Chapter 37: End of another Era

During the whole time I was drifting away from Dean, Ron was drifting towards someone else. Well, 'drifting' may not be the right word for it really; 'latched at the lip' is a better way to describe what he was doing with Lavender Brown. I remember when they got together after one of our quidditch games. I pretended disinterest when I saw them together in the common room, but inside I was screaming. What the hell was the stupid git thinking?

I knew Hermione would be devastated because I knew from the way she talked to me about him that she was keen on him, and I knew also that this was at least partly my fault. Never did I curse my temper more than I did in the weeks that Ron was hanging off Lavender's lips and Hermione walked around looking brittle and fragile as china. If only I had kept quiet, if only I hadn't told Ron about Krum. 'If only …' became my refrain for ages.

It was actually Harry who snapped me out of it one day. I was sitting in the common room and noticed Hermione go rigid yet again as Ron and Lavender came in and began their snogging session in one of the armchairs, then saw her whisper something to Harry and head upstairs. I guess something of what I was feeling, the guilt and pain at seeing my best friend so very upset, must have shown on my face because Harry came right over and sat next to me.

'It's not your fault you know'

'What?' I was still mesmerised by the enthusiasm of the snogging going on.

'Ron being a git. It's not your fault.'

'Hark at you saying that! Mr 'everything's all my fault' himself!'

He grinned at me and made an ironic, acknowledging bow. 'This still isn't your fault, Ginny. He would have found out sooner or later.'

'I know that, but I shouldn't have lost my temper that day. I just feel that made it worse.'

He gave me a quick hug, and I gave him a watery smile.

'Chin up, OK. This'll come right eventually; it always does,' he said, squeezing my shoulder as he got up and walked away.

I stared after him for a moment or two, then shut my eyes and shook my head to clear it of my sad thoughts. When I opened my eyes again Dean was in front of me. I gave him a bright smile and said 'Hi, what's up?'

'What were you doing canoodling with him?' he hissed at me in a hurt tone.

'What do you mean? I wasn't canoodling!'

'I've seen the way he looks at you.'

'Don't be ridiculous, Dean. We were talking about my stupid brother and his snogathons, and friends are allowed to talk!'

'Well, I don't like it'

'You can not like it all you want, but you can't stop me talking to my friends.'

'He wants to be more than friends …' he muttered, and I got so annoyed that I struggled to get out of the chair in order to stalk off in a dramatic huff. Yes, Miss Dramatic did make her reappearance upon occasion, just to remind me who was in charge. Dean put his hand out as if to help me up.

'I am perfectly capable of standing up by myself, thank you.' I said icily.

'I just wanted to help …' I heard him mutter as I eventually did manage to get out of the deep cushions and start stalking up to the girl's dormitory. I felt a twinge of guilt when I heard that. I knew he was trying to help and I knew I shouldn't have lost my temper with him. Just because he'd struck a nerve about my confused feelings about him and Harry didn't give me the right to take it out on him.

So as soon as I had calmed down I went back to the common room and slipped down next to Dean.

'I'm sorry I yelled at you,' I said. 'I just … these stupid OWLs, and Ron …' I sighed. 'Anyway, I shouldn't have taken it out on you.' I leaned in and gave him a quick kiss. 'Forgive me?'

He studied me and then smiled.

'Of course, but only if you'll forgive me. I get stupidly jealous at times even though I know there's no reason.'

'Too right there's not' I said, smiling at him affectionately and squeezing his arm.

And so we carried on. We'd have these stupid little fights and they were increasingly petty like this one. Dean's possessiveness got worse and I began to close in on myself to avoid arguing with him. I mean he was still so very nice to me, sometimes too nice which made me squirm with embarrassment, but he was so jealous of Harry. A combination of being 'looked after' like a piece of porcelain and having an eagle eye kept on me in case someone else looked at me just wore me down.

Now, I wasn't as obsessed with Harry's every move as I had been in the past so I resented Dean's jealousy. There was no stalking behaviour of any type, not even begging Colin to give me a low down on what he'd been up to during the day or surreptitiously trying to listen in to Harry's conversations. But I will admit it was absolutely impossible to miss his obsession with hating Draco Malfoy. Almost every conversation he entered into soon became peppered with references to Malfoy which became a little irritating after a while. I was spared a fair amount of it, of course, but I could see Ron and Hermione beginning to grit their teeth whenever they were with him.

Speaking of the two of them they became friends again even though Ron was still so often lip-locked with Lavender, but I could have done without the way that happened. It's quite a long and convoluted story, but I'll try and iron it out as best I can.

It all started with Harry that year becoming a bit of a heart throb to all the girls in 4th year and up and the excitement generated by one of Slughorn's little 'collection' soirees. He kept throwing these parties all us 'collectees' were expected to go to in order to form 'a useful network' for our futures. They were OK, I guess, when I went which was thankfully not often as Harry kept conveniently scheduling quidditch practice for when they were on.

Anyways that's not important; what was important was that there was a bigger one than usual for Christmas and Slughorn made absolute sure Harry would be at this one and everyone was expected to bring a date. Excitement was running high among the girls as to who Harry would take and there were schemes all over the show as to how he could be caught. One of them by Romilda Vane (one of the girls who thought she was totally 'in' and looked down her nose at anyone who wasn't in her clique) involved a love potion which was pretty horrible.

I remember deciding never to use one on Harry when I was younger so it disgusted me that someone would try this on him. Seriously, if you need to use a love potion on a boy you don't deserve him! Thankfully it didn't work and Harry took Luna instead which pleased me so much as she really was sweet and it was lovely that he thought to ask her. I of course took Dean, who was really wonderful that night and made me believe once again that we had something good, something worth trying to salvage.

But that wasn't the last we heard of the love potion, sadly. Months later on Ron's birthday the chocolates that were laced with it resurfaced and Ron ate some thinking they were a birthday present. It could have been pretty amusing actually; he certainly looked silly as he danced through the common room with a love struck expression on his face over Romilda. But just as Slughorn managed to cure him, he got poisoned by a drink intended presumably to murder either Slughorn or possibly Dumbledore.

Yes that's right, poisoned. It was a horrifying experience for all of us. It was sheer good luck that Harry had the insight to grab a bezoar and counteract the effects; without his actions Ron could have died. I was in shock over it, and didn't know where to turn. Ron was my closest brother and I know we had our moments but we were so close in age and had so much time alone together with everyone else at school that we had become very good friends. The idea that I could have lost him was horrifying and it made the next year that much harder to bear; but that's a story for another time.

Back then, however, Hermione was also jerked to her senses over him. He may have a huge pillock to her and she may have been incredibly hurt by his actions and struck back in immature ways but underneath it all they both adored each other. She never left his bedside until he regained consciousness and while he was still with Lavender, as I said, they were back on good terms. I was glad to see it; as I've mentioned before none of those 3 operates very well without either of the others and the tension between them all while Ron and Hermione were at odds was really hard to watch.

Now as I've said Dean and I were on rocky ground for several months over that year. We had good times of course, I would never stay with someone who if I didn't enjoy being with him on some level, but while we always made up we had silly fights almost constantly especially towards the end. They were usually because Dean was too nice to me, and that sounds so weird when I say it now. But back then he tried to do everything for me and I hated it. I'm sure he was just trying to be caring but I felt stifled and it was as if I wasn't allowed to be my own person. Often my friendship with Harry would be dragged into it as well, and Dean's simmering jealousy just exacerbated the situation.

It all came to a head one night when we were coming back to the common room after another snogging session. I know now that it was Harry under his invisibility cloak who was the catalyst for the argument we then had, but at the time it seemed like more of Dean's mollycoddling of me. My temper was smouldering that day anyway, as it did often when I was with Dean and which he seldom deserved, and the push towards the portrait hole was enough to ignite it.

'Don't push me, please, Dean. You're always doing that; I can get through perfectly well on my own …'

He turned and glared at me, irritated of course at the unfounded assumption.

'What do you mean? I didn't push you!'

'You did! And I hate the way you always assume I can't do anything for myself.'

'I just try to be a gentleman, Ginny. It's not an insult to want to cherish someone.'

'Well I feel smothered, Dean, not cherished. No! Don't touch me!' I said, pulling away as he tried to reach out to me. 'I just can't take this anymore. I can't be a piece of china for you to look after, and I can't deal with being told who I can be friends with either.'

'If you mean Harry …'

'I like how your mind goes straight to him,' I shrieked, ignoring the fact that we never argued over any of my other friends. 'I've known him longer than I've known you and I refuse to stop being friends just because you're jealous.'

In retrospect I think I dragged Harry's name into it because I knew it would provide the catalyst I needed to make Dean explode, but at the time Dean took it as more proof that I was interested in him.

'Fine! Why don't you just go running off to him then.'

'Grow up, Dean. This isn't about Harry; it's about you never accepting that I am a big girl and can look after myself.'

'You are the most mental chick I've ever met!' He was practically shouting at me by now and I'm sure he didn't mean what he said next but I jumped on it. 'If that's the way you feel then I don't think there's much point in staying together.'

'No I don't think there is either. Goodbye Dean.'

Finally I had my wish; I had broken up with Dean. I felt a little guilty as I watched him stalk away because I'm pretty sure he thought it was just one of our fights and that we'd make up again soon enough, but I had finally had enough. I needed space and freedom and Dean gave me neither. I didn't handle the break up as elegantly as I could have or as well as Dean deserved and I still regret that a little. It was lucky for me that Dean was such a decent person that he didn't hold it against me.