Compare Scars (To Kill A King)
SANTANA'S POV
It was like word vomit and the wonder in her eyes is making me anxious. I hate the uncertainty that is clawing at my insides and threatening to tear me apart.
"I need a drink...how about you?" I ask, my mind was on hyper drive and my hands were beginning to shake.
How was I here? Her being here with me is still unbelievable.
Despite my interruption, the light didn't leave her eyes, her smile just got smug and she nodded.
"Actually...I will."
"Good! Why don't you pick a movie and I'll go make some margaritas." I said, forcing a smile through my blind panic as I stood up from the couch without even glancing at her.
I needed a moment...several moments actually and I was hoping that she would get it.
Get me.
QUINN'S POV
A lesser person would have taken her abrupt change of subject personally but Santana can be a bit of a coward sometimes and I can't say that I didn't expect it.
In fact, I was actually happy to see more and more glimpses of the Santana that she was at Mr. Schue's wedding...back before Brittany sunk her claws back into her.
She rushed into the kitchen, her fingers running through her hair as she tried her best to soothe the panic that she was no doubt feeling.
The ink wasn't even dry on her divorce papers and here I was throwing myself into her lap but you know what? I feel no shame.
She needed this...me.
Sure, she might be overwhelmed at the moment but she'll get past it.
Especially after she's had a few drinks.
SANTANA'S POV
...FIRST MARGARITA...
"What the hell are we watching, Q?"
"It's a semi-autobiographical docu-thriller...I can never watch this at home. Is it that bad? You don't like it?" She asks, her eyebrow arched and her bottom lip between her teeth, my God I want to be the one to bite that lip.
"No. Not really but that's probably because..." I trailed off, thinking it would be better to shut up. "Forget it."
"Too late...tell me...Because what, Santana?" She asks, pausing the movie so that she can give me her full attention.
"Never mind." I say, stealing the remote back and pressing play.
She snatches the remote back and is glaring at the side of my face.
"No. Say what you were going to say...I won't be upset." Her tone is too sweet and I should know better but I've got liquid courage and she asked.
"It's fine, let's watch." I say as sweetly as I can before downing the last of my drink and then returning my eyes to the screen, doing my best to pretend to watch the most depressing documentary ever created because I don't want to be an asshole...but her glare is starting to burn.
"Tell me." She is whining now and I've got way too much liquid courage in me so I blurt it out.
"I guess I just thought...Britt always watched Disney. I thought...I expected..." I looked at her and she was mid eye roll as she sipped her drink and stared at the screen.
"Oh." Was her response after a beat. She tipped up her glass and emptied it with ease before reaching for the pitcher and refilling our glasses. "We can watch Frozen if you want? Beth is obsessed, I think I know all the words."
QUINN'S POV
The most valuable lesson that I learned from Sue Sylvester is that people will treat you how you allow them to treat you. I can take what Santana says when it comes to Brittany one of two ways...I can coddle her each time that Brittany comes up or I can refuse to acknowledge that it doesn't bother me and move past it.
Neither one of those things comes easy.
But I need to try because whether I like it or not, Brittany has a hold over Santana...it's evident just looking at her state of being and the way her apartment was when I first got here.
The ink isn't dry on the divorce papers...and now, I can't fucking concentrate on the movie that I haven't been able to see because Beth owns the remote in my apartment.
...HALFWAY THROUGH SECOND MARGARITA...
My feeling are uncontrollable...it's like Brittany is in the room with us and I can't stand it.
The lights are off and despite her earlier disapproval, the movie has picked up and I can see that it's piqued her interest.
But that can come later...for now...I need to erase the tension that I can't tell if I'm imagining.
...LAST DROP OF SECOND MARGARITA...
I don't stop to think as I put my glass down on the table, instead I just act.
Please God, make her receptive, I can't take anymore Brittany talk tonight.
SANTANA'S POV
The tempo of the music score has changed and I'm feeling a little more into this shitty documentary than I thought I'd be and she's completely silent.
Seems like the awkward shit is behind us.
I don't even notice her moving closer until her lips are attacking my neck, each kiss and nibble sending shock waves right to wear her hand is now resting.
This time there is no phone call to distract her from touching me wherever she wants.
My eyes are closed as she climbs into my lap, her legs straddling mine just like earlier but instead of her hands resting on the back of the couch they are in my hair as her lips make their way from my neck to my face and finally our mouths ar colliding and I'm tasting her.
She's got anger in her movements and the pain of her biting my lip like I had wanted to do to her, is combined with her grinding her heat against my stomach.
My hands are on her thighs, rubbing back and forth, trying to be on their best behavior but who knows how long that can last.
"Take me to your bedroom." She growls and I want badly to obey but she's been drinking and the last thing I want is for her to regret this in the morning.
I pull back from her continuing kisses and try to find her eyes in the darkness, the flicker of light from the television is only enough for me to see a shadow of her face.
"I don't want to take advantage of you...maybe we should-" I'm cut off by her lips once again attacking me, my earlobe is being treated to her attention and I'm puddy as my arms wrap around her waist. "Q...please, I'm trying to do the right thing." I groan.
"I promise, you will be the only being taken advantage of." She whispers in my ear and I'm gushing...
How can I argue with that logic?
QUINN'S POV
She deposited me on the bed and looked at me with questioning eyes, I think she was waiting for me throw up or pass out but I was more coherent than either of us expected.
I stood up and immediately got to work, using my height as an advantage...even if it was just by a hair. I ripped at the jacket that she was still wearing and then made short work of her shirt.
The only time I stopped was when she was standing there topless and I could see just how bad her eating habits had been.
Her ribs were visible but I tried to look past it. We'd work on her issues...now though, I wanted to work on her soul.
"You're beautiful." I said when my ogling of her ribs seemed to be noticed. She didn't smile or even acknowledge my complement...instead tears were pooling in her eyes.
"We should stop...I just...I'm not fit to give you what you want, Q."
And unlike Brittany...who didn't understand words like 'stop' or 'no'...I nodded and instead opened my arms for her.
"Can I at least hold you?" I asked.
She looked at the floor and I thought she'd break down but she just grabbed her shirt and then stood up, her eyes a little damp and brought the shirt to her chest.
"I'd like that..." She said, sounding like she was about to get weepy but it seemed she was doing her best to contain it. "Is that okay?"
SANTANA'S POV
I'm sure she thinks it's because of me being sick looking because I'm not blind to my own appearance but I'm not sure that's what it is that made me stop her.
Everything right now is deeper than the surface for me but I think she might understand it.
She doesn't act rejected, instead she begins to strip her clothes off as she makes her way to the doorway...I'm watching her...waiting for her to hold me like she had asked but she turns to look at me, her eyes practically glowing as she holds her hand out.
Her naked body looking just as fit and tight as the last time I had seen it.
"Can I hold you in the tub?" She asks and I feel a pang in my chest. Baths were something special between me and Brittany...but that was over. I wanted...no I NEEDED to move past her.
So despite the knot in my chest and every instinct wanting to get all sappy and cry, I finished undressing and then took her hand and let her lead me to the bathroom.
Each step felt monumental as we made our way across the hall to the tub that was the location of my last bath with Brittany.
She has no idea how hard this is for me and I don't want her to...Brittany had been the wall between us for far too long.
And so even though this was ripping me wide open, I welcomed the scars that would follow.
QUINN'S POV
It's a bold move and while she may not realize that I know more about her and her ex-wife than I let on, I absolutely know what she's thinking and feeling.
And I don't fucking care...if I have my way, I will replace every sweet memory that she has with Brittany and replace it with one of our own.
Call it selfish but I think it will heal us both.
My back is resting against the back of the bathtub, my knees bent as I wait for her to sit against me.
She's hesitant at first but after a moment, she settles back against me and lets out a low exhale as I kiss that special place behind her ear.
"I'm going to do whatever it takes to save you from yourself...and we will go however fast or slow you want."
She chuckled, her body vibrating against mine as she takes in my words.
"I feel like I should be saying that to you...she hurt you too."
I kissed her neck and squeezed her tighter against me. She moaned and I fought my urge to take that as a welcome sign to keep going.
Holding back was torture but for her I will.
"I've been in therapy, I'm moving past what happened. It's beginning to feel like an old scar...I know it hurt but I don't think I feel the pain so deeply. I think I'm in a better place than you are. Am I right?"
She nodded and craned her neck, giving me more access to her neck and shoulder and I didn't disappoint.
My kisses were soft and they were accompanied by nibbles because eating her up was never far from my mind.
"I guess so."
"So since sex seems to be off the table for now...can we talk about something that's been bothering me?" I asked...well aware that this could go bad.
"Do I have a choice?" She groaned.
"Not really...but I can let you think you do, if that helps?" I asked, being bold and turning her face just enough for my lips to brush hers.
She groaned and squirmed against me but she didn't pull away.
"Just don't let me go and I'll tell you whatever you want to know."
A/N: I stopped myself before this got darker...you're welcome. That Christmas chapter is still coming...I'm halfway through it. You won't get it today but tomorrow is definitely looking likely.
This band was suggested to me and I couldn't help to write a filler chapter...