The Coin's Other Side

Disclaimer: Do I own iCarly? No, no I do not. Will I attempt to own it? No, no I will not. Will I write a fan-fiction on it? Yes, yes I will.

A/N: This, and two other stories will be updated daily due to the posted chapter count being close to completion. 44 chapters total of COIN.

Chapter 38 (Through Carly's Eyes)

"I can't believe I didn't know. I didn't see it." Carly watched Freddie and Valerie chat on the couch after iCarly. They didn't do much other than a very awkward farm girl segment and a baby Spencer drill. They still had to answer some questions as to why they were doing things differently, apparently iCarly had become a warzone lately.

Carly leaned forward over the counter, sipping soda through a straw. A million thoughts were racing through her mind as everyone did their own thing. Gibby had left, and Sam was laying idly on the floor behind the couch, tossing a tennis ball repeatedly through the air. Her attention was still focused on the pair on the couch. They looked so comfortable talking to one another. "Always the 'dumb one' always the last to know. Always the last to find out, last to see. Naïve, like trying to hang out with criminal friends that belong in Sam's past." It was aggravating, too, because she could have put a stop to everything. If she had known how Valerie felt about Freddie, or what was going on with Jonah. No that wasn't important, what was important was the fact that she was stupid enough to publicly air their humiliations.

"Going for a walk," Carly said out of the blue. The others watched her leave the apartment, no one saying anything. She didn't want to talk, she didn't even feel as highly spirited as before. What was the point of it? What was the point of iCarly anymore? Hell, even starting, they based it off of making fun of people. "iCarly was supposed to be about doing what you wanted. It was supposed to be fun. Not being miserable while doing it!" What was the price of internet fame? There wasn't any glory in it, they'd practically ruined their own lives with it!

The trauma was still there, still evident. Maybe Sam and Freddie wanted to keep up iCarly, but she sure as hell was getting tired of it. She couldn't get past looking over her shoulder, fearing some deranged fan that wanted to abduct her off the street. Sometimes she had nightmares that entailed a shady figure stalking her, following her, and no matter how fast she ran, it still grew ever closer but never close enough. It was like death awaiting her.

She shook the nightmarish images from her mind once she left Bushwell plaza. There was a big issue in regards to these images. For her, they were more real than simple nightmares. Carly Shay saw the world much differently than usual, and unless she wasn't stressed out and in a state of total calmness and peace, as she was when she was with her friends, then the world was a much darker place.

Maybe it was a mental disorder, maybe it was the result of some great trauma, or hell, maybe it was the effect of iCarly. She wished to say the latter, but for her, the world was a dark place long before that. She'd simply learned to adjust and pretend. The only reason she seemed so naïve was because she had to be, she had to act in such a manner to avoid being depressed when it came to this crazy point of her life.

Lifting her eyes up, she saw a blood red dye cloaking the skies that were supposed to be blue. They were blue, but for everyone else. The clouds were black for her, not little puffs of white. Everyone around her, when she was young they terrified her, but not now. Never now. She was still jumpy when it came to the monsters and shadowy figures walking the desolate and cracked streets.

When she was just four years old, she was with her Grandma at work, Spencer was on a date with his girlfriend at the time and her father was overseas again. He was never home, only rare visits, she'd lived with her brother all her life, so he could never help her. Her mom had already been lost in the war, so she and her brother stayed with her grandmother at the time. She'd suffered a major nightmare that night and ran out her Grandma's work when the manager there scared her accidentally. Her Grandma ran after her, but then this creepy man moved up to them, abducting them. Her Grandma had been tortured, murdered, and the Carly ran, terrorized by the images until she found her brother's high school.

Those images remained fluent for the rest of her life. The closest thing she could think of was schizophrenia, which she knew her mother and grandmother had. She never told anyone about these 'hallucinations'. Sometimes she kept a good control on her surroundings, but when things grew really tense, it was difficult to differentiate. Her mother had been diagnosed with schizophrenia, and the trauma she suffered as a girl triggered these mental outbreaks that she had.

She put her fingertips to her forehead, groaning at the pressure building within. Seeing Valerie, she knew it was her but it had been so hard to really grasp it. Whenever she sees a stranger on the street, they look different, almost demonic. This changes the more she talks with them, and then they look more 'normal' to her and less evil. Valerie was once like this to her, and today she really had to swallow this and pay attention to what was being said around her. "Not hard to do when things are calm. Unlike now, which there's a massive war going on with iCarly…everything's hectic."

At the rate things were going, things were getting so stressful that even Freddie, Sam and Gibby were starting to look 'different' to her. "It's fine, I'm stressing over nothing at all, anyway."

When she met Sam for the first time, eight years old, the girl stole her sandwich. Most would think it just innocence when Carly took it back, but that was not so much the case. She freaked, she saw Sam as a monster and shoved her aside, taking her sandwich back. The girl put herself into her life at that point and the two were friends. Were they all insane? Thinking she was the normal one?

As she gazed out into the street, huddling herself and pushing her hands into her pockets, she clenched her eyes shut. They were there right now, the monsters, walking all around her. Dark shadows with skin like tree bark, red eyes and vicious fangs glinting on their faces of mocking laughter. She rubbed her forehead more vigorously, groaning as she fell back against the wall of the building. She needed help, she acknowledged that, but she didn't care. She didn't want people to know she had a true problem.

It was hard to avoid, however, with the crazed fans out there that she pictured exactly as those demons. The memories returned to her mind and her body rattled with a shaky sob.

"Grandma?" Blood splashed onto her face as she looked up, seeing the red haired woman fall to her knees. The woman screeched, clutching her side as a man in a dark trench coat started laughing wildly. He grabbed the woman and four year old Carly, then pushed them into the back of his van. He had a knife in his right hand and a ghastly look in his eyes.

They drove near the high school Spencer went to, where he was actually on a date with his girlfriend just a couple blocks away. All Carly could do was hear her Grandmother's agonized screaming as the man's hand lifted and fell. When she looked to him, covered in her Grandmother's blood, she saw his skin covered with hair and calluses. He had several tattoos that looked like he was cracked. His stabbing motions were like a sadistic ritual that she couldn't understand.

"Grandma no!" The elder's cold eyes gazed out in eternal terror. Her heart started to race as the man slowly turned to her, twisting his knife in her Grandmother's neck. She started to crawl backwards, whimpering, then falling out as the back doors opened up. With that, she ran, hearing the man's crazed howls. The night air had a musty smell to it, the sky red with the blood in her eyes.

She ran into someone unrecognizable, everywhere she looked, she saw this man. Strange though, she heard her brother's voice trying to console her and ask what was going on. When she looked at him, she screamed, seeing the same thick bark-like skin and wild eyes. She started to run, but he grabbed her, telling her it was okay.

It was not okay. It would never be okay.

Carly's eyes shot open and several of these 'monsters' were surrounding her, watching her, asking if she was doing okay. Trying not to shriek, she staggered to her feet and looked towards the park, trembling fearfully as her heart tore at her chest. One reached out for her, their cracked and yellow nails scraping for her.

"Get away from me!"

"Carly?" Suddenly everything froze and she looked to the door of the apartment, seeing Gibby in plain sight. He looked concerned for her, the one thing that was still human. Tears streaked her cheeks and she slowly stepped towards him. "Carly, what's wrong?"

"I need help Gibby. They're everywhere…" He raised an eyebrow as she fell into his arms, still trembling with uncertainty. She heard him tell those around them to go on their own way. "Creatures. Skin like tree bark, fangs, red eyes, red skies…"

"Carly relax, everything is fine. Close your eyes, take a deep breath and try to relax." She did as instructed and inhaled slowly. Taking a few more breaths, she began to calm. When her eyes opened, everything was normal again. The monsters were gone, the sky was blue. How long would this last? "Are you all right? What was that freak-out about?"

"Nothing. It was nothing." She pushed away from him and rubbed her forehead, groaning as the pounding started to slow. "How's Freddie and Valerie? Sam?"

"They're all fine."

"Good." She pushed her hands into her pockets and started walking for the park. It was quiet there, she wouldn't have to face her nightmares there. She was in no mood to explain to Gibby what was wrong with her. She hoped not to run into any iCarly fans while out, she truly did not wish to deal with them. After all, even the clear blue skies couldn't shield those demons with human costumes.

I think I have the disorder right, had to research and my cousin said the hallucinations would point to what is listed. What are your thoughts? Looks like Carly has been hating iCarly for a while herself.