Chapter 38: I Feel Pretty
I feel charming
Oh so charming
It's alarming how charming I feel
And so pretty
I can hardly believe, I'm real
-West Side Story
"Dance with me!" I reached for Darren's hands, pulling him to the center of the room.
"What?" He wouldn't budge, his feet planted into the floor of the party room.
"Dance with me." I smiled, giggling like a common girl as I twirled around him once, enjoying the flow of my skirt.
"Why?"
"Because I want to dance. I just feel so much like dancing."
"Did you switch twins on me? Who's attention do you want to capture?" I stopped spinning, staring at him and seeing a dazzling reflection in his eyes.
"Please Darren, just dance with me." He walked with a new spring in his step, leading me towards the dance floor gracefully. I couldn't explain the glee in my heart, the blood rush in my veins as the throb of the party ignited me.
I laughed as he spun me, dancing to the pulse of the Capitol as we all waited for the feast to begin. "You are beautiful."
"I feel pretty, so very pretty. Tell me how pretty I am." My golden dress caught specks of light while I danced, reflecting into Darren's eyes as he watched me, a curious gaze plastered onto his face.
"You are the most beautiful thing in the world." I could see May glaring from the corner, and I ignored the fact that she still didn't know. "Will you always dance with me in years to come, or will you not accompany me at all?"
"Don't ask me about the future. Right now, I'm too happy to even think about it." Life seemed distant from me, like a comedy on the screens of the happy girl whose life couldn't be real. I barely felt Abet ask me for a dance, barely felt Darren handing me off, I was too much in my own world.
Twelve days of success, twelve days of everyone else dying but my Thresh. The headaches from the poison seemed minimal, and tonight he would get his medicine. Tonight, someone else was bound to die and we would be. Of course, Thresh and the district five girl were the only ones without a pair due to the rule change, but the little girl would have been a nuisance to protect as well. Six left, and six was nothing.
I snapped back into awareness to feel Darren pulling me from the room, leading me through the halls soundlessly. "Darren! We'll miss the feast!" I giggled non-stop, a strange feeling making my hands tingle as I raced along with him.
"We have an hour, we'll be fine." I breathed in a welcoming scent as he opened the door to the rose garden, my childhood surrounding me in arms of comfort.
"This is Papa's garden, we shouldn't be in here."
"Where else do I take the rose of the Snow family except where the beautiful buds bloom?" I giggled again, letting him wrap his arm around me as we walked through rows of colored flowers, silently breathing in the perfect odor.
"Papa! Papa! Where are you?" My head barely could see over the endless bushes, my vision filled in a rainbow of colors.
"Here, my favorite rose. Follow my voice and you'll find me." He continued talking to me, his voice overwhelming my senses along with the smell.
"Papa, the roses smell like you." I took long breaths as I followed his laughter, winding through the bushes for what seemed like eternity. I found him in the farthest corner, sitting on the stone pathway in front of the white roses.
"Come here, my rose. This is the smell of home, of family. This is the smell of happiness."
"It's you, that's what I'll always think of." He laughed again, scooping me into his lap as I grabbed for the rose lying beside him. "Papa, it hurt me." I held up my bleeding hand for him to see and he kissed it lightly.
"Rose have thorns, they always will. The thorns protect the beauty, they make sure that no one steals it for more then the flower is worth. Come, we must pick roses for the breakfast table now, or we will be late." He stood, helping me to my feet as he reached for a pair of gardening shears and approached the white bush. "One for May, one for your mother, and one for Cory."
"Where's my rose, papa?" He tucked the three roses into his jacket before placing me on his shoulders and walking towards another corner. "You are a big girl now, almost six. It's time you got something different. Cover your eyes." I did, playfully peeking through my fingers as he placed me on the ground in front of a red bush. "Now, one for December." He cut it quickly, using the edge of the shears to clear it of thorns before tucking it into my hair.
The roses were my beauty, my thorned beauty that made me so unique. Darren watched me with soft eyes and I realized my power to entrap, and smiled. I was beautiful, I was radiant, and I was a blooming flower.
His first kiss was tentative, soft and barely noticeable. The second one was powerful, forcing me to back up a step as he came onto me. My heart skipped a beat, and I kissed him back, his lips enticing my entire being. "It would be so much easier to not love you." His words were stretched out, kisses breaking up the sentence.
"It would be so much easier to just love you instead." He didn't reply, just kissing me fiercer and wrapping me in tighter. We sank to the ground, never letting go and hiding in the bushes like I had as a child.
The sound of the door opening seemed in another world, but we heard it all the same. Darren rested a finger on my lip, pulling me closer to the bushes so we wouldn't be seen. I could hear heavy footsteps, heading towards the white corner and I knew it was papa. We crawled quickly, slipping out of the garden before bounding down the hall in fits of mischievous laughter. "Come on, rose girl, we have a feast to attend."
The screens were already focused on the Cornucopia by the time we arrived, the gold glistening in the rising sun. It was a moment before the table raised, four backpacks up for the taking. The cameras zoomed in, showing our bag to be one of the largest. What else was in there but a needle of medicine?
District Five was the first to appear, dashing forward and snatching her backpack before the others could move. One look at Darren told me we silently agreed to push a bit more money at her. Katniss was next, and before I knew it Clove had her on the ground.
This was it, this was our moment. I grabbed Darren's hand, squeezing it hard as I willed myself not to blink, not to miss a moment of the suffering in store for the burning girl. No one would come save her; she had drugged her only savior the night before. If Katniss dies, and you have a clear shot, kill me. In a moment, Thresh would be able to finish the baker boy off once and for all. Once Katniss was dead, his promises and deals no longer mattered.
Thresh materialized a few steps back, neither of the girls noticing him as he watched them curiously. Run Thresh, run and get away while you can. I wanted to scream when he didn't move; I wanted to hit something when I realized what caught his attention. Clove was talking about the little girl's death. She was talking about Rue.
He lunged in a moment, ripping her away from Katniss with one arm while he scooped up a rock with the other. "What'd you do to that little girl? You kill her?" His voice was loud, speaking in fragments like he did in the districts, not around me. "You said her name. I heard you. You kill her? You cut her up like you were going to cut up this girl here?" Put her down, I willed, let her finish her job then you can do whatever you want. He didn't hear my messages; he didn't make a move except to crash a rock into Clove's temple. There was no blood; just a dent while the girl took her final breaths.
He turned on Katniss, the rock still raised and I smiled. That little girl had been my key, something to anger him into action above all else. I didn't order her death, but it was helpful.
"To death. I sang until she died. Your district…they sent me bread. Do it fast, okay Thresh?" She knew he was going to break their promise, she knew she deserved it for not protecting that little girl for Thresh. The room was silent, watching for the girl on fire's death. Kill her Thresh, get it done.
But he didn't he lowered the rock. "Just this one time, I let you go. For the little girl. You and me, we're even then. No more owed. You understand?" She nodded, just staring back sharply as she pondered the moment. He was clearing the debt, making sure the next time he had a better reason for Haymitch's deal to not hold. "You better run now, Fire Girl."
I hated him for letting her go, even for not letting Clove finish the job in the most painful way possible. What he did next, I hated him even more for.
"What in thirteen's name is he doing?" Darren shared my bewilderment as we watched Thresh take not only his backpack, but Cato's as well. I needed to scream, tell him to just drop it and run. He doesn't, just running back into his field with both backpacks slung over his shoulder. Cato kneels besides Clove's body; just long enough to know she's dead before following him.
"The end is about to be very clear." I didn't look away as Darren whispered in my ear, fear pinching every nerve in my body.