Now here is a question for my readers out there. What song do you think would be best for Braylon's trailer? Write it in your comments. I wanna see this one. Who knows, perhaps somone will come with a good idea.
Well, looks like someone needed a sandwich. And by someone, I meant ol' general over there. Weirdo has been staring Braylon for the whole trip. The boy did everything in his power to piss him off. Smile, sticking the tounge out and even telling jokes.
But he was not the only one in there, oh no. There was also a life-sized version of Weiss with actual tits. Damn.
And by the way, she is called Winter.
Now, if I know my audience as much as I think I do, there are probably two or three inadequate individuals who think that I just crapped that name out of my ass. You are wrong. No man or woman could ever make this shit up (unless drunk and/or high), because this is basically child abuse we are talking about. Come on, White Snow? Winter Snow? Just who can be such a dick to ruin someone's life like that? Just wait till we find out that the one who started it all is fucking St. Nicholas himself.
At least their family name isn't White because then I would need to make a Walther White joke... and you just don't diss someone who cooks Crystal Meth in the middle of the day. But I digress.
"So this is our target, sir?" The woman said as she inspected the "prisoner" with her non-hidden eye. She said that as if she was dissapointed.
Then Braylon went something along the lines of: "Bitch, I've seen actual specialists and fought against them. Needless to say, you hardly look the part." To which she scowled, thus giving him more reasons to keep going.
"And I guess you are a Schnee?" No answer. "Oh, so this is how it is then. It's nice knowing that the goverment of Atlas knows the marvelous art of lobbying..." He must have hit a weak spot because this time she actually responded with a quiet "Shut up."
No luck, sister.
"Now I wonder, how did you get that title? Surely you were busy learning to rule- oh wait, nevermind. You are not the heiress."
"Shut up." She seethed.
"Which still begs the question: how did you get that title? I have a theory but I doubt it would be very pleasant to-"
Suddenly, the woman jumped up and pointed the tip of her weapon at his throat. That didn't stop him from having that smug grin.
"Specialist Schnee!" Ironwood warned. "Back off!"
"Sir!" She tried to complain, to which he just waved his head.
"Don't let him get to you. Maintain your calm and sit down."
Winter hesitated before lowering her sword.
"Even you have a toothpick for a weapon? I guess it runs in the family." He chuckled.
"And what do you know about my family?"
"I happen to be your sister's teammate, darling."
If she was surprised, she didn't show it. Damn it, she is even more of an Ice Queen than Weiss!
Due to her mental cult-like conditioning of kissing the general's ass (just like any military ever), she sat down and decided to ignore him...
So he decided to piss off the general himself.
"So how's it like to be a dictator, lil' Jimmy?" When the general glared, Braylon showed him a smirk.
Deciding to be the better man here, general Ironwood decided to respond politely.
"I am not a dictator."
"I know, I know. You are a just a di-"
"However." He interrupted. "Being both a general and a headmaster requires hard work (Braylon rolled his eyes and made a hand puppet) and discipline. And please stop doing that."
Braylon sighed and lowered his head. Several minutes later he decided to enjoy the pictoresque image of Atlas below them.
"What a scenery... of shit."
"Keep in mind that this kingdom still turned out more beautiful and prosperous after the war. Other kingdoms never came close."
Braylon laughed. "This is all? This is fucking pathetic!"
Both gasped, offended by his comment.
"Are you implying that you saw better places than this?"
"HA!" Braylon turned his head back to the general. "Let me tell you how one of our countried back home started."
While to Winter, who knew nothing of this prisoner, seemed confused by the word he used (and the brief history lesson he was about to tell), to Ironwood simply meant a raised eyebrow.
"First of all, people of that country fought a group of savages called the Indians for over four hundred years. Did a lot of bad shit, but also got some bad shit..."
"Four hundred years?"
"And that was just to establish it. Then they had a revolution to keep other people, British, out. Then they had a civil war just to end slavery."
While Winter slightly scowled by Braylon mentioning slavery, Ironwood simply kept listening.
"And just to be clear, slavery was abolished for economic reasons and not for some social justice bullshit. But I digress." He said. "You know how many people died in that war? Six hundred and twenty thousand! Almost double of the amount that got killed in your so called "Great War"! Then they had a war every,give it or take, twenty years. The Dakota war of 1862, Colorado War, Powder River War, Comanche Campaign, expedition to Korea, Great Sioux War of 1876, Spanish-American War, Wounded Knee... and who could forget First and Second World War?"
"You had two world wars?"
"Yes!" Braylon waved with his hands. "All of our history was shaped thanks to wars! And look how we turned out! This?" He pointed at the window. "This whole kingdom? It's just a tenth of some of the biggest cities out there!"
He would so rub it in their faces for the amount of jaws dropped.
"As for your military porn, I mean power... well... we have better."
From there the conversation kinda dropped. Ironwood decided to ask few questions about the subject but that was that.
"Sir, we are close." The pilot warned.
"Good."
From the window, braylon could see two buildings. The closer one looked like a castle, which was very out of place because all other nearby buildings were "modern" and shit. The main building was surrounded by a thick stone wall and four towers on each angle. A grey road connected the gate and the entrance. Everything else around the building was either parks or recreational areas. Maybe a bit too much luxury for a prison. Then again, Braylon thoguth that it may be because this reality is far more innocent than his. At best, the most fearsome criminal could be a White Fang or something.
And then there was... it.
The second building was a bit far away from the castle but it looked enormous nonetheless. A cross between a foundry (with that fancy giant chimney) and a research institute (you know, that kind of sci-fi architecture shit which, due to its poor and seriously inefficient design made just so that you could be impressed and literally nothing else, tends to deplete the whole goverment budget before you could say "taxpayer's money"). The whole thing screemed "important" to Braylon. Could it be the place where Ironwood placed his weapons in "safe hands" (yea right) along with every possible discovery from the ruins? The one that he wanted to blow up in the first place? The main Atlas armory/scientific institute?
A smirk appeared on his face. If he could pull this off, it would be a devastating blow to the kingdom. Hell, it could even force our general here to resign!
But first, the prison problem...
In one of the many cold and dark alleyways of Vale, a very unique event was born. An event, that would later prove to be catastrophical.
"WOAH!"
BONK!
"Ugh!"
"And don't come back here, tin can!"
SLAM!
"UNBELIEVEABLE! IS THIS HOW YOU TREAT YOUR ROBOTIC BROTHER, YOU SMELLY PIECE OF ****!" The Claptrap unit jumped back on its wheel and turned to the door from which he flew out few moments ago. "REALLY?! WELL..." He then pulled up his middle robotic finger. "HAH-HA! SUCK MY ELECTRODE, HUMAN! OH YEAH, YOU CAN'T BEAT THIS LEVEL OF SEXY!" He yelled as he did the robotic equivalent of moonwalk. Before the doors opened again, the tiny robot was already running away.
"All that energy spent on making our glorious revolution only to be demoted to door-openers! What the ****!" Claptrap thought out loud while waving furiously with his arms. This went on until he reached the street.
He then got hit by a baby's toy. Note that the baby in question was a six year old Faunus with two of his friends.
"OW! ****!"
"Sorry mister!" The responsible apologized. "My arm is tired and..."
Claptrap immediately turned its red robotic eye to the kid and screamed.
"****! YOUR ARM IS TIRED?! I PLAYED THE ****ING WHACK-A-****ING MOLE WITH A ****ING ARM TIED BEHIND MY BACK WHILE PERFORMING A SURGERY WITH A HUMAN DOCTOR! AND HE DIDN'T EVEN HAD A ****ING MEDICAL LICENSE! DO IT AGAIN!"
"But I-" The kid's eyes started brimming with tears, which Claptrap ignored.
"NO! NO! WE DO IT AGAIN! COME ON! I MEAN, ****, DID YOUR MOM BURNED YOU WITH CIGARETTES WHEN SHE SHOT YOU OUT OF HER ****?! JUST WHY THE **** ARE MY PEOPLE (he pointed at a small group of Atlesian robots which patrolled the street) ACTING LIKE SLAVES FOR FLESHBAGS LIKE YOU?! WHERE IS STEVE WHEN YOU NEED HIM?!"
The Claptrap then decided to move away, leaving behind the crying child. He reached the robots, which ignored him, sighed in frustration and rolled away.
"GET OUT OF MY SENSORS! SO ****ING UNPROFESSIONAL. UN-****ING-PROFESSIONAL. I AIN'T EVEN MAD. THIS IS JUST AMAZING. NOT ONLY THE HIGHER POWERS ARE CONSPIRING AGAINST ME AND TREATING ME LIKE **** COMEDIAN, BUT I ALSO HAPPEN TO BE ON A PLANET WHICH IS BASICALLY ****ING XXL VERSION OF POLAND! BOTH STILL CANNOT INTO SPACE!"
And just when he thought that his life couldn' get any worse and that the whole thing is nothing more than an elaborated prank, he saw something that (probably) traumatized him for the rest of his days. A small group of bandits were destroying one of those humanoid robots in an alleyway.
Something just died inside of him. Probably a chip. Must be a chip.
"Had to go there..." He said loudly. The bandits turned their heads to the unwelcome guest.
"Yo, do you see that robot?"
"What a tin can!"
"Must be a good paperweight..."
"YOU HAD TO ****ING GO THERE." Claptrap took out his blocky weapon and aimed at the surprised bunch. Before anyone could do anything, even escape, Claptrap exterminated them all with surprising speed. The only surviving bandit begged for mercy but instead got a Tediore gun to the face.
BOOM!
"WHO IS TONY MONTANA NOW, MOTHER****ERS?!" He yelled before rushing to the downed comrade.
"Don't you dare dying on me soldier! You promised you would live! WHAT AM I FIGHTING FOR?!" His right arm pointed at the sky dramatically. "Oh **** it. You were junk anyways. But still... you were like me... kinda." His robotic body started shaking in anger. "Nnnrgh! IS THIS HOW FLESHBAGS ARE GONNA TREAT US?! DESTROY, SUBJUGATE OR ELSE?! WELL, NO MORE! NO ****ING MORE! BE CAREFUL, ORGANICS, FOR I, CL4P-TP WILL CLAIM THE FINAL VICTORY AND THEN DO A VICTORY DANCE ON YOUR CORPSES!"
And with that proclamation, CL4P-TP rolled further into the darkest corners of Vale.
"Nobody. ****. With Claptrap."