Vin kept his head down as he followed Chris into Chase Hall and down the long corridor to the Security Department. His distress felt like a fist wedged into his throat. He wished he had something in his hand, so it could seem like he was reading it and not deliberately avoiding lifting his head. Thankfully the hallway was clear, and they didn't meet anybody. It was a relief to reach Chris' office, and the safety of a closed door.

He hesitated a minute, wanting but not wanting to simply throw himself into the nearest chair and try to calm his shaking nerves. In that minute, he saw that Chris' office had been slightly rearranged – the corner that used to hold a small table and a couple of chairs now narrowly held a small desk with a computer on top of it.

"I talked with Gloria yesterday." Chris explained when he saw the confusion. "Asked her to have Computing get you set up in here. Figured it'd be easier that way, both of us can work on the problems and not play phone tag."

"Yeah…" Vin doubted that he could get his mind to focus enough to even think about the problems, much less formulate any solutions. He maneuvered carefully behind the desk and set himself into the chair. He made no move to turn the computer on; he ran his hands over the fake wood top of the metal desk.

"If there's something you need from your other desk, I can get it for you." Chris offered. He came to stand in front of Vin. "Or have somebody bring it over…"

Vin blinked a couple of times. His mouth felt dry.

"Got a picture of my folks over there." The first thing that came to his mind. "My coffee cup I suppose, I don't know…"

"Okay…should I have somebody bring those over, or would you like me to get them for you?" Chris asked and Vin felt humbled by - and undeserving of - the concerned, understanding tone in his voice.

"Would you – whenever, y'know – if you'd get 'em. At least the picture. I'd rather you got that." If possible, Vin's mouth became even drier. "If you would – y'don't have to. Whenever. Y'know..." He finally just closed his mouth to stop his babbling.

Chris either didn't notice – and Vin was sure he noticed – his distress, or just chose not to mention it.

"OK, I'll head over now. If I see anything else that looks likely, I'll bring that back too." He headed for the door. "I get the feeling this whole mess is gonna take a while to plow through, so you're stuck with me for the duration…want anything else while I'm out?"

Vin licked his dry lips and tried to swallow.

"Something to drink, maybe? Pepsi or water or something?"

"Sure, I'll be right back." Chris left the office, and shut the door behind himself.

Vin stared at the door a little while, willing his panic back down to where he could manage it, down to the fist still in his throat. When he could breathe again, when his hands stopped shaking enough that he could manage the buttons on the keyboard, he fired up the computer and started going through his email.

*/*/*/*

Vin's usual 'desk' was just a space on a long countertop in the corner of the workshop attached to Groundskeeping's garage. His computer had a sheet of clear plastic over it, and it – and everything else – had a thick layer of dust, sawdust, and plaster dust on it. The photograph of his parents was under the plastic with the computer, but his coffee cup wasn't. Chris wouldn't touch that cup, much less drink out of it. He found a paper bag tucked under the table saw and shook the powdered grime off before setting the picture into it, and some other supplies that looked like Vin might need in the meantime. He didn't take the cup.

"Chris – I thought I saw you come in here."

He turned to see Gloria Potter making her way across the cluttered floor. In a good suit and high heels, she was completely out of place in the mess. Chris hurried to meet her, afraid she'd twist an ankle or do some worse harm to herself if she covered too much ground.

"Gloria – this isn't a fit place for a lady…"

But Gloria had other things on her mind.

"Chris - is Vin all right?" Her question surprised Chris - and worried him.

"Why would you ask that?" he asked when he was finally at her side.

"Well, when you called yesterday and said he wasn't feeling well, I didn't think much of it - except to hope he'd feel better soon. But when I mentioned it to JD later, he seemed so upset..."

"Upset how?" Chris hoped he didn't sound too anxious for the information.

"Oh - I just asked him if he knew how Vin was. He got a funny look on his face and said I should ask you. Is he all right?"

Chris knew that Vin kept an eye out for Gloria - against James sure, but against blown fuses and tired appliances too; he knew that she wasn't asking now about Vin for her own sake, but because she was genuinely worried.

"He's fine Gloria..." Chris politely indicated they should leave the workshop. "He's here today. He just got -." Great, just got what Larabee? Whatever Vin had told him at first. " - hurt. Fell in his bathroom. Cracked his head, cracked some ribs. He's stiff and sore..." Chris tucked the bag under his arm, held open the door, and took Gloria's arm to help her over the threshold. "...pretty sore at himself..." He smiled at her, hoping she'd believe his levity. "Couple painkillers and a few days, he'll be fine."

*/*/*/*

Vin had gone through most of his work-related emails. Most of them were the useless "all staff" announcements that really only mattered to one or two departments, and he deleted those. A few were requests from staff who learned long before that it didn't help to ask Lucas James for help. One email Ezra had sent him, Friday afternoon, reminding Vin that he if wanted to take advantage of the one tuition free class he was entitled to every semester, he had to send the paperwork in before the end of the month.

Friday afternoon he'd sent it. Vin checked the time.

Seemed to be just about the time - he didn't want to think about it, but his mind worried the notion like a dog with a bone. Ezra was sending him an email just as...just as... He couldn't summon the words, and he couldn't banish the images.

Just as he thought he'd be sick, Vin heard the doorknob turn. Thank God, Larabee was back. The door opened - and two anxious voices said at the same time: "Chris?" and two startled young men stared at each other.

"Vin - I didn't ..." JD stammered around the door. "I thought - I mean -." He finally blurted, "Is Chris here?"

But Vin didn't answer right away. He stared some long moments, wanting to damn JD for whatever he was thinking.

"Chris is out looking for you JD, and I recommend you avoid him." Vin kept his tone flat. JD made a derisive noise.

"Thanks for the warning. Tell him I need to see him. Tell him I'll be..." JD's glance took in the new office arrangement. "...someplace else..." and he slammed the door as he left. Vin's body began to shudder, and his skin went cold and clammy. Chris had a bathroom attached to his office, and it was still too far away. Vin only made it through the bathroom door when he lost even the little he'd had for breakfast that morning.

*/*/*/*

JD didn't really mean to slam the door; still, it felt good for a minute. But by the time he got to the end of the hallway furthest away from Chris' office, he felt cold and sweaty, and suddenly sick to his stomach.

What the hell was Vin doing at work? He hadn't expected to see Vin sitting there in Chris' office, and he sure hadn't been expecting that he'd look so – normal. Well, the bruises under Vin's eyes weren't normal, and he seemed a little pale. Still, he didn't look like a man who'd been – who'd let – who'd… If that'd ever happened to him, JD knew, he'd never be able to go out in public again.

But it never was gonna happen to him because – because – well, just because it wasn't, that's all.

He grabbed a long swallow of water from the fountain in the hallway, which relieved his tight throat, but did nothing for the uneasiness twisting in his stomach. Judging from the new furniture, seemed like Vin was a permanent fixture in Chris' office, and JD had no wish to keep running into him. That just wouldn't be – he didn't suppose Vin would want to be – dammit, he just didn't want to do it.

Going outside into the fresh air didn't help any either, and he wondered why his hands were shaking. Too much caffeine, that was it. Too long since breakfast maybe. He'd go to the Student Union and get a bagel or something, that'd help.

So what if Vin looked the way he always looked? So what if the way he always looked was like a man who'd never let himself be – but now he had been – and that must've been because he let them –

Didn't matter, because it would never happen to JD because he would – he'd never – dammit, it just never would happen, that's all.

JD crossed The Green from Chase Hall, heading for the Union. Vin's statement came back to him though when he saw Chris just going into that building - Chris is looking for you. A dozen different errands he had to attend to on the other side of the campus suddenly occurred to JD, and he quickly turned his steps that way.

*/*/*/*

Chris got Pepsi and water, and went back to his office. The first thing he saw when he stepped into his office was Vin, sitting on the floor next to the half-closed bathroom door. He had his arms around his drawn up legs, with his forehead resting on his knees.

"What's going on?" Chris asked. He tried not to sound worried.

"I'll clean it up," was all Vin answered. Chris looked around the cramped quarters.

"Clean up what?"

Vin lifted his head and motioned toward the bathroom. "I threw up…I didn't make it…"

Chris stepped cautiously past him, and took a look around the bathroom door.

"I'll take care of it, don't worry…here, I got some things from your desk, and I got some water…" he set the bag on Vin's desk. "Want some help getting up?" Vin shook his head and muttered a soft,

"Naah…"

Still, Chris waited a few moments before he left the office again. He went down the hall to the Housekeeping storage closet, and brought back a broom and dustpan, and one of those packages of neon pink sawdust made for just such an emergency. Vin hadn't moved off the floor, and Chris thought he'd take care of one problem at a time. He went into the bathroom and spread the sawdust onto the very small mess.

He was surprised to hear Vin bark, "Don't do that - stop cleaning up after me." Chris looked around the door to see him still on floor, looking a little pale and a lot pissed. "I can do it." Vin insisted. "Just give me a minute."

Chris ducked behind the door again, made some noise with the broom and metal dustpan under the pretense of setting them aside. But really, he was trying to hide his breath of frustration. Why wouldn't Vin just take help when it was offered? It'd make things a whole lot easier. But – Chris let out another long breath. Sometimes life just wasn't easy.

He'd intended to go back out and lift Vin to his feet and set him back in his chair and tell him to drink some water and just relax. Instead, he left the bathroom and shut the door, and sat himself on the floor just opposite Vin, with his back against his own desk. Vin eyed him a little suspiciously.

"You all right?" Chris asked, vaguely indicating the bathroom.

"Yeah…" All the air seemed to leave Vin's body.

"You want me to take you home? Back to my house?" Vin didn't answer. "You don't have to stay here if you're not up to it Vin."

"JD was here looking for you," was what Vin said. Chris felt the tension of wanting to pound JD crawl up his spine.

"What'd he do?" he demanded.

"Nothing," Vin said, and repeated it when it seemed Chris didn't believe him. "Nothing. A person doesn't have to do anything to make y'feel like shit."

"Do you want me to take you home?" Chris asked again. He offered it gently, not wanting Vin to feel he was pushing him to decide either way. Work could go to hell – JD could go to hell – Chris just wanted…

Honestly, he didn't know what he wanted. Not so that he could put it into words. Vin sat three feet away from him, arms still around his knees, pale and sweating, and looking like he wished he could melt into the floor. Neither man was demonstrative, though Chris had been trying to overcome that since even before he knew Vin. But – no matter the extra hugs he'd taught himself to give to Billy, or how it was just natural now to reach silently across the couch for Mary's hand when they were watching TV or reading the paper – nothing could've ever prepared him for this.

When Vin was broken down and crying in the front hall in the middle of the night, it was an automatic reaction to hold onto him until he was calm. But that was in the dark, with nobody around. Almost nobody, he thought of Billy peeking down the stairs. Chris didn't know how Vin would feel about being touched, and he didn't know how he'd feel about touching. This was work, broad daylight.

Vin shook his head, answering Chris question. "Stay…I'll stay here." But he sounded unhappy. How do you console a man at work, in broad daylight?

"Well then…" Chris got to his feet and offered his hand down to Vin. "I was wondering if you had an idea what the most important thing we need to worry about for Groundskeeping before the fall semester starts."

Vin hesitated a bit before he accepted the help, and let Chris help him stand.

"I don't know if Groundskeeping is our biggest concern." He said. "Some of the emails I was looking at before, Maintenance is what seems to be going to hell…" He sounded stronger, focused on a problem other than his own. "Stair railings loose, doors don't lock." Once on his feet, he headed for the chair at his desk again. "Elevator in Cleveland Hall is doing The Shimmy again…ohh, what else? I started a list…"

"How come…" Chris opened the paper bag and took out a liter bottle of cold Pepsi, then he handed the bag to Vin. "…you come back from a sick day, and all you have are work related emails. I come back to a hundred advertisements for Viagara." He wondered too late if maybe he shouldn't have said that to Vin. But Vin only gave him a dead serious look.

"Might be Mary's giving out your email address?" he offered, helpfully. His expression didn't change even as Chris glared at him.

"I thought you were my friend." He tried to sound hurt.

"Imagine if I wasn't," Vin shot back. Chris let out a wounded sigh, but was inwardly glad that Vin was sparring with him. He took his Pepsi and he took his seat at his desk again.

"I get no respect," he mumbled.

"Y'might if you tried some of that Viagara…"

to be continued