Tony did not go back to sleep during the remainder of the drive. They did not speak, except for Tony's completely blank, emotionless, whispered "Home, sweet home" when the welcome sign for the state of New York flashed by. Gibbs just glanced at him, not having the first clue what to say to that. He wondered if Tony even knew he had spoken out loud.

Gibbs just drove, thinking back to Tony's earlier words, and while he hated to admit it, DiNozzo was right. They had a lot of speculations and little proof. McGee had called back to say that the changed testing times did indeed coincide with Willis' schedule, but he still hadn't found who had made the changes. The financials were still up in the air, as well, but Gibbs had ordered the two agents to go home for the night. It was partly because they needed the rest and partly so Gibbs wouldn't feel guilty about putting the case out of his mind in order to focus on getting Tony through the visit.

The lead agent found himself thinking about the case anyway, though, as he realized he had a decision to make. It would be easy enough to pass along the information to Agent Montgomery on the Seahawk, get him to test the sailors whose test times had been changed, and bust the scam wide open. But doing so would also alert Lowe and Willis to their progress and possibly lead them to destroy any evidence there may be of their roles in Tony's attack.

Gibbs knew that if the director weren't hell bent on some strange vendetta against DiNozzo, Gibbs would bust the scam, haul Lowe and Willis in for questioning, and break them on the attack. But he knew Vance wouldn't allow them to even get near enough to the suspects to question them. And there was the small matter of the third attacker… and of Squire's possible involvement.

There were still too many unanswered questions.

And Gibbs tried to block his mind to another nagging question. With Palamar's admission that he had delivered the threat against DiNozzo and with the witnesses proving he couldn't have attacked Tony, that torched one of Gibbs' strongest arguments to Vance that Tony hadn't done this to himself. Gibbs knew Vance could argue away the drug scam because Tony hadn't started investigating it yet. And the theory that Willis provoked Stowell would remain a theory without proof. Even hauling Stowell in for questioning wouldn't bring any concrete evidence. Squire had proved that she was willing to stick to her story no matter what, and that dead end just added to Gibbs' frustration.

And then there was the biggest question of them all. Just how the hell had they known about his mother's suicide?

Gibbs about crashed the car when he realized where his thoughts were leading. He glanced over at his silent passenger, taking in the dark circles beneath his eyes, the weight he had lost while at sea. That utter blankness in his eyes haunted Gibbs' thoughts.

No way, Gibbs admonished himself. No goddamn way he did this to himself.

And lied to me about it. No way in hell.

A thought struck Gibbs with an almost physical blow. What if he really believes he was attacked? He said he was dreaming before it happened. He was having nightmares. What if he hurt himself without even knowing what he was doing? Oh God, is this why I've been so gentle with him? Did I know all along?

No, no way, Gibbs thought, but the runaway train of his thoughts just wouldn't stop, no matter how hard he tried to slam on the brakes.

What if he had some sort of break and is ashamed to admit it, and so he made up the story about the attackers. He said they used pillows to restrain him, which was smart of them. But what if there are no bruises because no one was there to hold him down? There were no prints in the office besides his, the medics' and Benny's. Benny didn't see anyone in the corridor, but he had to have just missed the attackers because otherwise, Tony would have bled out too quickly for Benny to have saved him.

Oh, Tony, what did you do?

Gibbs was ashamed of himself for even having the thoughts, for letting Vance's seeds of doubt take root in his mind. You believed it once, while he was unconscious. Why not believe it now?

Gibbs shook his head firmly, feeling so disgusted with himself that he felt ill. Because I don't believe in coincidences. Because there's no way he did this while there just happens to be a major drug-testing scam being run aboard his ship. We have proof of that.

Because he's Tony, and he wouldn't try to kill himself.

Because he's Tony, and he's not sick.

And because, goddammit, he wouldn't lie to me.

Another thought struck Gibbs, dark and disturbing, but not nearly as much as thinking Tony had tried to kill himself.

You just thought it. The prints, the timing. Benny. He's a big guy. He knew about the nightmares, and Tony trusted him. Could he have done this?

The more Gibbs thought about that possibility, though, the more he dismissed it. Tony said there were three attackers, and Gibbs fully agreed with McGee and Ziva that no one would participate in such a brutal, risky attack without a seriously vested interest.

Abby had spent hours with the young man and never once found any of his words or actions even remotely hinky—she would have said something if she had even the slightest doubts about him. Ziva and McGee had both mentioned how much they liked him, too. He trusted his team's judgment. And Gibbs recalled the haunted pain in Benny's eyes as he watched over Tony as the agent lay unconscious.

Not to mention the fact that the young cook obviously seemed to adore Tony. He had no motive for hurting him and had been the one to save his life that night.

But because he was Gibbs, he decided to have McGee discreetly check on Benny's whereabouts for that evening. He was, after all, a double-b bastard.

"Gibbs?"

Tony's soft voice jerked Gibbs out of his anguished thoughts, sending a torrent of guilt rushing through him. Because of the young agent's unnatural silence, Gibbs had forgotten Tony was awake. He fought the irrational fear that DiNozzo had somehow heard each and every one of his traitorous thoughts.

"Yeah, Tony?"

"Take a right up here, just past that stand of trees."

It took Gibbs a moment to realize Tony meant the cemetery was nearby. "Tony, no… No way. Not tonight."

"But Gibbs—"

"No, DiNozzo," Gibbs said firmly. He let his tone soften, though, when he saw the sadness in Tony's tired eyes. "You've had a long enough day even if you weren't recovering from shock and massive blood loss. You look exhausted, you need to rest, and we can do this tomorrow." He paused, glancing at his friend. "Please?"

"Pulling out the big guns, aren't you?" Tony asked, and while his tone was somewhat defeated, there was a hint of a smile in his voice.

Gibbs considered that a major victory and automatically thought back to the gentle headslap he'd delivered earlier. That Abby sure was a smart one. "Tomorrow?"

"Sure, Gibbs."

Gibbs sat in a hotel room later that night, watching Tony sleep. He realized that he had seen more of DiNozzo's closed eyelids in the past week than in all the years they had worked together. That even included Tony's bout with the plague.

Gibbs smiled in spite of himself, remembering how Abby had taken the reins during his recovery, practically moving in with Tony. Gibbs' few visits had found Tony always awake, always trying to pretend he was fine. The smile faded as he remembered the night Abby had called, freaking out and needing reassurance because Tony had awoken in a full-on panic, his lungs having forgotten how to simply breathe.

The memories made Gibbs realize something important. DiNozzo had made it through that horrifying, nearly fatal experience—and Kate's subsequent death. He would make it through this.

Tony was one of the strongest people he knew, really. Gibbs knew the agent's childhood had been bad, even if he didn't know the full extent. But no one was that guarded who didn't have a lot of scars to hide. Hell, he could practically see Tony's casual handwritten admission in his letter to Abby that his father beat him. The thought of raising a hand to Kelly made Gibbs feel physically ill. He had always found it hard to even raise his voice to the girl; it would have been impossible to intentionally cause her physical pain.

Gibbs was struck suddenly by a memory of Kelly falling off her bike shortly after she had learned to ride. He had been standing not ten feet away when she went down, scraping her knee badly enough to draw blood. He had raced to her side, shoving away the guilt he felt at not being able to catch her. He remembered the softness of her skin as he put his hands beside the wound to examine the damage. He remembered her distinct little-girl smell, could practically see the fat tears on her cheeks. He remembered wishing there was a way to make her pain magically disappear.

He tried to imagine Tony's father hitting him, hurting him, and just walking away.

Tony stirred slightly and made a soft sound low in his throat, drawing Gibbs' attention back to the moment. I don't care how bad the nightmares were, how little he was sleeping or eating out there, how many miles he ran to escape the demons. He did NOT do this to himself. And I won't stop until I find the bastards who did this to him. There's proof somewhere, someone will talk, and I will find out how they knew about his mother. I won't rest until they're punished… until he's safe.

Tony twitched again in his sleep, and Gibbs found himself watching him, wondering what he was dreaming.