Shepard knew that Garrus' intention hadn't been for her to have to spend the night in the med bay, but she was a little bitter that that was the outcome. The cot was uncomfortable, the room was empty and sterile, and she was still colder than usual. Even after Dr. Chakwas gave her extra blankets, she was still chilled.

Glancing at the clock on her omni-tool, she noted the lateness. She had fallen asleep shortly after Dr. Chakwas gave her a sedative while she ran some diagnostics on her brain activity, and had only just woken up long enough to realize how cold the room was. It was nearly late enough that she could risk sneaking back into her own cabin without being caught. A long, hot shower sounded like a great idea.

The fact that Garrus didn't stay in the med bay with her was disappointing, but she chided herself for wishing he had been sitting at her side, waiting for her to wake up. He had to have been nearly as tired as she was. If she couldn't get a decent night's sleep, at least she could hope that he had. She sat up, closing her eyes to the slight dizziness she felt from the sudden movement.

Hearing footsteps outside, Shepard laid back down, pulling the blankets back up to her neck and closing her eyes. The door opened and she heard the familiar sound of uneven footsteps crossing the room, and the scrape of a chair. "Shepard, I know you're awake, EDI just told me there was movement in here. Cut the bullshit." She opened her eyes, looking over at Joker sitting next to her bed. He was leaning back in the chair, giving her a look of disbelief. "You chased that Reaper-killing Reaper underwater? Seriously, Shepard? Are you trying to see how many stupid things you can do before getting yourself killed?"

"I was chasing a lead." She answered, sitting up more slowly this time. She pressed a button and the bed folded, allowing her to sit up instead of lie down. "I survived and got fuck-all for my troubles, so it was a waste of time anyway." She glanced down at her omni-tool again. "Why are you even awake? Even pilots need sleep, I'm pretty sure EDI can handle the ship while you catch some shut-eye."

"I'm relieving Garrus, he looked dead on his feet when I came down here to check on you earlier." Joker responded, reaching for a cup of coffee that he had apparently left on Dr. Chakwas' desk. "It took a long argument to get him to leave, but he needs the sleep more than I do."

Shepard was glad to hear both that Garrus had been at her side, and that he was getting some much-needed rest, but she felt that everyone on the ship was prone to extreme overreactions these days. "Thanks, Joker, but I'm fine. You can go to bed and I'll go to my cabin."

"Yeah, sure, because 'fine' is definitely a word I would use to describe you right now." His tone was serious, and every time Joker had gotten serious with her in the past, it never ended with her feeling good after the talk was over. It was usually because he felt that he needed to intervene about something, and it always left her feeling like shit.

"Meaning?" She asked, sighing. Not wanting to hear the answer, but knowing he wouldn't leave until he had said his piece.

"EDI says that according to your armor's metabolic scans, you're under more stress now than during the Skyllian Blitz. Like, more than Elysium, where it was pretty much you versus 10,000 batarians trying to kill you." He looked at her, his frown even more pronounced. "Not to mention the fact that you pretty much went AWOL after Thessia."

"I needed some time, Joker."

"Exactly. You still do. You need time to sit down and get your head back on straight. But instead of doing that, you keep throwing yourself into every dangerous situation possible. You took on Kai Leng one-on-one, right? A guy with a sword. Versus you with your fists. Does that sound like the actions of a stable individual?"

Shepard threw the blanket off of her legs in frustration, swinging off the bed to pace the room. "It was a heat-of-the-moment thing. It happens in battle, I wasn't thinking. I just reacted."

"That's what I'm talking about Shepard." He answered, sounding just as frustrated as she felt. "You're not thinking anymore. You're reacting. You're like a damn robot at this point, operating purely on adrenaline. What happened to the Shepard that calculated the outcome of her actions, that knew when to keep going or when to step back when it was a fight that couldn't be won?"

"She's dead, along with everyone else that keeps dying in this war." Shepard threw at him, turning to face him. "I'm no different from any of those people, Joker. Why should I be allowed to live, while all of them die, day after day? They're dying by the millions, and I messed up the one shot we had at saving them when I lost the damn Catalyst information to Cerberus." She took a breath, before continuing on. "I know what you're trying to get at, and you're right. I don't care if I live or die. Hell, I haven't for a while now. But I do care about stopping the Reapers. That's all that matters. If I die doing it, fine. The galaxy goes on, and someone else can take my place."

"So you're trying to check out early and leave the rest of us here to deal with this shit?" Joker replied, his voice angry as he pulled himself to his feet. "You think you can just give up, roll over, and get yourself killed while the rest of us are doing everything we can to keep you alive?" He took a few hobbling steps towards her, standing up straight to look her in the eye. "Do you know what Anderson told me the last time we had a briefing? He told me to take care of you. The guy leading the resistance –on Earth- is worried about you. Don't you understand that we're all doing our best to help you? Can't you get that?"

"I know you are." She said, feeling a sense of shame run through her as she stared into Joker's eyes. He looked worried, angry, and so frustrated with her that she wouldn't have been surprised if he had thrown a punch or two. "I know."

"And you're okay with throwing your life away, after all of us risking ours to keep you safe?"

She didn't answer. The lump in her throat at the thought of her team that fought at her side, the resistance on Earth depending on her to stop the Reapers, the Normandy crew following her lead every day that she directed the ship into more danger. They didn't question her orders, they all believed that she would get them through the war if there was any way possible.

"You're okay with Garrus dying for you? Because you know that's what will eventually happen, if you keep going like this, don't you? You're going to throw yourself into something, not caring if you make it out, and he's going to try and save you and get himself killed."

She turned away, walking towards the door to the AI Core room, then back to the door leading to the dining hall. Then, still unable to find a way to deny his words, she marched back across the room and stood glowering at him. Because the only way she could deal with his statement, other than cry, was to face it with frustration. "Goddammit, Joker." She finally said, after neither of them would lower their angry gazes first.

"You're welcome." He answered sarcastically, limping back to the chair and sitting down. "Now get back in the damn bed before I get in trouble for letting you get up."

Garrus awoke to the smell of food permeating through his room off the main battery. He didn't usually wake up starving, like Shepard did, but he had collapsed into bed the night before without any supper, and he could almost feel his stomach begging for food. He opened his eyes to find Shepard sitting in the chair at his desk, cleaned up and reading a book he had finished a few days before while they were at the apartment. Sitting on the desk were various plates of food, the source of the delicious smells.

"Are you supposed to be up yet?" He couldn't help asking, and she glanced up from the book, setting it down after marking her place.

"I slept enough for two days, at least." She responded, moving to sit on the edge of his bed. "You, more like three." He looked at his omni-tool at her words and groaned. He had slept much longer than he ever intended to.

"Sorry, I should have gotten up hours ago to make sure you were okay." He started to move, but Shepard climbed into the bed next to him instead, after kicking her shoes off. She wrapped her arms around him, gripping his back as her head rested against his chest. "Shepard, what's wrong?"

"When you found me in the shower last week, after Thessia, what did you think when you saw me?" Her voice was muffled against him, and he couldn't see her face, but she was worrying him.

"I thought you…" He swallowed, changing his mind before saying the words. She had asked a question he didn't want to answer truthfully. "I thought you had bled out, all alone, without me there to help you."

"Did you think I had tried to kill myself?"

The direct question startled him, and it took him a few moments too long to answer a simple "No." She looked up at him, and he knew that she had heard the lie in his voice. He swallowed again, and finally told her what had been on his mind ever since that day. "Yes, I did. Until I got a better look at the wound, and thought about the fight in the temple, I thought it was self-inflicted."

Silence stretched between them for several minutes, he didn't know what to say. He felt like he should apologize for thinking that, but Shepard's expression didn't seem to be waiting for an apology. If anything, she seemed to be fighting with herself over what to say next. Finally, she pushed herself up, where he could see her better, and took his hands in hers.

"I'm sorry, Garrus." Of all the things he had expected her to say, it hadn't been that. He opened his mouth, but she shook her head and continued. "No, let me get this out. I'm sorry for the last few months. I'm sorry for the drinking until I blacked-out nearly every night, the throwing myself in the way of every danger we met without taking the proper precautions, the…" She looked around for a moment, as if searching for words. "the complete disregard for my own life. I'm sorry that I cared so little for my life that you had to think, even for a moment, that I might have given up and ended it myself."

"I've known this war was killing you for a while now, Shepard." Garrus responded, letting go of one of her hands in order to touch her face, rubbing her skin with his thumb. "You don't have to apologize for that."

"I'm not, I'm apologizing for how I've handled it." She answered, leaning into his touch. "I decided a long time ago that I wasn't going to make it through this fight, and I know that's still a possibility. But that doesn't mean that I should go ahead and throw in the towel now." She stopped, looking a little uncertain at her words. "…right?"

"Right." He answered, wanting to breathe a sigh of relief. Her eyes seemed so much less troubled than they had in a very long time. He reached a hand up and pulled her down to him, pressing his forehead to hers for a long moment. "What brought all of this on? Did your night in the med bay really knock that much sense into you?" He watched her eyes, before adding, "Because if I'd have known that, I would have locked you in there ages ago."

She pushed against him, and he saw the glimmer of a smile that reached her eyes. "After being stuck in that room with an angry Joker, I decided it was time to do whatever I had to in order to not go through that again."

Garrus rested his arms around her waist, feeling some of the tension he had been carrying dissipate. "I need to buy him a gift basket or something. Remind me to send him after you the next time you get out of hand."

Shepard shook her head, and climbed out of the bed, moving over to the desk. "I brought you breakfast, but keep threatening me with angry pilots and I'll go find another turian to give it to."

"One good thing about the Normandy is that there usually aren't any other turians aboard." Garrus said, stretching his arms before moving to get out of bed. He stepped over to the desk and leaned down, pressing a kiss to Shepard's smiling mouth. "Good morning, Shepard. Thank you for the breakfast." He said against her lips. "It's good to have you back."

"It's good to be back." She whispered, returning the kiss.

"Next time you feel like things are too out of control to keep going, remember this: There's no Vakarian without Shepard." Garrus said, pulling away just enough to press his forehead to hers. "You can't head out early and leave me behind, Shepard."

"Deal."

Shepard stood in the war room later that day, waiting for the rest of the team to gather for their meeting. Traynor and EDI had both informed her that they had information, and she was anxious to hear what it was.

Talking through things with Garrus had taken a few more hours after they had finished their late breakfast, but it finally felt like the air was clear between them. She had told him everything. What she saw in her nightmares, how she had felt ever since destroying the Bahak Relay, how every defeat had just made her feel more and more like her life wasn't worth very much.

He had listened, waiting for pauses to speak his rebuttals. She was so thankful that he had listened to her reasons instead of just blindly arguing over her feelings of uselessness. Working through the things she had been thinking and considering, especially the things she had never wanted him to know about –such as the nights she had drank until she passed out, hoping she wouldn't wake up-, had been difficult. But it had been exactly what she needed.

She knew, better than ever, that she never would have made it this far into the war without Garrus at her side. But instead of dealing with the anxiety and depression that had been hounding her since destroying the relay, she had pushed it down. Tried to hide it from Garrus in order to not make him worry, and ended up only making it worse. So instead of hiding it, she had promised him that they would talk through things when she felt like she was too overwhelmed to deal with them.

"Shepard?" She looked up, Garrus had walked into the war room without her noticing, she was so lost in her own thoughts. "Everything okay?"

"I'm good, I was just thinking." Shepard replied, pulling up the map hologram for whenever the team arrived. She took another look at Garrus' face, his mandibles were pulled tight to his face, he looked like he wanted to tell her something. "Something on your mind?"

"I just heard from my dad." He answered, coming to stand beside her and leaning against the wall behind him. Closer to him now, Shepard could see the look of relief on his face. "He and Solana made it off of Palaven. They're safe."

Hearing the news, Shepard pulled him into a hug, feeling his arms tighten around her as she pulled him closer. "That's fantastic, Garrus. That must be a weight off your shoulders."

"It is." He responded, pulling back enough to look her in the eyes. "Today's been an all-around good day."

"Agreed." Shepard responded, as Garrus leaned forward to press his forehead to hers. Moments later, a throat clearing interrupted them, as James walked into the room, a satisfied smirk on his face as he looked at them both.

"Glad to see someone on this ship is getting some action, seeing as how we're in the middle of nowhere and the dating pool is pretty damn small." He stood across the central station from them both, his expression still smug.

"Sorry, James." Shepard responded, not moving from Garrus' arms. "Garrus is taken. You'll have to find yourself another turian next time we make dock."

"I feel like I need some more context for that statement." Kaidan commented as he came into the room next, followed by EDI and Traynor. Liara showed up a few moments later. "But it sounds like a generally bad idea."

Shepard pulled away from Garrus when the rest of the team arrived, and they all gathered around the central station in the room, staring at the hologram of Thessia that Shepard had pulled up before they arrived. Liara spoke when she recognized the planet.

"Shepard, nobody could've predicted Cerberus would reach Thessia before us. Nothing that happened is your fault."

"It's my job to be prepared—no matter what." Shepard responded, her fists tightening on the cool metal of the station in front of her. "But I wasn't, and we're suffering the consequences now." She took a deep breath, looking around the team. "I'm sick of Cerberus beating us to the punch."

"Let's kick 'em in the balls first for a change." James interjected, his arms crossed as he sat on a nearby step. A general murmur of agreement went through the team.

"I'm with James." Shepard said, turning the hologram of Thessia off. "EDI, Traynor, I know you two were tracking to try and find us where Kai Leng went. Any luck?"

Traynor twisted her hands before speaking up, sounding hesitant. "I was able to track Kai Leng's shuttle through the relay and extrapolate his destination. But the signal disappeared in the Iera system."

"Naturally." Garrus sighed, shaking his head in disappointment.

"It's not just gone though." EDI added, stepping forward. "The signal is being actively blocked."

"How?" Shepard asked, looking from EDI to Traynor.

"Something is interfering with all signal activity in that region of space." Traynor replied.

"The Iera system is home to Sanctuary and little else." EDI supplied, pulling up a hologram of the Iera system. "Sanctuary is a supposed safe haven for war refugees."

Shepard couldn't imagine why Kai Leng would have went to Sanctuary, where refugees were staying, but it was a lead. And it was the only one they had, now that the Leviathan case has left her empty-handed. "You think it's worth checking out, Traynor?"

Traynor stood up straight, looking confident in her work. "Yes, ma'am. I do."

"If Specialist Traynor hadn't examined the data so astutely, the interference would've been undetectable." EDI spoke up as Shepard turned from the station, closing out the hologram.

"Nice work, Traynor. You've given us a shot." Shepard nodded at her, hoping she understood how much she had done for the Alliance in that one assignment. "Now let's make sure we don't waste it."

As she walked around the station, heading back to the CIC, Kaidan spoke up. "I was stationed on Horizon in the Iera system, Shepard. You were the only Cerberus presence while I was there."

Shepard felt herself bristle at the mention of her previous work with Cerberus, but Garrus stepped in. "Then it's a good thing we're going back to follow this lead. Maybe the time we spent with Cerberus, trying to save the galaxy, will give us an edge on taking out the Reapers."

"It's a slim lead." Liara admitted, looking around at the others. "Let's hope it's the right one."

"I don't care how slim the leads are at this point. We've come too far to let Cerberus stop us." Shepard looked at each team member, one by one. "I want that Prothean data. I want the Catalyst. We're going to find both. No excuses." She pushed away from the central station. "Dismissed."