AN: Hello ladies. It's my pleasure to announce the latest chapter of The Adventures Of Jonathon Lancaster: International Playboy for your delectation. This is, in my opinion, the best chapter so far, because it features lots and lots of your favourite (and my favourite) devastatingly handsome, world renowned ladies' man and super-genius creator of the most fearsome turtle bioweapon in the universe. Did I mention I have a huge…

…that's quite enough of that. Claudia.

-

Claudia looked over at Jonathon, who was sitting at his desk, a look of intense concentration on his face as his eyes scanned the pages of the research paper he was reading.

He's just like Daniel.

She smiled to herself, then looked away, feeling her cheeks beginning to burn. It was all she could do to stifle a giggle. A sudden surge of guilt rose to the forefront of her mind.

What am I doing? I should be working as hard as he is.

-

The only thing Jonathon was working on was getting an erection. Using the old schoolboy trick, he had a copy of Playboy concealed behind his folder, and was in fact studying the finer points of Pamela Anderson's bikini line, rather than RNA synthesis.

Looking up, he saw that the look of fascination on Claudia's face as she scribbled notes down mirrored his own, albeit faux, expression.

Craning his neck, he wondered where her concealed magazine was.

What is it that women read anyway? Housekeeping Monthly?

It couldn't be that she was actually working. Although she had spent a lot of time around his father, so stranger things were possible.

Shaking his head to himself, he decided to go over and check. Maybe if he caught her skiving he could guilt trip her into giving him a hand job. Walking softly, he put a hand on her shoulder and smirked.

"Hard at work, Dr Graham?"

She responded by almost falling off her seat. Jonathon peered over her shoulders and found that his suspicions had been confirmed. Pages and pages of perfectly written notes sat in front of her. In fact, she had done more work that afternoon than he had done in the past year.

He took a step back and she looked up anxiously. "Is something wrong, sir?"

Sir?

…

Boing!

"I thought you'd been busy or something," he joked, looking down at her work.

She blanched, missing the humour completely. "Well, normally I would have done so much more," she began to babble in a panic, "But everything's just been…well, I mean…I…" she buried her face in her hands, "It's no excuse…I'm sorry!"

Jonathon was perplexed for a moment before he saw an opportunity and went for it. "It's alright," he said in a mildly condescending tone, and the highly strung doctor looked up with a slight flurry of tears stinging her eyes. Jonathon tilted her chin up and smiled, "It's understandable, given the circumstances. So try not to worry about it too much."

She nodded and began writing again.

Aw, don't do that. Less writing, more sucking.

He really wants me to work harder. I can't let him down.

Jonathon was about to chance a sly grope, when the door opened and Wesker strode in. His demeanour was one of frosty impatience. It was not often the BOW allowed his inner frustration to manifest, but his recent interactions with Shakahnna were putting a strain on his iron self control. Claudia instantly shrank back in her chair and kept her eyes fixed resolutely downcast, trying to make herself as inconspicuous as possible.

"Hello, Albert," Jonathon cleared his throat. "Err…it's a rather nice day outside, isn't it?"

Wesker did not reply as he made his way to one of the desks and picked up some files.

Not going to make small talk then? Fine. Let's die together.

Jonathon went back to his desk and sullenly picked up his pen, and began pretending to work. Claudia continued to look at her shoes, every few seconds casting skittish glances at both men when she thought they weren't looking.

"Dr Lancaster." Wesker's voice cut through the tense silence, and Jonathon looked up sharply.

"Hmm?"

"Where is your analysis of the stability of the BOWs in ward 22?"

Fuck.

"Well, I…uh…it's…" Jonathon had not done it.

Wesker's eyes narrowed behind his sunglasses.

"Oh!" Claudia blurted out, "You left it over here, Dr Lancaster!" She grabbed her own work and hurried over to Jonathon's desk with it, setting it down before hiding behind him.

"Oh yes, of course…" Jonathon nodded hastily.

She's letting me take the credit? This is great! Maybe I can get her to do all my other work too.

Killing dad was such a great idea.

He smirked to himself as he handed over the files. Wesker browsed through them with a critical eye.

"These are surprisingly well done, Jonathon." He looked at the younger man who ran a hand through his hair with a bashful smile.

"I try," he replied modestly.

It's a shame they're not in your handwriting.

As endearing as your little tryst is. You had best not get too attached, young Lancaster. Her days here are numbered.

Claudia bit her lip.

Do not say anything inappropriate, do not say anything inappropriate. Look, he's pleased with the report, he's bought it, this is the best opportunity to keep quiet.

"Sir?" Claudia blurted out and her inner monologue pinched the bridge of its nose. Jonathon looked at her as if to say "Shut the fuck up."

"Yes, Miss Graham?" Wesker answered like a schoolmaster.

"Um…about Shak…?" This was definitely not a good idea. "You're really not going to kill her, are you?"

Wesker responded by looking murderous. The auburn haired girl blanched, and Jonathon felt the need to cover it up.

"Come on," he laughed nervously, "Anything that ugly's better of dead, Claudia."

She opened her mouth to say something vaguely defensive of the STARS captain, but closed it again at the look on her boss' face. Wesker suddenly looked about three times his normal size, an air of imposing anger about him, a tightness to his mouth which betrayed his inner rage. He was not best pleased.

"Um…" Jonathon grabbed some more notes from the desk, "Would you like to see the rest of the work we've done? There's been great improvement on the…" he stopped dead as Wesker turned about and stormed for the exit. As the door slammed behind him, the junior Lancaster looked down at his arm. Claudia was clinging to it.

"There, there…" Jonathon petted her hair, "His…his bark's worse than his bite."

"That's not strictly true, is it Dr Lancaster?" she said in a small voice. Reaching up with one hand, she touched his cheek. "What happened to your eye?" She had noticed it before but there had not been an opportune moment to enquire.

The young man's face darkened, his jaw tightening in genuine anger at the memory. "Wesker and I had a disagreement…"

Claudia's hand flew to her mouth in a mixture of horror and sympathy. Seeing her reaction to be favourable, the doctor continued.

"Actually," his tone was grave, "I was defending you."

Her eyes went wide. "Me?"

This is almost too easy. Not for the first time that day, Jonathon wondered if this was the point where he was supposed to feel guilty.

Nope.

He nodded with an air of martyrdom, "He wasn't in favour of you coming to Achma. He wanted to leave you there with that…ruffian. He and Dad, they used to have disagreements, you know?" Claudia nodded as she remembered the videotape, and suddenly things started to make sense.

Unfortunately the conclusion she came to was not that Jonathon was a lying little shit who murdered his own father and the only man she'd ever loved, tried to have her and all her friends killed at the hands of a born again Christian, committed one of the most atrocious acts of incompetence this side of the former world trade centre in the form of a turtle and was now proceeding to make her feel guilty about Daniel's death despite it being one hundred percent not her fault in order to get his hole because he was desperate and workshy.

Which would have been the correct one.

"Actually," Jonathon decided to chance his luck, "While we're on the subject of Wesker, I have a confession to make."

I murdered Daniel. Haha at me.

"Yes?" Claudia looked up at him innocently, her gaze full of complete trust.

"Well, Wesker wanted me to create a BOW that would wipe out you and your team…"

She snorted in spite of herself. "The tortoise!"

Tortoise? Fuck you, you bitch. It was a turtle.

"That's the one," he nodded.

I'm sorry Jonathon Junior. It's for the greater good.

"Go on…?" Claudia bit her tongue. It would not do to call Daniel's son a cretin. Not when he'd been such a gentleman.

"I was…I was so rude because I had to act indignant. I hope you don't mind the front…"

"So you made it rubbish on purpose?" she blurted out, relief colouring her cheeks that Jonathon was not in fact an idiot.

Bitch! That turtle was everything to me! He was like a son! My heart and soul went into him!

"Ah, yes. Michelangelo had to be sacrificed for the greater good. Did you know that caffeine almost completely overrides the regenerative properties of the virus?"

"Michelangelo? You named it after the painter?" she asked with a dreamy sigh.

That's so Daniel.

"Ahem," Jonathon cleared his throat and tried to remember what Wesker had said earlier. "Yes, he painted the Sistine chapel, don't you know?" He flashed a charming smile and Claudia stifled a giggle. "For what it's worth," Jonathon continued, "Wesker's not usually this bad. It's just this past couple of days he's been…"

"Since Shak showed up," she said flatly. "He asked me to lure her to Achma. But he never mentioned they were a couple."

Jonathon's head began to shake violently, "Oh they were a couple all right!" he sneered, having seen the video evidence and not liking the recollection. "He has," he lowered his voice, and leaned in closer, "This room…"