Chapter 37
It was the night before the Press Conference. In the mind of Fitzgerald Grant it was just another Press Conference, not unlike the ones he had been doing for more than two years as President, and as he had done for eight years as Governor of California. Of course he had been shot in the head and now suffered from a slight seizure-type disorder that could cause the neurons in his brain to go haywire, but really he was good. He was going to nail this thing and a few weeks from now he was going to be cleared. He had his woman back and that was what was motivating him. Olivia was waiting for him to get well and come to her.
On the home front his kids were doing well. Mellie may have finally gotten the message; he wanted no parts of her. It had taken Tom only two times to turn her away before she realized they weren't going to happen. Her next tactic had been to start coming to dinner with he and the kids. It was something she hadn't done for years. It was very awkward because the kids had no idea what to talk to the mother about because in truth they had never really shared much with her. She had never shown one bit of interest in them and trying to show it now had been awkward and to be honest silly.
If you wanted to start rebuilding a relationship with your children you start out as he had by being truthful. He had gone to the boarding school himself and removed his children. They were in classes and he had just taken them out. He had awakened one morning and he knew that it was imperative that he bring his children home. And home was where he lived. That was where his children belonged. He had sat down with Cyrus and made the arrangements. Air Force One had flown into JFK. From there they had taken the Presidential motorcade the ninety minute drive to Wallingford, Connecticut.
The President had one agenda on that cold blustery morning, to bring his children home. He wanted to talk to his children personally and privately away from everyone. A Presidential motorcade to Choate the renown boarding school with its four-hundred and fifty-eight acres of manicures lawns near the Quinnipiac River had been well planned and thought out. This trip to Connecticut was the beginning of him reclaiming his life. And in doing so he had reclaimed his children. Through his indifference to their mother he had formed an indifference to them and it had been wrong.
They started a dialogue even before they left the school. The almost two hour drive back to the plane would have them off to a good start. He admitted to it all. He had failed as a father. If they would let him he would make it up to them if he could. He did love them, he had lost his way. As of course only Karen could ask a question, she said, "But Dad for almost seven years you were lost?"
It was a question that cut at his heart and soul. There was no excuse for his behavior and he wouldn't make any. Initially Jerry had just sat there listening to his father spill his guts and respond to Karen. Finally he spoke. "Dad how could you let her do it? I had heard you argue against us going but you always let her send us off anyway. It is obvious that she hates us but you, you at least tried to father us and in some insane way I think you do care about us at least. If you hadn't insisted I doubt Mother would have even let us come home for holidays. I accepted her indifference to us years ago. But you were different. You loved us as little kids I remember!"
"Jerry you are right about some things and wrong about others. I have always loved you son, both of you, always. My marriage to your mother is complicated for lack of a better word."
They transitioned from car to plane and the conversation continued. Everyone was weighing in and they were all putting the truth out there. It was what he wanted, direct and truthful dialogue. He had asked them not to hold back. Tell him the truth. Even if it broke his heart to hear it he wanted the unvarnished truth. And they in turn had wanted the truth as well.
"We know you don't love our mother dad. You love Olivia. And that's okay. We are not adults but we aren't foolish immature kids either. We are smart younger people and we know things. Please dad, just tell us the truth. Your marriage is more than complicated, you don't have one."
As usual Karen had spoken bluntly and truthfully on a couple of topics and so had he. He told them that he and their mother should never have married. They weren't in love with each other. They had met through their grandfather. They had been friends that had formed a political alliance. But friendship and politics hadn't been enough to sustain a marriage and they had grown apart early on. They had stayed together for all the wrong reasons. Hoping to bring some purpose into the marriage they had decided to have children. It hadn't. He had loved them but nothing changed for him or their mother.
Theirs was a marriage doomed to fail. He paused and took the time to tell his children to never enter into a marriage for the wrong reasons. You marry someone because you love them and want to share a life with them. You want to make babies with them and be a family. The person you marry should mean everything in the world to you. That person should be the reason you wake-up in the mornings."
"Like the way you feel about Olivia," Karen had asked?
"Yes, that is the way I feel about Olivia. I fell in love with Olivia years ago and I have never stopped loving her. I shouldn't have acted on it but I did. Morally it was the wrong thing to do. I was and I am still married to your mother. However we should have been divorced years ago. For reasons of her own your mother refuses to let go of something that truly never existed. I could have fought harder to end it, I realize that now. Your mother and I aren't in a good place and to be honest we never will be. However that doesn't mean the two of you can't try to forge a relationship with her. If I honestly felt that I could play a part in that process I would try, but the relationship that your mother and I have now is even more toxic than what we started with I am ashamed to say. But the sins we have instigated have absolutely nothing to do with the two of you."
"I came to Connecticut today to bring you home where you belong. I love you Karen and Jerry, I swear I do. It is not too late for us to make up some lost time. We can never regain all that was lost but give me a chance and I promise you will see a change in me. I won't let you down again!"
The sight of the President and his children with tears in their eyes sometimes outright crying, hugging, and professing their love for one another was something. Tom and the other agents on board Air Force One sat stoically by saying nothing as the President and children talked and rehashed their lives. They had sought a plan of recovery. Hopefully it was out there for them. It was obvious that emotions had run high in the beginning. That first round of discussions had been tumultuous, but things had calmed down. The President and his children had talked about their lives and where they hoped they would go.
The Grant children loved their parents, yes they even loved their mother in a warped sense even with all her indifference but they knew they couldn't trust her. She had shown them too many times that the world in which she lived was about her and only her. Karen had analyzed that to her father. She had said, "If you know a dog has teeth you don't continue to put your hand in its mouth. We understand our mother Dad; we know what we can expect from her. And it is very little."
In the relatively short time it had taken them to reach Washington, DC from JFK they had ironed out a shitload of problems. He told them he had enrolled them in the Sidwell Friends School. They would start tomorrow. They were home and they were home to stay. The kids admitted they would miss their friends and the place they had called home for so many years but they wanted to be here. They belonged here with him. He promised them they were going to be a family.
They arrived at the White House early evening. Fitz had worked this thing out almost perfectly. After gathering their most personal items the children were packed and ready to leave within an hour. A moving company would come in later today and package up the remainder of their things and bring them to DC. His carefully planned trip hadn't included his wife. He hadn't told Mellie a thing! He wasn't in the mood for a battle so he had circumvented her. When he had walked into the residence with the children Mellie had done a double-take.
"Jerry and Karen what are you doing here. If you two have done something to get you expelled from that school, I swear I will cut off your allowances and some other privileges too. Your father and I pay over $110,000.00 a year for the privilege of you two brats to attend that school. What did you do," their mother yelled?
"In unison the Grant children said, "Ask him." And they both turned around and headed for their prospective rooms.
"Karen and Jerry Grant, don't you walk away from me! Fitz what the hell is going on?"
"I have brought them home Mellie where they belong. I withdrew them from the school. They are done there. I have enrolled them in school here. I want my children home with me. We don't need to discuss this. In fact I won't discuss it. I should have never allowed them to leave in the first place. You don't won't them here but I do, so if they aren't part of your plan maybe you should leave. I guarantee you my children aren't going back to Connecticut!"
"You had no right to remove my children from school without informing me first. I am their mother. They don't really fit into this life. I know what is best for them. You have spent the last four years running in behind Olivia Pope. You don't have time for those children and you know it. I won't be relegated to single parenthood while you spend your days being President and sniffing after your whore. I won't do it."
"You sure won't! You will stay away from my children with your hatefulness. You don't want them here ignore them like you have for the last twelve and fourteen years respectively. Cook and Nanny took care of the children for the first years of their lives until you sent them packing off to boarding school anyway. Karen reminded me they had been gone for almost seven years. Seven years I allowed you to take my children away from me. They should have been with us. Day after day you ignored them, leaving their care to a nanny and a cook. Watching it made me sick. In my mind I said maybe they were better off not watching your indifference and evil swirl around them."
"And you are right Mellie, I wasn't there for them. We are despicable parents. I have joined you for that title, but no more. My kids live where I live. Again you can move from the premises or you can move to a place on the premises where you will not run into your children or me for that matter. Last time I counted there were over one-hundred-thirty rooms in this place. But this is their home for real now and you had better believe it. If you so much as intimate that you don't want them here I will kick your ass out. Don't try me Mellie. You might not like the results. And another thing leave Olivia Pope out of this war. She isn't part of it. Now if you will excuse me I am going to make sure my kids are settled into their home."
He had watched the steam literally blowing from her head. She was mad as hell. She didn't want her own children with her. What kind of woman and mother was she? Jesus he couldn't stomach her. He would protect them from her. Cook and Nanny would help him. He wasn't alone. At the time he was waiting for Olivia to come to her senses. The main thing right now however was that he had stopped drinking and he had his children back. He was going to earn their trust, love, and respect back. It was a must. He would get Olivia back too.
His mind wandered from that past event back to the present, Mellie was sitting at the dining room table attempting to make small talk with Karen and Teddy. She kept trying to impress him with her new found motherhood skills. He wasn't buying it and neither were Jerry and Karen. They were saying nothing. They were still upset because of the mess Mellie had pulled after he was shot. They had talked to him about it. He still couldn't believe it. She had led his children to believe he was all but dead! They had come to the hospital expecting to find him a vegetable or deceased. As Karen had succinctly put it, "You were all we had Dad. We were so frightened that she would send us God's knows where if you were dead. We were afraid that she would even separate us this time. She is a very unpredictable woman."
And they were correct his wife was unpredictable. She was still living in her pretend world, a total repudiation of the facts. Her world was a total lie. She would waltz into dinner as if it was something she had done every night for years. She would start inane conversations that apparently made her believe her pretend world was real. The children unfortunately for her rejected her lies and prefabrications. They refused to participate. They sat there night after night saying nothing. They ate their food in companionable silence. Occasionally they would direct some conversation to him, but they refused to engage their mother.
She had come to him asking him to get his children in line. She wanted him to force them to talk to her. He wouldn't do it. If they decided to embrace their mother they would do so on their own. So night after night they sat down for the delicious meals that Cook prepared. And Mellie continued to make a fool of herself night after night. Cook had been so happy they were back. Every night was a culinary delight and the Grant children had been returned home where they belonged.
In another desperate attempt at seduction Mellie had come into the bathroom just as he exited the shower. He grabbed a towel and covered himself. What game would she play this morning? She had on that black robe again which was tied loosely around her expanded waist. Her breasts were all but exposed and he believed she was naked underneath. He had never touched her during a pregnancy and why in the world would he touch her now? He ran his hand through his hair and asked her what did she want? "I need your help with the children." She walked up to him then and opened the robe. She was naked. "The children aren't responding to my overtures to them. If you will help me with them I will do anything you want, anything." She grabbed his hand and placed it on her bush this time.
Oh my god! So this was a quid pro quo. He was to get her into the good graces of her children and she would do what? Let him fuck her or she would suck him off! This was so sickening. He removed his hand from hers and shook his head. He went directly to the sink and started washing his hands. He felt dirty. He could see her in the mirror standing behind him. All pretenses gone, she had the robes laid back on her shoulders now, apparently ready to drop it to the floor. Her breasts were full and her stomach was stretched to capacity with his child. She was majestic standing there in her pregnant glory offering herself as sacrifice for his interference with their children. Mellie was a beautiful woman on the outside. It was what she was on the inside that destroyed everything she touched. She was his wife and mother to Karen and Jerry but he despised her. He really had no reason to purposely hurt her but these antics of hers were just too much. He didn't love her and to be sure he would never go there again. He was going to try to explain it to Mellie one more time. He turned around walked up to her and pulled her robe closed and tied it across her stomach.
"Fitz what are you doing? I need your help and you need mine. I can make you happy." She reached out for the towel he had wrapped around his waist. She caught her hand and held it.
"No Mellie you can't make me happy. I don't want to have sex with you today, tomorrow, or the next day. Don't continue to do this to yourself. I don't want you." He opened the towel so she could see the flaccidity of his dick. "It is just hanging there Mellie. There's nothing you could do to get a rise out of me Mellie, nothing. I know we have been through the thing where I beat my meat and pretend you are Olivia and eventually I can get off. We have done that twice before I believe. It happened once in this very bathroom and another time when I planted that baby in your womb. It is beneath us both Mellie. I know I will never humiliate myself like that again. And you shouldn't either. It is so unlady-like and pathetic."
"I could make you want me. I can, you just have to give me a chance," she said desperately. His wife still believed there was no man alive that wouldn't respond to a naked woman willing to do the dirty deed. And she was willing to do the dirtiest deed of all! It really was pathetic that this woman knew her husband so little.
"Stop it Mellie. Go back to your room. It is over between us. Accept that and get on with your life. I am begging you to please do that so I can get on with my life. You will have to gain back the trust of your children on your own Mellie. I can't help you."
"You bastard. You still believe I will give you a divorce and you will get to put your precious cock inside Olivia Pope again don't you? That isn't going to happen. She has left your ass again hasn't she? She doesn't want you! You would turn down carnal relations with me your wife, when I have offered to do anything you want. You aren't a real man. You are the one that is pathetic. You are an apparent sex fiend. I know your type. You will want what I offer you sooner or later. You had better pray I will still have you!" With that she left the room.
This has to end. These encounters with his wife were getting worse and worse. He hadn't allowed this one to become a knockdown drag out battle like they usually had. He wasn't going to go there. He had handled it well he thought. He didn't get overly angry. He was sad though. Mellie just refused to see that they were over.
All he wanted was to be the best father he could be and get his life back on track. He was determined to get his life back. An assassin's bullets had derailed him for a moment but he was back. And Mellie was just a blip on the radar. Let her continue with her war of words and world of pretense. He would never be a part of it again! Surely one of these days she would get the hint.
It was late and he was restless. He decided he would go to the Oval to go over his notes and mentally get his body in the mood for tomorrow. This was one of his most important performances and he had to nail it. He had been doing great in meetings and thus far had only one stumble. He had been in the conference room meeting with the all of his Cabinet for the first time since he had been shot. He was back and he knew it. He was about forty-five minutes into the meeting and he was talking about an event that had occurred in the Middle East and he was talking to the Secretary of State about it when he couldn't voice his next thought. The words were flashing in his brain but nothing would come out. He had paused and taken a deep breath; he coughed, and shook his head, nothing. Sally was sitting to his right. She had touched him on his shoulder and said, "You were speaking of Qatar Mr. President and the fact that the Gulf States had cut off diplomatic ties with the country. You were speaking of the vessels we have offshore in the Persian Gulf. And of course the action we would take if it were necessary. Qatar you were speaking of Oatar."
Yes it was Oatar he had been speaking of. He fell right back into place. He had missed a beat but it wasn't an unexpected one necessarily, after all he had been shot in the head. What was unexpected was Sally to his rescue. She had come to his office the next day after he had cut her down and dismantled her coup and apologized for her actions. They were inexcusable she had said. Her power trip was over, his agenda was her agenda. He was taking her at her word of course but he would always from that day forward look at her with a side eye. She had come to his rescue for a second time and he was grateful. Ray had told him to just fight through these things, they could happen but he wasn't expecting them to be frequent. After the meeting he had thanked Sally for helping him. She assured him he could count on her.
Only one incident in weeks, Ray said, "Don't sweat it. Concentrate and fight through it. Drink some water, run your fingers through your hair, remember the last thing you said, and repeat it and recall Mr. President. Everything you have ever known is in your head. It is up to you to bring it out. Your EEG says there is not one reason you can't!"
The incident earlier with Mellie had drained him of energy he didn't have to give. However for now he would have to deal with her foolishness and delusion. There was no doubt in his mind one day he would be free to pursue his dream of a life with Olivia.
He had not seen or spoken to Olivia now for thirty-six hours and twenty-four minutes. He didn't like it one little bit. He could control himself around her he had done it for years. He should have never agreed to this shit. He needed her. She had promised by text she would be here bright and early tomorrow morning to cheer him on. One more week, two at best the doctor said and he would give him the green light to resume his life, all aspects of it. He picked up the phone, yes that phone and he punched in her number.
Olivia was so restless it had been thirty-six hours and twenty-four minutes since she had last seen or spoken to Fitz and it was killing her. God, she had him back, yet she didn't have him back. Possibly two or three more weeks of this separation, she wasn't sure she could do it. She didn't want to do it. She held the Fitz phone in her hand. Her finger had waivered over the number. Call him just to say good night and wish him luck. Do it! And then as she held the phone in her hand it started to ring. The phone buzzed just that one ring before she answered, "Hi."
"Hi," he answered back. "Livvie I miss you so much. I had to call just to say good night of course. I know you will be here tomorrow but I just wanted to hear your voice."
"Fitz I was about to call you when the phone rang. I miss you so much. You couldn't possibly understand what I have been feeling. All those months of profound sorrow and deep longing and we are brought back together under the most heinous of circumstances, someone tried to kill you, and everything was put into perspective me. All the wasted time, all those months without you, for you not to have known how much I love you; it haunts me day and night."
"I feel the exact same way Sweet Baby. We have wasted a year but we are together now and we are going to work this thing out. Once I am divorced I don't want us to wait around. I want us to be married right away. I mean it Olivia."
"I know you do. And perhaps we can be married right away, but there is still your Presidency to consider. I want the same things you want. I want marriage, a real home, and those squishy babies you promised me. But it is not just me and you Fitz. You have a family and you made an oath to the nation. We will work it out, but one step at a time okay?"
"Olivia Pope, my voice of reason. What would I do without you Livvie? I want you so much. Every day of my life the need to touch you, to be with you, it is so overwhelming. God, I love you so much Olivia! I am making plans for us, for our reunion. Promise me when I send for you, you will drop everything and come to me. Promise me!"
"I promise I will come to you. I will always come to you. I love you with all my heart. I am going to hang up now because we are headed into dangerous waters and you know it. I will be at the White House no later than twelve. Presser is still on for two o'clock right?"
"Yes two o'clock is the scheduled time. I don't want you to hang up Olivia. I will be good I promise. I wasn't calling for you know what? I just was missing you so much. I had to call. Tell me about your day. Distract me Olivia."
"This is why we need to hang up Mr. President because I don't want to distract you, I don't. But I will. We have a few new leads on your case. We are zeroing in on the money exchange with your alleged assassin. When and if we make a connection I believe we will be on track to solving the case. I am excited Fitz because whoever did this to you must answer for their crimes. I intend to see to it."
"I love the way you are pouring your energy into this. I am grateful you are on the job. I just received an update today on what our INTEL has. We will compare notes tomorrow. I know how hard you are working on this Olivia. Between the two of us there will be no place for this vermin to hide. We are going to flush them out and I can't wait. Great diversion Livvie. I am sure you could feel where I wish this could go."
"I did and I can assure it is where I wanted to go too. We love each other Fitz and we are highly sexual beings. I will just come right out and say it. I have had no meaningful sexual experience since we split. I have missed what we shared and I want that again. I know we are both tempted. We have had some phenomenal phone sex, seriously off the chain. But I want you, the real thing and we will wait. And I know it is going to be so great Fitz we are going to make the greatest love." She was so wet right now.
He closed his eyes and envisioned himself buried so deeply within her he didn't know where he ended and she began and she was moving. Oh my god was she moving! He had to stop this. He was so aroused right now. He wanted her so much. He adjusted himself because he was about to bust the seam of his pants. He had to end this right now. "Yes we are Olivia. It is going to be a great day or night when we come back together. You get some rest Sweet Baby, I will see you tomorrow. I love you."
"I love you too. Good night."