Chapter 37

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Martin and Sam walked into the house and the first thing he heard was the sound of Grace and Nate cries coming from the kitchen. They both quickly entered the kitchen to find Grace sitting on Frances' lap, her head resting on her shoulder, while Nate sat squirming in his chair next to Victor.

"Stop crying, Nate," Victor said as he gently pat the little boy on the shoulder. "Big boys don't cry. You need to be strong."

Nate looked up at his grandfather, his cheeks glistening from tears, and wiped his runny nose with the sleeve of his shirt as he slowly nodded his head when he spotted Martin. He leapt off his chair and darted straight for him shouting, "Daddy!"

Martin picked up his little boy, cradling him close. "It's okay, buddy."

"I was trying to tell Nate here to buck up and be tough," Victor said as he watched Martin holding him. He shook his head ruefully and said, "You shouldn't coddle him so much. You're not doing him any favors, Martin. He needs to learn how to be a man."

"He's three years old and his dog died," Martin snapped back before returning his attention to his sobbing little boy.

"That's why this is the perfect way to teach him how to handle himself in this type of situation," Victor replied from where he sat, folding his arms over his chest.

"And I think that's why it's a perfect excuse to cry." He kissed his son's forehead and softly added, "It makes me want to cry, too."

"Martin…" Victor began again.

"With all due respect, Dad," Martin interrupted, feeling increasingly agitated by his father's advice, "Please shut up."

He could tell his father wanted to protest so he shot him a warning look as he wiped Nate's cheeks with his hand. He turned around to see Sam holding Grace, gently rubbing their daughter's back trying to soothe her.

"I'm so sorry about Milo," Frances said. She stood up and grabbed the box of tissues to hand to Martin.

He took one to wipe Nate's nose and asked, "What happened?"

"It was really sudden," Frances replied, taking a tissue for herself. "He was in the backyard romping around with Victor and the children. He was like a puppy again and then he just suddenly plopped over." She blew her nose. "If it helps, I don't think he suffered at all."

Martin gave her a grateful smile, suddenly feeling very choked up at the thought of his dog's final moments being one full of joy and he wasn't even home to witness it.

"Where is he?" Sam softly asked, gently swaying Grace in her arms.

"He was too heavy for Frances to move and you know I can't do any heavy lifting with my bad back," Victor replied, his voice low and thoughtful. "So I had Frances bring the children inside while I covered him with a blanket." He jutted his chin out the window and finished, "He's still in the yard."

Martin shared a look with Sam. She gave him a reassuring smile and tilted her head to the door. He nodded and, still carrying Nate, walked to the door to the backyard and went outside.

On the drive home they discussed that they were going to be straightforward with the kids. Give them all a chance to grieve and provide them with honest answers. It was an unfortunate convenience that Milo's death had come so close after the passing of his mother because now their small kids were intimately acquainted with death. They handled their grandmother's death in stride and he hoped that they would be able to cope with the loss of their beloved pet.

He hated that his small children had to lose two loved ones in such a small span of time.

He walked over to the patch of grass where a small mound was covered with a blanket. He put Nate down and the little boy scurried over to Sam, clutching her leg. He knelt down and lifted up the blanket to see his beloved Lab lying in repose. For a split second it almost looked like he was sleeping but only for a split second. His body was stiff and lifeless.

Martin swallowed the lump in his throat and reached over, gently petting Milo's head. This dog was more than a pet to him. He was a member of his family long before he had a family of his very own. Milo was a gift. Given to him by his sisters, urging him to get to work on having a family if he really wanted one. Milo was there when he met Ruby and his comfort when she was gone. He was the reason he got up every day and kept moving. When Milo first met Sam he was excited by just the sight of a woman who was a virtual stranger to him, reinforcing a suspicion in Martin's gut that she was the woman meant for him. He was also an endless source of entertainment and fun when they began their relationship again; just the three of them going on weekend trips to Vermont or the Catskills.

And when their family grew with the addition of Grace and Nate, he was patient and gentle with their chubby fingers grabbing at his tufts of fur and tugging of his tail. He was there to witness every milestone in their family because that was who he was to them. He was a part of their family. And now, yet again, the Fitzgerald family lost another member.

"Hello," a calm voice announced, pulling him from his thoughts. He looked up to see Milo's veterinarian, Simon Murphy, walking towards them. He had been the dog's vet from the very beginning and even though he was semi-retired and no longer taking new patients, he still saw his older ones. So after Victor called Martin and told him about Milo dying, he immediately called Simon and asked him to come to the house.

"My doggy died," Grace declared at seeing the elderly doctor she recognized from both Milo and Daisy's checkups.

"I know," Simon replied in his usual soft-spoken manner. He gently pat her hand and ran his hand over Nate's head as he passed before kneeling down next to Martin. "I'm sorry, Martin. Milo was a great dog."

"Yeah he was," he breathed out. He cleared his throat and asked, "So, um, what do we do now?"

Simon looked over his shoulder at Sam and the kids before turning back to face Martin. "I have my truck double parked outside. We should wrap Milo up so I can take him to the clinic. I'll hold him there until tomorrow morning and then we can arrange his cremation or burial."

"Cremation seems to be the first choice in my family," he replied. He bit his cheek, trying to check his emotions. "Can you give us a minute? I think we all want to just say our final goodbyes."

"Of course," Simon said as he stood back up and wandered over to stand near the door.

Martin looked over to see his father and Frances standing at the kitchen window. He turned his attention back to Sam and the kids and waved them over. "Come here, I want us to say goodbye."

Nate released his grip on Sam's leg and shuffled over to Martin, resting his hand on his shoulder while thoughtfully chewing on his thumb. Sam put Grace down and the two of them walked over, holding hands before each kneeling down next to him.

Sam sat back so Grace took the opportunity to sit on her mother's lap. Sam hugged her daughter and gently began, "Goodbye Milo. You were a really great dog and I loved you very much."

"Me too," Grace added with her eyes focused on Milo's ears. She slumped back and looked over at him, asking, "Is Milo going to heaven with Grandma?"

"Yeah," Martin replied, wrapping his arm around Nate and pulling him close. "He's in heaven with Grandma."

"That's good," she said with a knowing nod. "She'll take good care of him. Won't she, Mom?"

Sam rested her chin on Grace's shoulders and smiled. "Yes she will."

"What's going to happen now?"

"Dr. Murphy is going to take Milo back to the animal hospital," Martin carefully replied, not wanting to be too graphic. "He's going to get Milo ready so we can bury him."

"Are we still going to bury him by the tree?" she asked, her eyes wide and inquisitive. "Like we talked about when we were making the list?"

"Yes, we are," he replied.

Nate knelt down and began petting Milo's side. "Bye, Milo. You a good doggy."

Grace did the same and said, "Goodbye, Milo. Tell Grandma I said hello."

They all looked at him, waiting for him to say his goodbye as well. He bit his lip and looked down at his most beloved pet. He reached over and ran his hand along Milo's side and said, "Goodbye, Milo. Thank you for being the best four legged friend a man could ever ask for."

They sat huddled together around Milo for a long beat. Satisfied that the kids were going to be okay, Martin stood up and whispered to Sam, "Why don't you take them inside and I'll get Milo ready."

She gave him a soft look and sad smile before picking up Nate and grabbing a hold of Grace's hand to lead them back inside. Once they were inside he carefully wrapped Milo's body up in the blanket and picked him up, carrying him back inside. Simon walked ahead of him when Victor held open the door. He told him that it was clear, Sam had taken the kids to their bedroom. He was relieved because he didn't want the last time they saw Milo to be of him transporting his lifeless body to the back of a truck. His father continued assisting by holding open doors, following Martin outside.

Once Milo was loaded, Simon told him that he would call him as soon as Milo's ashes would be ready for pick up. He thanked the vet for making such a late night home visit, shook his hand and watched as the truck drove off.

He turned back around and looked up at his house. He knew he needed to go inside but he couldn't bring himself to quite yet. Instead he sat down on the stoop, needing a moment to compose himself. Victor glanced around, looking fidgety before finally sitting down next to him.

The two men sat together quietly before Victor cleared his throat and said, "I had a dog when I was a boy. His name was Rusty. He was this tiny Terrier and he would follow me everywhere." He brushed some imaginary lint off of his slacks. "I taught him how to roll over, fetch, and beg. He could catch a ball in the air."

"What happened to him?" Martin asked, curious as to where his father was going with this disclosure.

"My dad, your granddad, got a new job and we had to move. He said I couldn't take Rusty so he made me give him to some neighbors," Victor replied, turning to face Martin. "I begged him to let me take Rusty, that I would make sure he wouldn't be a bother but he insisted. He told me that it was a sign of weakness to get so emotional about a pet. I cried and cried but that just made him madder until he shouted to stop crying or he'd give me something to cry about." He went quiet, lost in his memory. "I guess you could say I learned how not to cry from my dad," he said at last.

Martin studied his dad's forlorn face and suddenly felt badly for his father. Imagining him as a little boy being forced to abandon the dog he loved. "I'm sorry, that must have been hard."

"I know you were angry at my telling Nate to be strong and stop crying. I guess sometimes it's hard to let go of that part of myself. The part that still hears my father's voice in my head," Victor replied, staring off at the parked cars on the street.

"I know what you mean," Martin breathed out. He still sometimes heard his father's voice in his.

"But you're better at turning it off," Victor replied, trying to sound light but there was no mistaking the tinge of hurt.

Martin shook his head, "I don't turn it off. I just try to imagine what voice Nate might want to hear in his head when he's grown up."

Victor smiled and patted Martin on the back before standing up and heading back inside.