Chapter Thirty-Six
You're like brothers. And you have been all your life.
It's basically just you and him now, with age, illness or distance having claimed everybody else. Two-Bit went first. Heart attack the doctors said. Didn't help that he was blind drunk at the time. Then Darry. He lived until the ripe old age of 70; natural causes. Lily was the last to go-pneumonia- and for Soda and maybe for you, that was the hardest to bear. For him, because she was his soul mate, and for you, well because he was her soul mate. And the look in his eyes reminded you of when you lost yours.
Ponyboy is still lingering like a bad smell, but what else is new? He lives in New York now, a widower with three grown children and a plethora of grandchildren. You can never get all their damn names straight.
Bonnie and D.J have kids of their own now, Soda's, and kinda your, grandchildren. They all call you Uncle Steve anyhow. D.J and his son have taken over the running of the auto-mechanics garage but it still bears your names- Randle and Curtis
After Lily died, Soda asked you to move in with him. It made sense, he was struggling with the rent and you couldn't manage the stairs over the garage no more. More than that though, you think he was lonely. You got used to a life by yourself but Soda never did. He had his parents and brothers and then he had Lily. He needed you. And you like being room mates.
You're not quite sure how you ended up in the hospital. You remember falling asleep in front of the television and then you don't remember much else.
You can hear him breathing in the chair beside the bed. He's been there since last night, forcing his eyes open for as long as he could manage. The room was dark when his head drooped and he began softly snoring. The noise has been a comfort to you ever since.
You make a noise in your throat that attempts to be a "hey' but comes out as little more like than a groan.
"Steve..: He opens his eyes and moves closer to the bed. He takes your withered old hand in his own and squeezes hopefully. "Can you hear me, buddy?"
You try to nod. You know it's the end but you were never looking to prolong life after Evie anyway. You can't open your eyes but you want to tell him that you can see the other side. And the other side ain't what you thought either- no clouds, no white light for you to follow.
In your mind's eyes you can see a long dark tunnel, maybe some sort of disused railway tunnel.
You look down at a pair of sneakers you owned some 60 years ago and realise for a start you're 17 years old again.
"Well, it's about fucking time you showed up.' Dallas Winston is leaning against the tunnel wall, wearing his leather jacket and sparking a match off his glinting St Christopher.
"Oh shit," you groan at him, like this is all perfectly normal. "Have they sent me to hell?"
"Thanks Randle, but I think you'll find I died a bonafide hero. Dragged four screaming brats out of a burning building, I wasTulsa's answer to fucking superman."
He looks good. Strong, wiry, ready for action. The way you always remember him.
"Where's Johnny?"
You'd always assumed they were together. And you`'re gratified to know you assumed right.
Dallas throws a glance over his shoulder and you suddenly see the mist behind him, blocking your view of anything beyond the tunnel.
"He's around; he's kinda nervous. Got the same when Two-Bit and Darry arrived."
"Darry and Two-bit are here?" You can't hide your excitement.
"Yeah, except, this ain't usually where we hang out and I can't seem to get us moving there just yet."
"How comes?"
"Do I look like fucking God to you?" Dallas snaps. "It wasn't my choice to come greet you like the Angel Gabriel. Who doesn't exist by the way. Boy if I could find my way back to Sister Mary's elementary class, I'd go poltergeist on her lying ass."
You shake your head as if to clear it, amazed by your teenage physique, the way your back no longer aches and that your vision is once again perfect without your glasses.
"Who's that?" Your natural instincts flare up as a small figure begins to walk out of the mist.
"It's Elvis Presley. Who'd you think it is, dumb ass?"
Johnny. You can't keep the smile off your face.
"Johnnycakes!" You haven't said the nickname aloud for years and he beams from ear to ear, a different kid from the one you'd known, let alone seen that last time in the hospital.
"Stevie!" He throws himself at you and the two of you laugh and swing fake punches each others way. Johnny is scar free, his face is glowing, his eyes content.
"Man, you look great," you tell him.
"You too, Stevie." He gives you another impulsive hug and you let him. Since Soda's kids you're now okay with an occasional moment of affection.
"So what are we waiting for? Take me to see Evie." This is the reason after all, that you've come so willingly, but Dallas scratches his head while Johnny looks downcast.
"We can't get you out of the tunnel, Steve, and I don't know why. For some reason you're hanging onto life back down there."
"Maybe he left the oven on," Dallas snickers.
You're instantly angry.
"What in the hell would I be hanging on for-" You don't even finish your sentence before you work out the answer. Christ. Soda.
"You can't blow off your girl for Soda," Dallas says. "Poor broad's been waiting almost as long as us. Watched you bang all those other girls without ever settling down. Soda's had you long enough man."
"I guess," you say hesitantly but you feel horribly disloyal for even considering leaving him behind.
"Come on, Steve. He's got Bonnie and D.J, his Grandkids. He'll be just fine," Johnny reasons but you still cant help feeling like you're betraying him. He hates to be alone and asides Ponyboy who is hundreds of miles away, you two are the last men standing.
You try and shake off your thoughts and concentrate on the two guys you haven't seen for decades.
"So what you guys been doing up here? Keeping out of trouble?"
"Pretty hard not to. Anybody half interesting gets sent in the other direction."
"And by interesting, he means ready to brawl with him…" Jonny grins.
Seeing Jonny's shy smile and Dallas' smirk feels like two pieces of your heart being slotted back into place. But there are still other pieces missing; Evie, Darry, Two-Bit. And now Soda.
"So you ready to see Evie yet?" Jonny asks you and you nod, sure you are. But as soon as you start walking towards the mist, a fierce wind starts up, blowing and pushing you in the other direction.
"Come on, you pansy!" Dallas throws a look over his shoulder at you but it's no use. The harder you struggle, the stronger the wind gets.
Dallas grabs you by the lapels of your shirt but all he succeeds in doing is near strangling you. You struggle and gasp, trying to dig your feet into the floor with little success.
"Cut it out, Dal!" Johnny says. And as soon as Dallas releases you, the wind stops.
"What the hell was that about?" You demand and Johnny shakes his head.
"Unfinished business, Steve. There's nothing else for it. We have to go back."
"Back? Aw, man." Dallas groans. "I had a date lined up tonight with a sweet little-"
Johnny elbows him hard.
"Alright, alright." Dallas rubs the offended spot and glares at Johnny. "Lucky for you you're dead already, you little punk."
"And what about me? Am i dead too?" You ask in confusion.
"No, Randle. If you were dead, you'd be walking out of this tunnel with us. And I'd be getting some action tonight. Can we just get on with this?"
You feel Johnny's cold fingers on the back of your neck, and then both Johnny, Dallas and the tunnel fades away.
888
It's suddenly real crowded in the hospital room, what with you, Soda, Johnny, Dal and oh yeah, comatized you in the bed there.
You turn over your smooth supple seventeen year old hands and look back in comparison at the old man in the bed.
"Ugh, gross," Dallas sums up just what you're thinking. "Makes me glad I died young. Look at the fucking state of you. And Soda- Holy Cow- hard to believe he was the Paul fucking Newman of the East Side."
To be fair, Soda's aged better than you have. Although he ain't looking his best crumpled over in the chair with his head in his hands. Your guilt feels like it's eating you alive.
"What are we doing here?"
"This is where we start," Johnny explains. "But don't worry, we're gonna look at some happy memories."
"I got plenty of happy memories. We don't need to be here," you say, turning your head away from Soda and the bed.
"Not your memories," Johnny explains. "His."
888
Soda's gotta be ten years old, maybe eleven. Even tiny ghostly Johnny is standing a clear foot above him as little Soda yells and cheers on what looks like a fight on the school football field. You remember this day. You remember this fight. It was yours.
Vernon Brady is older than you. He has a big mouth and yet another terrible haircut courtesy of his mother. He's the kid who told everyone at school that your old man had given you a black eye back in the second grade. It may have been four years before this incident but it's taken you that long to become big enough, tough enough, sure enough to wanna take him on.
He thinks this is about a dirty tackle on the football field. So does everyone else. Only you and Soda know what it's really about. You and Vernon are rolling around on the grass while the other kids yell encouragements.
"Randle, you are getting your ass kicked," Dallas comments in amusement and you have to admit that Vernon is definitely getting the most blows in.
"Just wait and see," you say, folding your arms confidently.
And sure enough, just when everyone thinks your beat, when Vernon Brady has you in a headlock from behind, you grip his fore arm, manoeuvre him over your head and slam him into the ground.
"Whoah!" Johnny commentates. "Where in the world did you learn to do that?"
"Soda's Uncle Ray," you tell him. "He was in the marines, he came home from deployment. Taught me and Soda some moves."
Uncle Ray was Mrs C's brother, strong and dependable. He wore his Marine uniform constantly and called everybody 'Chief'. Uncle Ray never came back from his last trip. But his self defence tactics sure came in handy that day.
Dallas is watching on with folded arms.
"I don't get it," he says. "How is this Soda's happy memory? Looks like Steve's to me."
You sort of get his point but Johnny is already beckoning you away from the cheering crowd, touching your neck in that unsettling manner of his, before the scene fades from your vision.
888
"So why can't you come, Randle? Got some hubs to lift?"
You and Soda are at the Dairy Queen. You don't have any recollection of this memory.
"Nope." You are staring out of the window and you're amazed at your own poker face because even you can't work out what the other you is hiding.
"How old are you here?" Johnny asks. You shrug.
"Fifteen, sixteen maybe."
"Look, Alison's cousin is visiting from Alabama. She can't come out this weekend unless she takes her cousin too. So I figured…"
"I can't," you say. You roll your lighter between your fingers and Soda narrows his eyes at you.
"That son of a bitch!" Dallas guffaws. "I remember Alison Hayes cousin, hot as hell, legs up to here." He raises his hand above his head. "Why the hell didn't he ask me to double? And what's wrong with you, you faggot? Why the hell didn't you wanna go?"
You're not sure.
"You gonna tell me why?" Soda pushes. He is rolling his eyes now at your lack of cooperation and you have to grin at the interaction. You and Soda are as different as night and day.
"I got a date okay?"
"With who?" You can hear from his tone that he's horrified. Not that you have a date but that you are just mentioning this now.
Suddenly, you remember who the date is with.
"Evie Murphy."
"Evie! Since when?"
"Since yesterday. Now will you get off my back?"
Soda begins to drum his hands on the table.
"Okay, so how about you bring Evie out with me and Alison? I'll find someone else to set her cousin up with?"
Other you looks Soda firmly in the eye.
"No."
Then he starts grinning.
"Quit it."
"You like her."
"Quit it."
"You really really like her. Like for real. Like you wanna take her somewhere quiet and talk. Maybe meet her parents." His goading tone is pissing you off as much as it's pissing younger you off.
"I'm going home." Younger you stands up and Soda chuckles and calls after you.
"Don't worry, Randle. I won't tell anyone. And I'll get Dally to come out with Alison's cousin. He was sniffing around her the other night at the Dingo."
"See, right there! That's the invitation I never got!" Dallas is indignant about an event that took place over six decades ago. "Why is that?"
Younger you stops in the doorway of the Dairy Queen.
"Don't take Dallas. He'll only piss off Alison's cousin and the both of them will go home early."
You wince as Dally glares at you.
"Steve Randle, you little fucking cock blocker."
"He's got a point though," Johnny laughs. "It does sound like you, Dal."
"This is a pointless fucking exercise," Dallas huffs. But then you feel Johnny's hand on the back of your neck and the Dairy Queen fades away.
888
"What the hell is this shit?"
You know it straight away. Your graduation ceremony.
"This is my graduation."
Dallas looks around at the smiling teachers and the proud parents.
"Too bad I didn't miss it twice then."
You are about to tell him that you had had beers and burgers after but the words get caught in your throat as you remember that was the first day the mention of the draft had passed between you, when Soda's neighbour Billy staggered into the Curtis yard having had his notice.
"Steven Randle!" The announcer booms your name and all of a sudden, the crowd goes wild. On closer inspection you realise it's only a real small section of the crowd but they are making enough noise for everybody.
Darry, Two-Bit and Ponyboy are clapping furiously and whooping. Even your old man is joining in But Soda, well he is red faced from yelling and whistling so loud. You'd heard him even from the stage all those years ago but you remembered feeling guilty that he wasn't graduating with you and wondering if being here for you was making him feel bad. By looking at his face, you wouldn't think it for a second. He looks way prouder than any parent here.
"Way to go, Steve," Johnny says softly.
"You look like a fucking dork in that hat," Dallas adds.
Younger you collects your diploma and makes his way down from the stage.
"I don't get any of this," You say. "Why are we watching all this?"
"You'll work it out," Johnny says. "We better get going, Steve. And you better be going back."
"Back?"
"At least for a while."
Was this just a dream then? You look at your friends with a mixture of panic and relief. You don't want to leave Soda but you don't want to leave them either. Johnny reaches out and hugs you.
Dallas extends a hand and gives you a gruff pat on the back.
"Next time you drag me into that tunnel, you better be walking back out with me."
"Aw, Winston, you missed me?"
"Fuck, no. I just don't wanna listen to your chick whining when I see her empty handed."
Shit, you'd give anything to hear Evie whine.
"I wanna come with you guys," you say earnestly but Johnny shakes his head.
"Not your time, Stevie, but soon."
And before you can say another word, he presses your neck and everything goes black.
888
You are back in the old man's body. Tight chest, aching bones. Your eyes are too heavy to open.
"Glory, I'll miss you, buddy."
Soda's voice. He's still here with you, close to your bed, his voice a hoarse old man's whisper. You groan and try to speak but words are almost impossible to form.
"Don't talk," he tells you. "Just relax. You ain't gotta say nothing to me."
But you have. There's something you have never said to him. Something that has been on your mind your whole life without you ever saying it out loud.
"Like…brothers…" You just about slur the words but he gets them. You hear it in his raspy voice as he replies.
"No, Steve. Not like brothers, we are brothers. But it's okay. You can go. Go see Evie. I know you were never truly happy once she was gone."
And it's then you understand what Johnny and Dallas were showing you.
Soda's happiest memories are watching you be happy. You weren't often happy and maybe that's weighed on him especially when he was always so Goddamn cheery himself. He loves you so much that he would rather you be reunited with Evie than keep you here for himself.
You wish you could say the same for him, that if Lily wanted to call him up from down here, you'd be okay with being left behind. But that would be a lie 'cause he has always been a better person than you.
"I'll see you on the other side," he whispers to you. And you literally feel the life draining from your body.
You give his hand one last brief squeeze before you can't feel anything anymore and the only thing you can see is Evie's beautiful smile.
888
The last time you were separated was during the Vietnam war. You remember him telling you nothing would stop you being friends, especially some dumb war thousands of miles away.
Death has separated you but only in body. You check on him now and then, see how he's doing. And he does okay. He misses you, he misses everybody but Bonnie looks after him real good.
And for you, Evie softens the blow of leaving him behind. On your first reunion, you hold her so tight, it feels like you will never let her go.
"I felt like I'd never see you again," she says tearfully, but you raise a dubious eyebrow.
"Really? 'Cause I never doubted it. Not for one second." And you didn't. It was the only thing that had gotten you through every day since the last time you saw her.
"Just feels like I'm always missing you one of you." You sigh into her hair.
She smiles, runs a hand down your cheek, knowing just who you mean.
"He'll be here before you know it."
She's right as always. A little over a year later, it's finally his time.
"Ha! They got you on meet and greet duty, didn't they?" Dallas is smug when you leave for the tunnel.
"Want me to come with you?" Darry and Two-Bit ask in unison but you shake your head.
"I got this."
And you do.
"Steve? Is that you? Where the hell am I?"
His confused voice reminds you of yours when you first got here.
"The other side," you tell him with a smile. And then you hug him. "Welcome home, buddy."
He holds onto you and you can feel the relief coming off him.
"The other side…" he echoes you slowly before he smiles. "Is Lily here?"
"And your Mom and Dad. And Darry and Two-Bit."
"Dallas and Johnny?"
"Them too."
He pauses and cocks his head to one side.
"I'm glad you're the one to meet me."
You smile wanly.
"I thought you might have wanted your parents."
"Nah." He shrugs. "Don't get me wrong, I'm stoked to see 'em. But it just feels like it's always been us, ya know?"
You do. It started that first day in the school playground, carried you through awkward adolescence, through wars and trauma, cancer and grief, babies and deaths, it has always been the two of you. From the play tunnel to this crossing tunnel.
"I guess Ponyboy is the only one left down there." Soda sounds a little sad.
You put a brotherly arm about his shoulders and lead him toward the rear of the tunnel.
"Don't you worry about the tag along. I been trying to get rid of him for years. I'm expecting him any second now."
It's the first time he's ever laughed at a disparaging remark about Ponyboy.
And with that, you and Soda walk through the mist, your arm across his shoulders.
Like Brothers.
THE END.