"Because the Copy Ninja is making Sasuke Uchiha run late," announces Hayate, "The Hokage has decided to allow a little extra time for him to arrive by rescheduling the matches." Hayate choughs for a bit then continues. "The next match will be Shino Aburame VS Kankuro!"

"I forfeit!" yells Kankuro.

"Coward!" yells Naruto.

"Fine, next match!" Hayate says, put out. "Why did I even bother coming up with this arrangement?" he mutters. "Shino Aburame is the winner of the second match!

"Next match: Temari VS Shikamaru Nara!"

"But I don't wanna!" Mumbles Shikamaru.

"You are not forfeiting as well!" Naruto shouts and pushes Shikamaru into the arena. "Fight the sand woman, damn it!"

"Troublesome…" Shikamaru doesn't even bother to stand up.

Temari flies down into the arena on her fan. "Let's do this!"

"Begin!" yells Hayate. He's probably scared that Shikamaru will quit.

"Come on, Shikamaru! Get off you ass and fight!" Naruto yells.

Shikamaru continues to lie on the ground unmoving.

The audience starts to jeer and throw things at him.

"Don't tell me you're gonna quit as well," sneers Temari. "Boys are such a pain."

"Kick his ass Temari!" Sakura shouts.

"Will do," Temari calls back to her new friend. "Just as soon as he gets off it."

"Aw, this is troublesome," groans Shikamaru. "I suppose I should probably fight, shouldn't I?"

"Get off that lazy butt of yours and fight me!" Temari yells, charging at her lazy opponent. She slams her fan down on the place where he is lying, only to find him gone. "Well, he's certainly not slow at running away."

From the trees nearby, Shikamaru's voice says, "I suppose I shouldn't let myself get beaten by a girl."

"What was that!?" Temari spins to face him and sends her favourite jutsu at him: a blast of wind from her giant fan. Temari thinks fast. He's probably trying to lure her close to the shadows so he can use his shadow possession on her. Well she isn't going to fall for it.

Then, Shikamaru kneels down on one leg, puts his fingers together like an old man does when he's thinking, and closes his eyes. What the hell? Cautiously, she starts to back away. What is he playing at?

The crowd is silent.

Temari doesn't know how to respond. He isn't making a hand sign, so what is he doing? Is he just thinking? In that case… Temari sends another blast of air at Shikamaru in an attempt to break his concentration.

A shadow burst out from underneath the dust her jutsu stirred up and snakes towards her. Temari beats a hasty retreat. The shadow gives chase. Then it stops suddenly and wobbles.

"It seems your jutsu has a limit, and now I know what it is," Temari grins. This match would be a piece of cake to win.

"He, he, you got me,"Shikamaru laughs nervously.

"Temari! Above you!" Kankuro's shout reaches Temari's ears, just as a shadow falls over her. She looks up to see Shikamaru's jacket - how did she not notice he isn't wearing it anymore? - floating above her, having been turned into a parachute by his headband and a kunai. Temaru jumps away, and the shadow chases her. She continues to back away, further and further from Shikamaru. Then the jacket-parachute falls to the ground and the jutsu fails.

Grinning in triumph, Temari flings another wind scythe jutsu at him.

A split second later, she is frozen in place. "Shadow Possession jutsu, complete," says Shikamaru from behind her. At the same time, the Shikamaru in front of her disappears, leaving behind a log.

"What?" Temari says, confused. "When did you…?"

"When you cast your jutsu you closed your eyes for a split second," says Shikamaru, grinning. "Just enough time for me to pull off a substitution." then he yawns. "Okay, I give up."

"What did you just say?"

"I said I give up. I don't have enough chakra left to go on, plus I never wanted to do this in the first place."

"The winner is Temari!" announces Hayate. "Seriously, though, what is wrong with the exams this time?" he mutters to himself.

Itachi appears at the training ground.

"Itachi!" Sasuke smiles at his brother. "How late is sensei making me?"

"Late enough to get you disqualified," says Itachi. "But I asked the Hokage to have the next match while I fetched you."

"Thanks," says Sasuke. "WAA!"

Itachi scoops up Sasuke and, carrying him under his arm, shunshins to the arena. "One Sasuke Uchiha, as ordered," says Itachi, dumping Sasuke at Sakura, Karin and Ino's feet.

Damn. He isn't wearing cootie repellent.

"Thank goodness you made it!" Sakura exclaims, trying to hug Sasuke. "Kankuro forfeited, so now Temari and Shikamaru are having their match." She tries to hug Sasuke, but he dives out of the way.

"I should get to the competitors' waiting area," he says and scoots off as fast as he can. That was a close call. Since Temari and Shikamaru are still fighting - if you can call what they are doing fighting - Sasuke has time to duck into the boys toilets and spray himself with a heavy dose of cootie repellent.

He then heads calmly out to the spectators' waiting area.

"Sasuke, you made it!" Naruto yells, jumping Sasuke. "Shikamaru forfeited, so now it's your turn." He drags Sasuke down into the arena.

Down in the arena, Temari is stalking out of the arena, her head in the air. She stops when she sees Sasuke. "If you kill my little brother, you are dead, Uchiha." then she stalks away.

Shikamaru is lazily dawdling in the general direction of the arena gate.

"What was that, Shikamaru, you coward?" Naruto demands. Then turning to Hayate, "We managed to rescue Sasuke from the chronically tardy Kakashi-sensei." he lets Sasuke go and drags Shikamaru out of the arena.

A few seconds later, Gaara emerges.

"Now the match you've all been waiting for!" Hayate announces. "Gaara VS Sasuke Uchiha!"

Omake

At Least Fugaku Will Be Happy With The Situation.

AN: this omake is dedicated to SilentAqua, who firmly stated after 'Cooties Part Two' that someone needs to tell Sasuke that cooties don't exist.

Sasuke is listening to his daughter tell him about her day. "...and then Boruto was all like 'ew cooties! Get them off me!' and I told him firmly 'Boruto, cooties aren't real. Everyone knows that.' and he was all like 'You're no fun to tease' and-"

"What did you just say?" interrupts Sasuke.

"Boruto said I'm not fun to tease?"

"No before that."

"Cooties aren't real?"

Sasuke stares at his daughter. "Are you telling me I lived my entire childhood in fear of cooties and they aren't even real?"

"Um, Daddy, do you still believe in cooties?" Sarada looks horrified.

"Not anymore," says Sasuke, crestfallen. Shisui lied to him? "Are you sure? Absolutely sure that cooties aren't real?"

"Cooties are just a joke that kids use to tease and scare each other." Sighs Sarada.

His mind thoroughly blown, Sasuke faints.

"Mummy!" Sarada yells out. "Daddy just fainted!"

Sarada's Mummy runs into the room. "Did you blow his mind?" she asks, after seeing the expression on Daddy's face.

"I think so," says Sarada. "I told him that cooties aren't real."

"What other holes are there in his education?" wonders Mummy.

"What do you mean?" asks Sarada.

"Yesterday, I told him where babies come from."

Sarada stands up. "I'm going to have words with Uncle Itachi." Sarada stomps off to the park, where Uncle Itachi and Uncle Kakashi are playing shogi.

"Hello Sarada," says Uncle Itachi. "What's up?'

Sarada crosses her arms. "Today, I told my own father that cooties aren't real. Yesterday, Mummy told Daddy where babies come from. Why have you neglected to tell my Daddy these things?" she demands, tapping her foot.

Uncle Kakashi stares at her, then at Uncle Itachi.

Uncle Itachi facepalms. "So THAT'S what we forgot to tell him!"