Disclaimer: I own nothing you recognize.

A/N: This is more or less what I was trying to say. It only took a year and 4 months to actually be written. I started again yesterday from the two paragraphs where I had been stuck. Oh, there's a poll on my FF dot net profile.

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"We're friends, just friends." The two repeated in identical bored tones.

Andromeda Tonks started for a moment, then her eyes narrowed and her gaze fell on the intertwined hands of the two self-proclaimed friends; both seated so closely together that Hermione may as well have been sitting in Harry's lap. Hermione was actually in the process of feeding Harry some of her dessert for him to taste. "Is that what they're calling it these days?"

Blowing hair out of her eyes, Hermione explained again quite wearily, "We're friends. Why can't anyone seem to understand that's what we are and nothing more?" A broken defeated quality tinged her voice."

"Yes, dear, I heard you the first time you both said it."

"But you don't believe us." Harry queried. "Do you?"

"It's bad form, I know, but allow me to answer a question with a question. Why couldn't you be more than friends?"

"More than friends?" Hermione repeated as though the idea had never occurred to her.

"Yes, still friends but even more in addition to that."

"You mean lovers?" Harry asked in a defeated tone.

"Exactly that," Andromeda answered.

Infinite despair would have been an apt descriptor for how the two young people sounded. "That's the problem. We love each other, would die for each other, enjoy spending time together, lust after each other, can't imagine being separated, have no interest in other people, want to grow old together, but we aren't IN LOVE with each other." Hermione's hands flew into her kinky hair; it was as if admitting such a thing was driving her mad.

Harry wrapped his arms around Hermione.

"Oh, well then there's just no… wait… what?"

"You heard us," Hermione answered, her hands coming down; one coming to rest on Harry's leg. "I wake up every morning with Harry's strong arms around me, my body pressed achingly against his rigid hardness and want nothing more than to make love like a randy teenager, which I am, but I don't because I know it wouldn't work." Hands became joined again.

"It's the same with me," Harry agreed, his posture slumping against the back of the couch. Hermione resting her head comfortingly against his shoulder, one hand splayed across his chest. "Waking up with her in my arms…" One hand came up to pull her body closer, if that was possible. "-is both my dream and my curse. I desperately want to do more than hold her close; I want to rip off her flimsy sleep clothes, and lavish each tender, pink part of her body with as much love and attention as her beautiful body can take. There I am, ready, willing and able-"

"-VERY able-" Hermione interjected.

"-but it all seems so pointless because we're not in love with each other." His head dropped backward in defeat.

Harry's other hand was clenching Hermione's tightly as she patted him soothingly.

Andromeda narrowed her eyes at this startling revelation. She cleared her throat and then delicately asked, "So, correct me if I'm wrong, but you both love each other, spend all your time together, enjoy it by all indication, share a bed together, and are the best of friends…"she paused to look at both teens in turn.

They nodded their assent.

"But you aren't in love with each other?"

"Mmm hmm." Hermione agreed while starting to sniffle, an odd thing that Andromeda found incongruous with her image of Hermione. Naturally, Harry produced a handkerchief and dried Hermione's tears.

Something wasn't right. "Do you want to have sex with each other?" The much older witch asked with a straight face.

"Oh yes!" "Absolutely!" The two simultaneously agreed.

Deciding to attack this conundrum from another direction, she asked "Well, is there a lack of physical reaction… that is to say, there's attraction between you two?"

"Oh, no doubt," Hermione declared as she reached to outline Harry's impressive hardness beneath his robes. "See that? All my fault." There was a definite hint of pride in her tone. "If I'm not careful, Harry might have an accident… again."

Harry groaned in frustration; his breathing heavy, his voice a deeper, huskier tone, a wild, crazed look in his eye. He reached out a hand toward his best friend. "See how her legs instinctively part for me." His hand slipped underneath her hem." You can't tell from there, but she is so ready for me. Soft and warm and w…" he stopped to take a steadying breath. "Well, there's definitely attraction." He stated simply. Looking at Hermione, he asked, "Wouldn't you say?"

Hermione was making breathy little moans as Harry inadvertently teased her aching loins. "Uhhh… Harry…" was her eloquent reply.

"Yes, indeed." Andromeda declared, fanning herself briefly. "I would say definite attraction between the two of you." Her eyes narrowed again. "And there are no problems visualizing actually engaging in a physical relation together, I take it?"

"No, ma'am!" They both said in a rush. "We think about each others' naughty bits often and in great depth."

"Hmm… and the both of you are living together?"

"Naturally, we find it difficult to imagine living apart."

"Would you ever stop living together?"

"No…" they said, but then they looked conflicted.

"I sense a 'but' coming." Andromeda prompted.

"Well," Hermione started.

"The thing is," Harry continued.

"We have had thoughts-" Hermione also continued.

"-of children." Harry finished.

Andromeda raised a brow. "Children beyond Teddy?"

"Well, with Teddy, we're both godparents. We really enjoy spending time with him when you're busy, but we aren't his primary caregivers." The young witch attempted to explain.

"We've both started to feel like we should be thinking of children of our own." Harry explained.

"You're living together, love each other and can't envision a future apart; I don't see what the problem is?"

"But, you see, we aren't in love with each other. It would be wrong to have that kind of physical relationship, one that could result in a child, if we're not in love with each other." Hermione declared.

Harry nodded in agreement.

Andromeda's gloved palm met her wrinkled forehead and very nearly knocked off her spectacles.

"Mister Potter, does your body burn for Miss Granger?"

"With every fiber of my being."

"Miss Granger, does your body ache for Mister Potter?"

"To the depths of my very soul."

"And yet you would leave each other to search for other people 'to be in love with' so that you can have children with them instead of each other?"

Hermione was sniffling again and Harry looked gravely stoic. "Mmm hmm." Hermione agreed. "That's about the size of it." Harry corroborated. "We're sorry you had to find out about this in this way. We know you just stopped by for a pleasant chat, but we felt you should know before you heard about it from someone else. You're the first person we've discussed this with." Harry looked misty eyed as Hermione sobbed quietly into his shoulder.

"No medical reasons for this course of action?"

"No, we're both in perfect health."

Andromeda had a sinister suspicion. "By any chance are you considering the two youngest Weasley chits as partners?"

"Well, we both find them unappealing, but they've both confessed that they were in love with us…"

Hermione dried her tears. "We thought they might be a good place to start to see if Harry's in love with G-Ginny and if I'm in love with R-Ron." Hermione now looked ill.

"Try not to be too sickened, dear. I'm feeling queasy too, but this time I don't think my face betrayed the emotion. We're both slowly getting better at hiding our unease."

"Would you two mind if I cast a few diagnostic spells?"

"Be our guest." They readily agreed.

Moments later, Andromeda almost laughed. A confundus charm. Ridiculously over-powered, but a confundus charm nonetheless. Strong beyond belief it may be to hide such a glaringly obvious fact, but still a relatively easy counter spell. She applied it forthwith.

"I…I… I…" Harry said eloquently.

"Yes… I… umm… well..." Hermione responded equally as eloquently.

Smiling happily, Andromeda prompted. "Come now, Harry, Hermione. You just finished explaining to me how you loved each other, wanted to have really fantastic sex, fantasized about one another, slept in the same bed, lived in the same house, wanted to essentially grow old together and would happily have done all of that except you now wanted children and that wasn't proper because you weren't in love with each other. Surely you have something you want to tell each other now?"

Swallowing hard, Harry said. "I love you."

Hermione nodded slowly, a slightly shell-shocked expression gracing her pale, pretty face. "I know."

Shaking his head, Harry tried again. "I mean I am IN LOVE with you!"

Nodding rapidly in agreement, Hermione returned, "Yes, I know!"

Harry was smiling now. "And are you in love with me?"

Voice slightly erratic with suppressed emotion. "Oh yes, very much so, YES!"

Harry swept her up in his arms and there was much kissing involved. Andromeda smiled. She smiled and smiled and smiled… at least until a sock almost knocked her hat off. She excused herself but didn't stop smiling.

A jumper landed at Andromeda's feet as her hand came to rest on the door knob. She gracefully opened the door, stepped through to the other side and turned back again to call out, "I'll expect to hear about an upcoming wedding very shortly. Oh, and do send word when you'd next like to have Teddy over. He enjoys your company so. We may wish to discuss the two of you assuming full guardianship in the near future. I'm not getting any younger, after all." She was extremely pleased with herself.

"Mmm hmm…" was the only response. Then, suddenly, the door was slammed shut and locked by powerful magic.

"Hmm… must talk to Hermione about talking with her mouth full - terribly unladylike, that. It would not do to have it become a habit.

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End Note: This was originally a bit spicier, but I toned things down a tad.

Omake:

"Try not to be too sickened, dear. I'm feeling queasy too, but this time I don't think my face betrayed the emotion. We're both slowly getting better at hiding our unease."

A glowing doorway opened into the room. That it glowed was odd certainly, but that it wasn't attached to a wall was even odder still. A goggled Luna Lovegood, slightly older but still easily recognizable, stepped through the portal.

"Oh, lovely." She declared, noting Harry and Hermione's closeness and lack of wedding rings. "I'm not too late in this universe." She waved her wand and a giant, glowing, translucent light switch appeared. With another flick of her wand, the switch was thrown, the color of the red switch turned green and then she turned with a jaunty hop and walked back through the doorway. Before it started to shrink closed, she winked at Andromeda.

Not seeing anything obviously change, Andromeda quickly noticed that both Harry and Hermione were breathing quite rapidly. "Are you two quite alright?"

Not bothering to answer, Hermione pounced on Harry. He was grinning right before Hermione mouth met with his, so their guest assumed he did not mind. The couch flipped in the process and they were both removed from view. Clothing began to be fly every which way and as a shapely set of legs were suddenly visible above the upturned couch, Andromeda noticed the door hadn't close all the way. There was still a small square of glowing whiteness floating in the middle of the room. It was in a perfect position to see everything she couldn't.

"I'm glad we were finally able to convince her of the truth."

Oddly loud footsteps could be heard coming from the portal. Another voice could be heard.

"You were all very insistent. It took some time and some distance, but after I re-read what I wrote, well I believe in Harmony now."

Portal Luna spoke again. "Do I really have to go to every alternate universe and change the ship variable?"

"Do you have any better ideas?"

"Not at the moment, but did you notice you left the portal open?"

"What? Oh, crap!"

The portal closed fully and Andromeda took that as a sign from on high that things were back on track and that she should probably leave the longtime yet newly discovered couple to their own devices. She walked gracefully away.

"OH! Harry!"

Andromeda ran.