Thirty seventh chapter

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Four years had already passed …

Four years since that awful day …

I could in some way feel responsible for what have happened to my dear son … after all it was me the one that convinced him to go on that trip …

Once I heard the news … I … I felt something horrible … I felt guilty … my son had died … I was the one that killed him in some way … it was an awful feeling … that's why … unlike Yusaku I couldn't believe his death … I wished he survives somehow … so that I won't feel guilty for the rest of my life…

Then I found him … I found out more about what truly happened on that night … I found out more about what my son went through … from his amnesia … then he got caught in a case as usual … he went through more pain then …

It's all over now … maybe … it's all over for me … my son is in a good health now … he totally recovered from his amnesia and his burns … I'm truly happy for this … for living again with my only son and my husband … peacefully like a family… but …

I wonder if my dear shin-chan is truly okay … one year after that awful day … we went back to japan because he asked us to … he wanted to go there … for some reason … I feared people would see him and they actually did … he seemed okay despite everything … despite all tough moments he went through when we were in America … but he managed to put a smile on his face when he met with his old friends … old friends … and when he met with her too … it was hard … for both of them …

She … she was pale and even skinnier than a living dead … she was crying … her eyes seemed dry … she walked toward him … she noticed us … he got closer to her ears and told her some things … and then he left … I saw a surprised face … I hurried to him … but I couldn't stop my mind from imagining her pale face … her tired face … her dry eyes … her face was for a long time stuck in my mind … it's strange how things turns out sometimes … he told her that he'll never get back to her … he had surely broken her heart …

The shinichi I knew would give his life to keep her away from pain … but him he whispered in her ears that he'll never get back to her … he must be broken himself … he wanted to die … because he felt responsible of that disaster … hardly could Yusaku convince him that he was totally innocent … but yet he could forget … that girl … that devilish girl …

One morning he said … it's not because I loved her … or because I have anything for her beside hatred … it's just because I feel I can no longer be with the other one … feeling as if I cheated on her … not on purpose but … she wouldn't probably want to see me … may be I don't have enough courage to see her … she's the one I loved but … now I know that I don't deserve her … she's such a great lover … she waited for someone that would never be back … she waited but I … I who thought I knew how she felt … I was totally wrong … because it's just too complicated to be put into words, don't you think so too ?

I couldn't get much from him … he wouldn't say a word if he didn't want to … I couldn't force him after all …

We were never back to Japan after that day … but he was getting better … he seemed so … especially after his friend from Osaka visited us … they had a good time … the old Shinchi seemed revived … another detective visited us with Miyano-san … they seemed to have fun too …

Someone else visited us … quite a number of times in fact … that person that looked very much like my shin-chan … that I Yusaku avoided to comment on my wondering … how could he look that much like my Shinichi ? … he never said a word … it's surely related to what had happened years ago …but I wouldn't ask … i wouldn't surely get a reply …

This someone had given Shinichi more than a smile … in fact he was the first to visit him … even when he was hospitalized … he was the first to dare to sneak into his room … to chat with him a long night chat … he was the first to give my Shin-chan ' s face a smile … and I was truly happy to see that smile … I'd be forever thankful to The shinchi's look alike … To Kaito Kuroba-kun

Yukiko's POV … if you haven't yet figured it out

I'm truly sorry for being this late … Exams on Wednesday … I should work hard… truly hard

Thank you John Cayter and guest (even though I think you're just one person)… I enjoyed reading your comments … I felt flattered … please carry on supporting the story