Thank you to everyone who read/favorited/followed this story. I really appreciate the support. You guys make me feel validated.

And a big thank you to LittleGee, witchbaby300, Lady Shagging Godiva, Phaex, and Kaykay3265 for reviewing.

Disclaimer: I don't own Misfits, but wouldn't it be cool if I did. Any familiar dialogue/elements are taken from the show.

Photos of OCs and soundtrack are available on my profile.

Chapter 37 – Post-Mortem

Izzy often found herself wondering how Nathan behaved when he was alone in the community center. For some reason her mind had painted an R-rated version of 'Home Alone', replacing all the ice cream and candy with booze and candy. Given the way he behaved while he was at her flat, it wasn't all that much of a reach. Leave someone with the maturity of a twelve-year-old alone in a large building that contains wheelchairs for long enough, shenanigans will inevitably ensue. So it wasn't much of a surprise when she walked into the locker room to find him slumped on the ground, eyes squeezed shut, and rubbing at his neck with a pained expression. Give a child a toy a little too grown up for them, and they'll manage to hurt themselves.

One day. That's how long it took for Nathan to get himself into some sort of trouble. He had been crashing at her flat all week, and then he's on his own for one day and managed to get himself all bent out of shape. Izzy came to a stop in front of his sprawled out legs and peered down at his sad, deflated figure. She let out a soft snort and scratched at her forehead. "Jesus, Nathan, you look like shit," she said through a laugh. "I leave you alone for one night and you manage to do this to yourself? It turns out I'm not your girlfriend. I'm your fucking nanny."

Nathan's eyes flew open and glowered up at her, not looking particularly amused. "Okay, one," he said, pushing himself up a bit and holding a finger out, "nannies are hot and we definitely need to start lookin' into some sort of costume, role-play situation—and two, you're my fuckin' girlfriend like you just went and pointed out. Aren't you supposed to be all concerned, wipe my brow, bake me cookies and give me a neck massage? How's about a little support?"

Izzy raised her eyebrows. "What am I supposed to support you through? A hangover? You've gotten yourself plenty of those before without me holding your hand."

"I thought girls were supposed to be sensitive," he grumbled back.

"Since when was I ever 'sensitive'," she replied using air quotes. Then she dug into her satchel and pulled out a crumpled brown paper bag containing a muffin and a banana and tossed it at him. "There's breakfast."

"Aw, you do care," he drawled out sarcastically.

The door to the locker room squeaked loudly as the rest of the ASBO shitheads filed in. Curtis made a beeline for his locker, but the rest of them migrated towards Nathan, looking at him curiously. And it didn't escape Izzy's notice that Alisha and Simon came in together.

"What's wrong wiv you?" Kelly asked, coming to a stop next to Izzy.

"Oh, there are so many answers to that question," Izzy said wistfully.

"Ha, ha, ha," Nathan replied derisively, pushing himself up a little farther. "What a laugh-riot you are. I'll have you know that some bastard killed me last night."

Izzy felt her hands clench into fists, causing her fingernails to dig into her palms and her knuckles to strain against the skin, leaving them white. Suddenly the desire to kick someone's arse flooded through her. As long as Nathan had the capability of speech people would want to kill him—she certainly did sometimes—but that didn't mean that they got to. But she was also a little pissed at Nathan as well for letting her prattle on like that.

"Seriously?" she demanded almost angrily. "You didn't lead with that? 'Morning, Izzy. There's a crazed killer running around the community center again who axe-murdered me. How's about a hug?' How hard would that be?"

"Feel like a bit of a twat now, don't you?" Izzy folded her arms over her chest and shifted uncomfortably on her feet, making Nathan smirk at her discomfort. "Yeah, that's what I thought," he said, wagging his finger in her direction. "That's how that feels."

"Are you windin' oz op?" Kelly asked, still skeptical. Izzy's eyes widened and she looked at him expectantly, silently demanding an answer.

"No," Nathan continued earnestly. "No, cross my heart and hope to die. Or not."

"Who was it?" Curtis asked, finally joining the conversation.

"I don't know! I was too busy being savagely beaten to death!" he shot back, taking umbrage. He let out a small sigh and shook his head. "That is not a pleasant way to die."

"Have you got any enemies?" Simon asked quietly, taking a few steps towards Nathan's limp figure.

"No," Nathan said, looking genuinely confused and staring at Simon like he had grown a second head. "I'm universally popular and well liked. Why would anyone want to kill me?"

A dead silence fell over the group as Nathan's statement hung in the air as the rest of them looked at each other. Had he really just asked that question? Curtis scoffed heavily and rolled his eyes. "I can think of a few reasons," he said, turning back to his locker.

"Definitely," Alisha added, an amused smile creeping over her face.

"Shitloads," Kelly piled on, giving him a wry look.

The lot of them turned to Izzy, waiting for her response. She shook her head and threw her hands up in submission. "I'm not touching this one with a ten-foot pole. The jokes are just too easy. I have standards."

"Really?" Alisha sniggered. "You're dating him."

"Hey, hey, hey," Nathan interjected, waving his hands frantically. "What's with all the hostility? What did I ever do to you lot? Or anybody else?"

A small, mouse-like squeak emanated from behind them, making them all turn around to find Simon standing there, barely suppressing laughter. He glanced between the rest of them, who were staring at him expectantly, and shrugged his shoulders.

"You annoy people."

Izzy turned slightly and shoved her fist in her mouth to fight the giggles threatening to burst forth. Nathan, looking positively scandalized, rounded on him.

"Now why would you say something like that? That's very hurtful. I thought we were friends, you ungrateful little twat!"

"Don't speak to him like that!" Alisha broke in angrily.

"Why are ya stickin' up for him," Nathan shouted, gesturing at Simon. A sly look crossed his face and he narrowed his eyes at Alisha. "Do you love him?"

Alisha bristled, and Izzy glanced down at the floor. They were the only two who actually knew just how true that was. "Why don't you go suck yourself off!" she grumbled, stalking off in the other direction.

"I wish I could, I could never reach it," Nathan remarked, staring off into space wistfully.

Izzy covered her face with her hands. This was not going to be a story she wanted to hear. If there was a way to shut off her ears she would have—dear God, she would have. But Nathan was never one for not telling you the truth in every gory detail. That may be considered a good thing in a relationship—a bloke who'll always tell you the truth or who's so terrible at lying that you can always call him out on it—but there are some things you just don't want to know. She was going to need all sorts of therapy.

"Ugh, that iz too wrong," Kelly replied, wincing heavily.

"Oh, come on, we've all tried," Nathan said smugly, pointing between himself and the other blokes. "This one time, right," he continued eagerly, sliding down on the ground and contorting himself into an awkward position with his head between his legs, "I tied a rope to my feet, and tried to yank them over my head—an' I've got like six pillows—I nearly broke my neck, I was so close." He collapsed on the ground with a heavy sigh. "An inch feels like a mile." He glanced around at them all with a supremely please look on his face. "So how close did you get?" he asked, gesturing at Curtis.

Curtis just stared back with an expression caught between disgust and pity. "I'm not even havin' this conversation," he sneered, turning back to his locker.

Unfazed, Nathan shrugged and pushed himself into the sitting position. "You see it must be physically impossible," he continued, like this was all part of a grand philosophical debate, "because if blokes could suck themselves off, the female of the species would be surplus to requirements."

"Well that's great," Izzy grumbled sarcastically. "If—or, I guess when—we break up you can take some yoga classes and you'll be set for the rest of your life."

Nathan looked up at her and blinked stupidly. "You think that'll work?"

Izzy widened her eyes and nodded in faux sincerity. "Definitely. And there's the added bonus that you won't be procreating, so no little Nathans in the collective gene pool. Score one for Earth."

"Hey, score one for me," Nathan returned. "I'll never have to watch 'The Notebook' again."

Izzy furrowed her eyebrows and looked at him quizzically. "What the fuck does 'The Notebook' have to do with anything?"

Nathan rolled his eyes and scoffed heavily. "The only reason any bloke had ever watched that film is to get laid. Same goes for openin' doors an' buyin' flowers an' closin' your mouth when you chew. If I can suck myself off, then I don't have to try anymore."

"This is why people kill ya." Kelly turned to Izzy with a deadpan expression. "That's your boyfriend," she said, jerking her thumb in Nathan's direction, before heading off to her locker as well, leaving Nathan and Izzy alone by the sinks. Izzy shook her head and scratched at the back of her neck, letting out a long, plaintive sigh.

"What's up with you?" Nathan asked, still sprawled out over the floor.

"Absolutely nothing," she replied, staring down at him with a wry smile. "Just thinking about my life choices, how I ended up here, that sort of thing."

"Countin' your blessings, are ya?" he said, waggling his eyebrows.

Izzy tried to maintain a calm, deadpan veneer, but she wasn't physically capable of suppressing that snort of laughter that forced its way out of her nose. She rolled her eyes and held out a hand. He took it and she promptly hauled him to his feet. Once they were standing toe-to-toe, she let a sensual smile creep over her face and leaned in, causing him to gulp audibly. She let her lips graze his cheeks until she reached his ear and summoned up the most seductive voice she had.

"You better get started on those yoga lessons."

And with that she spun on her heels and marched towards her locker, leaving him standing there, gaping slightly.

"Aw, come on!" he shouted after her. "That's not fuckin' fair! You can't leave it at that!"

"Yes I can," she called back, wrenching open the door to her locker. "That's why I'm the 'Gatekeeper'! And we're watching 'The Notebook' this weekend!"

Nathan spluttered in confusion. "But you don't even like 'The Notebook'."

"No, I don't," Izzy said through a laugh, "but apparently I'm not making you work hard enough, so I guess we'll both have to suffer through it. For the sake of the relationship."

"You're a monster," he groaned, pouting like a child who had been denied a biscuit.

"Poor baby," she drawled out, rolling her eyes. "I'll tell you what, we can make out during the bits where Ryan Gosling has his shirt on."

There was a short pause.

"Deal."

(*)*(*)*(*)*(*)*(*)*(*)*(*)

Charity running. Izzy liked running, and she approved of charity, but whenever you combine the two, there seemed to be a massive influx of twats. Maybe it was the fact that exercise-related self-righteousness and do-gooder-related self-righteousness combined into a swirling vortex of self-importance. And then there was the fact that they always seemed to be smiling. Izzy never trusted anybody who smiled too much. In her experience they were either serial killers or they were trying to convert you.

Izzy huffed in frustration as she and Kelly hoisted what felt like the hundredth banner. How many exclamation points did it have? Twenty? One hundred and thirty two? As far as she was concerned no sentence that contained the word 'cancer' should ever be followed by exclamation points, whether or not it was for charity.

"I thought the point of these sorts of things are supposed to appeal to the good, upstanding folks," Izzy whined as she tied off the banner and hopped off the chair she was perched on. "You know, the ones who recycle and help grandmas cross the street. I feel like we're tainting all the do-gooderness with our moral depravity."

"They're not all that good," Alisha mumbled from where she was setting out chairs. "That prick's been staring at my bum all afternoon."

"Aw, don't sell yourself short, Alisha," Izzy said, walking up to the other girl and helping her with the chairs. "I'm sure he's been staring at your tits too."

The three of them continued to set out chairs in silence for a while, until Izzy noticed that Kelly was staring at her with a look of intense concentration. Slamming the chair she was holding onto the ground, she turned to the other girl, folding her arms across her chest angrily. "Are you trying to read my thoughts?"

"No," Kelly answered a little too quickly. Izzy raised a single eyebrow, and she sighed in defeat. "Awright, I woz. It's just….you an' Nathan are togeva, right? I woz wonderin' how the two've you fit. 'E's such a dickhead an' you….That shit 'e pulls like 'e did in the locka room—that dozn't botha you?"

Izzy bit her lip in thought and looked past the two girls at Nathan who was hovering behind Simon, sticking his finger in his ear and turning away every time Simon turned around. There were a lot of things wrong with him—his questionable hygiene, his inability to take anything seriously, his habit of constantly confusing reality and porn—but whenever they were together, they had fun. He was her best friend. Her idiotic, inappropriate, clever best friend. And who wouldn't want to keep someone like that around? Well, a lot of people actually, but she wasn't one of them.

"Nope," she said, shrugging her shoulders casually. "All the shit he pulls just gives me an excuse to make fun of him. Sure he's a dickhead, but I'm a bit of a dickhead too."

Kelly made a face that was somewhere between pitying and impressed. "Well, shit," she said before wandering off to get the boxes filled with water bottles.

"How about you?" Izzy asked, nodding at Alisha. "Any comments or concerns?"

"Nah," she said quietly, glancing over at Simon, who was still busy swatting away Nathan's hand. "For some reason I will never, ever understand the two've you just….work out. I don't like the twat, but I get it. Sometimes the person who makes you happy isn't who you expect it to be."

Izzy could almost feel the regret in Alisha's voice. "Are you alright, Alisha?"

"'Course I am," she replied quickly, fluffing her hair. "Why wouldn't I be?"

Putting her last chair down, Izzy stopped a moment and actually looked at Alisha. The girl had changed so much over the past few weeks Izzy couldn't really reconcile what she saw now with that shallow, slutty diva from the first day. She was a different person now—a better person. Simon had done that for her—now he was gone and she was hurting. You wouldn't be able to tell if you weren't looking for it, but underneath that heavy makeup and flashy jewelry there was a sadness—a longing.

In a weird way, Izzy could relate to her. She knew what it was like to have someone enter your life, change your worldview, and then leave abruptly. For her it had been Ian. He was the one that made her realize people weren't all idiotic, heartless bastards, but then he had dumped her and reaffirmed that belief all over again. She might not look back on the experiences fondly, but they definitely shaped the person she had become. Simon had been Alisha's Ian. He had cared for her, and then left her. The difference was that Izzy got to burn Ian in effigy. Alisha had to stare at her dead boyfriend's nerdy doppelganger every day. Talk about lack of closure and fucked up goodbyes.

In that moment Izzy made a resolution. It probably wasn't the most advisable course of action—Simon had told her not to talk about him—but he was dead and she couldn't be bothered. It might seem insensitive, ignoring the request of a dead man, but Simon had a habit of telling her to do the exact opposite of what he intended.

"You just have to be patient, you know," she said in a forced casual voice, straightening out the chairs. "It'll all work out in the end."

Alisha's head snapped around quickly and she narrowed her eyes at Izzy suspiciously. "What the fuck are you talking about?"

Izzy sighed heavily and tucked the stray hairs that had fallen out of her ponytail behind her ears, smoothing them down nervously. She wasn't sure how this next bit was going to go, and it could be disastrous. "You and Simon," she sighed. "The other Simon I mean. Your Simon."

Alisha stared at her for a moment. Izzy could almost see her brain processing this new information. "You—you knew?" she demanded, her voice cracking a bit. "All this time, and you knew?"

"I don't see why you're surprised," Izzy mumbled. "The lot of you should know by now, I know everything. I'm like Yoda. Or Gandalf. Or Dumbledore. Definitely one of those." Izzy furrowed her eyebrows, mulling over her own statement. "Why are all of the wise, all-knowing characters old men? It's actually kind of sexist if you think about it."

Ignoring her semi-coherent ramblings, Alisha shook her head and let out a humorless snort. "All this time," she said, talking more to herself than Izzy, "and he fucking told you. I can't belie—"

"He didn't tell me a damn thing," Izzy interrupted. "I just…I figured it out. It's what I do, I try and figure things out. I only saw him like three times and that's including the first time when I ambushed him and kneed him in the groin and that didn't require all that much communication. He didn't tell me a thing. He was kind of a dick about it too."

"Why are you talking to me about this?" Alisha demanded angrily. "We're not friends—not really."

"No," Izzy agreed, nodding slightly. "But as far as I can tell, we're the only two who know. Which means I'm the only one you can talk to about it. I'm not the most….sociable of people, but someone is better that noone."

Alisha stared at Izzy a few moments before looking back at Simon. "That's not him," she muttered. "Not the him I want at least. It looks like him but it's not."

Izzy shoved her hands in her pockets and shrugged her shoulders. "He had to wait for you, didn't he? I guess now you'll just have to wait a while for him. To become who he needs to be or whatever."

Turning back to Izzy, Alisha offered up a small, sad smile, wiping at the tears that formed at the corner of her eyes. "How do you know so much about this shit?" she asked in a dull sounding voice. "You're like the least functional person I know. Other than Nathan. How the fuck did you turn into my Dumbledore?"

Izzy let out a long breath and wrinkled her nose, partly in contemplation, mostly in distaste. "I watched a marathon of the Jeremy Kyle Show with Nathan last week. It…..puts things into perspective."

The two girls stared at each other a moment until they simultaneously broke into a fit of giggles. It wasn't out of humor or amusement though—at least not fully. There was a bit of desperation in there as wall, at least on Alisha's part. She was desperate to find something to laugh about. And then, as if sensing her need, the universe threw her the proverbial bone.

All of the sudden Izzy heard a thump followed by a very loud, unmanly yelp. Izzy wheeled around to see Nathan sprawled out on the floor with the probation worker looming over him, even more smug than usual. "Hey, you're not allowed to do that!" Nathan whined pitifully.

"Yep," Izzy muttered to herself through a heavy sigh. "That's my boyfriend."

"Yeah," Alisha snickered. "Your boyfriend just got bitch-slapped by the probation worker."

"Hey!" Izzy said, an expression of mock enthusiasm covering her face. "Maybe when you and Simon finally get it together, the four of us can double date! Miniature golf, that sort of shit."

Alisha scoffed and gave Izzy a withering look. "Yeah, like I'd ever agree to that."

Nathan scrambled to his feet and moved away from the probation worker, glancing over his shoulder at Simon who was busy talking to some vaguely pretty girl associated with the charity run. Since when did Simon talk to girls? Nathan suddenly started marching towards the two girls with a serious expression—or as close to a serious expression as he could muster. Snapping his fingers at Curtis, he summoned him over as well. The three of them stood there for a moment, staring at Nathan in concern, waiting for him to say something.

"It's her," he mumbled, jerking his head somewhere behind him.

"Who?" Curtis demanded, raising his eyebrows expectantly.

Nathan let out a frustrated huff. "The cute, smiley, popular girl," he said, jerking his head again. "I think she murdered me!"

"I thought you said you didn't know who it was," Alisha whispered back.

"No, no, it's all comin' back to me now," he said, tapping a finger to the side of his head. "She was here last night, and I was in the locker rooms watchin' her gettin' changed—"

"Aw, nice," Curtis growled, while Izzy raised her eyebrows and folded her arms across her chest, glaring at him hostilely.

"No, no, it wasn't like that!" he continued, shooting Izzy an apologetic glance. "I walked in on her, bent over, pointin' her cute arse at me! What am I supposed to do? Poke my eyes out with a stick?"

Curtis and Alisha looked at an Izzy, expecting some sort of response. "What?" she demanded, tightening her arms around her waist. "When I watch X-Men I've paused the telly when Hugh Jackman takes his shirt off. I don't see how that's different-except for the whole invasion of privacy thing. Still there are plenty of people who'll ogle you with your clothes on. There's nothing wrong with appreciating a view. Now if he waited while she took her clothes off….."

"I didn't!" he protested loudly, waving his hands. "I might've taken a bit of a peek once I got there, but it's not like I peeped in on her on purpose. Anyways, that shit doesn't matter! I'm tellin' you, the bitch killed me!" He turned around and looked in the alleged psycho-bitch's direction. Izzy followed his gaze only to discover that the girl in question was the one Simon was chatting up. Or who was chatting up Simon. "Aw, Jesus," Nathan whined. "She's after Barry now!"

Nathan turned around to face the girl and planted his hands on his hips. After a few moments the girl's eyes looked past Simon and fell on Nathan, and when they did the smile immediately dropped off her face. Suspicious.

"Yeah, that's right!" Nathan muttered to himself, leering at her. "You killed the wrong guy, you cute, psycho bitch! That's right, I'm onto you! And my super-hot girlfriend is gonna defend my honor and kick your cute little arse! Preferably in some sort of mud wrestlin' scenario where it starts rainin' and—"

Izzy smacked him upside the head, promptly cutting him off. "Seriously, Nathan? If you live your life comparing reality and porn, you're always going to end up disappointed."

"Would the two've you quit it?" Alisha interjected. "If she's after Simon, we've got to do something!"

Izzy was about to agree with her, but before she could Alisha stormed off, immediately followed by Curtis.

Nathan let out a snort. "What's up with them?" he asked, jerking his thumb in their direction.

Izzy sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose, wondering again how she had ended up in this relationship and what had happened to her in her life so that she liked being in it. There was definitely something very wrong with her. But answering that question would require a lot of time, introspection, and a therapist. For now she would have to satisfy herself with saving Simon from the clutches of a creepy, smiley charity runner. Seriously, those people were worse than clowns.

Okay, so there's chapter 37. I had fun writing it but there's a lot of dialogue and not much action so I'm not sure how it translates. Hopefully well, but as always my indecisive self might go back and tweak it later.

Please review! Right now as I'm posting this it's the day before my birthday, hence the potential for birthday reviews!

MORE AUTHOR'S NOTE: So this is the first chapter with Nathan and Izzy as an actual couple without any of the awkward uncertainty. What do you think? I hope I'm keeping them true to themselves, but also showing a realistic couple (especially with all the disturbing Nathan antics in this chapter).

Also, I have nothing but respect for charity runners, but with Misfits the characters have a tendency to hate everything, so…..