Please review!
I'd love to hear what you all think!
:)
Tris woke up the next morning freezing. However she felt much better, her flu was finally gone. She nuzzled under her pathetic blanket trying to preserve heat. Her flu was gone but she had a familiar sense of nausea and an unshakable craving for…pickles, and a donut. She still hadn't told him. She was avoiding it, she was a coward but she kept weighing it in her mind of whether or not to tell him. She hated herself for it, but it seemed as if every time she tried she couldn't get the words to come out. How could she tell Eric about her baby…their baby when they were stuck here like this?
The only bright side of today was that it was her shower day that they were permitted to once a week. Eric was sleeping soundly next to her in the opposite bed; Tris listened to him secretly crying for the first hour before he finally fell asleep. He had won all three of his fights last night and as he puts it he murdered three people last night… Tris tried not to think too much into it. She could only think about it as being a life or death situation for her and Eric. Either he kills the other person in the pit or he dies.
Way to quickly the iron door began to open.
"Hey Tris, ready for a hot shower?" Amber said rolling in talking loudly with a duffle bag strung over her shoulder.
Tris sat up in her bed stretching and glanced over at Eric. He was turned away from her facing the wall breathing steadily. Tris got up and threw off her blanket and got out of bed shivering.
"Edgar told me to handcuff you while we walk to the showers but I know you wont hurt me so I won't ok?" Amber said through dark make up with a smile.
Tris internally was rolling her eyes but gave a small fake smile. She walked over to the sleeping Eric and kissed his shoulder gently as Amber opened up the iron door.
It wasn't the greatest showers, there was mold on the floor and walls and always smelled kind of funny. The pipes and shower heads were rusty and leaky and if you collected the water in your hands you would see that it was kind of discolored which Tris tried really hard to not pay attention to. There was also a limit on how much hot water there was, sometimes you could end up in a hot shower for fifteen minutes or two minutes. At least they weren't like the Dauntless showers back in her training days. There were separate stalls with old rugs or sheets of plastic as a shower curtain. There were a few other women in a few stalls, which sort of surprised Tris, the factionless always seemed smelly and dirty no matter what.
"Here, I got you some extra stuff too," Amber said holding out the bag to her.
Tris took it and dug through it, a bar of soap that has clearly been used before, a wash cloth, half empty bottles of shampoo and conditioner, a towel and a change of clothes. Of course, the towel and clothes had a few unknown stains on them that Tris didn't want to question but Shampoo and conditioner was rare.
"The shampoo and Conditioner is color safe, I grabbed it when I left Dauntless even though I haven't be able to get my hair touched up lately," Amber explained.
Tris thought Amber's hair looked awful now. Her once vibrant cherry red hair was fading to a dingy orange color and her ends split and even more faded. Tris' hair wasn't so great either, her naturally blond hair was growing out but her once purple/magenta ombre was fading and looked dingy too. That's why she wasn't a huge fan of crazy hair colors.
"Do you have an scissors?" Tris asked, thinking of cutting it.
"Uh no," Amber said shifting in place, "Edgar won't let you have them."
Figures, Tris thought as she began taking her clothes off. She was used to changing in front of other women before, it was like being in the locker room at Dauntless, she just focused on the hot water. The air was thin and cold, she tried to keep her arms wrapped around herself trying to preserve any heat she could.
"Wow, look at you," Amber said playfully behind Tris.
Tris felt a slight embarrassment at her words, the factionless were so immodest.
"Can you please stop staring at me?" Tris asked with an irritated tone but kept her back to her.
"Looks like someone's finally getting a body," Ambers' voice came from behind Tris, "Which…is really kind of weird because Eddie doesn't feed you much…"
Tris quickly pulled back the dark blanket her stall had and jumped in before Amber had more time to examine her, only downside was the blanket exposed her feet.
"Your feet look kinda swollen," Amber called from behind the blanket, "Did Edgar make you walk around a lot last night at the fight club or something?"
"Can you please give me some privacy?" Tris asked harshly as she turned the hot knob as far as it could go. Hardly anyone ever bothered with the cold knob.
"Edgar told me not to," Amber whined.
"Isn't being a part of factionless mean that you get to do whatever you want?" Tris challenged as the water fell into her face. Lucky for her the water was hot and a sweet relief to her. She stood under the spout letting the warm water engulf her, heating her frigid bones.
"Well yeah…but I mean Jeremy will beat the shit out of me if he finds out that I didn't listen to Edgar."
Tris felt her stomach twinge, "Jeremy hits you?"
Amber sighed and didn't answer right away, "Only sometimes…I mean it's not worse than all those bullshit fights they made us do in Dauntless. He only really hits me when he's really mad at me."
Tris tried to imagine Eric hitting her, she couldn't even get the idea into her mind. She hated being here; she hated Amber and Edgar and Andy and the dirty beds and showers and half rotten food. She hated seeing Eric loose himself again and having to be in the death pits. She hated everything. She wished that Amber would leave her alone and that Eric could be in this shower with her. God she missed Eric so much, he was so reserved and distant with her now. She just wanted to be back home and sleep in his bed smelling his cologne and playing with is hair.
He didn't want her to love him…but she did. She couldn't help it; she loved him more than she ever loved anyone. All she could think about in that moment was how desperately her heart wanted Eric wrapped around it. She wanted every part of him, body, mind, heart and soul. It killed her seeing Eric like he was; Now Tris replayed all their moments together in her mind. Back when they went to camp together, he changed her and put her to bed and even got her water and pain killers the next day. They stood outside their cabin laughing together at Edwards' prank of hanging all the bras in the trees while she prayed that he wouldn't notice that pink one was hers. He saved her life and took care of her after she got shot in the neck and the way he looked at her with those striking blue eyes when he thought she was dying…
She choked out a sob as the tears erupted for her eyes; she placed a hand over her mouth trying to stop it.
"Oh Tris please don't cry," Amber said from the other side.
Except she couldn't stop it, she suddenly felt so overwhelmed with a stir of emotions that felt like a horde on angry bees in her chest. She felt like she was drowning and all she wanted to do was scream. In that moment when all the while all she could keep thinking in her mind was, 'Eric I love you, I know you don't want me to but I do. I love you. I love you. I love you. I wish I could take you pain away, kiss away the tears. I don't care if you think you can't love me, I'll love you until you can. I just want to be with you.'
"C'mon Tris," Amber said her voice getting closer, "It's not- it's not that bad here if you just give it a chance…I promise you'll like it. I know that if you and I both talk to Edgar that he'll let you be one of us all you have to do is leave Eric."
Amber's words seemed to trigger something within Tris. Suddenly the overwhelming sadness it Tris turned to anger. Just as before, she still felt an unshakable feeling in her core that was driving her crazy. She wanted to strangle Amber…actually she was going to. She wasn't Dauntless, she never would be. They were not friends.
She quickly grabbed the towel near her feet and wrapped it around her tightly and threw back the towel angrily.
"Tris?" Amber asked stepping back nervously.
Tris wasted no time, clenching her fist she punched Amber so hard in the face that she fell backwards into the wall. She cried out in pain as Tris grabbed her by her measly shirt and pulled her up to face her.
"I am never going to leave Eric to be a part of this filthy, disgusting life you live with the pathetic excuse of guys that you call men! Eric would never hit me or treat me the way you guys treat each other! You know what I'm glad you're not in Dauntless; you don't have what it takes! You just don't get it you whore!" Tris screamed loudly letting the pressure out and punched her again letting her fall to the floor.
She fall hard and smacked her head on the ground. Instead of getting up or retaliating she started crying and holding her face like a child. Just as Tris was thinking about kicking her, someone talked her from behind grabbing at her wrist.
"Knock it off you fucking bitch!" a red headed woman called out, "We might not be a faction but we watch out for our kind."
The red head had a pathetic grip on her; she was skinnier than Tris and looked like a drug addict. Tris easily threw her head back colliding with hers and connected her elbow with her face. She fell to the floor knocked out just as Amber was who now had a bloody nose. There were two other women in the showers who looked at Tris terrified and ran out once Tris made eye contact with them. She turned her gaze down at Amber who looked up at her as if begging for mercy.
"You're pathetic," Tris murmured as she climbed back into the shower.
That was the thing about these factionless women. They all acted like rough tough bitches but when it came down to it, for someone like Tris who had proper training for combating someone and could exert dominance over these women, they all turned into cowards.
Tris managed to finish her shower and wash her hair. She dried herself off quickly as the water began to get colder. Dressing quickly she stepped out of the shower to find Amber with toilet paper around her bloodied nose and her dark make up smeared from crying.
"Go!" Amber stated pointing to the door trying to sound authoritative, "You're going back to your cell right now!"
"Shut up," Tris said rolling her eyes and walked briskly ahead.
Amber jogged to keep up with Tris clutching the bloodied paper. Tris stopped outside the iron door to her cell as Amber pulled some keys from out of her bra and punched in a few codes on one of the locks. The door opened and Tris walked past Amber into the cell who slammed the door shut.
Eric was awake, sitting up in his bed scratching his growing beard. Tris fell onto the bed sitting up against the wall crossing her arms. Amber threw the iron door shut and Tris was pretty sure that she could hear Amber sobbing as she walked away. Tris rolled her eyes.
"Everything ok?" Eric asked.
"Yeah, just putting Amber in her place," Tris said calmly.
Eric smirked, it made Tris' heat skip a beat.
"Good, she needed it," he said to her with a small grin.
"I can't believe you were right about her," Tris started to say.
"I knew she would never make it," Eric stated plainly.
"I just really hoped she could," Tris replied glumly thinking back to the Abnegation days when her and Amber used to do their charity work together and when they would fashion each other's hairs into their typical buns when their mothers were busy.
In thinking about Abnegation another wave of painful thoughts came to Tris. Her parents; she wondered if they knew she was missing. They had to of known, Dauntless would be on high alert looking for Tris and Eric and she knew they wouldn't give up until they found them. As her pain overwhelmed her she felt the tears spring to her eyes in imagining what grief her parents must be going through in learning of Tris' abduction.
"What's wrong Tris?" Eric asked with concern in his eyes.
"I'm just thinking about my parents," Tris said wiping away a few tears, "I can't imagine what I'm putting them through because of this."
"Hey stop," Eric said sternly, "this isn't your fault it's mine-,"
"No it's not!" Tris yelled back, "its there's! You don't deserve this Eric, neither of us do."
Eric bowed his head at this statement and avoided looking at her as guilt consumed his face once more.
Tris sighed as her heart hurt for Eric. She got up and went to sit next to him closely. Eric looked away at the far wall from her, but Tris wasn't going to take it. She reached out taking the side of his face in her hand and forcing him to look at her.
"Eric…" Tris said softly, "tell me the truth. You can't honestly believe that you deserve this. There's nothing that you could have done to deserve this…."
"You don't know me," Eric replied shaking his head.
"Yes I do," Tris retorted and ran her thumb along his cheek.
Eric leaned into her hand and closed his eyes as if soaking in the affection.
Tell him, a part of Tris' mind prodded.
"Tell me then," Tris begged, "so this girl…Melody. You loved her huh?"
"I still do," Eric said opening his eyes.
Tris felt her heart drop like a cold stone.
"I'm always going to love her…in a way," Eric continued to explain.
"Is she…?" Tris asked swallowing a lump in her throat, "Still at Amity?"
"No," Eric shook his head, "She's dead."
"Oh," Tris replied feeling her heart sink even more, "So then…tell me about her."
Eric turned away from Tris' gaze and seemed to faze out, "Melody was just…just amazing in every way. She was so light and fun and calm. Usually all the people I hung out with at fight club were loud, rowdy partiers but Melody was just so much more…reserved and kinda quiet that made me want to know her more. Once I got to know her it was just like lightening, I fell quick and hard for her. She was so beautiful and she had this smile that just seemed to light up everything."
Jealousy over took Tris as she felt a hot burning sensation in her chest, now she was kind of thankful that Eric wasn't looking directly at her as she tried hard to hide her emotions. Was it wrong to be jealous of Eric's dead girlfriend? Eventually, Eric looked over at her and seemed to notice.
"Hey…don't be like that," Eric tried to say and reached out and took Tris' hand.
"Like what?" Tris shot back.
"Don't be jealous," Eric tried to say, "It was a long time ago."
"But you still love her," Tris said through gritted teeth. Now it was her turn to avoid his gaze.
"There's always going to be a part of me that does," Eric said calmly, "but she's gone and you're still here."
"What difference does it make?" Tris shot back crossing her arms, "I'm not supposed to love you, remember?"
Eric sighed and looked defeated. Tris had nothing much to say, she hated that jealousy was engulfing her and that she was so angry but she couldn't control it. Eric buried his face in her hands and just stayed quiet. Tris was determined to stick to her guns, but as her and Eric sat there in their lonely cell and a chocked sob that escaped from Eric Tris felt her heart soften. In fact now she just felt guilty.
She reached out an arm and wrapped it around him, "I'm sorry…"
"Me too…" Eric said still buried in his hands.
"Hey," Tris said pulling lightly at his shoulder, "c'mon…I'm sorry. Talk to me…tell me what happened. I want to know you."
Eric sat back up and Tris kept her arm wrapped around his shoulders. His eyes were red and puffy and his face was tear soaked which he wiped away embarrassed.
"I know I need to let her go…" Eric whispered with a shaky voice, "it's just so fucking hard. She was my everything back then. I think that after Jackson left to be an independent in Dauntless I didn't see him as much so I just spent all my time with her. I missed the first time I tried to kiss her and she laughed and smiled at me…then she kissed me. We lost our virginity to each other, went out on dates all the time, I snuck out to the gardens in Amity almost every night to go see her even though it took me like an hour to get there. She helped me with controlling some of my anger issues and I tutored her in math when we were in school together. We both kinda stopped going to fight club after that."
"She sounds really…nice," Tris said trying to be supportive to Eric.
"You are too Tris," Eric said trying to reassure her.
"So then what happened?" Tris asked.
Before Eric could reply the iron door began to whirl as the locks began to move. The door swung open quickly and violently and Jeremy stormed in with his long greasy black hair. He looked at Tris angrily.
"What the hell did you do to my girl?!" Jeremy screamed at her and started heading towards her.
"Jeremy stop! Please!" Amber cried from behind him.
Andy wasn't too far behind either but he seemed too really only come to see some action. Eric was quick to react and grabbed at Jeremy before he even had the chance to reach Tris. He grabbed his wrist twisting it behind his back and shoved him into the dirty brick wall.
"If you fucking touch her I will cut your throat so that you get to bleed out slowly!" Eric threatened harshly.
"I can kick your fucking ass Blue! I've seen how you are in the ring!" Jeremy shouted back.
"Then you know that I'm a natural killer!" Eric spat back loudly.
"Jeremy stop! Eric please don't hurt him!" Amber cried out begging.
"Yeah man Blue's fuckin' crazy man!" Andy shouted getting excited at all the drama.
"Shut the fuck up Andy!" Jeremy shouted at him, "That fucking bitch beat the shit out of my girlfriend!"
"Well I figured she'd be used to it being with you," Tris said sitting on the bed calmly with her arms crossed.
"What'd you say ho?" Jeremy questioned loudly.
Eric grabbed at his greasy black mane and shoved his face into the wall painfully.
"There no you and your girl have matching noses," Eric stated still holding onto his wrists.
"Hey, hey, hey!" Edgar's voice came ringing out as he strolled into their cell with two other of his followers, "What the fuck is going on here?"
"Tris was beatin' up on Am in the showers and Jeremy was coming to put her as in place," Andy reported.
Eric was right, Tris thought, he is like a little lap dog.
"She can't fucking do that to my girl!" Jeremy called out.
"Why? It's not like she isn't used to it!" Tris shouted back.
"Tris just stay out of this!" Eric ordered.
"It's nothing! I'm fine!" Amber called out, "Jeremy let's go!"
"Look all of you shut the fuck up," Edgar said pulling out a silver gin on his hip and pointed it at Eric, "Look bitches fight ok? If there's anything I've learned about Dauntless girls especially is you do not break up their fights. Alright? It's done, now Eric let Jeremy go now!"
Eric growled as Edgar's two other men pulled out their guns and pointed it at him. Now Tris felt like she couldn't breathe at seeing three guns pointed at Eric.
"Eric…" Tris whimpered getting up and grabbed at his arm.
With a hard sigh, Eric let go of Jeremy and wrapped his arm defensively around Tris and blocked her from the guns.
"Just get the fuck out," Eric ordered all of them.
Edgar lowered his gun as did the others and indicated for Jeremy and Amber to leave. Jeremy gave Eric a death stare as he stalked out with Amber close behind calling after him.
"Look you're fighting tonight man," Edgar told Eric, "I'll be back later today to get you so you can warm up and work out but we're leaving a little after midnight."
With nothing else to say, Edgar, Andy and everyone else left the cell and locked the iron door once more.