Chapter 38: Alive

A/N So here it is. The last chapter of Without You. It feels surreal to actually finally be finishing it. It's been a part of my life for over a year and I'm sad it's over but also happy. I know some of you won't like where I ended it but I felt like this was the right place for the story. I played around with epilogues but none of them felt right. I've never been a huge fan of them, I always like to imagine myself what happens next and that's what I wanted to do for without you. If I want to come back one day and do a sequel (hopefully, I'm open to the idea) then it will be open ended and I can do that. Tell me if you guys would want a sequel or anything and I'll take it into consideration. As for what's next I do have other plans. I have another story planned, it's completely canon and starts off with a much smaller Nessie but I'm not sure when that will be up. Right now, I'm probably going to take a break and then finish off my other stories I have on here. You can follow me on twitter elizabethdiarys for info. I want to say thank you to all of you who have read and reviewed and followed ect… I love you all, the ones who have followed from the start & the ones that joined along the way.

Hope you enjoy! – E

'Are you excited for tomorrow?' Jake said sultrily into my ear.

'Yes' I moaned 'I can't wait.'

'Me neither'

'Longer strokes' I breathed as I dug my fingers into his broad shoulders, moving in time with his hips. 'And deeper, just go deeper.'

'I'm going as deep as I can' he promised me.

'Yes, right there' I sighed. I brought his face down and kissed him passionately urging him to keep doing exactly what he was doing.

It was almost 11pm and Jake and I were currently making love in our bedroom. Tomorrow we had a 7am flight to Miami Florida. It was the middle of August and we had decided it was time to take our beautiful little 8 month old baby on his first ever vacation. He'd been to the beaches in La Push dozens of times and he loved the sand and the water. I couldn't wait to take him somewhere warm and watch his face brighten. Alex loved new places. We had been considering Disney land but eventually decided that he was still too young to fully enjoy and appreciate it. We'd wait until he was a little older and had watched some of the movies. I was really excited because it was just Jacob and I with our child. We'd only be gone for a week and we were leaving Elsa with Nina and Embry. Yes, Nina had now officially moved in with Embry and she went back there for every holiday. I was so excited to get away somewhere hot and for a nice break. I knew Jacob was too.

We woke up at 4 in the morning. We were all extremely tired and Alex was groggy and not pleased to have been woken up so early. I tried to feed him some of my eggs but he kept turning his head away.

'Our baby sure hasn't chose an ideal time to start being difficult' I told Jake as I was trying to get him dressed. He kept wriggling around and whining. And then he started to cry. I lifted him into my arms and sighed.

'What's wrong sweetie?' I cooed. He wasn't usually like this. Only once before when he'd been...

'Oh honey' I said as I put my finger into his mouth and started to feel around. My thoughts had been confirmed. He was teething again. His top teeth were coming through. Right now he only had his bottom ones. I carried him down into the kitchen and sorted through the draws until I found his teething gel and a teething ring. I placed some around his sore gums and then gave him the ring which he started biting on. He stopped crying immediately and snuggled into my chest.

'I'm sorry darling, I love you so much' I whispered kissing him on the head.

'Is he okay?' Jake asked, hugging me from behind.

'Yeah he's just teething.'

Jake gave both of us a kiss and then left to start packing our car. We had quite a lot of luggage, mostly Alex's stuff. I went back upstairs to make sure I had everything in my big travel bags. One was full of my stuff and one was full of Alex's. A designer baby travel bag, courtesy of Aunt Rosalie.

'You about ready Ness?' Jacob called up

'Yeah, could you help -'

Jacob was already beside me, taking the bags from my hands.

'Thank you' I smiled. I locked up the house and then we were off. At the airport lots of people were smiling and 'awing' at Alex who I was holding. He was beautiful and so cute. I couldn't blame them. When we were waiting in line a woman from behind me asked me how old Alex was.

'8 months' I told her

'He's gorgeous' she told me.

'Thank you' I smiled.

'You look young, if you don't mind me saying.'

Actually I did mind. It was kind of getting boring and old being told in a roundabout way that I looked too young to have a baby or be married. It was offensive to me, people needed to mind their own business.

'I'm 19' I told her. She widened her eyes.

'Come on Ness' Jake said, placing his arm around my waist. He moved behind me and rubbed my arm soothingly. I was glad once I was on the plane, away from prying and ogling eyes. We didn't bother getting Alex a seat, the flight was short. Plus, he preferred being in our arms anyway. He was perking up a lot now and babbling at me and playing with my hair. People on the plane were smiling in adoration of my perfect baby. It made me proud.

'He's so adorable' the air hostess told Jacob kindly.

'Yeah he is' Jake smiled.

'Can I get you anything?' She asked, batting her stupid long eyelashes and leaning forward slightly, hoping Jacob would notice her chest.

'Do you want anything Nessie?' He asked me

I shook my head no.

'Well what about you?' She asked Jake again. 'I can get you anything you want.'

I'm sure you can I thought bitterly in my head.

'He doesn't want anything' I told her bluntly. I was getting annoyed. Jacob was mine. She stared at me before walking away quickly.

'Hey you okay?' Jacob asked, a little surprised

'Jacob she was flirting with you' I said, annoyed that he was so blind sometimes.

'She was?' He asked, clearly amused

'It was so obvious' I huffed.

He laughed and I glared at him.

'You know I don't see any other women' he said, leaning over to kiss my neck. 'You're the only woman in the world to me.'

'Yeah yeah' I said rolling my eyes. I couldn't help but smile though. About halfway into the flight Alex wanted to feed. I'd never really breastfed in a public place before so I was a little nervous.

'You're fine honey' Jacob told me, tucking a piece of hair behind my ear. 'You're by the window, I'm huge and nobody can see you.'

I pulled down my shirt and covered Alex with a blanket. He latched on immediately and held onto me with his tiny little hand. Sometimes he played with my hair while he fed; today he was playing with the necklace I was wearing. I loved these moments, the closeness I had with my baby when he was breastfeeding. It made me feel so good, so fulfilled to know that I was the one giving my son nutrients and food. That it was coming from me, from my body. He fed for quite a while and then fell asleep peacefully, his fluttering eyes closing. I stroked his little face with my fingertip and bent down to place a kiss to his cheek. When I looked up, Jacob was smiling down at us.

'He was tired huh?'

'Yes. We woke him up early and he's teething. He's gonna be hungry for food when he wakes up.'

'We'll go get something to eat' he said

'I make all of Alex's food' I told Jacob. 'You know that.'

'Well, then we can buy something for you to make' he smiled. I puckered my lips for a kiss and he obliged. Jacob fell asleep for the rest of the flight and I eventually dozed off too. Alex was still sleeping when we landed. He was really tired, my poor teething baby. The car we rented was waiting just outside the airport and Jake drove to our hotel. The room was very big and spacious and wonderful. There was a crib in the corner as we'd booked a family room but I wouldn't make my baby sleep in there.

'I'll leave you to unpack and stuff while I go and try to find some food okay?' Jacob said to me, enveloping me in a hug. I nodded. While Jacob was gone I unpacked a few of our nicer clothes but left the majority in the suitcases. By the time Jacob came back Alex was just starting to wake up. I didn't feel so good and I was starting to get bad stomach cramps. I lay down on the bed for a while and Alex crawled on top of me, resting his head between my boobs. He definitely used them as pillows.

'Are you trying to help Mommy feel better?' I cooed as I hugged him. Seeing his smiling beautiful face always made me feel better.

'You feeling okay Nessie?' Jacob asked concerned

'Just a little tired. And I've got bad stomach cramps.'

He rested his hand on my lower abdomen and a confused look crossed his features.

'You're not...'

'No' I shook my head. 'I'm not pregnant Jacob. It's a different kind of feeling.'

He nodded and then I saw a trace of a blush appear on his face.

'Could it be, you know...' he trailed off

'What?' I smiled. Jacob didn't often blush and when he did I found it cute.

'You know, your period maybe?' He said a little hesitantly

'Yeah, it could be' I nodded thinking about it. 'I don't usually get cramps though.'

'Maybe your body is going to start working more regular now, because you've had a baby' he smiled kindly.

'Hopefully' I said happily. 'If you're right, I'm gonna need some stuff. Could you go and get some for me?' I asked

'Nessie' he groaned. 'You know I love you more than anything but you can't make me go and get girl products.'

'Please, I need to give Alex some food'

Alex who was busy now trying to bite my necklace. I sat up and found him out his teething ring again.

'Ugh, fine. What do you need?'

'Just get me any type of tampons. But get the expensive kind, nothing cheap.'

'I'm gonna look weird' he whined, cringing a little at the word tampon. He was such a guy sometimes.

'No you won't. Men do it for their wives all the time. Just go.'

I looked to see what Jake had bought. He was so unhealthy. Donuts, chips and mostly other types of junk food. He had bought some fruit and a few other healthy things though which was good. I changed Alex's diaper and outfit and gave him some water, strawberries and yogurt. He seemed much happier now after his nap and I gave him his pacifier and a few toys to play with until Jacob came back. He came back with my stuff and I asked what took him so long.

'I've never been here Nessie. I didn't know where to go to get your girl stuff. It took a while.'

'Okay, okay' I said. 'Well then let's go out.'

We ended up on the beach. It was really hot and wonderful. It felt good to be back in a bikini again. Deep red with my hair in a ponytail.

'You look so good Ness' Jacob complimented me.

'Thanks darling' I said pouting my lips for a kiss.

Alex was in beach heaven. He had even tried to eat the sand. He was crawling around playing with all the sand toys we'd bought him and enjoying the weather. I loved watching him having fun. It was the best feeling ever. I noticed that Jacob was very protective of us when we were out. He was so sweet. We stayed on the beach for most of the day and then we went out to eat. Jacob convinced me to give Alex some food that I hadn't made, otherwise things were going to complicate our vacation being as I didn't have access to a kitchen. I chose a pasta salad and gave him a little bit of mine. He didn't eat huge amounts anyway. He was still a very young baby. We went back to our hotel later on. Alex was tired so I gave him a bath and got him ready. He fed while Jacob and I watched a movie in bed and then fell to sleep. As soon as he was sleeping Jake leaned over and started to kiss down my ear and my neck. I stopped him in his tracks. He'd been right about me being on my period as I had found out a little earlier.

'Don't start anything' I warned 'I'm on my period.'

'Aw, we can't make love when you're on your period?' He asked. He seemed genuinely upset so I pulled his head forward for a kiss and shook my head regretfully.

'Sorry baby, we can't' I told him.

'Why not?'

'Because Jacob. It's gross.'

'Nothing about you could ever be gross to me Nessie.'

'Jacob, I do not want to have to call room service to change the bed sheets because there is blood all over them' I said bluntly.

He nodded and leaned back into the pillows. I felt a little bad so I put Alex to lay in the crib I had bought over for a minute and sat myself on Jacob's lap.

'I'm not denying you Jakey' I told him, running my hands down his chest. 'I can still help you.' I let my fingertips graze his manhood through his boxers.

'Not if you can't enjoy it with me' he said, reaching up to run his fingers through my hair.

'Shut up' I smiled 'I'm your wife and I can see how horny you are. I enjoy helping you more than anything.'

It didn't take him much to be persuaded.

After 'helping' my darling husband we took a hot shower together. He washed my body and hair for me and pinned me against the wall.

'Thank you for that angel' he whispered into my ear.

'Anything for you' I whispered. He kissed me heatedly and lovingly and dried my hair for me when we were out. We made out underneath the covers in the dark. It was fun and reminded me of our Seattle days.

'I love you so much my gorgeous girl' he breathed

'I love you my Jakey.'

We spent the next day on the beach too. Alex loved it on there and I loved to see his little face shine with happiness in the sunlight. He loved his little vacation. I couldn't wait to take him again.

When we got home everybody was happy to see us again. Especially Elsa.

'I've got some news to tell you' Nina said cheerily when she brought her over.

'What is it?' I asked

'Embry asked me to marry him!' She squealed, holding out her left hand and showing me the sparkly ring on her finger.

'Wow, congratulations I'm so happy for you' I smiled giving her a hug. 'When is the wedding?'

'Well I'm still at college so it will be a long engagement but as soon as I'm finished there.'

I was happy that Nina was marrying Embry. I hoped that they got to feel even a fraction of what Jacob and I felt with eachother.

As I was lying in bed that night, getting my baby to sleep and waiting for Jacob to finish his weekly night patrol I couldn't help but reflect on all the events that had led me to this point in my life. This amazing point in my life. I was a miracle, born from myths and legends and so was Jacob. But that's what brought us together. It's what made us fall endlessly in love, bound together for all eternity. It's what created this little burst of sunshine I held dearly in my arms. Sometimes, when I was younger; I felt so alone and cold. I felt missing and empty and hollow inside despite the treasures and gifts surrounding me. I was loved deeply but I wasn't loved completely. Everybody had that somebody they loved more than anything else, anyone else. More than me. But not anymore. I have never felt hollow since I met Jacob. Not even when we were apart and I was heartbroken. I felt full and warm and complete. Literally two halves of a whole. For the first time, I felt alive.

My life was perfect. Not everybody gets everything they wish or hope for but I did. I got absolutely everything I ever dreamed of and for that I am eternally grateful. I truly am.

Fin.