Rachel's eyes fluttered open, squinting at the bright light. It took her a moment to realize why she was sitting in this hospital bed and when she did, all the memories came flooding back. Her entire body throbbed in agonizing pain and she felt like she couldn't move. Her head ached and…down there was hurting so much. She suddenly wished that she hadn't woken up.
"Rachel, thank god you're up." Finn smiled as he gazed into her mesmerizing chestnut colored eyes that he could sometimes get lost in when he looked into them.
"Hi." She whispered so weakly that she was barely audible.
"I'm guessing you're not feeling good." Finn frowned.
She just slightly shook her head, but even the slightest movement hurt. She had a minor concussion, a minor laceration of the scalp which had led to a hemorrhage, two fractured ribs, a dislocated wrist, ankle, shoulder, and knee, a torn knee ligament, a torn ankle tendon, a minor hip injury, blunt abdominal trauma, as well as abdominal compartment syndrome- an abdominal injury-, internal bleeding, vaginal laceration, which led to severe hemorrhages, and severe vaginal trauma. She had also required stitches on her scalp, for her vaginal lacerations and injuries, and for some other bite marks and scratches she had received during the brutal attack. She had required a blood transfusion do to the immeasurable amount of blood she had lost. And then of course a countless amount of bruises, scratches, marks, and bite marks and soreness throughout her entire body.
"Are you okay?" She asked softly, her voice sore and hoarse.
"I'm fine. The doctors checked me anyway, but I was fine. But I just…it hurts me that I had to see and hear part of what you went through. We…we weren't even sure if you were going to be okay."
Rachel didn't respond, just stared at him as silent tears rolled down her cheeks. She leaned her head back against the bed, wishing for the pain to go away. Wishing that everything she were feeling would disappear.
"Rach, what happened?" Finn asked, but she remained silent. "Rachel…Hello? Earth to Rachel?"
Rachel heard and understood every word that came out of his mouth, but she didn't have the energy of answering. Especially to that question. She felt bad ignoring Finn, but she just couldn't speak. She didn't want to speak. It hurt too much.
"Rachel? Rachel, are you listening? Rach?" He asked, concern dripping off each and every word. "Um…everyone wants to see you. Are you up to them coming in?"
She didn't answer.
Finn sighed frustrated. "Okay…well I'll go get them then." Finn strolled down the hall and into the waiting room where the entire glee club, including Mr. Schuester, Rachel's dads, and Shelby was anxiously waiting.
"How is she doing?" Leroy shot to his feet, his distraught face stained with tears.
Finn shook his head, glancing down at his shoes. "She won't speak."
"She won't speak?" Hiram asked in disbelief.
"She's been much different and not talking as much, but not talking at all?" Kurt questioned, wiping at his freshly dampened cheeks.
"I know. It's really bad. The things they did to her…" Finn's voice trailed off and he closed his eyes to stop the images.
"And they…they both…r…r…raped her?" Santana asked, struggling to choke the word out as tears rimmed her eyelids.
Finn nodded although he wished he could deny it so badly. "Yeah."
Puck gritted his teeth furiously and stood, before colliding his fist with the wall ahead. He spun around to face them again and ran a hand over his velvety strip of hair. He shook his head and for once in his life he could feel his body threatening to cry. He couldn't tolerate to see Rachel in all of this pain. None of them could. "Only this, for lack of better word, motherfucker would pretend to be dying, let his friend run out as they come in to check on him and then escape as they bring him to the hospital."
"Does she want to see us?" Hiram inquired with a sniffle.
"She didn't answer, but I think she does. I told her I was going to get you guys." Finn said. "Just watch what you say."
They all followed Finn down the hall and into Rachel's room. She didn't bother to say hi or to smile, but instead she simply glanced at them
"Oh pumpkin!" Hiram and Leroy scurried to their shattered daughter, enveloping her into their hugs. But they instantly pulled away as she flinched and looked up at them with frightened eyes.
"How you doing, hon? You're a strong fighter." Mercedes' voice was soft and soothing and she offered a sad smile at the broken brunette.
Rachel let out a small whimper and gave a slight glare to her friend. Fresh tears cascaded down her terrified and traumatized, bruised face and she didn't respond.
"You're in a lot of pain, huh? It'll get better soon." Kurt frowned at his friend, feeling his eyes burn as they filled with tears.
"Have they given you medication yet?" Sam asked.
Finn waited a moment to see if Rachel would maybe answer. But when she didn't, he responded. "Yes they did. She took painkillers, antibiotics to prevent infections for some of her wounds, and medication to prevent…pregnancy."
The room fell silent. Everyone's heart was breaking just at the sight of Rachel. None of them knew what to say or do to make her feel better or at least get her to talk. She wouldn't say a word. And it was worrying them all.
"Santana told me what rape is. It's like what I do a lot- have sex- except it's forced and you don't want it." Brittany broke the silence and replaced it with awkwardness. "That's bad that it happened to you."
"Britt, no." Santana shot the oblivious blonde a warning glance and grabbed her hand. "I'm sorry. I had to explain it to her. I'm going to take her outside for a minute to explain some more things to her."
Rachel's bottom lip quivered and tears fell like a bomb from her eyes. If only the memories and pain fell with them. She slightly jumped as she felt a large hand on her cold skin, but relaxed as she realized it was Finn. He gently stroked her arm and leaned forwards to plant a delicate kiss on the top of her head, still damp from the shower.
"What happened, Rachel?" Artie asked the question that they were all striving to know the answer.
But she didn't answer and that was something Finn couldn't answer. He didn't know. The only thing he knew was that he had heard her scream and followed the speeding car. But he had no clue how she had been taken.
"Rachel, please talk." Finn pleaded, gaping at her hopelessly.
"Say something." Mr. Schuester grimaced at his once zealous student.
"If it makes you feel any better, they caught those, for lack of better word, motherfuckers and they're being put under maximum security. They were also moved to a prison in Phoenix and they have to wear these bracelets with an alarm system in case they ever try to escape again. And I don't know about the other guy, but Jesse had three years added to his time." Puck said, feeling anger bubble inside him for the cause of Rachel's pain and fear. "The only thing stopping me from killing them, especially Jesse, right then and there was the fact that you were there and that you needed medical attention immediately and you wanted Finn."
"Thank you for saving me." Rachel finally spoke, but when she did her voice was frail and tired.
Everyone gawked at her in incredulity. They were astonished that words as actually fallen out of her mouth. A slight smile sprouted upon Finn's lips at the very small progress. "You talked."
"Rachel, you know I'd do anything for you." Puck reminded with true meaning in his words. "But please just keep talking. We hate seeing you this way. We want you to get better."
Rachel was quiet for a moment, before finally speaking again. But again she spoke in a meek and exhausted voice. "You don't understand. It hurts to speak. And I have no energy anymore. I'm exhausted. I just want to close my eyes and sleep without…seeing things and without feeling so much pain."
"Soon, Rachel, soon." Quinn said.
But Rachel shook her head as more tears sprang from her tired and terrified eyes. "Not soon. I've been going through this for a while and it just keeps getting worse."
"But he's in jail now." Mike reminded.
"That didn't…didn't stop him this…this…ti…time."
"Yeah, but now there is more security and he is further away. He can't get to you anymore." Tina frowned, wishing to replace Rachel's broken face with her beautiful smile.
"I just can't do this…" Rachel choked out.
"Your group therapy is tomorrow. Go to that and see how that goes."
Finn grabbed the wheelchair from the corner of the room and pushed it to the side of Rachel's bed. He held his hand out to begin to help her, but she gently declined it. "I can transfer myself."
"Okay." Finn nodded and took a step back. He watched as Rachel struggled just to push the covers off her frail body. She let out a pained moan as she gradually brought herself up, but the second her feet hit the ground, she crashed to the floor. Finn gasped and darted to her, kneeling to her level. "Rach, are you okay?"
She nodded, but tears were glistening in her eyes and it was only a matter of seconds before she erupted into sobs.
Finn cradled Rachel in his arms, clutching her against his chest and soothingly caressing her back. "Shh, did you get hurt?"
"No, I'm just…" She choked out with her head buried in his chest and her fingers grasping at his shirt.
"I know, I know you're frustrated and you're in pain and you're exhausted and you're traumatized. And that's all completely normal. And we're going to get you better. I know it feels like it's never going to happen, but it's going to. I promise. And I really think group therapy will help you. So let's get you up and calm you down and get you over there."
Rachel nodded and took deep breaths. Her tears finally ended and Finn softly wiped her cheeks with his thumb. He held her face with his large hands and leaned down to touch her delicate lips with his. "I love you. Promise me you'll never leave me."
"Rach, I promise. It would be impossible for me to leave you. If something happened and it meant that we couldn't be together then I wouldn't survive. I think about you day and night. You are more important to me than anything else in this universe. You are my universe. There aren't enough words with every language put together to describe how much I love you. I would give up everything for you. And nothing is going to change that."
The smallest smile sprouted upon Rachel's lips. Finn smiled too, grateful to see even the slightest smile from her. All he wanted was for her to be happy again. He was cautious to scoop her up and place her into the wheel chair. And as he began to roll her out to the hall he heard her weak voice. "What if I cheated on you? Would you still love me then? Or how about if I got fat and even uglier? Or did something really bad?
"First of all, I would still love you no matter what. You know I've loved you even when we weren't going out, even when I was dating Quinn. Second, you wouldn't cheat on me. I know you wouldn't. Not anymore and I had still loved you after that thing with Puck. And you aren't going to get fat, even if you did I would still love you and you couldn't get uglier because you aren't ugly and you never will be. It's impossible for you to be ugly. And something bad? What would Rachel Berry do that is bad? Really? Define bad."
"Shut up!" Rachel laughed, glaring at him jokingly as they came to a stop in the elevator.
A huge grin spread across Finn's face at the sound of his girlfriend's laughter. He missed that sound so badly. "I'm just saying. You never do anything wrong. Except you drank once. Oh that's bad to the bone. Nobody in high school ever does that."
Rachel shook her head with a smirk still planted on her lips. "You're mean."
"But you love me." Finn chuckled and bent forward for a kiss.
"That I do." Rachel giggled and pressed her lips against his. "But what is so wrong with not being bad?"
"Nothing. I was just messing with you. I love you just the way you are. It's just funny because you never do anything wrong." He said as he pushed her into the hall.
Rachel's smile disappeared and was replaced with despair. "I don't feel so innocent anymore."
"Rachel…" Finn began and came to a stop outside a door. He bent down to her level and took her small, trembling hands in his. "Look at me, you are still innocent. What happened does not count and it was not your fault. You are not a bad person. You are an amazing person."
Rachel nodded and Finn wiped the tear that ran down her cheek. "I'm scared."
"In general? Or to go to group therapy?"
"Well both, but I was saying to go to group therapy."
"Don't be. You are going to be fine. I'll stay with you. You don't even have to say anything if you don't want, although I think you should. But just listen. It will really help. You are not alone." Finn leaned forward to kiss her lips again, before standing straight and pushing her through the door.
"Welcome. I'm Dr. Romano." The brunette extended her hand to Rachel who reluctantly shook it.
"Hi, I'm Rachel." Rachel grew more nervous as she spotted the people sitting in a circle.
"I'm Finn, her boyfriend. Is it alright if I stay with her? She is very nervous and she's in a lot of pain too. She went through a lot yesterday."
"Of course." Dr. Romano smiled warmly. "Why don't both of you come join our circle? Now that everyone is here, we will begin."
Finn pushed Rachel to the circle and took the seat beside her wheelchair. He gently took her hand- the one without the dislocated wrist- and laced his fingers with her. She glanced at him nervously and he offered her a reassuring smile.
"To start we are going to do a whip around. This is how we start every time. All you're going to do is finish the sentence 'I feel…' and tell us what emotion you are feeling at the moment. Okay?"
Rachel listened as everyone participated in the activity. The answers said were tired, sad, anxious, angry, frustrated, annoyed, confused, lonely, and worried. Then it was Rachel's turn. She opened her mouth to speak, but struggled to find words.
"Rachel, how do you feel?" Dr. Romano asked softly.
"I feel a lot of things."
"Well name them."
"I feel terrified, dirty, exhausted, miserable, remorseful, frustrated, hurt, lonely, guilty, disgusting, worthless."
"Okay, now I want everyone to explain why they are here. Tell us what happened. Would anyone like to begin?" Dr. Romano's eyes wandered the room for a volunteer. "Go ahead Savannah."
"I was in an abusive relationship with my boyfriend. We had been dating for only two months and about two weeks into the relationship he became abusive. I wanted to end it, but he was threatening me. Eventually my parents found out and we took it to the police. Now he's in juvenile detention." The young dirty blonde explained while anxiously playing with her hands.
"Wow. Now is he in juvenile detention for abusing you? Or for something else? Did you have to go to trial?"
"Well yeah the abuse was one of the things. It was also later discovered that he was into drugs and a bunch of other things. So I was a witness at the trial."
Dr. Romano nodded crossing one leg over the other. "What did he do to you?"
"He would slap me and kick me and throw me around. Verbally abuse me too. He'd tell me I was stupid and worthless and he threatened to kill me."
"Did he pressure you into any sexual acts?"
Rachel tensed at this and felt Finn squeeze her hand.
"He did pressure me a little, but I didn't give in to anything." Savannah replied.
"And your parents found out?"
"Yeah. Well they knew something had been bothering me but they couldn't figure out what. And then they eventually figured it out. They called the police and got a restraining order against him."
"So you have people there for you?"
"Oh yeah." Savannah nodded. "I have my parents, my sister, my friends, my aunts and uncles and cousins."
"So you're here to get over this trauma, correct?"
"Yeah. My parents thought it would be a good idea to go to group therapy so I would be able to see that I wasn't alone."
"Okay. We are going to help you." Dr. Romano smiled.
The next girl discussed how she was raped while walking home from work one day. They had fortunately caught the guy and he had been arrested after doing this to several girls. Another girl explained how her stepfather abused her and she eventually told her mother who then got the police involved. Another girl said she was sexually harassed and almost raped by her teacher and eventually told her parents and the principal and he was then arrested.
"Rachel? Would you like to go?"
Rachel took a deep breath, feeling everyone's eyes on her. She was the only one sitting in a wheelchair and everyone was probably wondering why. Finn nodded at her for encouragement and she opened her mouth to speak. "I…I…I was…r…raped. Eleven times."
"Oh god." Dr. Romano's eyes widened. "Continue."
"Ten of them were by…my ex J…J…" She struggled with her words and glanced at Finn for assistance.
"Jesse St. James." Finn said, furious at just the sound of the name.
"And the other one was his inmate friend N…N…"
"Nathan Greyback."
"Eleven times?" Dr. Romano repeated.
Rachel nodded, feeling her body begin to tremble and she explained the first time it had happened.
"Wow." Dr. Romano responded. "And when did the others happen?"
"The next day he…he decided he was going to help the glee club again. Which was horrible for me. So I felt sick the next day and I went to the bathroom. He…he follow…followed me and just harassed me."
"How did he harass you?"
Rachel was silent for a moment, before finally replying. "He…he put his hand…up…up my…skir…skirt. He…was going to do more…but someone…someone came out and he stopped before they could see. The other four happened Thursday, Friday, Monday, and Tuesday. Then Finn found out and on Wednesday the glee club found out and J…J…he…ran. On Thursday after school…he…he…took me and took me to some abandoned barn in the middle of the woods. That…was the sixth one. Then I found out I was pregnant. When I was twenty-four weeks…he somehow paid his bail and took me again and…did it…twice. I ended up…I…I…miscarried." Rachel choked out and tears finally began to stream down her face. "Then yest…yesterday I was in the hospital for suicide attempt and…his inmate friend came in…but I didn't know him. He was in scrubs and he told me he was assisting my nurse and that I needed to go to the lab for a x-ray. But then he wheeled me outside and J…J…he was there. They took me to that…barn and each…each…did it once."
"Oh my god. That is terrible." Dr. Romano shook her head. "Now you're in a lot of pain, correct? So they also abused you a lot?"
Rachel nodded and sniffled. "Tons. I was thrown around like a rag doll."
"And you said you were in the hospital for suicide attempt?"
Rachel nodded and glanced away. "I…I almost jumped off a bridge. My boyfriend followed me and it was a good thing he did. He convinced me to get down and I actually…I almost fell. I was dangling from the bridge and he and his friend pulled me up."
"My goodness. And was this because of all the trauma you've been through?"
"Yeah. I'm just so tired of all of this. This is too much. I can't sleep, I'm always thinking about it, I can't close my eyes without reliving it, I'm scared to go out, I'm scared of males, I'm always terrified even in my own house, I feel dirty, I'm miserable, and I'm in so much pain."
"We're are going to get you better." Dr. Romano smiled comfortingly. "You seem to have a good relationship with Finn?"
The smallest smile sprouted on Rachel's lips. "He's amazing."
Finn smiled at her lovingly and brought her hand to his lips. "She's amazing."
Dr. Romano laughed. "How long have you been dating?"
"Almost nine months. But we've dated before. And we've like each other since we met, even when we were seeing other people." Rachel explained.
"Okay. By the time everyone is finished here, you will have made some progress. We are going to get you better. Okay? I promise. Just stay strong. We will get you there."
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