Tuesday May 29th, 2012
Dear Logan,
The first time in 13 days that we sat down and actually talked, nerve wracking is an understatement. I was so nervous to see you that I threw up which I haven't done that in what a year and half maybe longer. It was good to see and after a while it was like old times like nothing had happened. But when we finally started talking really talking both of our hurt feelings came out. What we both truly wanted came out. It was hard to hear that you didn't want to date me ( but at the same time it was what I needed to hear so I wouldn't hold out hope anymore)
I think the part that hurt the most (not necessarily in bad way), but when you told me that you thought about me a lot while you in Florida. "That it didn't help when you had people mention my name a lot. Then passing by all the novelties stores, seeing the shot glasses and gear. The baby mugs." It floored me that you thought about me a lot while you were gone. I thought that you would be fine, but I could tell in your body language that you weren't okay with me not being in my life, just as much as I wasn't okay not having you in mine. It was nice to hear that you still want to be friends. It is nice to know that you will, "still be there for me" whenever I need you. It was nice to hear that you do think that I am capable of doing great things with my life and that I am not a total failure. It is beyond wonderful to know that I can trust you really trust you to be there for me, and that I will always be there for you no matter what happens no matter the cost.
I like that we will still see each other on the same days but under different circumstances meaning just going on walks or being at my house. Just no pressure, no expectations, no worries or talk of a forever after for a while. No one comparing us to another couple, we can just be us at our best and damn it we have more than earned that.
I look forward to our new beginning starting on Wednesday at 6. Logan, thank you for listening, for being there when I needed you the most.
See you soon,
Rory