Mass Effect; Chronicles of a Soldier

A Friend Indeed...

My standard form of writing applies.

" " - Spoken

' ' - Thoughts, usually in italics, as well.

( ) - Commentary. I'm a smartass. You should know what goes here. My smartass commentary. Usually funny, always interesting. Details and explanations, or my personal opinions, unfiltered.

Italics- Usually things of importence. Flashbacks and certain things are in italics to seperate them from the rest of the story.

Bold!- Things like this are things that just stand out. Usually pretty badass, or just really scary.

Underlined words are oddball parts; anything that stands out, but doesn't fall into the two above categories.

Things in this font are sometimes Author commentary, or truly profound statements.

Those things just below this line, are seperators. They seperate different sections. Simple, yes?

~~Badadumdunbum~~

I don't do scenes like these often, as they're not my forte. But I like the way they turned out.

~~Badadumbundum~~

#36 Perfection

~~Badadumdunbum~~

I woke up slowly, in stages; every one of them hurt like a bastard. Blinking back the grogginess, my heads-up display flashed into view, running the same diagnostic as always.

Stimulant administerd. Heart rate nominal, BP holding steady. EKG showing normal brain function.

Prosthetic functional. Next dose of immunosuppressants required, please administer.

Blearily, I made to sit up, finding that I couldn't. I hardly even noticed the weight on my chest, but there she was, using me as an overgrown pillow. I blinked owlishly, replaying last night's events in my head. Once, twice, three times, four... I lost count. My balls are killing me, though.

I laid back against the bed, finding that it was a lot harder than it looked. I ran through the night's event a few more times with a stupid grin on my face before attempting to extricate myself from her arms, finding that she got a really good grip on my prosthetic. 'Well... Fuck,' I thought, reaching over and manipulating the attachment mechanism just above my elbow. It took some doing to turn myself about enough to detach the arm, but I freed myself, slowly, silently stalking aross the room in search of the storage case on my armor.

It took some doing to get it down from above the fishtank without waking up Shepard, especially with only one arm, but I managed it and retrieved the silver capsule, downing a couple of the blue pills within. After, I glanced around the room, taking note of the disarray we'd caused with our... 'Relations? Exercise? Wild monkey-sex wouldn't be an inaccurate phrase,' I thought with a silent chuckle, turning my attention back to my Commander.

She was sleeping peacefully, wrapped around my silver prosthetic arm, looking happier and more peaceful than I'd ever seen her before. 'I had better get back to bed before she wakes up. She might be a little miffed if she finds I left her with my arm to escape.'

As I crept back towards the bed, Shepard yawned, reaching up to rub her eyes as she smacked her lips for a moment. Before she came to a full stop, staring dumbly at the arm she'd been sleeping with. She slowly looked up, and I felt like a deer in headlights when her gaze fell upon me. I slowly waved to her with my good arm. "Morning."

Shepard hefted up my prosthetic, using it to wave back with a cheeky smile on her face. "Mmhm. I think you forgot something."

"I might have, yes." After retrieving my arm, Shepard dragged me back down into bed, curling up around me.

It was- I cannot even think of the words I would use to describe the feeling. Content? Sated? Something along those lines. To have her skin pressed against my own, her scent in my lungs, to feel her heart beating in concert with mine? It felt... Right? Yes. As though that's what happiness is, and I'd spent my entire life searching for that feeling.

Shepard finally broke the silence, running her fingers aross my scarred abs and down to grab hold of something sensitive. "It's been too long, so I'm still a little... You know. Want to go again?"

"Uhh..."

~~Badadumdunbum~~

Several hours had passed since they'd finished, but Commander Shepard still felt good and sore, splayed out atop him on her bed, both of them too exhausted to move. Turns out that arm of his does have a vibrate setting. Either that, or he is way too good with his fingers.

"Mmm... That was great. Been awhile since I had such a good lay. You up for more?" Shepard teased, nuzzling his cheek.

Roland shifted beneath her, reaching up to run his fingers through her hair, his muscular chest rumbling with soft laughter. "If I thought either of us could move, you know I would never say no."

The Commander chuckled drily. "Didn't stop you from trying last night. The man of Steel, bested by a woman."

He shot her a cheeky grin, his hand sliding down her back to finally rest against her taut bubble butt, his rough callouses sending shivers up her spine. "You are my kryptonite."

Shepard couldn't help but laugh. "Ehehahahah, you've been spending way too much time around Joker." He quirked a brow, staring at her intently. "Oh, yeah. From the past. Well, riddle me this, Superman. Why does it taste like mint chocolate?"

Roland suddenly stopped, averting his eyes nervously. "Heh, long story. You really didn't seem to mind, last night."

Licking her lips suggestively, she replied, "I was a little... Preoccupied. And I thought it was just the coffee." She decided not to press the issue, as there were far more important matters to attend to. Shepard kissed him again, breathing into his ear, "I'm going to get the shower going. Join me?"

"As soon as I can feel my legs again, sure."

She let loose a sultry chuckle, swatting away the hand on her ass and climbing to her feet, letting her hips sashay a little more than necessary as she walked across the room. Of course, she chanced a glance back, finding his eyes following her swaying backside every step of the way. Shepard allowed herself a little theatrics, planting her feet to give her bodacious bum a good slap. The look on his face was, in a word, priceless.

'Heh, still got it,' Shepard thought, mentally cheering, overly satisfied with herself.

After stepping into the head and turning on the shower, the door shut behind her. "Shepard." EDI's voice came over through the intercom, loud enough to just barely be heard over the running water, but she sounded urgent. "After our encounter with Jacob Taylor, I was reminded of the data Roland had acquired from the facility where he was kept for experimentation. I previously went through his armor and cybernetics, but I was unaware of the true extent of the genetic and mental modification he underwent."

Shepard quirked a brow. "Is it really that important, EDI? He's just outside."

"YES." The AI's answer left Shepard feeling more than a little unsettled. "I previously noted that the cybernetics force him to acknowledge any order you give, using some form of auditory cue in unconscious changes to your tone of voice. That is not all. While Cerberus was working on reconstructing you, they also started reconstructing Roland, physically and mentally. His facial structure was modified slightly, so slightly that even he has not noticed, to better fit your tastes in male appearance. But that was insignificant compared to what they did to his mind. I was unable to detect these changes, since they were made to his mind before the cybernetics were implanted, but his synapses were alterred to more closely resemble your own. He thinks like you do, or more accurately, his thought processes compliment your own. But again, insignificant compared to the emotional changes."

Shaken, she demanded, "W-What are you talking about, EDI? What the hell does that even mean?"

"I am saying that I finally understand the reason he was activated and manipulated into finding you, instead of being used as a clandestine agent or soldier. The Illusive Man, Jack Harper, had Roland modified to become your 'Perfect Mate.' "

Shepard stood there, numbly processing what she'd just been told. "Perfect Mate. I remember reading that in the data..."

"The Illusive Man wanted a way to manipulate you. He intended to create the perfect mate for you, a man you could never resist; but he miscalculated. Roland was far stronger than he had anticipated, and while the emotional imprints made him love you, he did not understand the emotions he felt. And he did not understand why he drifted away from you, unable to express those feelings he could not comprehend."

"...Why are you telling me this, EDI?" Shepard could barely keep her voice level, as comprehension dawned on her; it was as she once thought, he was too perfect to be real.

"He has slowly been overcoming the Illusive Man's mental conditioning, and I believe that, eventually, he will overcome the forced recognition imprints, as well. Should that come to pass, his feelings for you may change. I am not qualified to determine how they will change, or even confirm whether or not they will change at all. But I want you to know that how you proceed with your relationship will determine whether those imprints become the sole reason for his affection towards you. If you intend to merely use him, then should those imprints fail, do not expect him to still love you as he now does."

The Commander had never before encountered something like this; she had held the lives of others in the palm of her hand, knowing that her decisions would determine if they lived or died, but had never been forced to love someone. She had never forced someone to love her... Until last night.

"He is approaching. Commander, please consider what I have said."

And with that, the door slid open; Shepard forcing a small smile, desperately trying not to look the man in the eye. He could always tell when she was hiding something. He stepped close, running a hand through her matted hair, shifting her bangs away from her eyes. "So, what was it EDI wanted to talk with you about?"

[Chemical Ride, by Three Years Hollow. If possible, listen to this with headphones]

Shepard must have had some kind of prestige look of unadulterated 'WAT' on her face, because he just chuckled. "Despite the numerous explosions I've survived, and the rampant tinnitus I dealt with for twenty years, I've got pretty good hearing. I take it she wanted to discuss something about me?"

She honestly did not know what to say, and that was a first, for her. Shepard fully understood how Jacob must have felt when she walked in on him with Bryn, wanting to disappear. Not knowing what to do, she figured she would take him at his word, when he said he would always be there for her; and that she shouldn't have to shoulder the weight of the world alone. "Um... You remember how you told me about what Cerberus did to you while they were putting me back together?"

He tilted his head to the side, quirking a brow. "D'you mean the cybernetics, or the mental conditioning?"

"The second one." She couldn't bare to say it aloud. "EDI was looking through the Cerberus data, and without her shackles, she broke through the secondary and tertiary encryption. Apparently, Cerberus did something called... Forced recognition imprinting, or emotional imprints."

Roland blinked owlishly. "What, like forcing someone to recognize somebody else as- Oh. Ohhh. That explains... A lot, actually." He paused, looking thoughtful. It was actually rather cute, seeing the gears turning. "Huh. Weird. Seeing as you're telling me, you have no idea what to do with that information, and you're worried that I'll find out on my own."

She gave a tentative nod. "I'd rather you find out from me, so you wouldn't think that I was..."

"Manipulating me," He profferred.

"Yeah. EDI also pointed out a number of things they did to you, such as your tell."

Roland stopped moving, slowly turning to stare her directly in the eye. "I have a tell? You're joking."

Shepard shook her head. "No. Cerberus plugged my idiosyncracies into your head, and also gave you some of your own. Whenever you're lying or hiding something, you always address me by my rank."

He thought on that, long and hard, just like his-

'Down, girl! Bad libido!'

Her Marine reached up to scratch the bad of his head, another nervous tic. "The hell. That's... Surprising, to say the least."

"Look, I know it's a lot to just drop onto you all at once, but I-" Shepard made the mistake of nervously looking down at her feet, only to find herself staring at his groin, unable to tear her eyes away. "I... Wow."

Physically unable to stop herself, she wrapped both her hands around her Marine's massive member, muttering, "God damn. Reach and flexibility." Stroking it, practically mesmerized by it, she continues playing with the appendage before realizing what she was doing, finally looking up. Roland merely quirks a brow, patiently waiting for her to stop fondling him. She smiles nervously, stuttering, "Sorry, I didn't get a good look at it earlier."

"We were a little too hasty for proper introductions." Roland shifts uncomfortably. "Look, all I want to know is... Is this what you want? Do you want this to be us, or are you only looking for someone to keep you warm?" She could hear the uncertainty in his voice; this was what EDI wanted to warn her about.

Shepard smiled warmly, standing on the very tips of her toes to kiss him. "I'm sorry, I should have done this before. It's my own fault I got hurt with Jacob. So let me be clear." With that, she pulled him into the room until both of them were under the warm spray, turning about and pressing him against the wall, kissing him again. "I love you. I want you all to myself and no one else, so long as you'll have me. Now, and forever." Echoing those familiar words, she kissed him again and again, lower and lower each time until she was on her knees, hungrily staring up into his eyes.

Towering over her, this giant of a man, this monster among men, looked uncertain, hesitant, not unlike a lost puppy. "You would make me yours... I hope you're certain about this, Shepard."

Her lips curled into a seductive smile, teasingly giving his now-throbbing length a lick. "More than ever."

With those words hanging in the air, that little puppy morphed into an insatiable beast as he bent down to lift her up, slamming her back against the wall as he growled in her ear, "Because everyone on this ship is about to hear you screaming my name."

It was then that Shepard realized that men like him were not known as 'Wolves' merely for their ferocity in battle.

~~Badadumdunbum~~

The silence has broken.

At long last, my aching heart beats once more, but now there is another heartbeat, alongside my own.

And when I feel her next to me, the cracks in my resolve, the weakness I've suffered so long...

It vanishes, only to be replaced with Fire and Steel.

~~Badadumdunbum~~

On the Bridge, Joker is reviewing the footage he'd been sent 'anonymously,' letting loose a low whisper as the dull thumping and banging, along with the occasional scream from the top floor of the ship continued. Most of the crew hardly noticed. The ones who did were quietly laughing, some having made or lost a few credits.

"I don't know who took this video, but it is awesome." EDI, now in Eva Core's body, shot him a cheeky grin. "EDI, what music do you think should play in the background for this? I was thinking maybe the Alliance Anthem, or the Spectre's Supposition. Maybe that one about cyborgs getting it on in Zero-G."

The AI responded, "One moment. Searching... Based on numerous extranet searches for similar situations, some form of jazz with soft, rhythmic tones would be best. Or Yakety Sax."

Jeff sat there with a stunned look on his face for a moment, before a massive, shit-eating, ear-to-ear grin split through his beard. "Yakety Sax it is. Did I ever tell you how awesome you are? I feel like I don't say it enough."

Of course, the AI was beaming at the compliment. "One hundred and twenty seven, to be precise. And no, you don't say it often enough. By the way, Jeff, what is your intent in editing this video?"

"Not sure, yet. I could probably make a few credits marketing it to a studio, we can always use more money. Or increase the number of male Alliance enlistees by posting it online as a recruiting video. Maybe send it to Jacob and mess with his head, that'd be fun. Of course, I have to weigh the benefits against the chance of Shepard breaking my legs and throwing me out the airlock, ass-first."

EDI suddenly stopped smiling. "Uh-oh."

Joker blinked owlishly. "Uh-oh? I don't like the sound of that. That sounds like the prelude to the sound of snapping shinbones and a handsome pilot's screaming."

"The two of them have just concluded their most recent proclivities. They seem to have remembered that I have cameras installed in her cabin."

"Uh-oh is right."

~~Badadumdunbum~~

"Damnit. I keep forgetting EDI has cameras in here." Shepard muttered, blushing fiercely as she tossed a shirt over the last one she could see.

Her Marine wrapped an arm around her shoulders, chuckling softly. "Don't worry about it, love. It's not like we were quiet, just now." She loved when he did that; for some reason, the feeling of his strong, warm arms around her made it seem like there was nothing in the world that could get to her.

Unfortunately, outside of bed, the feeling never lasts long.

He was still watching her, breathing slowly; almost as if he was savoring her scent, like a wild beast. "What're you thinking?" He asked, arm sliding down her body to rest on her hip, his fingers slowly tracing the outline of the scar she'd gained on Purgatory when they recruited Jack.

'About how much I love the way your callouses send shivers up my spine. About the way your turqoise eyes brighten when you look at me. About how your voice makes my heart flutter. About the way you kissed the scars I've always been so self-conscious about. And about what we just did.'

It took everything she had and more to shake those thoughts from her mind. "I'm debating whether I should break Joker's nose or his pelvis. I guarantee he had EDI recording video."

Roland just grinned wolfishly. (Yes, I know what I did there) "Good. We'll send a copy to Jacob with Halestorm playing in the background." When she just scrunched up her face in confusion, Roland pulled up his omnitool, scrolling through it for a few moments before finding what he was looking for.

[Bet You Wish You Had Me Back, by Halestorm]

Shepard stood there listening, and within a minute, she noticed she was grinning like an idiot. "I like the sound of that."

Her Marine just snickered to himself. "If you like that, I've got one better."

[It's Not You, by Halestorm]

Another two minutes passed listening to the second song before Shepard just shook her head, still smirking up a storm. "Remind me to never mock Joker's taste in music again. Some of this stuff is pretty good, mind sending me a copy of your music library?"

"Sure." He hit a few keys on the 'tool built into his prosthetic, and a moment later, my own flashed.

I blinked back surprise. "Holy hell. Fifteen terabytes?"

"I have a lot of music on here. I also included a few old stand up comedians. Not much else I'm interested in, since it's not like I can play minesweeper while I'm getting shot at." Shepard decided not to ask what minesweeper was. "Besides, you've plenty to choose from. Joker's got hours of footage; could probably que up thirty or forty songs."

Shepard shook her head, chuckling. "I was going to settle on just kicking Jacob in the balls next time I saw him, but I like the way you think."

Roland shifts awkwardly, rubbing the back of his neck. "To be honest, I didn't know whether I wanted to punch him, strangle him or shake his hand. Maybe all three. Really wanted to knock the smug look off that bitch's face, though."

"Why didn't you?" Shepard meant it as an honest question.

He blinked owlishly. "Honestly? I was more worried that you were going to snap and kill both of them. Hell, Garrus started hauling ass like you were about to explode. But in all seriousness, I was only kidding about sending any video to Jacob, it'd just wind up all over the extranet. I'll go kick Joker's ass until he deletes it."

"No, it's fine. I think I will send Jacob a little payback gift." Roland gave her an odd look, prompting Shepard to grin from ear-to-ear, firmly grasping his manhood. "After handling this thing? I'd tell anybody who'd listen. I want you for myself."

~~Badadumdunbum~~

As the elevator finally came to a halt and the doors opened, all of the crew suddenly looked away, looking anywhere and everywhere except at the Commander and her XO as they stepped out and rounded the elevator shaft, heading to the mess hall. After depositing the trays and thermos in the washer, Roland opened the nearby drawer and retrieved his apron, pulling it on overtop of his armor.

It was a frilly, bright pink specimin, with the words 'Master Chef' bolded across the front in OD green.

For some strange, inexplicable reason, it made the heavily-armored, cyborg killing machine seem even more intimidating than before, if at all possible. 'Like dressing up a shatha to look like a pyjak,' Shepard thought with a shiver, shaking her head.

She cast her gaze around the room, noting that the crewmen present were intentionally avoiding her eyes. Shaking her head, she turned her attention back to Roland, who had already started brewing a pot of coffee and working on breakfast, making reconstituted eggs, dried bacon and some kind of sausage. Standard fare, this being a space ship, but Roland does a pretty good job of seasoning the bland food to perfection.

"Shepard." She turned to see her old friend Garrus Vakarian approaching. As he passed by, he raised a hand, and Roland high-five'd him (Or would that be high-eight?) without even looking up from what he was doing.

The Comander looked between the two, slightly confused; she couldn't see Roland's expression through his helmet, and Garrus was already walking away. Nevertheless, she put it out of her mind as Liara came into the mess hall, pulling a snack of some sort from the kitchen before high-five'ing Roland on her way out.

A few minutes later, James Vega strolled in with a big grin on his face, making a beeline for the refrigerator. After retrieving something from inside, he shut the door, high-five'd Roland (Again without the Marine looking away from the food) and walked away.

Thoroughly confused, Shepard scratched the back of her head, trying to figure out what the hell was going on as a few more people made a point to high-five Roland before he finished making breakfast, setting the eggs, bacon, bread and instant potatoes out on trays, depositing the cookware in the washer. That done, he removed the apron and spent roughly thirty seconds pouring the coffee into canteens, adding whatever special ingridients he used before shaking them and handing her one, along with her tray.

Shaking her head, she led the way back to the elevator, where they met Donnelly and Daniels as they were stepping out. Once again, Roland was high-five'd, twice. As soon as the elevator closed, she stared at her Marine, asking, "What the hell was that all about?"

Somehow, she could tell that he was grinning. "Apparently, a lot of money changed hands in the past few hours."

~~Badadumdunbum~~

"So, what've you got in mind for our next op?" I asked, around a mouthful of sausage and shitty powdered eggs.

Shepard had already finished her own food and snuck a piece of my bacon as she reread the mission reports, chasing the stuff with coffee. Can't blame her for being hungry, she only ate half her food last night before we started working up a sweat, but the next time she swipes my bacon there's going to be a reckoning. "Back to the beginning... There's been some prestige shit going down on Eden Prime, some kind of Prothean dig site that Cerberus has taken control of. Seeing as Eden Prime is where the whole mess with Saren started, along with that damned Prothean beacon, it can't be a coincidence."

I nodded sagely, snatching up my last strip of bacon just as Shepard started reaching for it. "So it's a blast from the past, then. I read the Eden Prime report, looked like it was a massive charlie-foxtrot." I'd just taken a bite when Shepard reached over, plucking the rest of it from my grip and downing it in one bite. "Woman, don't mess with a man's bacon. I fixed extra sausage just for you."

She swallowed the last of my bacon, shooting me a cheeky grin. "I've had my fill of sausage this morning, thank you." We both knew she'd picked her words very carefully when she made that statement. 'This morning.'

A very particular choice of words.

I shifted a bit closer, pulling her into my lap. "Careful. You might've just bitten off more than you can chew."

"Hehahahah, you liked it when I bit you," She breathed, reaching back to wrap an arm around my shoulders as she got comfortable. "I'm going to have to get you a new uniform. This armor of yours is dreadfully uncomfortable."

"Aldrin Labs N7 Banana Hammock, then? I think Kassa Fabrication has an up-armored version, too."

My Commander stifled a snort of laughter. "Lord, no. I wouldn't be able to think straight with you walking around like that. I'm thinking BDU's, something for when it's just the two of us and going all-natural isn't an option."

Oh yeah, that reminds me. The standard uniforms are basically generic fatigues used by almost everyone, from Alliance to colonists to Cerberus. BDU's, on the other hand, are actually an up-armored variant used by Alliance Marines on-post, typically the Army. They use a heavy aramid weave to protect the chest and back, and also incorporate kinetic barriers, along with magnetic weapon holsters and the numerous pockets of standard fatigues. They're usually worn by combat arms personnel when they aren't wearing full armor.

Anyway. I shifted Shepard off of my lap for a moment as I stripped off the outermost layer of my armor, dropping the plates on the floor and out of the way, along with the top half of the undersuit. "Better?" I asked, as I pulled her back onto my lap, lounging against my bare chest.

"Much," She said, kissing me before snuggling just a bit closer. "But a little distracting."

I couldn't help laughing. "You're the one rubbing my crotch, not the other way around. So, if it's a Prothean dig site, I take it we're bringing Liara with us?"

Shepard nodded. "Mmhm. Along with Garrus and James, since I have no idea what's waiting for us down there. And Ashley knows the planet better than anyone, so we'll need her, as well."

Ah. "The full squad, then. What kind of Cerberus presence are we looking at?"

"Massive occupation force. They effectively control the planet, so at least a full garrison of infantry, likely with a bit of armor and air support. The colonists have been resisting, but they don't have the manpower to fight them head-on, and the Alliance doesn't have the resources to divert enough men to force Cerberus offworld."

Well, that's never a fun situation. "The locals will have an easier job if we cut a bloody swath through Cerberus while we're down there. We could roll hard as a cohesive unit, but we might be bogged down. Or we could split into two fireteams; have one work on extracting whatever Prothean artifact Cerberus found, while the other plays decoy and kicks some ass. Problem is that the decoy team is going to get shot up pretty bad. Both solid plans, but the terrain and enemy response will be the deciding factor once we're on the ground, unless you've got another idea?"

"Far as I'm aware, it's a fairly small area with a lot of prefabs, longest sightline is well under two hundred meters. Firefights will all be close-quarters."

I found myself chuckling mirthlessly. "Aren't they always..."

She hit a few more haptic keys on her omni before the glowing orange hologram disappeared from view. "I've told Joker to set a course for Eden Prime. Meanwhile, we've got some time to kill. Got any ideas? Whatever comes to mind." With that, she stretched her legs out across the coffee table, slowly unzipping her top.

I reached up to run my fingers through her hair, still carrying the scent of her shampoo, before flipping her over, laying her flat on the cough, legs locked tight around me as I growled into her ear, "You're insatiable."

Her luscious lips curled up into that hungry, wolfish smirk that made her look every inch a predator, already digging her nails into my back. "And you can't get enough."

"Damn straight."

~~Badadumdunbum~~

I practically staggered out of the elevator, having been using the walls to support myself. Despite the helmet and my entire body feeling like sore, lead-filled jell-O, I couldn't quite manage to wipe the stupid-looking grin off my face. Good Lord, that woman is insatiable.

Making my way through the CIC, I noticed Specialist Traynor giving me a funny look. "Sir? Are you alright?" I think I still have a few lipstick stains on my helmet, I didn't quite have the forethought to take it off and wipe it down.

"I'm, ah... I'm alright. I think." More than a few of the Bridge crew were staring as I hobbled along towards the cockpit, fighting to keep from collapsing. Definitely missed a few of her kisses, then.

Joker turned in his chair, the leather seat squeaking with the movement. "Holy hell. You look like shit, LC. You alright?"

Having reached my objective, I nonchalantly leaned against the nearby bulkhead to keep from falling flat on my face. "I feel like the morning after shore leave, but I'll live. Goddamn, everything hurts." I rolled my shoulders again, wincing at just how sore the muscles were. Painkillers haven't had time to kick in, yet.

The Pilot just grinned, shaking his head and raising a fist. "Yeah, after six months I imagine she was a little pent up. I still have no idea how you managed to pull that off, she had to be homicidal after risking her life to save Jacob, only to find out that he's been banging someone else for months."

I shrugged, fist-bumping him as gently as I could manage. "Prayer, mostly." Jeff giggled at the offhand joke, which I admit, was pretty amusing. "She turned the Cerberus soldiers into mincemeat the moment Taylor was out of earshot. Didn't say a word for the rest of the trip back to the Normandy, and I'm fairly certain Jacob knew better than to get within arm's reach of her. Hell, Garrus was terrified that she was going to flip her shit and start killing everyone."

"Are you two finished talking about me, yet?" I glanced back to find Shepard approaching, walking with a lot more pep in her step than I was capable of at the moment. "Joker, how far out are we from Eden Prime?"

The bearded pilot shifted through a few haptic interfaces as he answered. "Little under half an hour, Commander."

"Good." Then our Commander stepped closer, innocently placing a hand on Joker's shoulder as she lowered her voice. "I don't need to tell you what'll happen if I find out about video of Roland and I on the extranet, now do I?"

Joker froze, swallowing back bile. "No, Ma'am!"

She nodded, satisfied. "Alright, then. EDI, forward copies to my personal terminal and delete any Joker has hidden."

"Understood, Commander."

Shepard then tapped my shoulder, beckoning me. "Come on, the others are waiting for us in the shuttle bay."

~~Badadumdunbum~~

[Commander Shepard, by Miracle of Sound (Gavin Dunne)]

Ashley sighed melodramatically, muttering under her breath, "Seriously?"

Shepard was on her feet with a great big grin on her face, nodding her head to the beat as she stood over Cortez's shoulder. "Yes."

Liara groaned, exasperated. "Do you have to play this song every time we take the shuttle?"

My Commander just grinned even wider. "YES."

Garrus sighed, shaking his head. I didn't even know Turians could sigh. "Only Shepard could think a song written over a hundred years ago was actually about her."

James looked between the rest of the squad, confused. "I kinda like it."

"SHUT UP, JAMES." Was the response he got, from everyone except for myself and Shepard.

I shook my head as the song ended, nudging Shepard's flank. "How about I choose the next one?" She shrugged, and so I scrolled through my omnitool for the one I wanted.

Black Veil Brides? Nah.

Ride of the Valkyries? Fuck, no.

Three Years Hollow? Mmm... Nope.

Megadeth? Oh, hell yes.

[High Speed Dirt, by Megadeth]

I glanced around the shuttle interior, admiring the looks of absolute terror on everyone's faces, except for Garrus and, oddly enough, James.

The big man was grinning, laughing aloud. "Turn it up, Tinman! The LC looks like she's about to lose her lunch!" True to his word, Williams was more than a little green, looking about ready to puke. On the other hand, Liara was a rather repugnant shade of purple, so she probably wasn't too far behind.

Garrus, on the other hand, was tapping his foot, listening intently. "Hm. Listening to a song about falling towards the ground at terminal velocity while riding a shuttle into enemy territory. I guess Humans and Turians aren't too different, after all."

Shepard was shaking her head, trying her best not to laugh as she said, "So, does everyone still prefer the XO's choice of music?"

Everyone answered at once, their opinions combined into a single, irrefutable voice.

"YES."

FLASHBACK

"Your taste in music sucks, Wolf," My partner muttered, as Megadeth reverberated around the cargo hold.

I couldn't help snickering. "It's better than your fuckin' hip-hop. Or the LT with his 'Best of the Hindu Kush' crap."

Rachel sighed melodramatically as we shuffled over to the hatch. "I'm just saying that you have a tendency to tempt fate, and it's gonna bite you in the ass someday."

I rolled my eyes. "Pffft. Fate can blow me for all I care. You ready to jump?"

"Fuck, no. Only an idiot jumps out of a working C130. Let's get this over with before Masters pukes on me."

END FLASHBACK

*Ba-Dump*

Not even a moment later, we heard our pilot shout, "Whoa, shit!" And the shuttle swung to the side, almost perfectly horizontal, throwing everyone against their restraints. For Shepard, that meant she fell against my chest, so I reflexively wrapped my free arm around her.

"Status?!" She shouted over the sound of Dave Mustaine's voice, wrapping her arms around me to steady herself.

Cortez shouted back, "AA guns, I'm dropping low to get under their line of fire! We'll be right over the DZ in half a mike, but you'll have to get out quick! I'm reading fast-movers on long-range sensors, probably Cerberus gunships!"

I took all that in, doing the minute calculations in my head. "How low can you get us?"

"Twenty feet!"

Close enough. "Roger that." I started counting down the seconds in my head, unfurling the arm wrapped around Shepard to let her hang onto me on her own strength. "Hang on tight, Shepard."

She blinked owlishly as I reached over to the release for the shuttle's hatch. "You wouldn't."

I grinned like a madman. "No time to disembark properly. It can't be much worse than dropping from orbit."

"You're insane," She deadpanned. Then I saw the wicked grin that matched my own. "Everyone, restraints off! Get ready to jump!" It was wrong of me, but I enjoyed seeing the looks of shock on their faces as they scrambled to unhook themselves, Vega being the only one to look as excited as I felt. (And not just because I had Shepard rpessed up against me)

"Get ready!" Cortez shouted. "DROP!" And with that, I finished my mental countdown and hit the switch, releasing the death grip I had on the grab bar, letting myself fall. I reflexively wrapped my arms around Shepard as we spun through the air, the artificial muscles of my undersuit expanding as they locked into place, securely wrapped around my Commander to protect her from the impact. She'd already curled up, tucking her chin and braced herself for the impact.

*WHUMPK-THUMPK-THUM-Thumpk!*

We roughly rolled aross the grass, only bouncing once after the initial impact, but we slid or rolled a good twenty, thirty feet. It wasn't too bad a landing, considering we hit soft grass instead of hard rocks, like someone did.

"Augh." Ashley sat up from where she'd landed in a patch of gravel, sucking her teeth in pain as she rubbed her sore backside. "Whoever said it was better to land on your ass than your head is a damned liar. Ack, think I broke something..."

Garrus was already on his feet, shaking off the landing like it was nothing special. "Not bad, but a little shaky on the dismount. A solid 7." Ashley glared at him as he offered a hand, but she took it in stride.

"WHOO!" James had jumped last, and apparently, he got the most airtime out of all of us, seeing as he was a good forty feet away. "That was awesome!"

And finally, "Whew..." Liara gracefully set down just a few meters away, having used her biotics to slow her descent. Seeing this, Ashley started grumbling again, muttering to herself as a pair of Mantis gunships flew over our heads, still chasing after Cortez.

"You can let go of me, now." Shepard muttered, shifting uncomfortably in my grip.

Oh, right. "I'm quite comfortable where I am, thank you."

"As am I. But if you don't let go of me in the next ten seconds, I won't be responsible for my actions." Judging by her lascivious tone of voice, I think I knew what she was insinuating. Fun as that might be, my balls are still aching from earlier. That, and fucking in the grass is nowhere near as fun as you'd think.

After untangling ourselves and getting to our feet, we surveyed our suroundings; we were standing atop a hill overlooking the colony, and furthermore, the dig site. I could see some kind of pillars coming out of the ground in the distance, and they sure as hell didn't look human in design.

I faintly heard Liara saying, "This is where is all began..." But I was a little preoccupied by the blinking lights on my HUD.

"We've got movement, forty meters out. Contact!"

~~Badadumdunbum~~

Referneces include, but are not limited to: Creen, House MD, Berserk, Medal of Honor 2010, and many, many more which I cannot be arsed to track down.