Chapter 38 – Disorder
"Elodie?" I knelt down beside Tolfdir and cradled the woman's face between my hands. She was yet unresponsive, continuing to murmur the same phrase over and over again under her breath. Her eyes were open, and remained her brilliant green color, but they were glassy and unfocused. Instinctively, I let out my healing magic glow between my hands, hoping that what Colette did for me to bring me out of a trance would do the same for Elodie.
"Find it. Find it," Elodie continued to murmur. "The Psijic Order is watching."
"What good will healing do for her?" Fa'nir asked me.
"It worked for me, once," was my only explanation. My answer seemed to be good enough for him and everyone else, and one of the women who studied with Colette, Lienne, joined me in attempting to heal Elodie awake. I turned to Tolfdir who remained at my side, seemingly studying Elodie. "Tolfdir, what does she mean? What is a 'sihjik' order?"
"The Psijic Order is an ancient group of roniren. They are galdren that practice the Old Ways. Traditionally of the Altmer race."
I looked to my left at Marcurio, giving him my "I don't understand those words" face. He picked up my cue with masterful cunning. "So these priests," my friend stressed the word, indicating the synonym for one of the mystery terms Tolfdir had said, "they practice a sort of… earth magic… pray to their ancestors, to the spirit world?" I wondered if all of that was an explanation for what Tolfdir had said.
"Yes, precisely, Marcurio," the old mage confirmed. "Quite different from the religions we are familiar with today. The Psijic Order is secretive, motma. As far as I know, they have not been active for decades, a century or more."
"Then they have returned, or made themselves known for a reason," Azijjan spoke; her voice was quite sultry, I noticed. "Why now, why here? Have they attacked the young half-elf?"
"No, I don't think they would have attacked Elodie," Tolfdir replied. "They are not known to be violent. And, look, her robe was torn and bloodied, and yet her body was healed. I believe they saved her life. I don't know if her being half-Altmer had anything to do with it."
"Then we will have to wait for her to wake up," Brelyna concluded.
While Lienne and I continued to heal Elodie and Marcurio stood guard over us, the rest of our group headed further into the cavern, which looked to be in the same state as the areas we'd already walked through.
"I have to stop," I admitted to myself and to Lienne after maybe twenty minutes passed. I sat back on my heels and watched as Lienne, a healing magic student, continued.
"Here, drink," Marcurio nudged my shoulder with a canteen. I accepted the offer eagerly.
Moments later, Elodie's body jerked awake, and she immediately pushed herself up from the ground, leaning on her hands. Lienne's healing light faded, and we watched Elodie cautiously, worried what her actions might be. She blinked several times at me, then up at Marcurio, to her side at Lienne, then back at me.
"Where is he?" she asked.
We stared at Elodie in silence for a moment. "Who?" I finally asked.
"Nerien! He was showing me…." Elodie stood abruptly and looked around the room. She then put her hands to her robe and felt the torn fabric, appearing to have recalled whatever attack that had taken place. She checked her body for wounds that had long since healed. Eyes wide, she looked up at Marcurio. "He healed me, after…." Her body froze as it stood, hands clasping the torn flaps of her robe. Without another word she darted passed Marcurio, back the way we had come, to where the dead bodies of undead mummies and our friends lay.
The shrill wail that soon followed ripped my heart to shreds.
. . . . . .
We waited with Elodie in the small room with the altar until the rest of our group returned. The woman did nothing but sob the entire time, not allowing anyone to console her, and so we just let her be. She then grew quiet, and remained so on the slow march back to Winterhold. Tolfdir promised that he would send teams to the site to assist in the retrieval of our fallen friends, to which Elodie still had no response.
The group that had gone ahead with Tolfdir related what they had seen further on into the ruin. The entire place was much like what we had seen outside the altar room: wrecked, with cut-up undead mummies. At the end of the maze-like system of corridors, they had arrived at a spacious cavern that resembled a temple. Surrounded by four pillars was a round platform and extinguished candles. Splayed across the round platform and Impaled by a broken staff was the body of a draugr warrior, whose head had been balanced on the other end of the staff.
"Lovely," I heard Marcurio remark.
"Who would attack draugren without purpose?" asked Lienne. "And then do that to its body. It's—"
"Disrespectful," Onmund blurted.
"And curious," Tolfdir added. "There must have been something in that room. I wonder if it was what the Snow Elves were after during the Night of Tears."
"Night of Tears?" I asked.
"Yes, when Saarthal was attacked and destroyed by elves," Tolfdir reminded me.
"What would be so important to kill for?" Fa'nir asked.
"Power," I heard Elodie mutter.
"What, Elodie?" Tolfdir asked.
The woman's gold-pink face drained of color and she spoke no more for the rest of the walk back to Winterhold.
. . . . . .
The funeral for the three fallen mages took place on a snow-covered expanse of land east of the college grounds. Wood had been gathered and stacked to form three tall funeral pyres. Cremation was necessary in this area of the world – the ground was permanently frozen at a certain level, and only a shallow grave would have been possible to dig.
I had only then learned that Alerion was actually Arniel's nephew. Word was sent to Alerion's mother, Arniel's sister, in Dawnstar, and the morning the woman arrived, the funeral ceremony began. Osana, an orphan, only had Elodie.
The blonde half-elf woman refused to leave her wife's side until Savos was ready to light the pyres. Marcurio and Brelyna had to nearly drag her away, and were forced to confine Elodie in their arms to prevent her from throwing herself onto the pyre again.
Faralda and an Altmer woman I rarely spoke to, Nirya, began singing a dirge in a language I could not understand. The words seemed to soothe Elodie, though, and as we watched Savos light the pyres with his own fire magic, Elodie finally quieted.
My own thoughts turned immediately to Siv. My barbarian friend had died trying to save me, after defending the lives of women and children. Though Siv was indeed partly responsible for the deaths of the innocent men that died that day, and likely countless more before then, I had long ago decided not to judge her or Thrynn on choosing to be, if indeed it was a choice for them, part of a band of outlaws that killed and robbed and raped. The day that Thrynn saved my life, Siv gave hers trying to do the same. As far as I knew, she had remained unburied, her belongings possibly looted, and her body left for carrion on the side of the dirt road where she died. One of the first friends I'd made in this world never had a funeral, and I never got to say goodbye. This particular regret had not haunted me since my days with Thrynn in the cabin, and I felt myself go numb.
Later that evening, Marcurio, Brelyna and I made sure Elodie ate something, and put her to bed. While the three of us sat, huddled together on Marcurio's bed, they explained to me a major problem with Osana's death.
"Of course it is sad," I said. "They loved each other."
Brelyna frowned, and continued her explanation. "Deb, Altmer can spend hundreds of years searching for their soul-mate. Though Elodie may not be fully Altmer, she likely experiences some of those emotions. Altmer marry only after careful consideration. Elodie may never marry again."
A red flag suddenly sprung up in my mind. "Is there any danger of Elodie… taking her own life?"
Marcurio's brow furrowed and he cast a spell, looking toward Elodie's bedroom. "She still lives," he announced. I saw nothing, but I knew he had cast the life-detect spell.
I really needed to learn that spell. "Should someone stay at least this night with her?" I asked.
"I will stay with her," Brelyna volunteered, standing. "At least watch over her, to make sure…. You are right, Deb, there may be some danger in losing her over this. It is a great sadness…." With that, Brelyna left Marcurio's bedroom.
As Marcurio and I cuddled and drank wine, I pondered aloud what had happened at Saarthal, and what could have been there that Elodie thought was a powerful thing worth killing for, and why she was quiet on the matter now.
"She's in shock, Deb," Marcurio said.
"Yes, but whatever was taken was important. You heard what Tolfdir said. What if soldiers killed our friends to get something powerful? Why does Elodie not say anything to Savos?"
"I think if Elodie knew who attacked them, she would have said so."
I couldn't really argue with his logic. I felt Marcurio's body stiffen as he became unsettled. "Do you worry for Bird?" I asked my friend as I reached for his hand.
"Yes, every day." His fingers entwined with mine. "The war in this country usually stays out of Winterhold, and out of Eastmarch, but…," his arm muscles tensed, "what if it was soldiers that attacked Saarthal?"
There was only one answer that I thought might comfort my friend. "Like you said: if Elodie knew who attacked them, she would say so."
Marcurio would have to wait another week or so to find out if Bird was alright.
. . . . . .
The next morning, I received a small leather pouch from the in-house courier. It contained an iron key and a note from Stenvar.
In case you need to get away from the College. By the way, didn't you say your birthday was in the spring? Thirty, right? Hope you do something nice for yourself. -Stenvar
"He gave you a key?" Marcurio asked.
"To his house here," I confirmed.
"What does the note say?" Brelyna asked, smirking and picking it up from the dining table. Her eyes shifted up to give mine an accusatory stare. "You had a birthday? When?"
"Sometime in Rain's Hand," I replied.
"You mean some time now," she corrected. "What day?"
I frowned. "I don't know. I don't know if the days are the same. I never saw a… thing that marks the days in Skyrim."
"A day book?" Marcurio offered.
"Ehh, I suppose," I shrugged.
Marcurio sighed and gave his head a playful shake. "After practice tonight, we'll find out. I know Mirabelle keeps a day book; you can ask to see it. I want to know when your birthday is," he said with a smile.
Our moderate amusement came to an end when we saw Elodie emerge from seclusion and sit down, alone, to eat some porridge.
"At least she's eating," Marcurio noted.
"Did she sleep, Brey?" I asked.
"Yes, some," my dark-elf friend said, pushing around her own porridge with her spoon. "She mostly cried."
"Yes, I can see that." Elodie's eyes were bloodshot, her face puffy, and her golden hair a rat's nest. I felt odd, inappropriate and a bit self-loathing that even then I found her beautiful. I caught myself imagining kissing her tears away, and I yelled at myself internally to quit it.
No matter how much we were curious to know what happened at Saarthal, Elodie never said another word about it, at least not to us. If she talked to Savos about the incident, the Arch-Made was keeping quiet as well. Collectively, we had to move on, and not press the matter with the young, mourning half-elf.
That evening, Marcurio, Brelyna and I approached Mirabelle and asked to see her day book.
"This is amazing," I said to my friends and instructor, "the months here have the same number of days as in my world." I flipped the pages back to Rain's Hand, the equivalent of April. "Day twenty-eight of Rain's Hand," I announced. "This is my birthday."
"That was four days ago," Marcurio noted.
"Come on," Brelyna said, grasping my hand, "we may be in mourning for our friends, but a few birthday drinks will do us good, hmm?"
"Don't drink too much," Mirabelle warned, implying I wouldn't want to be hung over for our sessions the next day.
Our celebrations, spent in Marcurio's room, ended up being interrupted by screams and a door slamming open. We rushed out of Marcurio's room to see a frantic Elodie, cowering against the edge of the enchanted water pool, as if terrified from something in her room. We all ran over to her.
"Elodie? What happened?" I asked, trying to get a hold of her trembling body and arms.
"She's folokig me!" she cried.
I looked up at Marcurio. "What?"
"A ghost," he answered, then crouched down next to me. "You saw Osana's ghost, Elodie?"
Her sobs made answering difficult, but she managed to speak through them. "Nnno! I... heard her. I heard breathing and… steps. Gods!..."
Brelyna ran into Elodie's room. A few moments later, she called, "There is nothing." She walked back over to us.
"How do you know?" I asked.
"A spell to detect the dead. Or, the undead," she answered. I recalled that Wuunferth knew a similar spell.
"It's gone now, Elodie," Marcurio said, putting an arm around the shaking woman. "Come on, let's get you back to bed." He urged Elodie to stand and led her back to her room, returning a moment later.
"I don't think it is Osana," I said. "Remember the wine, Marc?"
"Hmm, yes," Marcurio answered, stroking his tiny, trimmed soul-patch. "Whatever it was, it's been around for some time, now."
"Do you always cast a spell to see the dead when these things happen?" I asked.
"No, not always," he said. "I don't know that spell, but Brey does and she's never found anything."
"What about the life-detect spell you know?" I asked.
"Why would I cast that spell?"
"To see if it is someone alive," I answered matter-of-factly.
"But why would it be someone alive?" he asked, confused at my suggestion.
"Why would it not be?" I countered. "There is an invisibility spell, yes?"
Marcurio raised an eyebrow, and without further warning he cast a spell that I could not see the effect of. I was told that by casting the life-detect spell, the caster saw purple auras given off by anything alive, even insects. The auras could be seen through walls of stone, up to a certain distance. His hand ceased glowing blue-purple as the spell ended. He put his hands on his hips and said, "I will do this next time…."
. . . . . .
As a birthday gift, Marcurio taught me how to cast his life-detect spell. It was easy enough to learn, particularly by first uttering an incantation that was basically a command to reveal life forms to the caster. The spell to detect the dead was just as simple, but more difficult to master. Brelyna was a patient teacher.
I cast the life-detect spell with delight at meals, in the halls at night, and walking around the college grounds. I began to become familiar with each person's purple silhouette. Savos Aren's aura glowed brighter than anyone else's, interestingly. The Khajiit students naturally had purple tails trailing behind their auras. The Altmer, who stood taller than the rest of us, had taller auras, and the likes of Colette and Mirabelle had the shortest auras. The disturbing reality of being able to cast this spell was not knowing whose aura was whose, but being able to tell what people were doing behind closed doors. There were just some things one did not need to know about their friends, colleagues or instructors, such as the secret sexual relationship happening between the three Khajiit students, the life growing inside Lienne's belly as indicated by a super-bright and dense purple glow in her mid-section, and the apparent affair happening between Savos and Mirabelle. Naturally, I kept my mouth shut about everything I discovered, but I wondered if Marcurio – or anyone else who knew this spell – was also aware of everyone else's private business. When Bird finally came back to Winterhold and from then on, I refrained from casting the spell in the student's hall.
. . . . . .
"Three…. Two…. One!" Brelyna cast a sphere of water at Marcurio. The sphere splashed against his ward, creating a puddle in front of him.
"Bigger!" I giggled.
The visiting Bird and a group of us students, including myself, Marcurio, Brelyna, Onmund, a somewhat-reluctant Elodie, and to my surprise the three Khajiit students had gathered on a peculiarly warm early summer day on the roof of the college to drink in the sun's rare rays as well as vast amounts of wine. Onmund was extraordinarily drunk early on in the day, which actually transformed him into a pleasant human being.
The lot of us had stripped down to our underwear when the water fights began.
The sphere that Brelyna was growing between her palms grew to the size of a basketball before it became too unsteady to control and without warning she cast it at Marcurio, who had been mid-swig from a wine bottle. The water soaked Marcurio head to toe, knocked the bottle from his hand, and wet both myself and Bird as well.
"I will get you!" I shouted at my friend, beginning a chase around the expansive rooftop. Neither of us could run in a straight line, and we ended up wavering between people and the turrets that dotted the roof.
One trick I had learned from Brelyna was to transform a simple frost spell, which could be cast to freeze a target, into forming none else than a snowball. Normally, a fair amount of snow would build up on the rooftop as well as the rest of Winterhold, but the temperatures had risen above freezing for last few days, and I was forced to make my own snowball. Brelyna had taken refuge behind J'zargo, and used him as a cat-human shield. I waited for Brelyna to make a mistake, any mistake, and until she did I would contain my magical snowball in my palm. When she backed away from J'zargo I saw my chance, and let my snowball fly. Before the condensed ball of frost magic could strike my friend, she cast Stoneflesh, illuminating her body in a shimmer of turquoise. The snowball smacked her square in the face, but she didn't even blink. The condensed frost ended up in a sad pile at her feet.
"Thasss cheating!" I whined.
"Is not," Brelyna grinned, and ran away again.
"But I dnnnno Stone Skin!" I cried.
"Stonnnefleshhhh," Azijjan corrected me. She too was drunk, and grinning happily. I was sober enough to refrain from commenting, but I knew why the cat-woman was so happy – she was getting intimate attentions from both J'zargo and Fa'nir, always at the same time, whereas I was only getting it from myself while wishing that I could be kissing Elodie's pretty, pouting face.
I had lost Brelyna in the crowd, and spotted the beautiful, sad half-elf. Elodie was getting blissfully sloshed as the day went on; every time I looked at her, she appeared more and more happy. Elodie had actually begun to hold conversations again, something she had not done in weeks.
Slightly more able to hold his alcohol, Bird had remained relatively sober, and began singing songs at the request of Marcurio. I was too drunk to understand half of the lyrics, but the songs were pleasant enough and I smiled as people began to dance. Marcurio dragged Elodie to her feet, Azijjan and J'zargo and Fa'nir danced in a threesome, and I expected Brelyna to come find me at any moment, but I couldn't find her. Instead, it was a very, very drunk but very jolly Onmund who asked me to dance. Or at least that is what I thought I heard. It was his hand reaching out to me that helped to interpret his slurred Norren.
Drunk Onmund could not dance. What he could do, however, was cling to me like a barnacle, and bury his face in my hair which hung in long waves after I'd removed it from its leather thong confine.
"Yyyyy smull noice," Onmund muttered. I pretended not to understand or hear him. I instead focused my attention on Bird, who seemed to truly enjoy singing. The grins and winks Bird threw Marcurio while his husband danced with Elodie were disgustingly adorable.
"Evvveryone, look up!" Brelyna shouted. When we did, a sudden burst of light gave way to bits of frost, floating down to us like a gentle snowfall.
A maniacal giggle soon followed, and the next thing I knew, I was staring down at Onmund, despite him being a shade taller than me. I then realized I was standing on all fours. I then realized I was standing on all fours and staring down at Onmund. I opened my mouth to ask what the fuck had happened, but all that came out was a neigh.
"Brey! What'd you do!?" I heard Marcurio shout.
More maniacal giggling ensued. "I tessssted my new spell. But she's a horse!" I saw Brelyna fall to her knees in a fit of laughter.
I heard myself whinny and felt the hair of my tail swish against my rear-end. My tail. I was a horse. In a fit of rage I stomped my feet, but all that happened was my hind hooves clonked onto the stone rooftop.
"Turn 'errr back!" Marcurio tugged at Brelyna's hair to get her to stand.
After her laughter subsided, she finally said, "I dunno how! It 'as to wear afff!"
"Damn it, Brey!" Marcurio stomped over to Elodie, who stood pale-faced, staring at me.
I felt a hand graze my left torso, and had to turn my head only slightly to see Onmund smoothing his hands over my light brown horsey coat. I wanted to punch him, but my right front hoof just stomped on the stone.
"Can you fix it!?" Marcurio asked Elodie.
The half-elf-half-human goddess-of-a-woman slowly shook her head. "I'm sorry, Marc. I d'know those spells."
I wanted to groan, but my horsey body chuffed and snorted. This was not okay. Onmund was still grazing his hands over my body, getting dangerously close to touching my breasts – which on my horsey body was just the underside of my belly. Moments later, I felt a tingling sensation creep over my skin, and my vision went black. I opened my eyes to see several sets of knees. I was on all fours again, but the sight of my splayed human fingers told me I was myself again. I felt an odd sensation, then, like my breasts were hanging free, and only then did I realize my underwear had ripped and fallen to the stone beneath me. I was completely naked.
"Shit!" Marcurio and Bird said in unison.
"Gods damn," I heard someone, I thought Onmund, mutter.
I was dizzy and still drunk, and wasn't entirely sure what had happened until I was on my feet and wrapped up in someone's robe. "Wut thu ffffkkk happn'd?" I mumbled to the two men who were helping me stand.
"Brey turned you into a horse!" Bird said way too loudly for my aching head.
"Elodie," Marcurio turned to the wide-eyed woman. "Take Brey to 'er room. I think she needs smmm time t'… think 'r somethinggg."
"Should I tell Tolfduurr?" she asked. Tolfdir. He was the Alteration magic instructor, and Elodie and Brelyna were his students.
"Neh. Juss git her to bed, yeh?" Marcurio slurred his request before walking on with me and Bird down from the roof, down the series of spiral steps, and eventually into my bedroom.
"I'm sorry for that," Bird said, laying me onto my bed. "We'll find you some new underwear."
"Mmm nnd-wear. I've some…," I lazily pointed to the general direction of my wardrobe.
"Alright, good," Bird smiled.
"C'mon, Birdie. Lez go back. I wann' dance s'more." Marcurio, standing to the side of my bed, tugged at Bird's loincloth.
Bird shrugged Marcurio off and finished tucking my exposed body under my covers. I was too drunk to react to my eventual realization that Bird was not like Marcurio. Bird was attracted to women. I was a woman. A naked woman.
"Birrrrd, stahp starin' at 'er tits." Marcurio tugged at Bird's long blond hair. "C'mon. C'mon."
"Right, right," Bird laughed, wrangling Marcurio's hand within his own, practically wrestling with his husband. "Sleep it off if you want, Deb, or get dressed and come back up. We won't let Brelyna do that again."
The two left, Marcurio stumbling, both giggling. I wanted to go back to the party, but I decided I needed the rest when the room began to spin. I wondered if the sudden overdose of sunshine combined with wine had begun to take its toll. I fell asleep at some point.
When I woke up, I was starving, and still naked. During my nap I had kicked off my covers, but luckily my door was closed. I crawled over to my small cupboard and gathered a bunch of dried fruits and meat and munched away, washing them down with water. Satisfied, I lay back down on my bed and stared at the ceiling. I wondered where Brelyna had learned such a spell, or if my dark-elf friend had experimented on me, which was expressly against the college rules.
A knock at my door ripped me into the present. I wrapped my body in a bedsheet and opened the door. It was Brelyna. I glowered at my friend. "You," I said.
"Me," she admitted, head hanging low and eyes downcast.
"A horse!?" I asked.
"It wasn't supposed to be a horse," she answered. She looked up at me, terrifying red eyes full of sorrow. "May I come in?"
I stood fast in my doorway. "Are you gonna turn me into a cow next?" My speech was better, but I knew I was still drunk. From Brelyna's awkward stumble while trying to stand up straight, it was apparent that she was, too.
"No, I jus' wanna talk." She pressed her lips together in a pout.
For whatever reason, I felt bad. "Okayyyy," I mistakenly muttered in English.
"What?" she asked, blinking once.
"N'vermind. Come in," I said, climbing back into my bed and shielding my body under my covers.
Brelyna closed the door behind her and stood before me. She had put on her college robe, but it was disheveled. For too long for comfort, Brelyna just stood there, looking down at me. Finally, she said, "I'm sorry."
"I know," I said.
"No. I'm really sorry," she stressed.
"I know," I repeated.
"No," she said again, gaining my annoyance. I was about to respond when she sat down on my bed close to me, one arm bracing herself again my headboard. "I'm… sorry…."
The last thing I expected, after being turned into a horse, anyway, was for Brelyna to kiss me. Not just kiss me, but impose herself so fiercely onto me that I was pinned to my bed by her surprising strength. She tasted like wine and pistachio nuts, which I found odd considering the nut didn't exist in Skyrim.
"Mmm!" I said behind a lip-locked mouth. Her hands gripped the headboard, and her body pressed firmly against mine. She was too strong to push off of me. Either that, or I was more drunk than I thought. I moaned, either from exhaustion or excitement or frustration, but the sound I heard after that did not come from Brelyna or from me.
It was a sort of panting sound. A faint, rhythmic rustling noise provided the base for the accompanying breathy grunts.
Brelyna abruptly lifted her lips from mine and stared into my eyes. "Do y'ear that?" she asked.
Immediately, as if by instinct, I cast the life detection spell. "Oh gods!" I shouted, bursting out of my bed, not caring about my nudity. Again I acted instinctively, and cast a frost spell at the ground under the purple aura that hovered over a chair that faced my bed.
A cry of pain emerged from the now-fading purple aura. Piecemeal, a figure began to emerge into sight, pale flesh replacing the purple glow.
"ONMUND!?" Brelyna squealed.