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Ch. 37 No Keys to My Soul

(REESE)

"You could have gone to the game," I tell Clare as we start walking home from school Friday afternoon.

"I would have been home late and I'm not sure I can sneak in without your help. I've already slept at Owen's house once this week and with Fitz living there now there isn't really room for me. I'm already going to be out tomorrow for my birthday party and your dad's been in a bad mood all week," she replies.

"Just stay out of his way, if you need help sneaking in I can help you," I assure her putting my arm around her.

My parents, either by some miracle or the gross negligence of the foster care system, became registered foster parents two years ago. We've had foster kids including Clare but up until Clare all of them were boys. We've had them as young as ten and as old as seventeen. They all slept on the floor of my room and even the ones my age or bigger than me I could control. Usually I just stayed out of the house and they all knew how to stay small and quiet, how to take a hit and just keep their mouth shut. None of them we're here more than a couple of months and they'd move on to the next foster home. Clare is the only girl we've ever had and I've had a crush on her since last year. I mean it was like being granted a dream, here's a girl you like stuck in your house and sleeping in your bed.

My parents are both at work when we get home but they'll be home soon. We grab some snacks and sit down to watch TV; I keep the blinds opened just a bit so we can see when my parents get home. As soon as I see Mom's car I turn off the TV and we go up to our room. I sit on the bed and she sits at the desk on her laptop. My dad gets home a few minutes later, he didn't slam the door this time but I hear his deep voice and although he's not yelling he's not in a good mood. We don't come down until Mom calls us to set the table for dinner. Clare always gets this look in her eye when anyone gives her a command; she becomes sort of empty and blank. Something her stepdad and stepbrother did to her I'm sure. Clare sets the table quickly and accurately, she always pauses near my dad's chair for a second when he sits down and then sort of shakes her head like she's snapping out of a daydream before sitting in her spot. We eat in silence and since Dad has had three beers already we go straight to my room after dinner. Clare goes back to sitting at the desk on her laptop and I sit on the bed on mine.

When I hear my mom go to bed a little after ten I peek downstairs and see my dad still drinking beer on the sofa and watching TV. I turn off the light in our room just in case Dad decides to come upstairs in a bad mood and sees the light. Clare shuts down the laptop and we run across to the washroom to quickly brush our teeth. We get undressed and get in bed neither of us are tired but my dad won't try and come in the room if he thinks we're asleep, usually. I roll over and start kissing her chest; she always sleeps naked now because I always take her clothes off anyway. The first time I tried anything with her I expected Clare to push me away or slap me but she just laid there. Didn't move or make a noise just laid there, broken into submission like that by her stepdad and stepbrother. It's like having a toy, a sex doll of flesh and bone.

"Hang on need a condom," I comment as I spread her legs.

She doesn't move and I grab a condom putting it on, she's not wet yet so I spit on my fingers and finger her a minute to get her wet. I don't want to hurt her I just want to have sex with her. I do wish she'd react and not just lay there but I know she's been broken by whatever abuse she suffered. When I'm done she simply curls up and rolls over. I take off the condom and lie next to her falling asleep quickly. Waking up the next morning to my dad yelling, I know my mom's at work so he must be yelling at Clare.

It's funny I never cared when my dad yelled or insulted or even hit any of the foster kids. Most of them had been beaten in their homes anyway and were used to it, even those that weren't I just didn't care. With Clare I do I want to keep her from my parents abuse, I feel protective of her and I actually care, never really cared about anything before but I care about Clare, well at least I care enough to keep her from taking the wrath of my parents.

I slip on some boxers and run downstairs; Clare is just standing there letting Dad yell at her while she tries not to cry. He's yelling something about breakfast and he's drunk already, possibly still drunk from last night. He raises his hand to hit her and I run over getting between them, I get struck instead of Clare and she gasps.

"STUPID FUCKING KIDS I'M GOING TO TAKE A SHOWER YOU BETTER HAVE BREAKFAST READY WHEN I GET OUT!" Dad yells and then goes upstairs.

"Is that why he was angry he wants you to make breakfast?" I question and Clare nods letting her tears come now. "Ignore him he can make his own breakfast," I tell her. She looks up and brushes her finger over my eye where I got hit. "I'm fine and anyway I'm not the one with a birthday party to go to. You should get dressed, we should probably be gone when he's out the shower just to be safe," I comment and she nods. We go upstairs I toss on some clothes and we get ready quickly, I walk with her part way to Owen's house.

"Will you be home later? Tonight after my party?" She asks.

"Yeah sure see you tonight enjoy your party," I tell her walking off to the ravine.

(CLARE)

"Hey you're early, I was going to pick you up," Owen says opening the door to his house after I ring the bell.

"Yeah sorry I couldn't sleep last night and I got up early I hope you don't mind," I apologize as he lets me in.

"I never mind spending time with you," he grins and I smile and then my stomach growls. "I take it you didn't eat breakfast?"

"No just left, too excited for my birthday party I guess and to see you," I reply and Owen's smile grows.

"Then let's get you some breakfast," he says.

Owen gets me down a bowl and some cereal and I help myself. Fitz, who was in the shower, comes out to the living room and sits at the table with us. Owen's parents are out and Owen tells me Tris is already at Maya's to help decorate and setup for the party. Owen tells me all about the game last night and Fitz talks about work and his mom until it's time to leave for the party.

"Before we go come with me, I was going to give this to you tonight but you're here now," Owen says standing up and offering me his hand. I take it and follow him back to his room, he sits me on the bed and hands me a wrapped box. "I would have given it to you at the party but well no one really knows about the whole writing thing yet and honestly it would be kind of embarrassing," Owen admits scratching the back of his neck uncomfortably.

I smile and open the box, it's a framed poem that Owen wrote, I read it and my heart swells.

Angel of Dreams

Blue eyes like shining sapphires, lips like a cherub, amber hair in whirlwind curls

Your smile seldom seen is brighter than the midday sun

Your laugh like sweetest music to my ears

Your beauty is so ethereal, more heavenly than any angel

Angel of my dreams is what you are

Filling my sleep with your beautiful image every night

"Owen it's gorgeous thank you," I grin putting my hand at the back of his neck and ensnaring his lips.

"You're welcome it's all true," he smiles and takes my lips for another kiss. I grin and part my lips; our tongues caress each other for a moment before he pulls away. "And as much as I'd love to keep you here and just kiss you all day you do have a birthday party to go to," Owen reminds me, he takes the poem and puts it on his bed telling me I can get it later. We go back out to the living room, Fitz already has our stuff in the car and we lock up to drive to the Simpson-Nelson house.

"Happy Birthday Sis," Maya grins running over to hug me as soon as I'm in the door.

"Thanks Maya," I grin hugging her back. I push away everything else, everything that's happened to this point, all I've been through I let it all go so I can enjoy my party.

"Happy Birthday Clare," Christine says coming out of the kitchen with Mr. S and Connor.

"Thanks and thanks for letting us have the party here," I smile.

"You're welcome Honey; we'll be taking Jack to another birthday so you kids will have the house to yourselves. We'll be back around seven," Christine tells me.

Emma and Spinner arrive and say happy birthday to me just before saying goodbye to Emma's parents and brother. Jay, Manny, Sean, Paige, Johnny, Eli and Zig all arrive within a few minutes. Drew, Adam and Bianca are the last to arrive; they all come in and hug me wishing me a happy birthday.

"Our dad talked to Jake and Glen's lawyer and we found out they've been put into solitary because they keep getting the crap beat out of them and raped in prison. They're more hated pretty much any inmate in prison," Drew informs us with a happy grin.

"Good they deserve all of it and more," I respond.

"I hope they die in there," Maya nods in agreement.

"I think it's time for presents," Owen says before we start talking about Jake and Glen.

I have a pretty big stack of presents even though it's a small party. I get some really nice clothes from Emma and Spinner and Maya and the Simpson-Nelson family. I get notebooks, music that I wanted and gift cards, Johnny got me tickets to a book reading from one of my favorite authors. Adam got me a necklace with a book charm that opens and my birthstone is inside. I love everything I got and I thank everyone many times. After presents we have cake and ice cream, hang out and talk and when we get hungry we order pizza. I have a great time, Owen keeps smiling at me all day and it makes me blush and bite my lip. For a few hours anyway I'm able to put every bad thing I've been through out of my mind and just be a normal happy kid. The Simpson-Nelson family returns a little after seven but we all stay, hanging out and talking until after ten when Christine needs to get Jack to bed. I say goodnight and thank them for hosting the party again. We get all of my presents into the car and say goodnight to everyone.

"You want to come hang out at my place for a while?" Owen offers when we go to his car.

"I would but I should probably get back home, I had an amazing birthday thank you," I smile and kiss his cheek.

"I was thinking we should have our first date next weekend, next Saturday. My family will be gone at my grandparents and Fitz will be working that night," Owen tells me and Fitz confirms this from the backseat.

"Sounds great," I smile as Owen starts driving. They drive me home and I unlock the door, the entire Delancey family is in the living room.

"You want us to help you get this stuff to your room?" Fitz asks.

"No I'll bring it up thanks," I respond.

"I can help her," Reese tells them.

"I'll walk you two back out to the car," say to Fitz and Owen grabbing their sleeves and pulling them to the door so they don't think of staying. "Thanks for everything I'll see you at school Monday," I tell Fitz hugging him tightly before he gets in the car.

"Happy Birthday Clare," he smiles kissing my cheek.

"Thanks for everything I'll get the poem tomorrow, it is my favorite present," I tell Owen hugging him tightly and capturing his lips for a deeply passionate kiss. Owen just grins and they get into the car, I wave and walk to the front door and watch them drive away before I go in. My smile fades when I see Robin looking through my presents. "What are you doing?!"

"Think your special don't you? Got pretty clothes and jewelry to go with that pretty face. You're not so hot you little slut, your looks will fade. I was once pretty just like you," Robin snaps back as she tosses my presents about the room and I'm really glad that my poem from Owen is at his house.

"That's my stuff get away from it," I shriek as I pull at her arm.

"HEY LET GO OF HER YOU STUPID BITCH!" Alexander screams at me as he leaps up grabbing the back of my shirt and yanking me back violently. He tosses me back and I land on my butt, at least I didn't hit anything.

"Leave her alone it's her birthday those are her presents, stop being such a bitch Mom," Reese says in my defense but all it manages to do is turn the wrath of his father onto him.

"DON'T YOU FUCKING TELL ME WHAT TO DO!" His dad growls backhanding Reese and he flies back hitting the sofa.

"I'm taking these you don't deserve them, you two get up to your room," Robin hisses at us and continues on with a string of insults. I'm crying and I want to stop her from tearing apart my things but Reese gets up and stops me.

"Don't," he says pulling me upstairs, "they've been like that all night. My mom's jealous of you and my dad's just an asshole. I'll try and get your presents later."

"Are you okay? You've been hit twice today," I point out as he locks the bedroom door.

"I'm fine, I'll have a couple of bruises and I'll tell everyone I got in a fight. We probably shouldn't be here tonight," Reese tells me opening his window.

We climb down and this time Reese takes me to a row house not far from my old house. Reese uses a spare key he gets from a fake rock and opens the front door.

"Where are we?" I inquire as he turns on the lights.

"It's Rich's house," Reese tells me like I have any idea who that is and I pinch my eyebrows together. "He goes to DeGrassi, hangs out with me. He and his family are gone for the week but I crash here sometimes. It's cool we're safe here," Reese says with a confident smile.

Reese turns on the TV and we sit down, he asks about my party and I tell him. We stay up late into the night watching TV mostly in silence. I'm not even really tired; It's after three when we do finally go to bed, both of us sleeping in Rich's bed. Naked of course and Reese fondles me a little, mostly fingering me and kissing my neck but that's all he does before we fall asleep. I fall asleep thinking about my party so I won't think about what happened after. We stay at Rich's house all day Sunday too, sneaking into our room and going to sleep. Reese's face has two very prominent bruises on it, he tells me to tell everyone he got into a fight with a kid at the ravine. His mom drives us to school Monday morning and she's just silent, but I see that she's got a bruise on her arm. I'm sure we'll be paying for it and hearing about it later. When she pulls up to the school Owen and Fitz are on the stairs with my sister and Tris. I see their faces when they see Reese's face, he just ignores them and goes straight into school but I go stand with them.

"What happened to Reese?" Maya asks looking at me closely.

"He said he got in a fight with a kid at the ravine," I reply.

"That's not surprising, are you okay?" Owen questions tipping my chin up and giving me a tender kiss before I can answer.

"I'm fine I wasn't at the ravine," I tell him.

"I thought you were going to come over yesterday to get your birthday present," Owen comments.

"Yeah sorry I had chores to do; can we keep it at your place for a while? I just don't want anything to happen to it and I'm not sure my foster home is the best place for it," I comment.

"Yeah sure, everything okay at the house?" He questions.

"Yep fine I just don't really trust it there," I reply with a smile and kiss his cheek.

"Okay no problem you can keep it at my house as long as you need to," Owen assures me.

"Yeah and anyway," Fitz says as we all begin walking inside, "I hear the Torres' are working on a permanent solution."

(OWEN)

"Hey Owen she'll be right down," Reese tells me when he opens the door. It's late Saturday afternoon and I'm picking Clare up for our date.

"Thanks," I nod just as Clare comes down the stairs. She's wearing a dark green dress and matching flats, it's simple but elegant and sexy just like Clare.

"You look amazing," I grin holding my hand out to her.

"Thanks," I smile, "you look very nice."

"You should stay the night, since the folks are at a party and all," Reese tells her as we turn to leave.

"What did he mean by that?" I question when we're in my car.

"Just that his parents are away at a party and they'll be gone all night. Reese will be gone too," she replies.

"Oh well you can sleep at my place no problem, I can sleep on the sofa since we officially turned part of the garage into a room for Fitz," I comment.

"Thanks but you don't have to sleep in the living room I like it better when you're next to me," she says and I smile.

"Take a seat I've got everything prepped I just need to start cooking," I tell her when we get back to my house.

"I should cook you sit," she replies quickly.

"No you'll sit down I'm cooking," I assert taking her arms and sitting her on the sofa.

I start cooking and Clare sits on the sofa asking me questions, about hockey and my family things like that. It doesn't take me long to cook and as soon as I have it almost ready I start setting the table when Clare hops up again.

"I'll set the table," she says trying to take the plate in my hand.

"No you'll sit this is a date," I insist again and this time make her sit at the table.

I finish setting the table and plate our food, dim the lights, put on some music and light the candles. Clare smiles and starts eating when I sit down.

"This is delicious thank you Owen so far the night is perfect," she smiles and I grin.

"Just what you deserve," I tell her and she looks down.

"I can't believe you can cook," she remarks quickly before I can say anything else.

"My grandma taught me, I spent almost every summer out there when I was younger. She always told me girls love a guy that can cook," I reply.

"She was right," Clare grins before taking another bite.

We talk about school, Maya and Fitz, Drew and Bianca, Eli's play and my hockey team over dinner. We eat slowly and just enjoy being together. Clare finishes just before I do and I see her chewing her lip then she slides under the table and I'm not sure what she's doing until I feel her at my feet and tugging at my jeans.

"Clare what are you doing?" I inquire moving my chair back.

"My dinner duties," she replies in a flat but slightly confused tone. She's confused as to why I'm asking as if I should have just known.

"Clare," I say reaching under the table and pulling her out, "this is not Glen's house you don't have any dinner duties."

"I'm sorry," she wails and bursts into tears. "I'm sorry don't be mad," she cries shrinking away like I might hit her.

"Clare I'm not mad," I say calmly and walk her to the sofa. "I'm not mad at all but you're not a slave anymore. You never have to do that to anyone ever again, not unless you want to. I really like you Clare and really care about you and all I want from you is your company. You are not a slave anymore Clare, you have always been worth more than that, worthy of compassion and love and anyone that really cares about you would never force you to do anything. You're out of Glen's house, you never have to see him or Jake again and you have stop thinking that you're nothing but a slave."

"I'm sorry," she apologizes again.

"Don't be sorry you don't have to apologize you didn't do anything wrong Clare and I'm not going to hurt you. Clare you spent three months living in a dark corner of hell that most people can't even imagine. You were traumatized and I just want you to start getting better. I want you to stop thinking that you're worthless and a slave because you are worth everything Clare and you are an incredibly amazing, strong and beautiful person," I tell her brushing a curl behind her ear and she smiles.

I wipe away her tears and kiss her forehead. I turn on the TV and wrap my arms around her. We watch a movie and Clare begins to calm down, slowly relaxing into me. By the end of the movie she's relaxed and smiling again. I squeeze her a little before I get up and go to the kitchen, I make us ice cream sundaes for dessert and we watch another movie while eating dessert. My parents and Tris return home about halfway through the movie, I tell my parents Clare's staying over and they just smile. Fitz returns when the movie is almost over, he watches the last of it with us and when I turn the TV off he tells us about his date with Maya. They went to dinner and a movie and got dessert at The Dot. The three of us stay up pretty late talking and watching TV but when Clare starts to yawn and look tired I decide we should go to bed. We let Clare use the washroom and get ready for bed first.

"Maya's worried about Clare, she's been watching her all week and she doesn't think Clare's healing. Not like she should be anyway, I mean it's been over a month and in a lot of ways Clare seems to be still in that house and subject to Jake and Glen," Fitz comments.

"Yeah I know, she kept trying to do everything and seemed to think she'd get in trouble if she didn't. She even tried to give me a blow job while we ate. I told her she's not a slave anymore but I don't know it's like she's been so brainwashed she doesn't know reality from that hell anymore," I sigh.

"We'll watch her, Maya too but I think Maya's okay. I mean things still trigger her but she's healing and showing improvement," Fitz tells me.

"Yeah after I take her home tomorrow we should go talk with Torres brothers and Bianca," I say and hear the washroom door open. I say goodnight to Fitz and go into the washroom. After getting ready for bed I go into my room and Clare's in bed, only she seems to be naked. "You could have taken a shirt from the dresser," I tell her grabbing one and handing it to her.

"Sorry I'm used to sleeping naked, will it make you uncomfortable?" She questions.

"No not at all it will make me something else and I don't want you to think you need to do anything," I reply as she slips the shirt on.

I get into bed and she rolls on her side with her back to me. She stays like that a few minutes before rolling over again.

"Will you hold me?" She requests in a very soft whisper.

"Of course," I smile putting my arm out and she gets comfortable in my arms.

"I always feel safest when I'm with you," she yawns falling asleep nuzzled into my chest.

"Now if we can just get you feeling safe in the rest of the world," I think to myself as I hold her a little tighter.

I fall asleep thinking about a future where Clare is healthy and happy again. I dream about her all night, in the first we're in a big bed, in a house near a river. We make love and I hold her and we never leave each other's arms. That's the future I want to be in and I know we'll get there someday.

Update next Sunday probably starting with the following day and Owen and Fitz going to the Torres house.

Shout out to ForeverAndAlways37 for requesting Reese's pov.