Chapter Thirty Six:
He arrived a few hours later than he anticipated but it was still daylight. He had not considered the number of stops for a dog much less the number of times Bruno would manage to get away from them. He pulled her out of the vehicle and she grinned when he insisted on unloading the car by himself while she inspected the cabin. By the time, he had emptied the vehicle she had managed to start a fire in the fireplace. He found her curled up in the floor with Bruno by her side.
He smiled.
She was asleep.
He prepared a simple meal letting her sleep for a couple of hours before waking her.
"Fresh air seems to be working," he said as she yawned.
She smiled.
It warmed him.
They spent the remainder of the evening lying in front of the fire. It was comforting. He watched as she methodically petted the dog as he lay there beside his favorite master.
Poor fellow….
He'll be forever at her feet….
Begging for attention….
Longing to be touched….
Loved by her….
He gently stroked her head kissing her gently on the top every now and then. He wasn't sure when he noticed she had fallen asleep again but he found himself dozing himself as he leaned against the couch with her tucked protectively in his arms. The bed would have been much more comfortable but he could not bring himself to disturb the two figures that lay there with him.
It was Bruno's whimpering that woke him. He opened his eyes to find himself alone. Bruno sat at the door pacing back and forth.
Sara….
He searched the inside of the cabin and began to panic when he could not locate her. He opened the door forgetting to snap on the leash and cursed when Bruno ran out. He grabbed the leash and ran after the dog that immediately ran to the porch swing. She sat there with legs drawn up with arms hugging them tightly as her head rested against her knees. Bruno sat there at her heels licking her hand as she kept her head burrowed from sight.
"Sara?"
He came to sit beside her pulling her towards him.
"Sara?"
He heard the soft sniffling and kissed her lovingly on the top of her head.
"It's chilly out here. Why don't we go back inside?"
"I'll be in soon," she said softly.
"I'll just sit with you," he said as he rubbed her arms.
"I don't want you to sit with me," she said pulling away.
He stood not sure of what to do.
"Sara, it's late, let's go to bed and get some sleep."
"Sleep? I don't want to sleep. Sleep brings…things I want to forget."
"I'll hold you while you sleep," he said refusing to take no this time.
She dressed for bed while he turned down the covers and checked on the dog that had made himself a bed on the couch in front of the fireplace. She curled up on her side of the bed waiting for him to mold his body next to hers but he remained on his side of the bed. She turned over to face him.
"Grissom?"
"Yeah?"
"Thank you."
He turned to face her.
"For what?"
"For risking your job for me."
He leaned over and kissed her.
"The only thing I've risked is losing you."
"I should have seen him for what he was. I lost my perspective…I …" she stopped.
"Let it go, Sara."
"He replaced my birth control pills with placebos…he never expected you to…he thought that if I was pregnant I would never leave him…what if I had let him…I would have been pregnant with his child…I would have…"
"You didn't. It was ours…"
"I'm sorry I didn't believe you. I should have trusted you….I was so hateful to Brass...I said things to him…"
"I should have let you know how much I love you…I should have showed you. Brass loves you…he doesn't blame you…he blames me."
He pulled her close.
"I love you," she whispered.
He smiled. He felt her lips kissing his as he gently rolled over ever mindful of her healing ribs. She refused to release him teasing his tongue with hers until he pushed her away gently.
"You're not ready for this," he said gruffly, "sleep."
He closed his eyes and listened to the sounds outside the cabin. The wind was blowing softly as the chimes clanged on the front porch. The crackling of the fire in the next room sounded inviting. The shadows of the flames danced on the walls. He could hear Bruno sleeping on the couch and he grinned.
The dog snores…
He then listened for her even breathing which told him she was asleep. He slipped out of the bed clicking on the lamp as he sat in the lounge chair in front of the fire with the file in his hand. He took a deep breath and opened it. He read the contents and then sat there staring at the fire. An hour passed and still he sat there. His anger rising with each minute until he thought it would consume him.
How do I tell her…
She's going to be angry for my deception…
It's a matter of time before she realizes…
How do I tell her about the pregnancy….
How do I tell her it could be mine or Lurie's…
How do I put her through that hell…
He smiled when he recalled when they had decided to try to have another child.
Grissom stared at the birth control packet sitting in the bathroom. Her OB had given her a packet after her visit to ensure her body was recovering from the miscarriage.
"I'll need to start my birth control pills again," she said glancing at him in bed one night. He looked over his glasses.
"Are you hinting that we can be intimate again?" he asked.
"Soon…she told me…she told me there was no reason I couldn't get pregnant again if we wanted…yes, soon," she said quietly.
He continued to read his book and once he noticed she had fallen asleep, he slipped into the office scribbling a note and then snuck into the bathroom. He opened the birth control packet and placed the note inside before heading to bed.
A few days later, Sara sighed as she picked up the packet and opened it. She glanced around when she saw the note stuck inside:
Sara,, when you're ready, we can try again. Love Gil.
She felt her heart flutter as she grasped what he was saying to her. She smiled.
Grissom stood in front of the mirror. It had been a horrendous day. He had not intended for Sara to work Zoe Keppler's murder and had been angry for the case brought back painful memories of the rape. He had wanted her to leave the scene and let the others finish but she refused working until the case was complete. He was still angry when they came home. He retreated to his office where he tried to work through his insecurities as a partner. Grissom had felt like a failure. He had wanted to shield her from anything that remind her of the rape but instead she had stood face to face with restraints that had caused a young girl to gnaw off her own hand in order to escape.
He had snapped at her the moment he saw her with the file. He had wanted her to yell at him but instead she had reached out to him. They had made love each needing the other to overcome the scars from the case. He stared down at the birth control pills on the counter. He quickly glanced around and then pulled them out finding a note stuck inside:
I'm ready. Love, Sara.
His heart fluttered. He stood there and stared into the mirror trying to grasp what had just happened. "we just made love without any protection…she could get pregnant…"
He closed his eyes intending to rest them only but found he was soon asleep, the file falling to the floor.
The night air was disturbed with the screaming in the next room. Bruno jumped up excitedly and ran into the room with Grissom following. He pulled the dog back commanding him to sit as he made his way to the bed trying to pull her into his arms. She scraped at the imaginary restraints on her wrists as she begged him to let her go.
"Sara!"
She stilled. The silence returned except for her gasp for air and the sobs that escaped her mouth.
She stared at him. "Why won't it leave me alone…It's the same…I'm back in the hotel room with ….and then I'm there in that house with Vincent…the restraints again…the knife…"
"Sara, it might help to talk about it," he said. "It might help it go away."
She leaned back wincing at the pain from her ribs. "I've already talked about it in the deposition."
"You need to talk with me," he said quietly.
She inhaled and slowly released the air. There was a rumbling outside.
"A storm is coming," he said.
"I know," she whispered.
He wondered the true meaning behind her words.
Note from author:
Storm indeed. Please leave the reviews…have faith. I know where I am going with this and GSR is safely intack. Take care! Penny