Don't worry, don't worry, Holly will be happy. Eventually.
Ahhh holy crap two more chapters, I'm so close!
I didn't want to get hurt
So I fled
When I did that, not even light
Would shine upon me
Bittersweet
It was for the best; Chase had spent every day since the break up convincing himself that this was true.
What had he been thinking, getting involved in a relationship? He didn't need one. Relationships were messy and complicated. A distraction from what mattered most. And it always ended in hurt.
This is all I need, Chase repeated to himself as he chopped his way through a small pile of potatoes. Cooking – the one and only anchor in his life, the only one he'd ever needed.
Business at the Sundae Inn was flourishing; the doors hadn't stopped swinging open since the onset of winter, with the townspeople seeking out a warm meal and refuge from the cold. Due to the constant stream of customers, Chase had little time to think of anything other than his knife work and preparation times.
When the potatoes were done, he tumbled the pieces into a large pot, along with onions, carrots, celery, tomato paste and cubes of browned beef and covered everything with water. He watched the pot come to a boil, before lowering the temperature and leaving it to simmer away for an hour.
"The stew is cooking," Chase told Yolanda. His mentor was rubbing flour and butter with her fingertips, the makings of a pastry base. "What should I do now?"
Yolanda pointed a floury finger at a paper bag filled with apples. Back to peeling and slicing.
Although Chase was grateful to be working with ingredients again, the frigid reception he received when he stepped inside the Sundae Inn's doors was another matter – and it had nothing to do with the weather. Maya, Kathy, and even Yolanda refused to look at him directly, or speak two words to him which weren't orders muttered under their breaths. In their eyes, he was the sole perpetrator. The bad guy.
Chase's chopping came to a stop. Rough apple pieces fell across the cutting board. They didn't know what it had been like. How it felt.
Things that had never bothered him were suddenly bothering him. Like waking up with a bare space beside him, preparing breakfast for one, eating in the silence – it opened up a void within his heart, which ached and grew larger with every passing day, until it threatened to engulf him completely.
But Chase was better off this way. Alone. The way he'd always been.
The sliced apples were tossed with lemon juice, sugar and cinnamon, then divided between the two pastry shells Yolanda had made. Soon, the aroma of freshly baked apple pies had permeated the whole inn; the stew was also ready, with moments to spare. The lunchtime rush was due to start any minute now.
The inn doors swung open on cue. Chase paused from his dishwashing to look out to the dining area – just Maya. He rolled his eyes and went back to cleaning the pots and pans in the sink. He was an expert at it by now.
"Ooh, apple pies, hot out of the oven," Maya said, eyes gleaming with hunger.
"For the customers," Chase reminded her.
Her smile melted away. Maya sat down at the bar counter and stared at him with barely concealed disdain.
And everyone says to keep your work and private lives separate. Chase took his irritation out on a saucepan with a metal scouring sponge.
"You can have some of the chocolate cake from yesterday," Yolanda told her granddaughter, "And eat quickly, customers will be arriving soon."
Maya was disappointed for all of a second; as soon as she got her hands on a piece of cake, all was forgotten. She didn't even make a snide comment when she got up to return her used plate to the sink.
Thinking he'd make it out unscathed, Chase allowed their eyes to meet as he took the plate from her. All he received was a scornful look.
"I'm still not talking to you," She declared.
"…Okay?"
The nonchalance of his reply seemed to throw her off guard. Maya hesitated for a moment, fiddling with the cuff of her sleeve, before she continued on, "I went to see Holly. She hasn't gotten any better."
His stomach twisted. "I don't care."
"But you made her that soup."
"Because Yolanda told me to…" He grumbled; he should've known it was just another one of the old woman's ploys.
"She asked how you were," Maya paused for effect. He didn't take the bait. "I told her you've been crying yourself to sleep every night."
Chase scoffed. As if he slept nowadays.
"Holly is really sick you know. She took one look at the soup and had to run to the bathroom!"
He rinsed his sponge and stuck it behind the faucet to dry, before wiping the excess soapy water from his hands. "Maybe she thought you made it."
Maya ignored that remark, "What if she's pregnant?"
The thought made his heart seize. "We weren't stupid," He muttered.
Again, he'd said the wrong thing. He could see the frustration in Maya's blue eyes. His own narrowed in response – just what did she expect from him? Holly had made her stance clear and there was no way he could bring himself to trust her. Their relationship was over.
A painful blow to his upper arm jolted Chase out of his gloomy trance; Maya was glaring at him, right hand clenched tight into a fist. "Gosh, Chase, why did you have to go ruin everything again?"
"Just shut up, Maya," He said through gritted teeth, "You don't understand."
"You know what? You're right," She fumed, "I don't understand how you could throw your happiness away over something so unimportant! Do you enjoy being miserable?"
"Holly was the one who lied and kept secrets from me!" Chase growled back.
"She knew you were going to overreact like this, that's why!"
"What the hell do you know?"
"That's enough you two!" Yolanda hissed.
Customers had begun to teem inside, bringing with them the outside chill and trails of snow on their shoes which melted into the floorboards. A few had paused, seats halfway pulled out, to gawk at the rowdy exchange in the kitchen. Chase ducked his head, pretending to be busy, and Maya quickly dashed out to the dining room to tend to the customers. Within minutes, orders came pouring in; Chase tried to concentrate on doling out the food. It took everything in him to stop himself from slamming the plates against the countertop.
He didn't need Holly. Never did. He had been fine before he met her, and he was perfectly fine now without her.
Who am I kidding?
In the daytime, functioning was easier, bearable. But once he finished work, even when it left him feeling too tired to even think straight, it was returning to a cold and empty house that reopened the wound. At night, he thought of her: her gentle smile, her uplifting laugh, her soft lips, how he longed to feel her warm body pressed against his. Exhaustion finally got the better of him and he could love her once more, in his dreams. Then morning came, the day passed by and the cycle began again.
Holly made him believe she was someone different. That he could trust her. Love her. When they were together, he didn't need to look at the photograph of his parents and pretend anymore.
How could he have been so stupid?
The question hung over him for the rest of lunch service, his body simply going through the motions that were required of him. Just get through work, he told himself, words quickly becoming his new mantra, get through another day. He'd forget soon enough. It would stop hurting eventually.
The last customers, Doctor Jin and Anissa, huddled out the door with their arms linked together. The inn fell quiet; they had a few hours to recuperate before the dinnertime rush arrived and they had to go through the whole process again. Most of the beef stew had been depleted rather quickly so Yolanda instructed Chase to make an extra potful. Still repeating those words over and over in his head, he felt himself relax as he settled back into the familiar rhythm of routine.
Just as Chase finished peeling the carrots and was about to start chopping, a stern voice echoed across the room, interrupting his work-induced daze. He glanced through the open counter.
"Where do you think you're going?" Jake was saying.
Chase saw that Maya was trying to tiptoe unnoticed to the door. She sheepishly froze, hand halfway to the door handle. "I wanted to check on Holly again…" She said.
Instantly, the lines on her father's face softened. "I know you're worried, but we have a lot of cleaning to take care of here." He gestured around at the tables which had been left in disarray.
"Kathy will be in soon!" Maya argued.
Jake sighed, "I don't want you getting sick too."
But the young girl puckered her lips into a pout, "Someone needs to look after Holly, Dad. She's sick and she's all alone!"
Alone.
Chase could imagine Holly splayed across her bed, half buried in the thick covers, face burning scarlet from the fever. No doubt, she still forced herself to work even in such condition, feeding her cow and watering those stupid potted plants she kept in the barn. She was always so careless and never bothered to look after herself properly. Never asked for any help.
His hand suddenly slipped. The knife came down, blade cutting deep into Chase's left index finger. A long string of expletives burst from his lips as he instinctively wrapped a dish towel around his hand. The blood seeped right through the fabric and he watched it bloom outwards across the surface like a flower.
Chase half-heard Yolanda yell something about a first aid kit. The next thing he knew, he was being led into the office behind the reception area. The first aid kit sat on Jake's desk, and Colleen forced him to sit down while she looked for a bandage to stem the bleeding.
The image of Holly lying in bed, suffering all alone, came to mind – Chase knocked Colleen's hand away. "I can do it myself," He muttered, taking the gauze roll from her.
Though her brow furrowed further, Colleen gave him an understanding smile and retreated back out into the dining room.
Chase slowly peeled the dish towel away from his finger. Through all the blood, he could see the split in the flesh; deep, but not the kind of cut that ruined careers. When he'd first started training in the kitchen, he'd always come away with some kind of injury – a cut, a graze, a burn – and he'd tended to every one, all by himself.
It should've stung or ached but he felt nothing. Numb, just like the rest of him.
There was a brief knock at the door. He lifted his head and saw Maya standing in the doorway.
"Are you okay?" She asked, stepping inside, "Let me help."
"I can do it myself," He repeated. Such an unconvincing lie – even with his right hand unhurt, his fingers were trembling too much for him to get a proper grip on the gauze.
With a roll of her eyes, Maya waltzed over and snatched the bandage away. She ignored his protests, gently grabbing his hand and swathed his finger in white. Then, when Chase had let his guard down, she gave it a pinch which sent him recoiling in pain.
"Holly was nothing but nice to you," Maya grumbled, repacking the first aid kit.
She was never going to let it go. And based on the way his heart contracted whenever he heard her name, neither would he.
"I know."
The kit lid was closed with a loud snap. "Being around her made you nicer!"
"I know."
"Even your cooking got better!"
Chase let out a short, abrupt laugh – trust Maya to think of food at a time like this. She didn't find it so amusing, however; her expression turned huffy as she fixed him with a challenging stare, hands planted firmly on her hips. His gaze didn't waver.
Her shoulders sunk with a sigh, "You love her, you idiot."
When it had happened, how it had happened, Chase couldn't remember, but he knew one thing – he truly loved Holly with all his heart. The time they spent together only strengthened his love. Foolishly, he thought that feeling would last forever.
"But she doesn't love me," He murmured hoarsely.
Maya's eyes grew poignant. "Because you never gave her the chance to."
"I'm still willing to make this work. But you have to want it too. Do you?"
The reply had lodged in his throat. Yes, he tried to say, I do want it. So much it physically hurt. But what would happen then? They'd move on, forget and reconcile, only to have it happen a second time, a third, until one of them gave up and said, "I can't do this anymore."
The inevitable.
It was only when he heard the door click closed that Chase realised Maya was gone.
Taking a deep breath, Chase pushed aside the emotions welling up in his chest and went back to work. Just get through this; it will stop hurting. Eventually.
Patrons were already gathered in the dining room, their coats dusted with freshly fallen snow. Kathy was there too, busily bustling around the tables, scribbling down their orders and bringing them drinks, but Maya had disappeared. "I'll be gone ten minutes, I promise," She had said. Well, ten minutes turned into twenty-five, then an hour, and there was still no sign of her.
As the night wore on, it became so busy that Chase took on a duel role as waiter and cook. With a practiced smile, he went around to what should've been Maya's tables, handing out meals that he'd plated up himself, and the moment he returned to the safe refuge of the kitchen, the facade quickly dissolved into irritation. Food orders slowed down, drink orders increased, and the customers grew even rowdier, especially when Selena made her grand entrance. If Maya didn't return soon, Chase was sure he'd end up as the busboy again.
Yolanda glanced at the clock, her white-flecked eyebrows coming together into a frown, "What's taking Maya so long?"
Chase bit the inside of his lip. He knew what would come next.
"Could you go look for her, Chase?" His mentor asked.
So very subtle.
"What about the customers?" He forced out calmly.
"It's slowing down now. Kathy will be all right by herself." Yolanda's eyes darted to the clock again and she exhaled a weary sigh, "I'm sure she's fine, but…"
Why bother asking when there was no way he could say no?
Chase stepped out into the evening; the chill immediately rushed towards him, penetrating the thin fabric of his jacket. And why did he have to wear open-toed sandals today? He would lose a toe in this weather if he wasn't careful, not that Yolanda would care.
Let's just get this over with. The sun had long sunk below the trees, stars struggling to break through the haze of the grey clouds overhead.
He managed to take two steps before someone bounded out of the darkness and crashed into him, almost knocking him off balance.
Maya staggered backwards. It seemed that she'd run the entire way back; her breathing was laboured, cheeks flushed deep red. The tip of her nose was coloured a similar hue and dripped slightly due to the cold.
Perfect timing, Chase thought. Though as he reached for the door handle, Maya lunged forward and latched onto his other arm.
"Holly's missing!" She blabbered, "I knocked but no one answered, so I tried opening the door anyway and it was unlocked, but she wasn't there! I even checked the barn and the Gelato Fields and the Maple Lake District! I couldn't find her!"
Chase processed the information, slowly dissecting her breathless words. "She might've gone for a walk," He suggested.
"You don't understand, Holly could barely get out of bed!" Maya wailed, tugging him forward, "Something bad must've happened to her!"
Knowing Holly, she probably jumped in the lake because the Harvest Goddess said it would help the island or something else crazily dangerous. This was just like her. No regard for her own safety, or for the people who worried about her.
Sometimes, Chase really hated having a conscience.
Because Maya had already checked the areas closest to Holly's farm, only the rest of Waffle Town, the beach and the Ganache Mining District remained. If they hurried, they could cover those places in an hour and a half, or maybe less – that equated to, oh, about three toes? They first did a quick loop around town, looking as far out as the lighthouse and the church, but Holly was nowhere to be seen; even Doctor Jin hadn't heard from her since she'd stumbled into the clinic four days ago.
From there, they made their way to the town entrance and trudged through the Maple Lake District. The snow was falling harder now, the temperature on a steady decline. Their breaths lingered in the air like little puffs of smoke. Chase's shoulders were heavy and wet, his finger had started to throb and he couldn't feel his toes anymore. His house was just a few feet away, but they walked straight passed it.
"It's cold," Chase muttered. Out of the corner of his eye, he watched his house grow further and further out of reach.
Maya sniffed, "It's winter."
"Holly's probably back home already," He continued. Probably warm and cosy, completely unaware that he was here, freezing his ass off on some wild goose-chase.
He was ignored.
"You know what? This is just a big waste of time and–"
Maya wheeled around sharply, sending snow flying upwards with a kick. "Fine! If all you're going to do is sulk and whine, then go home!" She snapped, "I thought you loved her, but you obviously aren't capable of caring about anyone except yourself!"
She marched off ahead. Frustration surged through Chase's body and he clenched his hands into fists. What did she know? He forced himself to inhale, letting his anger fizzle away with the crisp air, before he resumed quietly following along. Maya had been a lot less annoying when she used to idolise him.
The Ganache Mining District was only a little ways away, at the end of the dirt path. Just before they reached the entrance, Maya came to a sudden halt, attention drawn to something in the distance.
"Look, a rainbow," She murmured, "That's so weird. Rainbows never appear when it's snowing…"
Chase followed her gaze. A huge arc of red, yellow, green, blue and purple stretched far across the sky, up to the peak of the Ganache Mountain. The colours shimmered in the moonbeams; so corporeal, it seemed almost solid. The snow caught the light as it fell, like twinkling stars made from a rainbow. Maya clasped her hands together, completely bedazzled, and seeming to have forgotten why they were out here in the first place.
That girl had the attention span of a gnat.
Maya managed to pull herself together, and they carried on slogging through the snow, crossed the bridge and paused in front of the carpenter's workhouse. Only a crazy person would voluntarily be outside on a night like this; a crazier one would be chopping trees.
Hearing their approaching footsteps, Luke lowered his axe and raised his arm in a wave, "'Sup Maya!" He called out. Then in a lower, less cheerful voice: "Chase."
"Aren't you cold Luke?" Maya asked, eying his jacket. It only covered his upper arms and he'd left it unzipped.
"Nah, not while I'm choppin' trees! It warms up the blood real good!" He proclaimed, swinging the axe as a demonstration, "What're you guys doing out here anyway? Shouldn't you be like, working or somethin'?"
"We're looking for Holly," She explained, "Have you seen her around today?"
Luke scratched his neck, "Oh yeah, I saw her."
"When?" Chase all but demanded.
"I dunno… a while ago. Dad asked me to take Boss out, and she was headin' that way." Luke pointed towards the mine.
"What for?"
The blue haired carpenter shrugged, "Well, she said she was takin' a walk. Though, she looked real pale, like she was about to collapse." His eyebrows furrowed, "I told her to go straight home, but…"
No one had seen her leave the Ganache Mine District. There were no signs of her presence, any potential tracks covered by a fresh coat of snow. This was where the trail ended. Where could she have gone? A wave of emotion crashed over Chase and his eyes darted around in panic. The river – she'd fallen in once before; dazed and sick, it could easily happen again. She might've stumbled too close to the cliff edge. Or the forest; there were wild and more than likely dangerous animals lurking within those trees.
The terror building in his mind was reflected in Maya's wide blue eyes and Luke's increasingly tense posture. No, Chase forced himself to stop, you have to think about this calmly. Holly had to have had a good reason for coming out here… or at least, what she would think was a good reason.
It hit him.
The rainbow.
"Up there," He breathed.
"Up… where? Huh?" Luke glanced around.
Chase lifted his trembling hand, "She's up there. The mountain summit."
"How could Holly climb to the top of the mountain, by herself, when she's so sick?" Maya exclaimed in disbelief, "Why would she climb the mountain?"
"To save Waffle Island."
What happened next seemed like a blur. Chase vaguely remembered shouting at Luke to fetch his father; they were going to form a search party. They would need Owen's help as well, he had told Maya, urging her to come with him back to the Inn. Maya and Luke had both looked at him, an accusation of madness etched into their expressions. He sounded crazy, Chase was well aware, but he'd thought the same of Holly when she first mentioned the Harvest Goddess, the Harvest Sprites and the bells.
He knew Holly was in danger, he could feel it.
It was only when Chase threatened to scale the mountain alone that Luke and Maya began to take him seriously. "Dude, are you really sure?" Luke had asked. At that point, he just wanted to take the carpenter by the shoulders and shake the sense into him. But the determination in his eyes seemed to be enough; Luke nodded and rushed back to the carpenters.
Chase didn't give Maya another chance to doubt him. He bounded across the Ganache Mining District, over the bridge, through the Maple Lake District, never stopping until he reached the Sundae Inn. Minutes later, he heard footsteps crunching in the snow behind him and saw that Maya had followed.
The miner and his great uncle were still at the bar. Flushed and swaying slightly on the spot, Owen instantly sobered up upon hearing that his assistance was needed. They headed out to join Luke and Dale, stopping along the way at the Meringue Clinic to pick up supplies and warn them to be prepared for what might or might not happen.
Chase turned around to leave again, but Jake stopped him with a hand on his shoulder. Yolanda and Colleen were watching him too, concern swimming in their eyes. "They know what they're doing," Jake said softly.
"But I can't just sit here and do nothing!" Chase shot back. He pulled away.
Jake's grip tightened, manoeuvring him towards one of the chairs, "Holly wouldn't want you to get hurt too."
The walls around his heart gave way. Chase crumpled into the chair and stared down at the blurry wood grain on the table.
He hated this. The waiting. The helplessness. How everyone around him was trying to keep busy, while avoiding his eyes.
It made Chase remember that day, all those years ago. The look on the faces of the teacher who had pulled him out of class, of the policemen who had taken him to the hospital and the nurses who'd tried to keep him entertained – distracted – long enough for his aunt and uncle to arrive.
The news of Holly's disappearance still managed to spread through town, even though it was almost ten o'clock. The tailors took thick blankets to the Meringue Clinic and to those at the Ganache Mountain who were keeping a look out. Yolanda sent Maya over with food provisions. Mayor Hamilton arrived at the inn, his son on his heels. Gill paced around the dining room muttering to himself, "Why didn't she tell me?" Other talked of hope. Have hope, they said, Holly is strong. She'll pull through this.
All this time passed, but Chase didn't move or speak.
The memory of their last conversation replayed in his head. How he had said all of those horrible things to her. He never meant it, never wanted to hurt her. He was just so afraid.
If those were the last words he would ever say to her...
Hours crawled by.
People eventually grew tired of waiting. With forced smiles and promises of prayers, they shuffled through the doors and returned to their homes.
Prayers weren't going to help, Chase knew that; yet, he still found himself making silent deals with the Harvest Goddess or whoever else may be listening. If she's okay, I promise I'll change. I'll never yell at her or hurt her ever again. I'll do anything it takes to make her happy. I'll tell her I love her every day. Please let her be okay. Please. Please.
Soon, it was past midnight. One o'clock came and went, then two. Yolanda retired for the night. Colleen stood in the kitchen, making another pot of tea. Maya was hunched over a table, head resting against her arms. Kathy's eyes were glued to the clock. Jake and Hayden conversed quietly in the corner.
Then, at two-forty-three a.m. the inn doors blew open.
Owen stumbled inside, chest rising and falling in exertion. There was a gash above his right eye and blood trickled down the line of his brow. Kathy immediately hurried to his side and encircled her arms around his waist, letting him lean into her.
Chase rose from his seat. "Did you find Holly?" His voice felt raspy from the hours of neglect.
Owen searched the room, until his gaze fell upon him; he was struck by the glossy sheen in the other man's eyes. "Oh man, Chase, I-I'm sorry…" He murmured.
Icy cold dread dripped into his stomach.
"What happened to her?" Chase demanded. "Just tell me!"
The miner struggled with the words, as if they were choking him, "It's… it's real bad."
Chase felt his knees buckle.
The look on Owen's face, filled with such anguish, anger, regret – he'd seen it before.
The same expression his aunt and uncle had worn when they'd told him both of his parents were dead.