Chapter 38: High on Emotion

Raphael felt sure he needed to get Rebecca onto a different subject – something that would stop her mulling over things; punishing herself and stressing. He knew stress was not good for the baby.

"So what you been up to?" he tried to make it sound light. She raised her head and looked at him – the expression on her face indicated she was not best pleased with his choice of question.

"What? What are you on about?"

The sound of a phone ringing interrupted them which even though it was Leo it did please Raphael. Rebecca was probably best left to cool off. He took the call into the lounge.

"What's the trouble bro? Gonna offer me anutha lecture for leavin' the lair?"

There was a period of silence at the end of the phone and he swore he could hear his older brother pull in an enormous intake of breath.

"I think you should come home Raph, bring Becky with you if she's up to it.." Leonardo's voice sounded strained. So he knew they were hanging out, perhaps he had overheard him on the phone to April…

"We'll see I'll just.." the phone clicked and went dead: Leo had hung up on him. Now that was weird.

He ventured back into the kitchen, Rebecca was standing over by the sink "Who was it?"

She didn't turn to look at him.

"Leo, he wants me to go back, you can come too"

"He knows" Rebecca said simply.

"What? Don't be stupid, how could he know?"

Rebecca shifted round to face him head on "Donatello"

"He wouldn't, and how would you know all this anyway?"

"He would and believe you me I know. Guess your beat down didn't work after all" She walked past him back into the lounge, he followed close behind.

"Well actually I for one am glad he knows – get this all out into the open – be better for all of us"

"And you think he is going to just be accepting of us? He will be so hurt"

"It hurt me seein' you with him! I had to suck it up and take it now it's his turn" defended Raphael, starting to feel a bit hopeless.

"I'm glad you take it like that" Tears were welling up in her eyes "Because I for one wish I had been honest in the first place, pushed more for a break up because we've betrayed him – I've betrayed him, and now, now I feel like shit and everyone will think I'm shit"

Raphael pulled her to him and held her close as she cried "I'm here it'll be okay, I won't ever leave you and we'll face this together – you and me" he took a breath and planted a kiss on her head "and the baby" he added dropping a hand to her stomach.

She pulled back and looked up at him "I don't deserve anything or anyone"

He wiped her tears away with a finger "Yes you do, you deserve everything and you deserve to be happy – don't you let anyone tell you any different"

She paused and thought over his words "We need to face him I know we do, I'm just scared"

"We need to face him and the sooner we do it the better.." Raphael sounded more confident so it did give her a bit of a boost.

So after phoning April they locked up the apartment and headed to the lair across the rooftops. Once they were safe underground Raphael proceeded to ask her about the encounter with Nolan. Rebecca didn't really want to talk about it and in fact she didn't really want to talk at all but Raphael was persistant with his line of questioning so she relented.

"He just showed up and then told me he'd been following me, April didn't recognise him"

Raphael could feel his anger rising up "If he follows you again I will kill the little idiot"

Rebecca heard his words but could think nothing than what Leonardo was going to say – what they were all going to say. Yes April and Casey knew and so did Donatello and now Splinter so in theory Leo was the last to know – a part from Michelangelo – although he had sussed something was up. It all felt so cruel; she felt so cruel.

The door to the lair looked bigger and heavier than ever. Raphael didn't hesitate and just blew straight in – Rebecca followed although she found she would rather be anywhere but here. But, she told herself, this had to be done and it was the right thing – she couldn't run away and hide forever.

The lounge played host to Mikey and Donnie who were watching television; there was no sign of Leo.

"So where's the old Lame-o?" asked Raphael plonking down next to Michelangelo. Donatello looked at Rebecca "The dojo – he wants to talk to you.."

She took a breath in and out "Just me?"

Donatello nodded.

"Okay" Raphael looked like he was going to get up but she indicated for him to stay put "It'll be okay" she mouthed and walked in the direction of the dojo. She wondered whether Splinter would be in there too. Stepping inside she realised he wasn't – it was just Leo – he was sitting on the floor – Rebecca could almost feel his pain from where she was standing. He didn't get up to greet her – he didn't even look at her but it was to be expected.

"So you came then? Didn't know whether you would" His voice sounded cold.

"I was unwell.." she mumbled "I'm sorry I.."

"Unwell? Oh so that's what made you jump into bed with my brother did it?"

And there they were, the words said in a bitter tone that she didn't want to hear.

"Leo look I…"

He got up and turned to look at her, his face looked like he'd been crying "Save it. I don't want to hear apologies or excuses I just want to know some facts"

She remained quiet and watched him as he crossed the room "How long?"

Rebecca fidgeted with her cardigan sleeve "I don't know, I can't remember, you were never here, I was lonely.."

He rounded on her "Oh so that's it, it was my fault. I was never here so you thought you'd get comfort from my brother – my brother! Do you have any idea how that makes me feel?"

"Well you weren't here, I came to see you and you were never here! It hurt me" she protested, trying to sound reasonable.

"So you wanted revenge was that it? Well way to go Becky because you have well and truly hurt me so thanks for that"

She went to touch him but he moved away "Were you ever going to tell me?"

"Yes – I told you I thought we should call time with us but you begged me to keep going – I felt so bad Leo, really I did"

Leonardo started to laugh – he went over to the wall and punched it "You felt bad" he punched it again; she felt sure he must be hurting himself – never had she seen him like this: so angry and so emotional; so out of control "Nice Becky, really nice"

"Please Leo stop it.." she tried to interject the blows by stepping in front and instead of doing so found a blow landing firmly on her face. She fell to the floor surrendering to the blackness that engulfed her vision.

Waking up she found herself lying on a bed. There was a damp cloth across her forehead and she was covered with a blanket. Donatello was holding her wrist, seeing her eyes open he gave her a brief smile. This was going to be awkward moment number two.

"How are you feeling?" he asked

"I'm okay" she replied, scanning the room and realising there was no-one else here. Her mind started to go into over-drive.

"Your face has healed" he added simply "Seems like you are regaining some of your old talents"

Rebecca avoided eye contact with him – only Raphael knew the true extend of her changes. Again she had kept information hidden from everyone else.

"Look Becky I am just going to come out and say it – you made a big mistake doing what you did – you really shouldn't have lied. Leo is so cut up"

A feeling of heat flushed her face "I know, I'm sorry"

"I expect nothing less of Raph really but you Becky, I'm really disappointed"

The silence was deafening.

"But I have said my piece and now it is out there hopefully with support Leo will get over you eventually… I should have warned you Raph had set his sights in your direction but then I never guessed you would cheat on Leo"

"It was never planned, it just happened. Believe me Donnie I never wanted to hurt Leo.." Her words faded into another wave of silence as Donatello removed the compress from her forehead and placed it back in the bowl by the bed. It was then that she realised where she was: "How come I'm in Leo's room?"

"Master Splinter's orders" replied Donatello

"Oh" she felt so uncomfortable at the sound of Splinter's name – what must he be thinking?

"You are to stay here until you are told otherwise – again, Master Splinter's orders"

How could she protest – she had caused this entire situation.

"Where's Raphael?"

Donatello gave her a disappointed look – she recognised it straight away and knew at that point she should have added Leonardo to that question too.

"He's with sensei" Donatello got up and collected the bowl "He may be some time" and with that he left. Rebecca sat up and swung her legs over the side of the bed. It felt awkward being in here, like she was an intruder. Why would Splinter want to put her in here? Torture? Probably. She betted he was probably furious with her. He had invited her into his home and she – like the harlot she was – had thanked him by tearing the family in two. Getting up she retrieved her cardigan and pulled it on. Even though Splinter had insisted she remain here until told she was so tempted to do a runner.

As the door opened she had expected to see Raphael – or even Michelangelo – what she did not expect was Leonardo. Her cheeks flushed pink. This was going to be painful.

"Are you okay?" he asked, putting a glass of water by the bed stand. Yes this was going to be very painful.

"I'm fine.." she mumbled all prepared to ask him how he was but he held up a hand to stop her.

"I don't need you to ask me anything. I want you to sit down" He indicated to the chair in the corner. She took a deep breath and did as he asked. "I really thought I knew you – sad how things turn out isn't it but at least I'm in a better state than Raphael"

His words turned her stomach "You haven't?"

"That is exactly what I thought about you when Donnie told me what you and my brother had been up to"

He was so angry she could feel it – this was not a good time to challenge anything or ask anything so she stayed quiet.

"I loved you so much – do you know that?" He bent down in front of her "I still do – how funny is that?" She couldn't meet his eyes but could feel them boring into her. A hand came up to her chin and he forced her to "Why didn't you talk to me?"

"I don't know; I tried" She felt pathetic – tiny, small and pathetic.

"Not hard enough" he hissed getting up to tower over her. His size and stature were intimidating; she felt nervous.

"I'm sorry" she whispered.

He turned his back on her "Aren't we all"

Walking over to the bedroom door he paused before grabbing the handle "You can go – April and Casey are expecting you back" and then he left.

Tears began to well up in her eyes but she choked them back. After all, this was all her doing – and if Raphael was hurt it was also all her doing. Her chest hurt and she felt a wave of nausea hit the back of her throat. Calmly she got to her feet and went to the door. Leonardo hadn't quite shut it so she could peep out and see there was no-one in the lounge – all appeared to be quiet. Like a coward she took this opportunity and went out towards the main entrance – if they were in the kitchen she wasn't going to look. Guilt – pain and an immense hatred of herself was all she felt right at that point and she wasn't prepared to share it with anyone.