost were outside, both were carrying axes.

"So, what are we doing out here again?" Starscream's ghost asked.

"Oh, we're going to chop some wood...yes, chop some wood." Red Alert assured him.

"Oh...ok!" Starscream's ghost replied with a smile.

As Starscream's ghost walked off with a smile on his face, Red Alert rubbed his hands together "Yes, soon my little freak, your shall no longer plot against me because you'll be...dead! Dun, dun, dun, dun!"

"Are you coming or not?" Starscream's ghost called out.

"Yes...coming!" Red Alert whispered as he made his way to Starscream's ghost, the axe raised menacingly over his head.

Back inside the base, Huffer was talking to Jazz.

"So, have you seen Red Alert lately? Optimus wants him to make a report on the bases security systems." Huffer asked.

"Red Alert? Uh, I think I just saw him leave with Starscream's ghost...they were carrying axes, or something..." Jazz replied as he thought back.

"Huh...Strange." Huffer replied.

Suddenly, Hauler ran up to the duo "Hey! Have you guys seen Red Alert? He's been acting even crazier than lately and I'm worried that he's going to do something...well, crazy."

Huffer and Red Alert exchanged horrified glances, before running off.

"Uh...guys?" A confused Hauler asked.

"Where is he? Where is he? Where is he?-!" Jazz asked as he ran outside, Huffer and Hauler closely following him.

Suddenly, all three of them heard a loud, shrill scream.

"Oh no..." Huffer murmured, before racing towards the sound.

Red Alert sobbed as he clutched the handle of the axe which had caused so much pain "What...what have I done?"

"It looks like you've swung the axe into your leg there..."

Starscream's ghost stared at Red Alert and his accidentally self inflicted wound.

"Yes, thank you freak, I can see that, now are you going to do anything about it?" Red Alert asked through gritted teeth.

"Oh, ok!" Starscream's ghost replied, before merrily skipping over to the injured Red Alert.

"Wait! Stop! Don't kill Starscream's ghost Red Alert!" Jazz cried as he, Hauler and Huffer burst out into the open.

"Wait, what? Were you trying to kill me?-!" A horrified Starscream's ghost asked.

"No! Maybe...yes, yes I was..." Red Alert answered "Now, about this axe..."

Starscream's ghost ran screaming off into the forest.

"What a freak." Red Alert muttered.

"Oh, so you didn't kill Starscream's ghost after all, that was...um, lucky...I guess." Hauler muttered.

"That's not what I would call it." Huffer muttered, clearly disappointed.

In the Decepticons base, Reflector was walking around, bored and unsure of what to do. Suddenly, Cyclonus came up to him...them...whatever.

"Hey, Reflector, I've got a job for you!" Cyclonus called out.

"A job? Really? Well thank God for that, it's been boring as hell out here all day!" Reflector exclaimed "Is it exciting?"

Cyclonus looked unsure "Uh, yeah...real...real exciting."

Five minutes later...

"Aw, son of a bitch!" Reflector cursed as they took out the Decepticons laundry.

Back in the Autobot base, the Autobots had gathered around to talk about what they were going to do about the increasingly paranoid and dangerous threat that was Red Alert.

"I say we shiv him when his back is turned!" Warpath suggested, banging his fist on the table.

"I say we drug him, steal his parts and then we melt him down and sell him as paperweights!" Octane cried.

"I say we get this great big cannon-" First Aid began.

"Oh, and then I suppose we get him to stick his head in?" Optimus asked, voice dripping with doubt at the plan.

"Well, yes sir, and then we-" First Aid began again, only to be cut off...again.

"And then I suppose we set it off?" Optimus questioned.

"Um...yes, sir..." First Aid replied.

In response, Optimus glared at him for a few seconds, before throwing his paperweight at him.

"Well...I liked it!" Blades told First Aid in a supportive tone. First Aid merely sighed.

Suddenly, Scattershot stood up "Gentlemen, I believe that I have a better idea..."

A little later, Scattershot, Strafe, Jazz, Hauler, Optimus, Octane, Grimlock, Bluestreak, Sandstorm and Goldbug were creeping around near the Decepticons space bridge. Tied up and within a sack was Red Alert.

"Alright, are we all clear on the plan?" Scattershot asked.

"Yeah, we go over there, and while you program the coordinates, we watch your back to make sure that no Decepticons sneak up on you." Jazz answered.

"Correct! Alright, let's roll!" Scattershot muttered, and prepared to run towards the space bridge.

"Wait!" Sandstorm hissed, grabbing Scattershot's shoulder before he could get too far "Look! Constructicons!"

And it was true, moving towards the space bridge were Bonecrusher, Mixmaster and the leader of the Constructicons himself, Scrapper.

"Damn! It's too late! We must abort the mission!" Optimus cursed.

"What? Why?" Hauler asked.

"Because they could form Devastator! And he's too powerful for us!"Optimus replied.

"Well...the upper body of Devastator maybe..." Octane muttered.

"That's still too strong for us! Come Autobots, away!" Optimus cried, before trying to run off, only to be held back by a very annoyed Jazz.

"Not so fast! No one is going anywhere!" Jazz admonished his leader as he kept a tight grip on his shoulder.

"Aw, but I wanna!" Optimus whined as he struggled to break free of Jazz's grip.

At that moment, they all heard a grumbling noise. Turning they saw Reflector walking past, dragging a large sack with the Decepticon insignia on it, and muttering curses under his breath.

"Lazy, lousy, no good sons of-!" Reflector muttered, silencing himself when he heard the telltale click of a half dozen rifles being cocked "Uh...hi?"

"Alright, uh, runts, here's the deal, you're going to help us get to the space bridge or-!" Jazz began, only to be quickly cut off by Reflector.

"Deal." Reflector said quickly.

"Uh...huh?" A confused Jazz asked.

"Hey, you're obviously trying to get rid of something" Reflector pointed out, staring at the wriggling sack on the ground "And I want to get back at those bastards for sticking me with all of the crappy jobs which get me beat up or just plain suck! So yeah, I'm gonna help you."

Jazz stared for a moment, before lowering his weapon and motioning for the others to do the same "Oh, ok then. So, what did you have in mind?"

Reflector smiled knowingly.

Beside the space bridge, Scrapper thought he heard something "Huh?"

Reflector stuck his head out from behind a rock "Hey, Scrapper! Do you think you could give me a hand here?" Reflector called out.

"Yeah, sure, uh...guys...is that right? Guys? I can't tell if Reflector is one guy or three..." Scrapper whispered to Mixmaster, who just shrugged in response.

As Scrapper walked off, Bonecrusher thought he heard a rustling in the nearby bushes.

"Huh? Mixmaster, did you hear anything?" Bonecrusher asked.

"No, now shut up and guard!" Mixmaster snapped.

It was at this point that the Autobots leapt out of the bushes and opened fire.

"Oh no! Autobots!" Bonecrusher gasped, raising his weapon and firing.

"Ya think?-!" Mixmaster yelled as he too opened fire.

"Only one thing left to do then...Constructicons! Combine to form Devastator!" Bonecrusher cried as he and Mixmaster leapt into the air to form...

Devastator's torso, left leg and arm.

"W-WHA-?" Devastator's torso questioned in a mix of Mixmaster and Bonecrusher's voices.

Jazz could only stare at the monstrosity that was composite Mixmaster-Bonecrusher "Wow, this is sad even by Decepticon standards...let's wipe him out boys."

And with that, the Autobots unleashed their full arsenal on Torso-stator, blowing huge chunks out of him.

"Right, all lame-ass battle aside, let's take out the trash!" Jazz said as he dusted off his hands.

"Right, on it Jazz!" Scattershot cried as he ran over to the space bridge's control and began inputting his coordinates "And...done! We are good to go!"

"Bluestreak! Goldbug! Prepare the bag!" Optimus called out.

With that, Goldbug and Bluestreak stepped forward, carrying Red Alert's sack.

"Ready...Aim...Fire!" Optimus commanded.

And so, the pair of Autobots who were holding Red Alert's sack unceremoniously threw him into the space bridge, zapping him to space unknown.

"Alright, mission accomplished! Go, go, go!" Optimus cried, before running off.

"But why don't we-?" Strafe began, motioning towards the space bridge.

"No time! Gooooooo!" Optimus shouted, throwing himself off of a cliff which had inexplicably materialised next to him.

A few minutes later, Reflector and Scrapper returned, all...four of them carrying the laundry bag. When they witnessed the spectacle that was half-Devastator, they stopped.

"So...you failed again huh?" Scrapper asked the moaning heap.

Back in the Autobot base, the "noble" and "valiant" Autobots were celebrating their recent victory over the paranoid forces of Red Alert and the stupid forces of the Decepticons.

"So, where did you end up sending Red Alert?" Hauler asked.

"Oh, don't worry, I sent him to a very high tech planet full of hyper intelligent cyborgs, he should be home in no time." Scattershot replied.

Planet Tek...

On Doomsday.

FIN.