IN THE SHADOW OF DEATH

CHAPTER 35

After the train pulled of sight heading for Colorado Springs with Jess aboard, Slim went into Laramie. He delivered Daisy's grocery list to Burke Hershell's General Store, went by to update Mort Corey on Jess' departure, and then went to the Stockman's Saloon to let the barkeeper know he was looking for a hired hand.

Ten days later, just as Slim was getting really worried about the neglected cattle and the unrepaired northern fence, a Montana man named Charlie Grover showed up at the ranch. He'd just quit an outfit because of problems between the foreman and the owner's son and had been told by the bar keep at the saloon that Slim was looking for a hand.

Charlie turned out to be a reliable, hard-working man of about forty. He had a lot of experience and a willingness to tackle any job that needed to be done. Having him around relieved Slim of having to handle everything by himself. Slim liked him, too. He was an easy going man and even tried to make friends with Mike, without a lot of success. Mike suspected him of trying to take Jess' place.

The whole thing came to a head one night at dinner. Slim had invited him to eat with the family instead of sitting alone in the bunkhouse. Charlie objected, not used to being that close to the boss's family. Hired hands were kept at a distance at the Wild Goose Ranch where he'd worked before.

"As long as you're the only one in the bunkhouse, I want you to come on over to the house for meals," Slim told him. "Things'll change if we get the option for the extra land when my partner comes back. We'll have to hire more people. But until then, you're welcome to eat with us."

Mike didn't like it at all. Less than three weeks after Jess had left, someone else was taking his place at the table.

"That's where Jess sits!" the boy lashed out angrily when he saw Charlie seated across from him.

"Mike!" Slim said sternly. "That's no way to talk. Charlie's not a stranger anymore."

"He is to me!"

"I don't want to hear anything else about it! Charlie's eating with us now, and that's all there is to it."

"It's all right, Slim," Grover said. "I understand how the boy feels."

Slim ignored him and looked at Mike. "There's no reason for you to be behaving like this," he snapped. "Settle down and eat!"

"Slim! Please!" Daisy intervened, bringing in a platter of roast beef. "Why don't you all serve your plates before things get cold?"

Slim bit back whatever he was about to say. Mike ducked his head, mad at the world. He didn't dare say anything else but toyed with his food until the meal was over, silently enduring the small talk around the table until he was able to take his plate into the kitchen and help Daisy clean up.

Daisy watched him out of the corner of her eye as the boy dried the dishes with his mouth drooping. After he'd spent two minutes wiping one blue patterned plate over and over again, she said gently, "What's the matter, Mike? Isn't that plate clean enough?"

The boy looked up in surprise. He wasn't thinking about the plate at all. "No," he said slowly. "The plate's OK."

"Well, then put it up before you drop it. I can't imagine you can get it any drier."

"OK." He carefully placed it on top of the others he'd stacked on the counter and reached for the next one. "Aunt Daisy," he asked, "will Charlie eat with us all the time?"

"Ah, ha!" she thought to herself, relieved the boy had found a way to talk to her about what he was feeling. Out loud, she asked, "Would you mind?"

Mike took his time answering as he dried and stacked two more of the prized blue pottery. "Not really," he finally murmured.

"But…?" Daisy prompted, knowing there was more.

"Nothing…" He shrugged and twirled the towel around and around his finger.

"Well, then!" Daisy said brightly. "Everything's fine!"

The boy shrugged again but when Daisy kept her silence, he finally asked, "I mean...I guess...Charlie is...part of the family now...just like Jess?"

"There's the problem!" Daisy thought, but to Mike, she said, "Why would you say something like that?"

"I don't know…"

Daisy reached for a towel, dried her hands and put her arm around Mike's shoulders. She waited for him to look up but he kept his head ducked.

"Mike," she said in her firm, bright voice, "we're a family - you, Slim, Jess and I. How could you think we could replace a family member with someone we're still getting to know? If Charlie eats with us in the house, it doesn't mean Charlie could ever take Jess' place."

"That's what he's doing now!"

"For heaven's sake! I didn't mean where he sits at the table! Or is there some other problem?"

"I don't know," Mike said, fiddling with the towel with his shoulders hunched and head still bowed. He was unable to put into words what was bothering him.

"Mike, look at me. That's what adults do when they talk to each other," she said. She put her hand under his chin, lifted it up and waited until he met her eyes before she continued. "Charlie is a nice person - a good person. And he's a very hard worker. Slim couldn't have found a better helper. And I've noticed that you usually get along just fine with him."

"But he's not Jess!"

"Of course he's not!"

"And he never will be! Never!"

"Mike, that makes no sense! How would Charlie ever become Jess? That's absurd!"

"But...but...I don't like it when Slim...when he…"

"Slim? What does Slim do? For goodness sakes, child! What are you talking about?"

"Well, Slim's being so friendly to him... and maybe Slim will like Charlie better… Maybe Slim doesn't think Jess will come home…"

Daisy put her hand on her forehead in complete astonishment, then she took Mike's shoulders and shook him a little. "Slim Sherman has been Jess Harper's best friend for eight years! He's shared everything with him, the good things and the bad things. They're like brothers! Slim's probably more worried about him than you or me! And he knows they're going to need help when he gets back. Charlie's being here has nothing to do with Jess getting well or Slim being Jess' friend! You must not ever doubt that!"

"But...I mean… I thought…"

"Oh, Mike," she said sadly. "I know what Jess means to you. But he means just as much to Slim."

"I'm just afraid…," he said on the verge of tears. "I'm so afraid Jess won't come back."

"I know, child." She hugged him and then released him so she could look at him. "But I think he promised you that he would."

"But maybe he can't do it. I mean...it wouldn't be his fault… He just can't do it."

"Then we must leave that in God's hands. And if the dear Lord decided…. But that's not going to happen! Jess will come back!" She put as much certainty as she could into her words. "It may take a long while for him to get well but you'll see! The good Lord won't let him down. With his help, Jess will be alright."

"Maybe the good Lord won't help him. Maybe he doesn't like him."

"Doesn't like him? Mike! The Lord loves everybody! Why wouldn't he like Jess?"

"I don't know." He shrugged again. "If he loves him, why did he let Hal shoot him? Why did he let that happen?"

"That's a good question," Daisy had to admit... "Maybe he wanted to put us all to a very hard test."

"A test? Like at school?"

"Yes, in a way. Perhaps he wanted to check whether or not our love for each other was strong enough to stand such a strain."

"Then maybe I've failed the test!" Mike was terrified. "Maybe I haven't done it right! The Lord's got to understand! It's not Jess' fault if I didn't do things good enough! I'm sorry I got mad about Charlie…"

"Calm down, Mike!" Daisy said, surprised at how seriously he'd taken her comment. "I think the Lord is like a very loving parent and is not too strict. But…" she added, deciding to take advantage of the situation, maybe you should try to be a little more understanding about how hard things are for Slim."

"I will!" Mike vowed. "I promise! You...you won't tell him what I said...about him and Charlie, will you?"

"No, Mike. I think that's something you and Slim must sort out yourselves - man to man."

"I'll write to Jess about it, too!"

"I don't think that's a very good idea."

"Why not?"

"You shouldn't worry Jess about things like this. He needs his strength to take care of himself right now."

Mike chewed on his lower lip, thinking. "Yeah, I guess you're right. I can tell him when he gets back."

"I believe that would be best. Now, don't you think we should finish cleaning up this kitchen?"

"OK," Mike said, relieved to have discussed his problems with her. "You know what, Aunt Daisy," he said. "If you were younger, I'd tell Jess that he should marry you. You're the only person I would want for a mother."

Daisy laughed. "Well, thank you! You're full of interesting comments today. But I'm not sure Jess and I would be a good match."

"Sure you would. You like each other."

"Yes, we do. Very much. But it's more like a relationship...between mother and son."

"I meant if you were younger."

"Would you like Jess to get married?"

"No, not really."

"But then you would have a real family. That would be nice."

"I don't think so! She might be mean. And they might think I'm a nuisance."

"I can't see Jess liking a mean woman. Or seeing you as a nuisance."

"Jess and I pretty much agree about women. We've been talking a lot about them."

Daisy suppressed a laugh. "You don't think much of us, do you, young man?"

"Oh, we don't mean you!"

"Well, whether Jess ever gets married or not, this is your home. We'll always be here for you."

"I wish he was home already. I'm always wondering what he's doing."

"He'll be alright. Once winter is over and it gets warmer in the springtime, he'll be home before you know it."

"You know what? I'm counting up the days until spring comes. It's real hard, but I think I can do it."

"Good for you! Now let's go into the living room and finish that homework of yours!" Daisy said, throwing her arm around his thin shoulders and hugging him as they walked out of the kitchen.

As soon as homework was finished and Mike went up to his room, Slim came out of his office and sat down beside Daisy. She glanced up at him and smiled but didn't say anything.

"You think I'm too hard on him," he said, coming straight to the point.

"I think you're too hard on yourself, too," Daisy said, understanding exactly what he meant.

"I'm not so sure of that."

"I am. You've been under a great deal of strain. Slim," she said. She picked up some knitting from the basket by the side of her chair. "Do you know what Mike was really upset about at dinner?" she said, pulling out a strand of blue yarn. "He was afraid you liked Charlie more than you like Jess! He thought you would let Charlie take Jess' place!"

Slim stared at her, baffled. "How could he think that?"

"Well, he has a lively imagination. And you must remember he's just a ten-year-old boy." Looking down at the knitting needles in her hand, she said, "Why don't you go talk to him? He needs to know you're still Jess' best friend - and his, too!"

"You think that would help? He's pretty mad at me right now."

"I'm sure it would. He's probably hoping you'll come."

Slim raised his brows, looking at her with a question in his eyes. "Are you sure?"

Daisy pursed her mouth. "It would be best to straightened things out between you as soon as you can," she said firmly. "After all, you must set a good example for Mike."

Slim smiled at her, slapped his knees with his hands and got up. "Thanks, Daisy. I think you're the best friend any of us have."

The tall rancher climbed the stairs to Mike's room and knocked on the door before opening it. "Hi, Mike," he said, sticking his head through the crack. "Can I come in?"

Mike was leaning back in the chair at the table near his bookcase, praying. A geography book with a map showing the way to Colorado Springs lay open on in front of him. When he heard Slim's voice, he sat up quickly, surprised and a little worried. If a prayer was interrupted it might lose its effect, but he looked around anyway and said, "Sure," and watched warily as Slim walked over to him. "I guess you're mad at me for what I said to Charlie."

"You think I ought to be?"

Mike looked down at his geography book, concentrating hard on the black circle he'd penciled around the town where Jess was. "Maybe," he muttered, embarrassed by his behavior at the table and by what he'd said to Daisy about Slim in the kitchen.

"You know," Slim said pulling up a chair next to the table, "I've been thinking." Hands clasped, elbows on knees, he leaned toward the boy. "Maybe you were out of line at dinner but...so was I. I can put my foot into my mouth sometimes, too."

Chin on his chest, Mike didn't look up, but he grinned. Slim wasn't mad at him anymore. "It's OK," he said.

"Thanks." Slim glanced at the book on the table in front of the boy. "You doing homework?"

"Nah. I already did that."

"Well, that's a good map of the area you got there. I see you marked where our ranch is." He pointed to the spot. "You got it right."

"And here is where Jess is!" Mike said, putting his finger on Colorado Springs. "Do you...do you think he's thinking about me?"

Slim put his arm around him. "Sure - and not just right now. If I know Jess, he thinks about you all the time. You miss him a lot, don't you?"

Mike ducked his head. "And he misses me, too."

"I know that.

"You miss him, too, don't you? I mean...I mean...he's still your friend, isn't he?"

"He's my best friend, Mike. It's like...well, it's like he's a part of me. You know that. Why're you worrying about it? Is it something I've done? If it is, we need to talk about it."

"I...I don't know... Don't get mad, Slim! But... you're so friendly to Charlie… And he's eating in the house...just like Jess. And you got so much work to do and Charlie is helping you...and Jess is sick… And I'm always doing something wrong…" Mike was breathing hard, close to tears.

"Whoa, Mike, simmer down." He hugged the boy closer. "You're getting all worked up over nothing. Jess is like my brother. He's not a hired hand. He owns half of this ranch. We're partners. No matter how sick Jess is or how long he stays away, nothing will change between the two of us. He's my friend - and always will be - and I want him to get well and come home. It hurts a lot to know how sick he is."

"It hurts you? Like it hurts me?"

"Yeah. Look...," Slim said, "I know I'm rough on you sometimes and...Well, I'm sorry."

"You're real worried, aren't you?"

"Yeah." Slim said. "There's no point in saying I'm not. Jess is in pretty bad shape. That's why he had to go to Colorado Springs."

"I know. He told me. Do you think he's getting better since he got there?"

"Sure," Slim said, deliberately shielding the boy from his own fears. "Doc Higgins sent him to the best doctor he knows. And you've read the letters. Jess says he's doing OK."

"But you're still worried," Mike said obstinately.

"Yeah," Slim sighed. "I'm still worried. And that's why I act like a jackass sometimes. Just help me out and let me know about it when I get that way so we can talk it out. OK?"

Mike smiled at him and nodded his head vigorously.

"Friends again?" Slim said, smiling back.

"We always have been!"

"And we're going to stay that way, right? You and Jess and me…"

"...and Aunt Daisy!"

"...and Aunt Daisy!" Slim agreed.

"And Charlie?" Mike asked, hesitantly.

"Charlie's a good man. If he stays around, I think he'll get to be a good friend of the family."

"Like Mort Corey?"

"Yep. Just like Mort."

"I bet when Jess gets back, he'll like him, too."

"I bet he will. Now about Charlie eating at the table…"

"Oh, that's OK. I don't mind now. Do you think he'll always work for us?"

"I hope so. He's a good man. We're lucky to have him. I think Jess will agree with me when he gets to know him."

"Slim…," Mike said thoughtfully. "Do you...do you think I should tell Charlie I'm sorry about what I said to him tonight?

"It wouldn't hurt. A man to man talk would straighten things out between the two of you. I tell you what - why don't you think about what you want to say? I want to go downstairs and talk to Daisy for a while before she goes to bed."

"Thanks, Slim!" Mike jumped up when Slim got up and threw his arms around the rancher in a quick, fierce hug. "You're my best friend after Jess!"

Slim rubbed the boy's head. "Thanks, partner," he said softly, understanding the value of the gift he'd been given.

"I think I'll go out to the bunkhouse and talk to Charlie now," Mike said, pulling away and heading for the door. Before he went out, he turned to look back at Slim. "Is that OK?"

"Sure. But if you decide to go out to the barn to check on Browny, make sure you close the corral gate behind you."

"OK!"

Mike ran down the stairs and out of the house, slamming the front door behind him and startling Daisy who was sitting by the fire, knitting in hand. She looked around, confused, as Slim came down the stairs.

"Should he be going outside now?"

"It's not that late," Slim said, sitting down in the chair beside her. "And he's not a kid anymore. Besides, he's got something to do."

Daisy arched her eyebrows and smiled knowingly. "Charlie?"

"Yeah. You were right. Maybe I need to do more listening than talking and go easier on him. And you," he said teasing her, "could go easier on both of us."

"Oh, you! You're just as bad as Jess when I catch him in the kitchen eating a cookie before supper." She sighed and dropped her hands together in her lap, resting them on top of her yarn. "I thank God every day for letting me find such a wonderful family in my old age. And," she said sadly, "I pray every day that it won't be torn apart. If we lose Jess…"

"Don't start worrying, Daisy."

"Slim Sherman, I know you worry, too! And don't tell me you don't! I know you better than that."

"Yeah, you're right. But it's more than just worrying. I can't get rid of feeling like it's my fault, that I could have done something to stop what happened. It's dug its teeth into me. The harder I get to shake it off, it tighter it holds on."

Daisy reached out and put her hand on his arm. "I know, Slim. But you still must try to get over it. It doesn't help you - it doesn't help any of us - for you to agonize so much over it."

"I know it. But it hits me out of nowhere - like a fever that goes away and then comes back again. Maybe it'll get better when Jess gets well and comes home. But... if he doesn't…"

"Then we'll keep hoping and praying for the best - for both of you."

"More for him than for me, Daisy," Slim said, staring into the fire.

END OF CHAPTER 35