AN: Sorry for the long wait and thank you for your reviews and concerned PMs. Please let me know if you find any mistakes, I can't see past the end of my arms properly at the moment (yay for extra strong migraine meds?)

Disclaimer: I do not own Criminal Minds. Catherine Jareau is mine, along with all other characters you do not recognize.

Chapter 35: Don't Leave Me

How doth the little crocodile

Improve his shining tail,

And pour the waters of the Nile

On every golden scale!

How cheerfully he seems to grin,

How neatly spreads his claws,

And welcomes little fishes in

With gently smiling jaws!

― The Caterpillar, Alice's Adventures in Wonderland

September 10, 2011

5:39 am

I know I need to sleep but I can't take my eyes of Emily. She's watching the road with such concentration. I'm quite sure her mind is abuzz with other thoughts as well, but she doesn't let it show. I wonder what she's thinking about. I open my mouth to ask her, but think better of it at the last second. Maybe I don't want to know. I don't know what she saw today never mind what she's seen over the past one hundred and forty-seven days.

I flip down the visor so I can see into the back seat without turning around. Maura, Emily's mini me, with her head hanging forwards is fast asleep in her booster seat. Where on earth did Emily find one on such short notice? Does she travel with it? Or does the booster seat belong to the Ambassador? The latter seems unlikely, but not nearly as impossible as Emily coming back from the dead.

Declan on the other hand, is not sleeping, he's got his nose glued to the window and mouth ever so slightly open. His expression reminds me of the first time I was allowed to visit Jen after she joined the BAU, everything was new and different, and a not unwelcome strange. I catch at glimpse of his eyes and can't help but smile as I see the wonder in them. I wonder if Declan has ever been to a big city before, his expression tells me he probably hasn't. Either that, or he's excited to see where Emily lives- used to live.

5:55 am

A hand reaches into my field of vision, causing me to flinch slightly in reflex and curse my inattention. I relax as the hand simply flips the visor up. I blink as the world comes back into proper focus and then swallow nervously as I realize we've arrived. We're in the parking lot at Emily's condo.

Emily unbuckles her seatbelt.

I take a deep breath and hold it.

Emily unlocks the car doors.

I sit still.

Emily opens her door and climbs out of the car.

I don't move.

Emily turns to back to me.

I can't move.

Emily walks around the front of the car with a frown on her face.

I'm frozen in my seat, much too scared to move a single muscle.

Emily opens my door and crouches down. "Creirwy," she whispers, "You can get out of the car now. We've arrived at your home."

I exhale a shuddering breath and try to hold in my horror. She said your home. Not my home, or our home, or simply just home. Why did she have to make it my home?

Emily sighs.

I turn to look at her and am stunned to see she looks exhausted. No, that isn't the right word, old is, Emily looks old. So much older now than she did one hundred and forty-seven days ago, older than a single person should age in seven months.

I reach out and clasp her hand as I try to get my tongue to move.

Emily smiles sadly at me and squeezes my hand in both of hers.

"It's still your home Emmy," I mumble in protest.

The corners of Emily's eyes tighten.

I unbuckle my seatbelt and turn towards Emily. I try to get out of the car but my legs are stuck awkwardly in the space between the car door and Emily's legs. I start to topple over.

Emily catches and rights me.

"You're not allowed to leave Emmy. We only just got you back," I growl into her shoulder, my arms tightening around her waist. "Please, please don't leave," is whispered much more plaintively.

Emily wraps one arm around me and runs her fingers of her other hand through my hair. She whispers, "I'm not going anywhere Creirwy…" the 'not yet' is left unspoken just as the 'me' at the end of my sentence was.

I silently acknowledge that this is the best promise I'm going to get, for now.

Emily yawns.

I smile and take half a step back, not enough to release her but enough so I can look up into Emily's face again. "Time for bed?" I ask cheekily.

Emily smiles at me, and nods. Her eyes stray to the backseat and my eyes follow hers.

Maura is still passed out and Declan has either fallen asleep as well or is pretending, which gives the Emily and myself the illusion of privacy.

I give Emily a gentle nudge and she takes a solitary step back, releasing me.

"Catherine can you carry Maura if Declan won't wake up enough to walk on his own?" Emily asks me with a small frown of concern as she walks over to the back of the car.

I nod.

Emily unlocks and opens the trunk, and then a puzzled look crosses her face.

I walk around the car and come to a stop next to her slinging my bag over my shoulder, "What is it?" I whisper.

"Where did this come from?" she whispers back, gesturing towards the luggage nestled in the trunk.

I frown up at her, "Jenny packed some of Declan's clothes in the blue one and that one is Maura's bag."

"Catherine," Emily says shortly.

I roll my eyes, "Emily."

She crosses her arms and nods at the unzipped suitcase, "Catherine what is my suitcase filled with my old clothes doing in the trunk. I sure as hell didn't put it there. I haven't seen those clothes in months."

I frown, "Seriously?" I purposely left out the suitcase because though I thought I recognized it, I have no idea how it would have appeared inside this particular trunk.

Emily raises an eyebrow.

I bite my lip.

"I'm waiting Catherine," she prompts me, her voice sounds strangled.

Thinking furiously I shrug and refuse to meet her eyes, "Abby must have packed it."

"Catherine," her voice holds more than a note of censure.

"I, uh," I stumble over my words. "I- I didn't do it!" bursts out.

Emily closes her eyes and inhales deeply.

"I suppose it might be better if I extrapolated on my thoughts once we are inside your condo," I babble.

Emily exhales with a sigh, "Alright."

I close my eyes in relief.

Emily walks around to Declan's door and opens it. She places her hand on Declan's shoulder, "Come on sweetheart, it's time to wake up."

I can hear Emily trying to wake Declan up as I lift her re-zipped suitcase out of the trunk.

I unload Declan's blue duffel and sling it over my free shoulder followed by Maura's bag. Sighing, I carry the luggage over to the elevator and drop it on the ground before jogging quickly back to the car. I don't want to let Emily out of my sight for too long, just incase this is all a dream and she disappears again.

I can hear Emily sigh as I return. "Declan, you really need to wake up now. You're too big for me to carry," she tries again.

"Mom?" Declan mumbles sleepily.

I hear Emily's sharp intake of breath. I know she's holding it because there is no exhalation.

I peek around the trunk and take a look at Emily's white face. I wonder what she's thinking about; is she happy Declan is calling her his mama? Does it cause her pain? Her face is paler than usual, is she afraid?

"Yes buddy?" Emily replies in a strained tone of voice.

Declan blinks sleepily, "Where are we? Are we at your home?"

Now Emily looks pained, "We're at Catherine's home Declan. She's letting the three of us stay tonight."

Declan frowns, "I thought it was your condo we were going to Emily?"

Emily frowns back, "We can talk about this later buddy. You need to sleep in a real bed and so does Maura."

Declan looks over at the sleeping child in the seat next to him and sighs; all intended protests die on his lips at the mention of his little sister. "Yes mom," he mumbles slightly grumpily.

Emily closes her eyes briefly before turning her head to look at me.

I wince at the wounded look in her eyes. I think hearing Declan call her mom does cause her pain. I wonder why? Emily has always maintained that she would want to have several children. Is it because Declan isn't really hers?

Emily stands up, "Creirwy," she says in an almost normal voice, "Can you carry Maura? I'm going to help Declan walk and I'll take the bags."

I shrug, "I can take Maura, but I've already moved your bags to the elevator."

Emily nods her head in thanks and holds out her hand to Declan to help him out of the car.

Declan stands up, stumbles, and almost face plants on the concrete before Emily catches him. She lifts him up into her arms with the ease of practice.

I'm almost surprised I don't feel jealous. I open Maura's door and unbuckle her from her booster seat and swing my bag around to rest on my back instead of my hip.

Maura mumbles something incoherently as I bundle her up in her blanket and then into my arms. I walk slowly across the parking lot. I am not unused to carrying Henry, but Maura at six is significantly bigger than Henry at two, almost three. Maura is also taller than Jack, and he won't be six for another two months. But I don't have very much practice carrying Jack since he isn't particularly fond of being carried, unless it's Aaron doing the carrying.

6:03 am

Emily is leaning against the back of the elevator with Declan's duffel preventing the door from closing. Declan, who is half asleep is propped up between the corner and Emily.

I smile gently at her and nod in thanks before I push the duffel out of the way of the door.

The silence of ride up is interrupted by the ding of the elevator doors as they open to our floor.

Emily wraps one arm around Declan and steers him out of the elevator as she grabs the suitcase and three bags.

We stop outside the condo door and I wait patiently for Emily to open the door but she raises an eyebrow, "I don't have keys anymore Creirwy," she reminds me.

I blush and free one hand from holding Maura to reach blindly into my bag. Desperately trying to get my set of keys out. I frown and turn slightly towards Emily, "I can't get them out. Can you try?"

Emily sighs and nudges Declan, telling him to sit down next to the door so he wouldn't fall.

He does so.

"They're in the same pocket they always are. I-" I hesitate before continuing, "I just can't reach them while I'm holding Maura."

Emily nods and reaches into my bag, producing the keys in three seconds flat. She holds them out to me but I shake my head and refuse to take them.

"I can't get the door Emily, just like I couldn't reach the keys because I'm still holding your daughter," I say pointedly. She should open the door; the condo was Emily's home before it was mine, and far as I am concerned, it still is her home.

Emily purses her lips but doesn't say anything in response; instead she helps Declan to his feet and unlocks the door.

I follow the two of them inside the condo and sigh quietly in relief when Emily doesn't look like she's going to bolt in the next few minutes.

"It looks the same," Emily murmurs in wonder, "but where is Sergio?"

I settle Maura more comfortably on my hip before responding, "Penelope has him, but Una should be around here somewhere."

"Where are you going Creirwy?" Emily calls out as I walk down the short hallway.

I stop and turn my head back to look at her, "I was going to put Maura down in her room, but did you want to do it?"

Emily looks puzzled and a little bit frightened, "Maura doesn't have a designated room here Catherine."

I raise an eyebrow and hold back a derisive snort, "Oh so you mean the 'spare bedroom'. The one with the mural of the ocean and two kids on the beach, a toddler with dark brown hair and the older blonde boy was just a strange coincidence?"

Emily mumbles nervously, "Yes."

I glare back at her, "Bullshit. For months you spent more hours sitting in front of that mural than you did sleeping, Emily."

Emily sighs, "Catherine, don't swear in front of the children."

I tap my foot impatiently, "Emily, I'm waiting for an answer to my original question."

Emily continues with a non sequitur as if I hadn't said a word, "I'm going to have Declan sleep on the couch in the living room."

I sigh and choose my words carefully, "Emily, don't make your son sleep on the couch, let him sleep in the 'spare bedroom' Maura can sleep in my room."

Emily frowns, "And where are you going to sleep then?" she asks, "the couch?"

This time I do snort derisively, "Emily Elizabeth Prentiss, you seem to be under the gravely mistaken impression that I will be letting you out of my sight any time in the near future."

"Creirwy, I-" Emily says, agony colouring her voice.

"Let's not do this in front of the children Emily," I say to remind her that we are not alone, that a set of smaller ears is listening to us.

Emily looks down at Declan who is leaning up against her and blinking sleepily, trying to follow our conversation.

She runs her hands through Declan's hair, "You're safe now buddy, let's get you to bed."

"Emily?" I ask cautiously.

She looks up.

I am stunned to see unshed tears in her eyes, "Am I putting Maura down or are you?"
She sighs, "Can you do it? I'll help Declan."

I watch as Emily steers a stumbling Declan into the spare bedroom.

What if I was wrong? Maybe the spare room wasn't a bedroom for a specific child; maybe it was a shrine to both of them, to what Emily wanted but couldn't have.

I shrug and walk the last few steps into my own bedroom and nudge my door open with my foot.

I cross my room and pull the blankets down with one hand. Then I lie Maura down and start to take off her shoes.

Maura rolls onto her side and half opens her eyes. "Maman?" she mumbles.

I smooth her curls away from her face, "No Maura its Catherine, your mama is in the next room. Go back to sleep leibling, you can see her in a few hours."

Maura mumbles something and looks mildly indignant, but nonetheless closes her eyes and goes back to sleep.

I sigh in relief and take off her other shoe. It's a good thing she didn't protest. I'm more than a little worried about how much more Emily can handle tonight. Maybe our conversation will have to wait. I place Maura's bag in plain view on my desk chair, and grab a pair of pajama pants along with one of Spencer's t-shirts from my drawer.

"Good night pretty girl," I whisper to Maura as I flip the switch on the nightlight. Then I back out of my room, being careful not to fully close my door. It wouldn't do for Maura to wake up frightened.

6:17 am

I leave my pajamas in my bathroom before continuing on towards Emily's partially opened bedroom door. I can see Emily's hunched over form sitting on the fire escape, shaking slightly.

I have yet to take more than a solitary step into her bedroom when Emily says, "Go away Catherine," without turning around.

I cross my arms and take another step further into her room, "No Emily."

"Please?" she tries again, her voice trembling.

I sigh, "I'm going to take a shower, maybe you should consider one. I'll be back in fifteen minutes."

Emily sniffles, "Whatever."

I turn around but stop at the door, "Um Emily?"

"What Catherine?" she bites out, but it lacks any true malice.

I bit my lip before asking, "You're not going to jump right?"

She sighs, "No Creirwy, I'm not going to jump."

I shift my weight from one foot to the other, "And you're not going to disappear in the next few minutes?"

For the first time Emily turns around to look at me, her red-rimmed brown eyes catch my blue ones and answers me solemnly, "I will be here when you get back Catherine. I promise."

I walk out the door and lean up against the wall, I can literally feel myself sag in relief as some of the tension holding me upright leaves my body.

"To weep is to make less the depth of grief."

- Shakespeare's King Henry VI Part 3, Act 2, scene 1

AN2: Thank you for reading, please review. This may or may not surprise you, but I ended up rereading all of 147 Days followed by rereading all of my notes on the upcoming chapters and it was like seeing a favourite friend after a long time apart. Because of this, the next chapter should be up in few weeks (it all depends on my class load and the most annoying set of cluster migraines to date).