BTW! The 24 Authors, 24 Tributes, 24th Hunger Games is UP AND RUNNING! Please check it out, you'll LOVE IT. Stay tuned for me coming up soon in Chapter 7.

So please check out Tears of Blood! Link is also on my profile.

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Cause you know it's just a one night stand

And I said
Don't leave your number, no I'm not callin
Sex's not love and no I'm not fallin

One Night Stand by Hinder

Ivan doesn't understand when I explain to him that I have to go to the Capitol. He doesn't want me to leave. Finally, I've had enough of his sadness—it's making it harder to go, and I've only got two days until then. I snap at him, "Look, I don't want to go either! But it's what happens when you're a Victor." I'm too close to the truth for comfort so I storm off to my room and slam the door.

For the first time since I've been home, I sleep alone in my house in Victor's Village. He doesn't come home.

I lay there for a long time staring at the ceiling. This loneliness is worse than the arena. But I'm proud, and I don't go looking for him. I keep telling myself that he's going to come home any minute, but he doesn't. He is gone…gone.

Then they come. I thought I'd escaped them. I'm looking into Riley's eyes as his hands are wrapped around my neck. He's screaming at me, telling me how I deserve to suffer for killing him. As much as I want to fight him, I realize when I try to grab his hands—that I have none. No hands—only bloody stubs.

Then Aeon is whispering in my ear, "How do you like that? How does it feel?" His voice is slick, filled with sadistic glee. I wake up screaming as his laughter dies away.

My whole body is drenched in sweat, and I'm scrambling around trying to find my axe when I realize I'm home. I'm home. Home…alone.

I scramble out of bed and down the stairs and I sit. I can't go back up there, it doesn't feel right. It's as if Aeon can reach me there. I refuse to go back to sleep, a hundred phantasms coming at me in the night. A shadow here—the sound of laughter from somewhere. I think…I'm losing my mind when the door opens.

I run toward the hall, ready to fling myself in Ivan's arms. But it's not Ivan, it's Blight, "Oh," I say.

"What's the matter?" He asks with some concern, glancing around. "Where's Ivan?"

I shrug my shoulders and head back to the couch.

He doesn't ask me anything, he just busies himself in the kitchen until the sweet smell of food tantalizes me enough to walk in there. There's my cup of coffee, and a stack of pancakes smothered in syrup with bacon. He is a comfort to me. He just sits there and drinks his coffee, "Aren't you going to eat?" I ask between bites. He always eats with me.

"No," he just smiles. But I honor our unspoken agreement and don't ask.

…

I pack up my little box first. I think about smuggling an axe or two to the Capitol before deciding that I'd rather not lose a good axe to them. So I content myself with packing my favorite red dress and some other things I might want.

Ivan still hasn't come home.

The sun is setting, and I'm on the verge of going over to Blight's so I don't have to be alone again when the door opens. "Blight," I say as I finish off a heavy beef stew. "I'm coming over toni—"

It's Ivan, and I stand up quickly but stop myself from running to him. He takes off his coat, and throws it down on the coffee table. "I—"

"I thought you weren't coming back," my voice is cold and harsh. It's not what I meant though, I'm hurt. I missed him so desperately, but I can't make myself fix it because he left me. He should have wanted to stay with me every minute before I went.

"Well, I'm here aren't I?" He walks over to me and wraps his arms around me and I melt into him. Before long, I'm sobbing asking him to never leave me again. Because, I can't stay mad—I love him.

…

The sun rises and I get dressed reluctantly. Before I know it, I'm kissing Ivan goodbye and waving to Blight as the train speeds out of the station. In a few hours time, I'm in the Capitol. I've got on a black dress when a younger woman, Desota picks me up. She's very snarky—her black hair pulled back so tightly that her face seems stretched.

She leads me to what she explains will be my apartment in the Capitol. It's completely stocked with foods, even an Avox girl to help out, and a closet full of clothes. I think about dismissing the Avox, but decide I'll just not use her so she can have a bit of respite.

The days inch by. Each morning I make it back to my apartment by dawn. I'm sore and in disarray. Sometimes, I'm even close to drunk. Somehow, I'm making it though because he's home. Ivan is home waiting for me.

…

After a week and a half, I find it's easier to let it go. I still hate it, but it's easier to disregard them. It's the only way, I'm going to make it through. So the first night that I actually stay over with one of them, I make myself at home. When he wakes up, he finds me downstairs in the kitchen cooking in nothing but an apron. Apparently, it's the kind of thing they like. Brassy, Winning Johanna Mason. So I seethe out angry remarks, I stomp around and more and more I enjoy just being naked.

At this point, who hasn't seen me naked?

I know I should feel ashamed, but I'm not. It's so easy to be bitter and callous in front of the people. It's what they want—brash Johanna. It's nice to give them my venom and not get in trouble for it. Oh, how they love me for it, sick freaks.

Verity rescues me and demands to have me all to herself for three days. There's no more visits, but there's a lot of primping and trying on clothes. Lots of discussing things. We get along alright. Even though I wish this was some premise just so I could rest, it's not. I am poked and prodded, I'm standing for hours with a dress. I loathe it, but it's better than the alternative. I just have to keep it from my mind that these dresses she's creating, no matter how beautiful are dresses for my "Victory" tour. The loveliness of them diminishes each time as I remember.

All of this goes on in the training center, so I get to go back to my old room. I walk into the dining room and I look all around, remembering our meals there. My fingers glide over the fine grain wood where Wren sat. Wren…

I rove the area. There's the mirror they had to replace when I broke it. A thousand things bring jolting memories back to me, some pleasant and some not so pleasant. On the roof where I swore I'd win. And finally, I make my way into his room—somewhere I've never been before.

I hesistate at his room. It's like a sanctuary to me, I don't want to go in but I know that the next time I'm back here it'll be defiled with another tribute. I take a deep breathe and I step inside. It's completely devoid of any personal touches. But somehow, I can feel his presence. This is where Wren lived out a few days of his life in comfort. I can't explain it, but there's a peaceful aura in here. It's like the same calmness with which he lived has survived after he died. It makes me question what I will leave behind. Just a lot of hate. I don't' think there's much else left except for Ivan. I love him as much as a Victor can.

Night after night, I go to party after party. I say brash things, listen to their stories. For a moment my heart catches, and I see someone. I run over to him, pulling up my dress to run faster. Only to find when he turns around that it's not him—it's not Finnick.

I haven't called him yet. I didn't want to share in my misery when he's so close to being free. Maybe he's free already—I have to call him when I get home, I need to. He can help me get through this. I'm not so selfish as to wish he was here, because I know what that would mean for him.

I can't even really keep track of the faces or the names. It's all so disjointed. This trip has just jumbled together so much that I can barely put it in order, barely process it. They…they whisper sweet nothings in my ear, some of them. Some of them want me quickly and want me to leave just as quickly—I like them best. After all, this isn't about my pleasure, because none of this is pleasure. I'm just here to satiate them until I can get home to Ivan and live my life.

The days creep by, I'm amazed at how slow time can crawl. The nightmares come every night, and the Avox girl strokes my head when I wake up screaming. I keep imagining that she's him with his kind smooth hands, with his warm brown eyes…with his reassurance of "good luck"—someone who believes in me. But she's not, I can pretend for a moment or two, but it's not the same. She seems terrified of me, and possibly even envious. But what of me is there to envy?

When I need them most, Wren and Feora come to me in the night. They keep watch and Aeon won't come near me nor Griffin. I don't know how they can protect me or why they would want to when I never could protect them. But they come, and they comfort me and help me make it through. Aeon doesn't visit my dreams for now. And one night, I'm given a gift—Liam has come to me in one of his rare occurrences.

It's just memories with slight changes. His rough voice rings out as he lulls me to sleep, he shows me how to treat a burn. He kisses the top of my head before he heads off to the games...He's my Liam, exactly how I remember him.

…

Finally, it's over. I'm going home. I can barely contain myself through the night of waiting. Everything is shoved in my bag and I'm waiting on the couch to go when they arrive to take me. The train feels too slow. But then I feel sick. The last time I came home…the last time…I came home to death.