Roughly a week before Christmas break was scheduled for the kids Callie had an early appointment with her therapist so Stef pulled her out of her last class early and drove her to the doctor's office. Stef had to run to the station to grab her paperwork and once she had what she needed she headed back to wait for Callie to be finished. She walked into the doctor's office and quickly took a seat near the front desk. Stef wasn't paying attention to her surroundings much as she zoned out while flipping through magazines, but she was soon pulled out of her dream like haze when the receptionist was calling her name.
"Mrs. Foster?" Stef threw the magazine down and stood up. "Sorry, yes."
"The doctor was wondering if you wouldn't mind joining them." Stef's face fell a little: the doctor never asked them to come into Callie's sessions unless something had happened or unless Callie had gotten upset and needed someone to calm her down. She made her way to the doctor's office and knocked once before Dr. Turner opened the door for her. Stef took a step inside and was expecting to see Callie in tears, but that's not what she found. Callie was curled up with her knees being hugged tightly against her, but there were no tears, just a feeling of what Stef could only describe as tension mixed with sadness.
"What did I miss?" Stef turned to the doctor with a slightly worried expression on her face.
"Callie and I were talking and something came up. I asked if we could bring in for a bit and Callie agreed."
"Something came up? Well, that's just wildly unhelpful." Stef didn't mean for her comment to come off as harsh, but she hated beating around the bush, she wanted an answer five minutes ago.
"Callie, how about you talk to your mom about what you told me." Stef turned to Callie who kept shut her eyes and taking deep breaths, like she was bracing herself for something to explode in her face. Stef hated that face mostly because to her it meant that Callie thought something bad would happen if she spoke up.
"Honey, you know you can tell me anything." Callie rested her head on her knees, completely avoiding Stef's eyes. Lena had made some headway in getting Callie to look them in the eye when she was upset, but Stef seemed to have more luck in that department. She brushed hair away from Callie's face and leaned in closer.
"Hey, what do I keep telling you about hiding your face?"
"That's I'm too pretty to hide a face like this." Callie smiled and looked up just enough for Stef to see her eyes. She tried turning away from Stef only to feel her mother tap the top of her head lightly.
"And what do I always say about you hiding from me?" Callie picked up her head all the way this time, "that you aren't that scary."
"Right, so stop hiding from me and talk to me instead." Callie opened her mouth several times only to shut it again. She wanted to talk, to say something important, but she was her own worst enemy and felt like she was unable to find the right words. Stef rubbed her hand up and down Callie's back; a gesture that months early would have resulted in Callie jerking away violently, but right now it was a welcome sensation for the teen.
"Did something happen? Something you think I'll be mad at?" Stef was answered with Callie shaking her head no.
"Did you do something that you think I'll get upset about?" Stef couldn't even hide the relieved sigh that escaped her mouth when Callie shook her head no. So she hadn't hurt herself again, but she was acting like she had.
"Baby, I can't help you if you don't tell me what's wrong." Callie tried to talk again, but couldn't. Getting mad at herself Callie finally reached for her bag and started rummaging around in in, eventually pulling out a box.
"I want you to have this…or I guess…I just…I don't want them anymore." Callie handed the box to Stef and as Stef held it in her lap she shot a questioning glance at the Doctor who offered only a supportive nod. Stef opened the box and almost dropped it. Inside was an unsettling mix of razors, knives and sharp shards of glass. Stef turned to Callie and in an instant the tears she had been expecting to see when she walked in the door were steadily streaming down Callie's face.
"I'm sorry."
"Why are you sorry?" Stef didn't know why she was apologizing and in truth, she was still a little shocked.
"I'm sorry I didn't give them up sooner." Stef put the box on the table and reached for Callie's hand.
"Listen to me, ok. You told us when we first got you help that you would give them up when you were ready. That was our deal, that Lena and I wouldn't take your blades away, but that you had to give them up when you were ready. You don't need to apologize for keeping your end of the deal kiddo."
"Callie why don't you tell Stef why you wanted to give them up now." If looks could kill, the good doctor would be dead because clearly Callie had no intention of explaining 'why now' to her mother, but now it was out there in the room.
"Christmas is in two weeks." Stef seemed lost again at Callie's response.
"Yeah honey it is."
"I'm not used to…. Christmas being happy."
"Because you spent most of them alone with Jude?" Callie nodded and still Stef was lost.
"I didn't want this Christmas to be overshadowed by me and this stupid thing. You guys are the first people to care about me, about him, about any of this and the last thing I wanted was for you to spend the holiday worrying about me." Stef finally understood and she moved closer to Callie.
"Honey look at me." Callie shook her head no and turned away.
"Ok fine." Stef wrapped her arms around Callie's shoulder and leaned in so that Callie could hear her.
"I need you to understand something very very important. You are MY child. You know what that means? That means that until my dying breath I will always worry about you…ALWAYS. That's what mothers do Callie; they worry, a lot, about everything. I know it's a strange thing to get used to again, but you have people who love you and who are going to worry."
"Why?"
"Why do we worry?" Callie shook her head.
"Why do you love me so much?" Stef felt like someone punched her in the gut. She and Lena had gotten so used to the kids understanding that they loved them like they had given birth to them, but they forget that adopted children walked a long road and every now and then they are left to wonder why a stranger could love them better than their own blood relatives ever could. The twins didn't really settle down until their adoption was final and Stef was starting to think that even though Jude seemed to be ok, Callie would need to hold the paper in her hand, saying her fight was over before she really let herself be happy. Stef pulled Callie towards her and hugged her tightly against her.
"I love you because you are my baby, ok. You and Jude are my children, our children. I know you're used to people giving up and I know you are used to spending holidays alone, but you don't have to do that anymore. You get to come pick out a tree with us and watch as Brandon and Lena try to untangle the lights only to go buy new ones, and watch the twins fight over which ornaments to put up and you get to be a part of that, we want you to be a part of that. This year you get to just be happy and not look over your shoulder and wait for the other shoe to drop."
"I'm not really sure how good I'll be at it."
"At what…Christmas? Honey, all you have to do is sit in front of the TV with your brothers and sister and fight over which Christmas special you want to watch. That and make a list of things you might like under the tree." Callie made a face when Stef said the part about gifts and suddenly Stef understood something.
"You don't like asking for things, do you?" Callie shook her head no.
"You spent your whole life fighting for things, it probably feels pretty weird just to ask for them huh?" Callie nodded.
"To be fair, no one ever asked before." Stef hated a lot about Callie's life before she met the Fosters, but the degree to which life had beaten Callie down mad her the angriest. She didn't like asking for things because she was certain no one would hear her plea.
"Well, we are asking now." Callie nodded and tried to let that sink in. "What do I get for you?"
"Nothing."
"That seems like a bit of an unfair trade." Stef smiled at the small attempt at a joke.
"You gave us something very special this year already. You showed up in my kitchen with an attitude and busted lip and then you brought Jude in with you and maybe you don't see it, but despite the rough start, you gave your momma and me everything we could have ever wanted this year."
Callie was quiet for a minute, "I guess I could get used to fighting for the remote and watching Christmas movies." Stef smiled and stood up from the couch. "Good. Now if we hurry we can go pick up Jude from tutoring and then I'm going to take you somewhere special."
"It's not like the dentist is it?"
"My daughter the comedian. No, somewhere much more fun than that." Stef let Callie finish her last few minutes alone with the doctor as she stepped into the hallway and quickly dialed the house phone.
"Foster residence."
"Brandon. Do me a favor and round up you brother and sister and be ready in 15 minutes."
"Ok, ready to do what?"
"We're gonna go by a Christmas tree."
I had to throw a little bit of a bump in the road…holidays are always a roller coaster. I'm going to try to update one more time before Fosters comes back, which is in 6 days you guys! And this chapter happened because I live in Chicago and the weather has been resulting in snow days these last 48 hours so I had time to create. Hope you all liked the chapter and let me know if you have nay ideas for the tree chapter. I already have it mapped out in my head, but I'm always up for new ideas.