I'm sorry…

When Lovina wasn't by her grandfather's side, she was in the restaurant, trying to keep it up and running for as many hours as possible. She also tried to go to school at least every other day. Which was more of a hassle than the restaurant. And it was also really weird.

Well, the only weird class was Antonio's, of course. Lovina supposed it could be worse; she could actually have the energy to feel uncomfortable sitting in front of him as a student when so much more was happening behind closed doors. But Lovina cared less and less as each day went on. It got so bad, she accidentally called Antonio by his first name in class.

The only emotion Lovina felt at that point was tired. And that's not even really an emotion. There was also guilt. Lots and lots of guilt. Because Antonio was trying so hard for her and he worked so hard to make her feel loved and Lovina just couldn't find it in her to return the gesture. She wanted to, God she really, really wanted to. But she was completely drained.

And things were only going downhill. Nonno was only getting worse, Feliciana was never around and Lovina couldn't sleep. No matter how hard she tried, she just couldn't sleep. So she worked even more to distract herself, staying up late to cram for any tests, keep the restaurant in shape, or try to figure out what the hell she was going to do if nonno didn't pull through.

Antonio stopped by frequently, forcing Lovina to muster up enough strength to at least pretend she was alright. She'd make sure to eat and drink in front of him, even though she really didn't have the time. She wore makeup to cover up the bags under her eyes and make herself look less pale. She hated lying so much, but there really was no other way.

"Lovi?" Antonio called as he walked up the stairs during one of his visits. Lovina scrambled to grab something out of the fridge and pour herself a glass of water so he wouldn't worry. All the running around made her feel light headed, but she continued anyway. Nothing looked appetizing. She didn't even know if she was hungry or not. Lovina forgot to care whether or not she needed food.

Damn it, usually Antonio warned her before he came! She looked like a complete mess! Lovina dashed into her room, but felt herself only stagger clumsily. Her legs felt numb and were starting to sway uneasily beneath her.

Lovina couldn't stop herself from falling in front of her bed, eyes starting to roll back. She just felt so tired and thought maybe she could sleep. Muffled footsteps pounded into the room and Lovina could barely make out her name being called before everything went black.

(-)

When Lovina opened her eyes, she had to squint to adjust to the harsh light flooding her vision. The first thing she noticed when she woke up was the smell of the room. She'd recognize that sterile scent anywhere.

Lovina groaned as she tried to sit up. This was absolutely ridiculous! She should not be sitting in a god damn hospital bed when her grandfather was already chained to one! Lovina looked over and scowled when she saw the IV in her arm. She slowly began to take it out before losing her patience and ripping the needle away altogether. Lovina gripped her forehead and glanced around before swinging her legs over the side of the bed, ignoring the wave of nausea that crashed over her. First, she had to get out of that damn hospital gown. Her clothes had to be lying around somewhere…

"Lovina!"

Lovina flinched when the door slammed open and Antonio stormed in. She'd never seen him this angry before. Antonio pushed her shoulders back down and called the nurse before glaring at Lovina.

"What the hell where you thinking?!" he snarled. Lovina was too stunned to even speak. "Answer me!" Antonio barked. Lovina could only shake her head, not knowing how to respond. Antonio was terrifying when he was mad.

Thankfully, Tino rushed in and saved Lovina from Antonio's wrath. "Lovina, what did you do?" he sighed, reinserting the IV. Tino glanced anxiously at Antonio who was pacing behind him. "Antonio, you just need to calm down, she's-"

"I can't calm down!" Antonio snapped, looking to Lovina. He felt awful. How had he not seen it?! She looked so much weaker and frail. She looked like she was fading. Lovina sank back as far as her bed would allow.

"Why haven't you been taking care of yourself?!" Antonio croaked. "You were dehydrated, sleep deprived, and Tino told me there was no way you had eaten in at least two days!"

Lovina didn't answer. She just stared at the sheets balled up in her fists, wanting to cry when Tino left. Lovina didn't look up when Antonio walked forward and stood beside her.

"Are you trying to kill yourself?!"

Lovina stole one glance at Antonio but had to take a second when she saw how puffy and red his eyes were. "Lovi…" he started weakly before slumping into a chair next to her. "God, what were you thinking" he whimpered, hiding his face in his hands.

Lovina swallowed the lump in her throat and hesitantly reached out to Antonio, lightly placing her hand on his shoulder. "I'm sorry" she mumbled, glancing away. Before she could continue, Lovina found Antonio's arms wrapped around her and her head buried in his chest. "Don't you ever scare me like that again" he croaked, gently squeezing her. Lovina nodded and didn't move when her sister walked in.

"Sorella?" Feliciana started timidly. "Nonno…he wanted to see you and he got worried…"

Lovina hesitantly turned her head to face Feliciana. "He's actually awake?" she mumbled, half to herself. Antonio sighed and released her before standing. "I'll go see if Tino will let me take you to him" he mumbled before kissing her forehead. Feliciana just stared at the older man as he left, leaving her alone with Lovina.

"Sorella, why didn't you tell me?"

Lovina fought back a groan as her sister began to tear up. "Feliciana, I know I shouldn't have pushed myself-"

"I mean about him…"

Oh.

Lovina shifted uncomfortably under her sister's stare. "What's there to tell?" Lovina muttered weakly in a last ditch effort to avoid this conversation. Feliciana only shook her head. "Sorella, why didn't you tell me?" she repeated appearing more confident and composed than she had in awhile. Lovina supposed even her love life was more manageable than everything else going on.

"Why do you think?" Lovina shot back, more harshly than intended as she looked away. It wasn't fair; Feliciana could hang onto her boyfriend all she wanted. Lovina hated having to hide. Feliciana shrank back a little and bit her lip. "I-I wouldn't have told anyone…I thought we told each other everything…"

Why now, of all times was Feliciana trying to be sisterly? The past couple days spent only trying to find comfort in Ludwig indicated a bit of contradiction in how she was acting now. "It's hard to talk to someone when they ignore you" Lovina mumbled bitterly. Lord knew she had gone through that plenty of times.

"Lovina, we've only got each other now."

Lovina's head snapped to face her sister. Because that sounded like something her sister would never say. That sounded like defeat. It was surrender. "What the hell are you saying?!" Lovina snapped. That was putting nonno, the man who had raised them and loved them more than anything into question and that was unacceptable.

"Lovina, he's getting worse, you know that" Feliciana whimpered, taking a step forward. Even if that was true, that didn't mean he wouldn't get better. He was Roma Vargas, for god's sake. There was no way in hell he'd just give up like that. Like Feliciana, apparently.

"Enough, Feli" Lovina snapped. "You know nonno, he'll be fine." Feliciana's bottom lip quivered as she came closer. "Sorella, don't be so stubborn!" she cried. Lovina couldn't bring herself to look at her sister. "Be realistic, I know you know that there's no way-"

"Shut up!"

Lovina's outburst rang through the room and bounced off the white walls. She couldn't take it anymore. How could her sister, her perfect, happy sister be saying such negative lies? "Lovina, please-"

"I said shut up!"

Lovina suddenly realized her cheeks felt unusually damp. Wiping furiously at her eyes, which for some reason was the source of it, Lovina continued to look away from her sister. "He's fine" Lovina added weakly, just as Antonio walked back in, extremely concerned.

"Lovi, Feli; what's going on? I heard shouting."

Neither of the two sisters could look at Antonio. So he stepped closer, looking to Feliciana first. "Feliciana…" he started quietly. Antonio really did feel as though he had no place to address Lovina's sister. Secretly putting Lovina through hell behind Feliciana's back? Had he been in her shoes, Antonio would have pushed himself away in an instant. But Lovina was hard to get information out of. Especially when she would shut down.

Stealing a quick glance at Lovina, who just looked forward, Antonio tried again. "Feli? Please talk to me."

Feliciana swallowed and never looked away from her sister. "Our nonno's dying" she whimpered. Lovina just rolled her eyes. "Sorella, nonno's dying" Feliciana whimpered, drawing closer to Antonio. Antonio did not hesitate to wrap his arms around Feliciana. It was the least he could do. And he really did care for the girl. Whether she was Lovina's sister or not.

"Please, sorella" Feliciana whimpered. "Please don't push this away." Antonio stared at Lovina, who remained emotionless, only staring at the wall in front of her as Feliciana pulled him closer.

"You say something to her" Feliciana whispered. It took Antonio a moment to realize she was talking to him. Antonio nodded wearily and sat beside Lovina in silence for awhile. All she did was breathe and blink.

"Lovi" he sighed, gently reaching out and taking her hand. Lovina pulled it away as soon as he touched her. "Amada" Antonio tried again, brushing back a piece of Lovina's hair out of her face. "Amada, let's just go see him" Antonio finished, offering his hand to her as he stood. Lovina hesitantly took it, never looking at her sister as he helped her walk out of the room.

(-)

Antonio ran his hands through his hair while he waited for Lovina. Honestly, she was scaring him. He had never seen her this detached before and it was nerve wracking. He didn't know whether to side with her or Feliciana at this point. It felt like everything was closing in and he didn't know what to do. More than anything, he feared that he couldn't be there for her no matter how hard he tried and she'd end up feeling alone and terrible about herself again and that was completely unacceptable.

"Antonio?"

It was Feliciana, staring down at him wearily with Lovina behind her. It sounded weird, hearing Feliciana call him by his first name. But it was something he'd have to get used to, of course. He hoped she'd do the same. He could hear her hesitation as it rolled off her tongue.

Antonio was a bit surprised when she motioned for him to come in. Yes, he had been in the room before, but not even Gilbert or Francis had stepped in recently. They weren't family like Lovina or Feliciana.

But Antonio did enter, of course. He hadn't actually seen Roma in awhile. But Feliciana was right; he was getting worse, Antonio could tell. He glanced at Lovina, almost as if he was asking for permission, but he received nothing from her. He stepped forward anyway, standing in front of Roma, who in an uncoordinated movement motioned for him to come closer. That's all Roma seemed to be doing; quietly speaking to everyone individually. Lovina, Feliciana, Ludwig, Francis, Gilbert…Antonio never thought he'd be in that group as well.

Somehow, Roma managed to smile. And Antonio was positive the older man had never really directed a smile toward him. He never had a reason to; it was a miracle the man tolerated him. "Antonio" he chuckled, clearly straining himself. Why Roma was wasting his breath on him, Antonio would never know.

Antonio swallowed anxiously and came closer, straining to hear Roma's hushed tone. "I wanted to apologize for being harsh" Roma started quietly. Antonio shook his head and glanced at Lovina. "B-Believe me, you had every right to be" Antonio stammered, but Roma shushed him. "Let me finish" Roma scolded, his words sounding more and more slurred.

"I also wanted to thank you" Roma continued, eyelids starting to droop. Before Antonio could even think to comment, Roma clumsily gripped his collar, pulling him closer so he could whisper. Antonio managed to catch a glimpse at Lovina, who was, thank God, actually looking engaged.

But Antonio didn't pay attention to her as Roma spoke. His eyes widened and something in him broke as the older man croaked. When Antonio pulled away to say something, tell Roma he was being ridiculous, Roma was already starting to fade again, quickly losing energy. So Antonio nodded before he closed his eyes, still smiling.

Lovina caught Antonio's arm as he backed away, clearly confused and worried. Antonio just shook his head and wrapped his arms around Lovina, holding her tightly and kissing her temple and cheek, mumbling "I love you."

Because he was going to take care of her. Just like Roma had asked him too.