CHAPTER 35
"Katniss," she says. She opens her arms wide, probably expecting me to hug her. But I can't move. It's not that I don't want to - I would like nothing more than to throw my arms around her, to hold her like I did when she was a child, to kiss her cheek and tell her how much I've missed her. But my feet feel as if they're glued to the ground. My mind tells them to move but my muscles will them to stay put.
Her arms slowly drop back down to her sides, and her face falls from the disappointment of my reaction.
Before the silence gets too long, Gale steps forward and embraces her tightly. "Prim," he says.
"Hi, Gale." She buries her face in the crook of his neck and smiles. Something about this small show of affection sends acid churning in my stomach. But the fact that she's here, alive and well and safe, is a far more pressing matter.
As soon as Gale releases her, I find myself walking to her in a daze. Now she's only several feet away from me, and the sense of nostalgia I have after spending sixty seconds in her presence is enough to intoxicate me.
In the blink of an eye, I am eight again and she is four. We were sitting in the Meadow picking wildflowers as the sun drops behind the hills. It was the first of two times my father took Prim to the woods. He wouldn't have taken her at all had my mother not been trying to heal a man who had lost his arm in a violent street fight earlier that day. The man had already lost too much blood and was dying. My mother didn't want Prim and I to witness it - us being so young - so she ordered my father to take us somewhere. Of course, the first place he thought to take us was the woods. We spent the entire day singing, swimming, and gathering - my father never dared pull out a weapon in front of Prim; she was too sensitive. That evening when we got home, Prim and I presented our mother with a crown woven with the flowers we'd picked in the Meadow. She kept it on her small, beaten-up dresser long past the day it's last petal dried out and died.
The memory of Prim's face as a toddler and the shock of seeing her standing before me now - without her soft childlike features or innocent blue eyes - is surreal in a way I never expected.
"Katniss, it's me," she says softly.
I continue staring at her in the unblinking manner that I'm sure I've mastered by now. How did she get here? Sergeant Hawthorne? Why is she in the military? How did Beads know she was outside the door? And how does Prim - sweet, harmless Prim - know a man as harsh and pessimistic as Beads?
At least five minutes go by before I'm able to free my lungs and breathe again. It takes even longer to clear my mind of the confusion that's clouding my perception of the situation. Prim's back. I should be happy. And I suppose I am happy . . . but not happy enough.
"Katniss . . ." Gale says. I gminutes a sideways glance. Someone could spot his uncomfortability from a mile away, just in the way he shifts his weight every couple of minutes, his eyes darting between Prim and I.
My attention is drawn back to Prim, and I find myself seeing her in a different light from just a minute ago. My arms instinctively reach out to her. My feet, in turn, begin moving towards her. And then I'm holding her tightly. I plant my face in her blonde hair, which she wears down. Surprisingly, knowing that Prim is here doesn't touch me as much as seeing her hair worn naturally - something I haven't seen since we were children. My mother always braided our hair from the time we started school until our father died. Then I learned to braid my own hair and was given the responsibility of fixing Prim's, too. This brings tears to my eyes. A Prim without a braid and an untucked shirttail is a Prim that is, for all intents and purposes, an adult. For reasons I can't explain, I am fearful of this new Prim. Possibly this is because I can only imagine what she must've been through to get this way, with her eyes no longer their sparkling shade of bright blue and her cheeks no longer flushed and rose-colored with the joy of youth.
Prim starts to pull away from me. As much as I want to keep her with me, I let her go. She takes a step back and lets her eyes devour my image. They scrape over every detail - from head to toe. A small, distressed grin adorns her lips. "You haven't changed a bit, Katniss," her sweet voice says. At least this much of her old self has stayed the same. "I wish I could say the same for myself."
I can't seem to make words come out, so I take her hands in mine. That's when the words come, or at least a noise comes out, but I don't get to finish because Gale chuckles and comes towards her. "You haven't changed, Prim."
Prim slips one of her hands from mine and raises it to rest against his cheek. "Maybe you don't think so, but you haven't seen me in five years."
Gale shakes his head. "You're just tired. We all are. You're still the same Prim that everybody loves."
Prim looks away and drops her hand from his face. "Maybe. So, I guess we'd better talk."
After being given permission by Beads to report to our barracks - which is only a temporary place to stay while we're here in 7 - we trekked down dimly-lit street after dimly-lit street until we found our rooms. Gale and I were assigned one room to share. Prim's room is a refugee boarding room located inside of the main building. Prim came to our compartment with Gale and I. Had we been at our own home back in 12, the awkwardness could've been avoided with more efficiency. But here, in our small kitchen-less compartment without so much as a coffee brewer to offer guests, the situation proved to be extremely uncomfortable.
It shouldn't have been uncomfortable, though. Prim and I being reunited for the first time is something I've dreamed about for years. Never in my wildest dreams did I expect it to actually happen, but I always imagined it would feel carefree and happy, not utterly unpleasant. But it was, nonetheless, and there was nothing I could do to change it.
Now, we're sitting on the two stiff love-seats on the far side of the room. Prim and I are on one, and Gale is sitting alone on the other. Part of me wanted to keep Gale company, but a much larger part wanted to sit with Prim. Gale must've seen how torn I was because he squeezed my hand and whispered, "Go on and be with her, Catnip." So I went, and here we are.
Prim looks at me now, a knowing smile on her lips. "I guess you have a lot of questions, don't you?"
"Yeah," I admit. To say I have a lot of questions is a bit of an understatement. A thousand of the quizzical things come rushing through my head, getting lost among all the others, just at the sound of her voice. Her voice, which, despite her other changes, has not lost the melodic, bell-like softness that I remember so well. But I am able to pick one question easily. "Why didn't you tell me?"
"You know I would've, Katniss. I wanted to so bad. But-"
"Only a handful of people knew she was alive," Gale interrupts. "It's not like we singled you out."
I have to clench one of my fists to maintain control of myself. "I'm her sister. You told half the district she was alive but not me. You did single me out."
"Hey," Prim says softly. She reaches across the couch for my hand and forces my eyes to make contact with hers. Her soothing tone and unwavering calmness rub off on me, if only temporarily. "No one singled you out, okay? We were trying to protect you. Things would be a whole lot worse right now if you had known."
I nod and welcome her warm embrace when it's offered. It's strange to think how our roles have reversed since I last saw her. It used to be me protecting her. Now it seems that the opposite is true - she's protecting me.
I finally scoot away from her. A smile warms my features as I remember something. "So, I have a nephew."
"Yes," Prim replies, blushing light pink. "Rory said you met him."
"Yeah. He looks nothing like you." I laugh, and she and Gale join in.
Even when the noise dies down, Prim is still beaming with pride. "He looked just like his father," she says.
"How long has it been since you've seen him?" I ask.
"About eight months ago," she answers.
My forehead wrinkles in confusion. "But Gale said-"
"Gale says a lot of things to protect you," Prim interrupts. Then before the silence gets too long, she says, "But he also says a lot to protect me. Fortunately, Mother called and told me when you got married and when each of your kids was born. I'd really love to meet them."
The thought of my sister meeting her niece and nephew brings a smile to my flushed cheeks. "Maybe after this is all over, we can find some time for that."
The night goes by quickly. Although it'll take years to make up for the time we've lost, I'm starting to get to know my sister again. Her laugh and what causes it, her smile and what brightens it, her moods and what dulls them. Things feel almost normal - or as close to normal as things can be - when midnight comes and she decides it's time to leave.
"I should get going. It's late," Prim says.
"Just another hour, Prim. You can sleep in late if you have to," I say.
"Actually, I can't. We have a briefing at eight in the morning," she replies. Then she allows a smile to raise the corners of her mouth. "But this has been amazing."
"Amazing for you? I was the one who thought you were dead."
We can't hold back the laughter that follows. I throw my arms around her shoulders - which isn't difficult now that she's my height, if not a little taller. Our embrace lasts a while, but neither of us mind. It feels as if life was coming together again. Like finding some missing pieces from a jigsaw puzzle under your bed and finally being able to finish the puzzle.
She turns to Gale next. They share a long, meaningful look before she walks briskly towards him and hugs him tightly. He holds the back of her head to his chest. Her small waist is easily encircled by his other arm.
"I missed you, Prim," he whispers softly in her ear, though it's loud enough that I can catch the words.
He presses his lips to the side of her head. Then she steps away from him. Her eyes don't move from his. I can't be sure, but I think I see her hands shaking. But why? She isn't nervous to be with Gale, is she?
"It was good seeing you," she says in a small voice. Am I mistaken in saying that it almost sounds . . . broken? Hurt? Strained?
I must be thinking too far into things, because there is no trace of sadness on her face when she turns back around. After another hug and a kiss on the cheek, I see her to the door. It's hard to watch her walk away into the dark street alone, knowing that the last time I let her out of my sight, I didn't see her for almost fourteen years. But she's grown now. She can fend for herself. And I'll see her again in the morning.
When the door shuts behind Prim, I go over to one of the beds and flop onto it.
"Gotta love a man a man who gives us a room with two twin beds," Gale says as he collapses onto the other bed, which is separated from mine by a night stand. He switches off the lamp, leaving the TV to light up the room on its own. It casts bright blue and white lights on the adjacent wall.
"Maybe he doesn't believe in sleeping together before marriage," I say.
Gale scoffs. "Like you could get much done in a place like this."
I roll my eyes. "I didn't mean it like that."
"Oh." He sits up. "Are you one of them? I mean, you don't there's harm in just sleeping in the same bed, is there?"
I chuckle. "It's little late to be asking that question."
He laughs, too, and lays his head back down on the mattress. "Yeah, I guess so."
The peaceful quiet is mutual until I think of something else to say. "Does Prim know about the baby?"
"No."
"Should we tell her?" I ask.
"Not if you're scared of a miscarriage." He pauses to re-consider his answer. "But the rest of the country already knows. It's only a matter of time until she finds out."
"Right."
The silence lasts longer this time. I'm starting to wonder if he fell asleep, but then I hear him sigh. He's still awake.
"Gale?" I say.
"Hmm?" He glances up at me and immediately understands. He slides out of his bed and climbs into mine. The itchy blankets and thin sheets are tucked around us. The pillow behind our heads is just stiff enough to make us homesick. But it's at least comforting that Gale is behind me, his chest against my back, his arms around my body.
"Gale?" I say again.
"Yeah?"
I pause, reconsidering. He would laugh if he knew what's bothering me. Say it's a silly thing to be worried about. "Never mind."
He shifts positions slightly. "No, what is it?"
"It's nothing," I insist.
"Katniss, seriously."
"Fine," I say, exhaling loudly. "I just . . . I'm scared."
"Of what?" he asks.
A thousand words spill from my mouth on cue, as if they were waiting for permission to be released. "The Capitol. The rebels. The Games. Peeta. The kids. Your family. Prim. The baby. You. Us."
I expect him to laugh, or at least to tell me that my fears are ridiculous. That's what anyone else would do. Anyone except Peeta, that is. Peeta would want me to continue, to tell him why each thing scares me. Then he'd tell me why there's no need to worry about any of it.
So I'm surprised when Gale asks "Why do they scare you?"
"I don't know. I don't trust these people. They don't trust me, either. I can tell. No one has trusted me since I shot Coin from that balcony and left Snow to be beaten to death by that mob."
"You know why they don't trust you, so why don't you work on rebuilding their trust?"
"It's not that easy."
"No kidding," he says. "But if you want them to take you seriously then you have to try. I know why you're scared for your kids and Peeta and Prim."
"Yeah."
"But you said you're scared for us, too."
"I was hoping you hadn't caught that one," I quietly admit. He waits for me to explain though, so I sigh and begin. "There's something going on, okay? I saw it. You and Prim. And I thought . . . I thought I was thinking too far into things but then I saw you staring after her when she left and you kissed her before that and-"
"Katniss, she's my wife."
His words take me by surprise. "Your . . . wife?" I say, testing the words in my mouth. They sound wrong, just as they did when I believed in the whole marriage facade.
"You knew that, Katniss. Don't play stupid."
"But you-"
"Yeah, I kissed her cheek. I love her. She's my sister as much as she's yours. Do you love my brothers?"
"Yeah, of course I do. But not-"
"Not like that, right?" He doesn't give me time to answer. It's a rhetorical question, anyway. "So, do you really think I could ever love Prim as anything more than a little sister? I love her like I love Posy. I'll protect Prim until the day I die. As a matter of fact, I'd die before I let someone hurt Prim."
It takes a moment for me to process this. If Gale doesn't love Prim in that way, then . . .
The realization hits home much too soon, and I finally understand more of the story.
"She's in love with you," I say.
His eyes dart away from mine, unable to deny the truth and unable to confirm it. "Katniss, let's not do this right now."
"That's why you were so hurt when you came back to Twelve. Because she told you she loved you and you had to tell her that you still loved me." Thoughts continue flowing from my brain to my mouth at a constant rate. An endless stream of answers. "And that was about the time she went missing, wasn't it? That's another reason why you were so stressed out. You thought you were the reason she ran off."
Gale doesn't answer. Nothing I said required a response, though. It was all true.
He steps down from my bed and goes back to his own. "Get some rest, Katniss."
He clicks off the television and turns over on his side so his back is facing me. What a great ending note to sleep on.
A/N: Again, I have to apologize for the late update. I'm truly so sorry. But I won't abandon this story, I promise. I wouldn't do that in a million years! Hopefully in a few weeks during spring break I'll be able to catch up and start writing a few chapters ahead. That way, I won't get behind again like I am now.
Before you say that this chapter was ooc, please imagine a REAL WORLD SITUATION where you haven't seen your sibling in almost 14 years. No, you wouldn't go running into their arms and laughing and racing into the sunset together. You'd feel strange and out of place because you have no idea what your sibling had been through and you wouldn't know what to say first.
Please let me know what you thought of this chapter! And also, let me know what you think will happen in the next few chapters. Thanks for reading :)