Chapter 37

Aria

Merlin was powerful and skilled. He trained well and I wondered if I'd even have to trick him into taking the advantage my stardust could give him. I hated lying to him but I didn't want to take chances either. When we got back to Camelot, my wings safely hidden once more, things almost felt normal again. He leaned against his bed, reading his thick magic book with me in the crook of his arm, reading along with him. But my mind wasn't on the secrets in the book, it was on the bottle of tears hidden in the folds of my dress.

Tomorrow was the third day already and the day after that, they would fight. Merlin wouldn't die. I knew that. But my sense of guilt gnawed at me where fear would've been instead. I bit my lip as Merlin ducked his face into my hair, lips close to my ear.

'You're a distraction.' He whispered but I heard the smile in his voice.

'Want me to leave?' I asked, my own lips twitching upwards.

'Definitely not.' He muttered. 'Aria, I didn't get a chance to apologize for what I did and said when…'

'It's okay, Merlin.' I said, cutting him off. I couldn't stand hearing him apologize to me knowing what I was planning. 'It's not all your fault. I understand.'

'I'm sorry anyway. For hurting you.' He persisted and the bottle suddenly got heavier.

'It doesn't matter anymore.' I said, fighting the urge to swallow. I was just filled with this terrible feeling. I wish he would stop being so nice.

'It matters to me. I'm not blind. I know you don't believe me when I say that I love you. But I do. Honestly.' He said, tilting my head so that I had to look into those captivating blue eyes.

'I know. I love you.' I whispered hoarsely. And even though I still didn't fully believe him. It was a step forward. He understood. He smiled that crooked smile and kissed me softly, firmly.

And as his lips danced with mine, a tear slid down my cheek. He was trying to understand me, he was getting it right and I was deceiving him. Anyone who can do that to an innocent trusting Merlin would rot in hell. He pulled away and caught my tear on his fingertip. Staring at me with those cerulean blue eyes, he lifted the tear to his lips and it surprised me. A lot.

'It wasn't because I didn't want to. Really. I just didn't want to hurt you.' He said slowly. And then he drank it. He just sipped it. It felt like someone hit me in the chest with a sledgehammer.

He smiled and waving his hand, plants began to grow all over his room and they flowered everywhere, coming to me. It was as if they were offering me their sweet fragrance. Merlin plucked one. A lovely red carnation and tucked it in my hair. His hand lingered, cupping my face as he pressed his lips to mine again. I kissed him back as the plants retreated, leaving the room clear again. The only evidence it had been there at all was in my hair.

Gaius

'This is one of my bottles.' I said suspiciously. It was the same bottle I put a sleeping potion in. Elsie came to get it the other day, no wonder it didn't get returned.

'I know. I actually took the potion though. Very effective.' She commented, slight guilt in her tone as she glanced at Merlin's door.

'Thank you.' I said dryly as I pocketed the bottle.

'Do you think I'm doing the right thing?' She asked suddenly. I sighed. Young love.

'I wouldn't be helping you otherwise.' I assured. She hugged me quickly and left, looking shifty and nervous. Two days from now, this would all be over.

Safira

'Tell me what you're thinking.' I said, lying next to Lancelot in my cozy little bed.

'I'm thinking I love you.' He replied easily grinning. I turned to look at him. He was handsome with his dark locks and bright eyes. And that smile that was just for me. The face of the man I love.

'Me too.' I murmured, snuggling into his chest. I felt safe here despite knowing in two days, my fate would depend on Merlin's abilities.

'You don't seem very worried about the duel. I wonder at your bravery.' He sighed, playing with my red hair.

'Why would I be afraid?' I asked. I was confident Merlin would win an if I wanted to know for sure, I could. I smiled at that.

'You're right. I'm the one who should be afraid. Two men fighting for you and neither of them is me.' He said, grinning as he pretended to sigh sadly.

I swatted at his chest. 'But you're the one I'm getting married to.' I shot back, staring at my ring. It was so beautiful. It just sat there on my finger looking so harmless and insignificant and it still meant the world to me.

'I love the way you say that.' Lancelot whispered, holding me tighter.

'Lancelot.' I called him for attention. And he stopped immediately. I could feel his eyes on me but I couldn't look at them. He just waited for me to say something.

'If something happens and Merlin loses, what will you do?' I asked because there had to be a reason that my mind wouldn't give me the knowledge of the result from this duel.

'I will get you back.' He swore, pulling me closer to him. 'I'll never just let you go.'

I said nothing. I didn't know what to say. I just settled in his arms and hoped I'd still be around to celebrate my own wedding.

Aria

I slept that night and was invaded by a vision. Again. Tonight, I was Morgana. I walked through the stone castle into Morgause's room. She was sitting by the window, turning to smile at me when I entered. Morgana felt her sister's love and smiled back, offering her own. I sat beside Morgause in silence and she frowned, sensing something was wrong.

'What is it, sister?' Morgause asked lovingly.

'I have heard word from our scouts. Arthur has taken a ward. Sister, I… I feel replaced.' I stuttered and I realized that Morgana was indeed feeling replaced… by me. She felt like Arthur had chosen a better sister for himself. She was feeling bitter towards me. Already she started to hate me.

'Oh, sister. You don't need him. You don't need any of them. You have me. I'll never replace you.' Morgause assured, hugging Morgana and comforting her.

I was Morgana tonight and Morgana slowly tore herself from her half-brother. A little closer to her sister. I was the reason she was now one step further from the Morgana that used to care for everyone. Morgana felt better but I felt worse. Suddenly, I was wrenched from my vision and I woke in my bed once more. I closed my eyes and breathed in deep, waiting for Morgana's lingering feelings to detach from mine. Then I opened my eyes to find what had awoken me.

I heard it before I saw it. The strong pattering on the rooftops, the sharp tinkling sound on my window. I looked. Of course. It was raining. Heavily. I threw the covers off of me in frustration and climbed off the bed. I walked over to the window and undid the catch, throwing it open. The cold air became freezing as the wind blew the rain in, sprinkling me.

'Can't you let me have one night of sleep?' I half yelled out into the rain. If anything it came down harder.

I ducked back into the room and began to pace. I hadn't had a solid night's sleep in days now. I was getting circles under my eyes that Elsie had to cover up every morning. I just wanted to be able to sleep, to close my eyes and just drift away into the darkness and peace. But no, of course not! Some accursed wind had to blow some overly persistent rain clouds right over Camelot.

I walked out of my room. I did know where I was going. I just walked and glared at the rain. I was so tired and so awake. It was cold. I forgot to get dressed. All I wore was my white shift. Goosebumps ran over my arms and legs. I looked up and found myself in front of Gaius' chambers. I thought about going back to my room. But then I thought of all the restless nights I spent tossing and turning on my bed, wide awake.

I walked in. I shut the door quietly and tiptoed past a sleeping Gaius, heading to the backroom. Merlin's room. Sneaking in here in the middle of the night was thrilling, the risk that I could be caught any moment and the uncertainty of what would happen once I got there plus the darkness around me. It felt daring and dangerous. A small smile appeared on my face. I stepped up lightly to the door and opened it with care, shutting the door before allowing myself to turn around.

Merlin lay on his bed, fast asleep. I envied him a little. Mostly I marveled. He looked so peaceful, so pale under the little light the half moon lent him. His blanket was covering him partially and the wind I had let in when I opened the door gave him goose bumps. I tugged the blanket a little higher and realized my mistake too late.

His blue eyes flashed open, dark against his pale skin. I held my breath and froze all my movements, keeping completely still. The thrill of sneaking out a night was very real now. He blinked once but stayed silent so I did too. I think he thought that he was dreaming because then he reached out like he was going to touch me to see if I was real. He traced the space under my eye and I felt a little self-conscious.

'I can't sleep.' I said quietly, feeling like a trapped deer.

His eyes glanced to the rain outside his window then back to me. He smiled softly and opened his arms to me, a clear invitation. My heart stuttered. I slipped into his bed, nestling myself in his arms. He adjusted himself to make us more comfortable and pulled his arms around my back tighter. So I snuggled into his chest, breathing in his scent. He kissed me on the top of my head and I closed my eyes. And despite the rain coming down hard and loud, in the circle of his arms, I slept.