*Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer Summon*
It felt great having the jounin uniform on again. With the comforting weight of the Konoha flak jacket on her chest and her tantō on the small of her back she made her way to Itachi's office.
She didn't even have to knock "Come in, imouto."
"Tadaima, oniisan" Saeko grinned at the figure hunched over paperwork.
The man looked up, smiled and made a motion for the kunoichi to sit down. "I had some late lunch delivered for us, Hokage-sama is not expecting us until later."
They ate mostly in silence since Saeko would be giving a thorough debrief later, but the girl still managed to coax some village gossip from the usually taciturn ninja.
"No dessert?" the kunoichi pouted. When Itachi did not react in the slightest Saeko crossed her arms "No, really, I come back after four months and I don't even get dessert?"
The ANBU Captain sighed "What did you have in mind?"
"Dango!" Saeko grinned broadly.
Ten minutes later the scarred teen was snacking on her second skewer "You are the best niisan!"
"Hn"
"I love you too. Speaking of which, how is Eel?" the Raven inquired.
"Hn"
Saeko sighed "Now you are doing it on purpose. Come on, how is my future sister-in-law?"
Itachi sent his sister a mild glare "She is a valuable teammate. Now, if you are finished you should make your way to the Hokage Tower."
"Very well," the girl acquiesced, "but you can't escape the topic forever. Hey, is there a chance I could meet her? Preferably mask off."
"No" Itachi replied as stoically as ever.
The girl shrugged "Thought so. Pity." She stood up and bowed slightly to her Clan Head "Is there anything else?"
"No, the Hokage is waiting" the older Uchiha said with a small smirk.
Saeko bowed again and left the office. As she made her way through the Uchiha district she nodded to several people who greeted her. One of the Clan elders even stopped her to talk. The Ravenclaw was lucky that summons from the Hokage were a viable excuse to flee politics.
Once out of the Compound she used shunshin to get to the Hokage Tower. She passed Maito Gai and his team who clearly just got assigned a mission judging by the shouts about youth.
She approached the Hokage's secretary, a stern older woman, "Jounin Uchiha Saeko, Hokage-sama should be expecting me."
"He is. Currently he is in a meeting with the elders Homura and Koharu, he'll be with you in a moment" said the grey-haired secretary.
Saeko nodded ad sat down in on the provided chairs. "I could've teased Itachi-nii some more. And I really should've brought something to read" the girl thought. Instead she lost herself in a daydream which figured a certain naked Hufflepuff.
"The Hokage is ready for you" the secretary roused the Uchiha from her cloud.
"Damn, I didn't even notice the two mummies leaving the room" Saeko thought and entered the Hokage's office.
"Ahh, Saeko-kun, welcome back" Sarutobi said with a smile as he took out his pipe.
Saeko stood at attention "Hokage-sama."
"Report" the Professor ordered.
In the next hour Saeko briefed the Hokage on the new spells and other things that could benefit Konoha as well as passing the scroll with all the relevant information.
"Good work, Saeko-kun" Sarutobi concluded. Saeko merely nodded. "I think this mission is more than a success, you even look happy, more relaxed."
The Uchiha smiled "I guess. Tough I must confess I enjoy being a student of Hogwarts immensely. I learn so much every day. Not everything is combat related but…"
"No matter" the man waved off Saeko's concerns.
"Do you have any news about Akatsuki and Naruto?" the girl inquired.
Sarutobi shook his head "No. But no news is good news on that front."
"True" Saeko nodded, "Jiraiya-sama did send me some names of suspected Akatsuki members. I have prepared some mahoujutsu to counter their abilities like you asked, but the info I got was very sparse. I'm not S ranked yet but I think I could take the majority of them."
The elder nodded "When the time comes I will be sending my best jounin and ANBU after them, you are among them. This is premature though."
"Yes sir" the Uchiha nodded. "Do you have any special orders for me?"
The Hokage smiled "Not at the moment, do enjoy your holiday."
"Holiday? I'm taking a mission tomorrow, I can't dawdle when I'm aiming for your job" Saeko smirked.
"I expected nothing less" the monkey summoner smiled.
With this dismissal Saeko bowed and turned to leave. Her hand paused on the door "Did Tsunade-sama react in any way about the formulas I sent?"
"She did not" Sarutobi sighed, disappointed about his student's attitude.
The brunette sighed as well "Damn, I hoped to have a sannin in my corner since Naruto has Jiraiya."
Sarutobi chuckled "It's not a competition."
"Of course it is."
The man just chuckled once more and shook his head.
Outside Hokage Tower
Not long after returning to Konoha Saeko had been swooped by Team 10 for a quick mission. Shikamaru just spotted her on the street, looked at Asuma and said "You said back-up, I found back-up." Next thing she knew she was all suited up and going on a simple detaining mission.
Only three days later Saeko had another B-rank under her belt and without a drop of blood for a change. When the team broke up after getting their payment the two jounins trailed behind.
"The brats really grew up" Asuma said with a sigh.
"They did. Chouji and Ino the most. Hell, even Shika seems more motivated" the brunette smiled.
"I wouldn't go that far" Asuma laughed. "I did well."
"You did. But don't you regret not having a student you could really teach, truly shape? Pass your techniques, be known as their sensei? InoShikaChou is just that – InoShikaChou" the kunoichi asked.
Asuma thought for a second but then shrugged "No. They were great students and they are an even better team. I'm proud of having a hand in their education. Besides, most of my techniques are built around wind chakra. I could count people with fūton in Konoha on one hand. Maybe if I'm fortunate enough to have a family I could pass my techniques then."
"Fūton's great, though I must confess that despite having the affinity I use wind mainly for my blade and to augment my fire techniques" Saeko said. Unlike most of her clan she stuck with her perfected techniques – mainly fire for offence and earth for defense. She was more than good with the other elements as well but she used them to surprise her enemy or to counter enemy elements.
Asuma smirked "You are known for having the hottest flames in Konoha Amaterasu-chan. If I'm not mistaken Uchiha Madara had the same affinities."
"Yup. It boosts my standing in the clan considerably. But I'm training all elements as any good Uchiha should. While we are on topic, do you have any good tips?" the brunette asked.
"Don't you have a huge library in your compound? Books on every ninja discipline and justus that would make many ninjas drool?"
"Sound about right" Saeko smirked.
Asuma chuckled and took a pack of cigarettes from his flak jacket. He offered one to the girl. Saeko just waved her hand in negative and the Sarutobi shrugged and lit up his cigarette. Letting out a perfect smoke circle he looked sideways at Saeko "You know, this is my best and favorite fūton exercise."
"Smoking?" the scarred kunoichi arched her eyebrows.
"I coat my lungs with a thin layer of wind chakra to protect them" the bearded shinobi explained.
Saeko was impressed "Focusing elemental chakra internally and only in one place. That is really something."
Asuma grinned proudly and offered the pack again "Smoke?"
The raven summoner was hesitant but also curious "Alright. Any tips?"
"You are a genius, figure it out" the former Ninja Guardian grinned.
Putting the cancer stick between her lips she lit it up with a small katon jutsu and inhaled tentatively. After a small coughing fit she tried again, ignoring Asuma's chuckle.
"Good, good" bearded shinobi grinned. In an instant the grin vanished and was replaced by sheer fear "Please don't tell Kurenai!"
" Blackmail material " Saeko sing-songed and took another drag.
Takeji's Bar
Saeko entered the crowded place, looking for her most unlikely friend she had in Konoha. Anko wasn't hard to find, one just had to follow the noise.
"Finally! You owe me booze Uchiha!" the snake mistress bellowed when Saeko joined her at the table. Genma and Ebisu greeted her as well in a less perky fashion but were also adamant that the first round was on the brunette.
Saeko sighed and stood up again to head for the bar. Nodding to her colleagues and acquaintances as well as her clansmen on her way she bought Anko's favorite sake, being an awesome friend and all. She returned to the tokubetsu jounins with her offering.
"Aaah, I love this stuff from Kaminari no Kuni" Anko smacked her lips.
Genma took the bottle and poured the alcohol. He grinned devilishly "Me too, I sure missed you Saeko."
Saeko laughed "You know next round is on you, right?"
The senbon chewing ninja pouted. Ebisu fiddled with his glasses "Sounds fair. Saeko-san did just return from a long solo mission and is departing again soon."
"Yes, you should be totally paying for me as a welcome back, not the other way around" the witch took her glass triumphantly.
The purple-haired kunoichi just scoffed "Pff, you are loaded Uchiha, you can afford it."
"Doesn't mean that I should" Saeko countered and raised her glass, "Any idea for a toast? By the way where is Raidō?"
"On a mission. Sooo, to Konoha?" Gemna proposed.
Ebisu shrugged while Anko seemed to disagree "Nah, to the Uchiha brat, may she return safely again."
"Aww, you do care" the raven summoner chuckled.
"As long as you know that you are a brat" the purplette smirked, "To the brat!"
"To the brat!" Genma echoed loudly as he evaded Saeko's elbow to his gut.
The bespectacled jounin looked at his friend disapprovingly and just raised his glass at Saeko and drank quietly.
Saeko took a dainty sip from her glass and said good-naturedly "It's brat-sama to you. Being full jounin and all."
"Bah" Anko rolled her eyes, "So, still can't tell me what this mission you do is about?"
"Nope. So what's new in Konoha?" Saeko asked eagerly. Ino did help her catch up on the gossip while she was on mission with Team 10 but Anko knew stuff.
As the group conversed Saeko couldn't help but notice that she really missed this, talking with other ninja, people who understood this life. Even during their most light-hearted conversation – Ebisu ranting about Konohamaru and cursing Naruto's influence – some kind of edge was still present.
Sometime during the evening Takahiro entered the bar. Saeko immediately snagged him and asked if Yuuko was around since Anko did not know.
"She's doing some kind of Yamanaka camping" the doton user answered.
"Camping? Saeko asked, bewildered.
Takahiro shrugged "I don't really know. All I know she is out of Konoha with some other Yamanaka, doing mental stuff."
"Oh, pity" Saeko nodded her acknowledgement.
The muscled teen smirked "You can bang her when she comes back."
The Uchiha just rolled her eyes. Takahiro took his beer and said "I'm here with friends, you wanna join?"
"I'm as well. See ya around then. Oh, and your new goatee? Please do shave."
X
Saeko's Room
"Little sister?" Itachi called after knocking.
Saeko jerked up "Whaa-?"
"Little sister?" the Clan Head repeated with a hint of worry.
The girl groaned, clutching her head in pain. With as little movement as possible she grasped the glass of water she had nearby.
Itachi finally entered the room unprompted. One look at his sister he sighed in exasperation and averted his eyes "Ah, I wondered why you didn't show up at our training."
"Uugh, hangover. Speak quietly" the girl whispered.
"Hm, I could get here Maito Gai for training" Itachi uncharacteristically grinned.
The Ravenclaw looked at her brother utterly horrified "You sure you are not T&I?"
"What, not youthful enough?" the shinobi teased.
"Definitely not" Saeko said while cringing in pain.
Itachi smiled benevolently "I'll get you some painkillers. You rest up. But I fully expect you for training before dinner. And I sincerely hope this will not be a recurring event."
"No, I'm not drinking ever again" Saeko whined.
The ANBU chuckled "I'm sure." With that sarcastic comment Itachi left.
Saeko finished her water and stood up to get some more. Her head spun around and she quickly crawled to her bathroom where she proceeded to puke her guts out.
"I hate Anko. And sake. But mainly Anko. And her stupid drinking games."
Hokage's Office
"Hokage-sama summons you for a mission" said a masked ANBU as soon as Saeko opened the doors.
The girl nodded and immediately went to retrieve her mission kit. Leaving a note for her brother she ran to the Tower via rooftops. Once she was outside Sarutobi's office she was immediately let in.
"Uchiha-kun, good. Now that the team is complete I'll brief you" the elder began. Saeko stood at attention while looking at her soon-to-be teammates. One other jounin, one tokubetsu jounin and five chuunin. This meant something big.
"Jiraiya-kun sent word about an abandoned Orochimaru lab in the Land of Vegetables. We don't know what happened but there should be no to minimal resistance. You are to retrieve anything useful my old student might've left behind and then destroy the facility. This is an A-rank, jounin Mimura is in charge with jounin Uchiha as your second. Any questions?"
"What if we run into Orochimaru?" asked a male Hyuuga.
As always as the traitor came up in conversation Sarutobi sighed and closed his eyes "Jiraiya is sure Orochimaru is currently somewhere in Grass. Nonetheless if you do encounter him, jounin Uchiha will be the one to engage."
The group nodded their assent. Saeko did as well but a small shiver of fear trickled down her back. Orochimaru was powerful, his S-rank well-earned, and it would be the first time fighting someone of his caliber if you discount Itachi. Though, she was confident that if everything failed the Mangekyō Sharingan would grant her victory.
Since there were no more questions the team made their way to the Konoha gates at top speed. Once there the captain, a bearded shinobi in his thirties, addressed them "I was informed that Orochimaru's base would be quite big but composed of mainly narrow spaces. We will be mostly fighting in close quarters. We will split up to cover more ground once inside – Uchiha, you will be taking Hyuuga Sayuri, Nara Fumie and Uchida Shin."
Saeko looked at her team – why a Hyuuga was obvious. It was confirmed when the pale-eyed woman introduced herself as a taijutsu specialist and scout. The Nara will be useful as well since the base will probably flooded with shadows. The only man under her command was heavily scarred and very buff with a slightly insane glint in his eyes. Uchida Shin specialized in traps, shinobi tools and explosives. He will be the one to bring the base down when the Konoha shinobi will be finished with it.
The second team was composed by Mimura Hamaki , a tantō user like Saeko with several tricks up his sleeves, another Hyuuga who doubled as the team's medic, a Kurama genjutsu specialist and Uchida Fumiaki - Shin's younger brother.
The brunette nodded and introduced herself as well. By the way the team behaved it was clear they all worked together at some point. Saeko thought she was added as a failsafe against Orochimaru or anyone else who would require a heavy hitter. Her hypothesis was validated by the fact that all other members specialized mainly in close range while the Uchiha preferred burning infernos that would be discouraged in tight spaces like those they were about to enter.
X
Land of Vegetables
The information they got from Jiraiya seemed good so far. The base was just like described so Saeko readied her tantō and wand but also ready to cast a genjutsu at a moment's notice with her sharingan.
"I have some chakra signatures but nothing that would indicate Orochimaru" said the Hyuuga. Saeko was relieved but also a bit disappointed – if she won and survived the encounter with the traitor her run for Hokage would be easier by far.
The resistance so far was minimal and swiftly taken care of. Saeko's team made their way to what seemed a laboratory. It was dimly lit, someone was clearly still around.
"Look around for anything useful but don't let your guard down" the Uchiha instructed.
The team merely nodded and split up to look through the papers that were left behind. Saeko did not join them, she waited for their enemy to show up. It was not probable she would be so lucky as to capture a scientist – the base was abandoned with just some of Orochimaru's failed experiments lurking in the shadows.
After sealing off some objects of interest they moved to another room. As the team entered they found approximately four bodies all chopped up. But none of them were human. The parts were weirdly shaped and colored, one head had distinct horns for example.
"Someone is here. My orders stand" the brunette said quietly.
Half-way through the new paperwork the Hyuuga chuunin alerted "Incoming. One strange signature, quite large."
Saeko's eyes immediately turned red and soon she could hear a cocky voice said from the other end of the room "I want those papers."
"Oh? Why do you need them?" Saeko asked amiably.
The owner of the voice stepped out of the shadow. He was a pale blue haired teenager with pointy teeth like the Kiri ninja favored but he had no headband. "A missing nin perhaps? Or one of Orichimaru's pets."
"Konoha ninja, huh? I guess I can't persuade you to leave the papers" the teenager murmured and turned to flee.
"Keep on looking through stuff, I'll pursue" Saeko said and ran after her target.
She didn't have to go far, the teenager was obviously intent on taking them all out, preferably one by one. Saeko was quick and slashed him with her tantō. The pale boy liquefied under her strike.
"Ah, ah, ah, that was just rude" the boy chided her with a smirk on his face.
Saeko indulged the talkative teen "Hōzuki clan, huh? Kidnapped by Orochimaru? Surrender and maybe we can find the answers you seek."
"No dice. I'll just chop you all up and I'll find them myself" the shinobi showed his shark-like teeth.
The Uchiha didn't answer and quickly cast the first lightening spell that came to her mind, knowing the Hōzuki clan's weakness.
He barely evaded, surprised by the velocity of Saeko's reaction. She immediately followed with an illusion but it was her turn to be surprised at how quickly the boy shook it off.
"Suiton: Mizudeppō!" the shinobi said as water concentrated on his fingertips.
Saeko danced between the water bullets with ease but before she could get close to her opponent the Hōzuki jumped back and tore a heavy pipe from the wall nearby. It must've been very heavy since he used a clan technique Saeko remembered hearing from Fugaku once upon a time, a technique that increased a Hōzuki's strength and enlarged limbs.
The Uchiha would've rolled her eyes if this were just a spar. Instead she stomped heavily and initiated a small localized earthquake. The man lost his balance for a few moments but that was all Saeko needed. She thrust her hand into her semi-liquid opponent "Raiton: Jibashi"
Despite the horrendous scrams that would make civilians cringe she liked this technique, it was quite a pretty sight with all the lightning bolts and all. Her opponent's watery body made it all the more efficient. When she stopped the technique the Hōzuki dropped down in a jello-like heap.
Saeko contemplated using a powerful fire to evaporate the shinobi but she guessed Konoha's T&I would have some questions. As if called the rest of her team entered the room. The Uchiha looked at Uchida "Be a dear and seal this goo. Maybe in a jar or something."
Her team was quick and efficient and soon cleared the whole north side of the facility.
"Report" Mimura Hamaki ordered, his team already outside.
The Uchiha nodded "We had some run-ins with weirdly shaped subjects, collected some paperwork but I don't have high hopes and we have a prisoner that was coherent enough to know something."
The second jounin hummed "Same as us then, minus the prisoner part. Where do you have him?"
"He was a Hōzuki or an Orochimaru experiment that replicated the bloodline so we have him sealed" Saeko replied.
Mimura was surprised "Intriguing. We also encountered some ninja with Oto headband, normal troops, not those monsters. They appeared to be looking for something."
"Maybe the Hōzuki? He seemed to be a valuable experiment contrary to the rest of the things we found on the base" Nara Fumie mused.
Both jounin nodded. The man smiled tightly "That seems possible."
After a beat of silence Uchida Fumiaki chuckled "If there is nothing else me and bro can blow this place up."
The bearded jounin looked around, seeing his team had no objection he nodded at the Uchida brothers. Both Shin and Fumiaki grinned and said simultaneously "Booom!"
…
BOOOOOM
…
The explosion was quite spectacular, the demolition specialist really went all out.
"Well, one thing is sure, Orochimaru is not coming back here" the Kurama smirked.
The Uchida bothers grinned. "We only followed orders" Shin remarked.
"Our work here is done" said the captain, "Let's go home."
"Hai, taichō!"
Omake
Shizune finished reading another scroll her shishou had received from Konoha "Tsunade-sama, this is remarkable! If you don't want to return to the village we could at least send a slug – I have many question and I'm sure you do too."
The busty sannin just waved her hand in dismissal "That can wait, I can figure it out myself. Now, I'm going to the bar for a refill."
"Tsunade-sama! You already had enough!" said the brunette with a frown.
The blonde just shrugged and went for the door. Shizune sighed "Just don't gamble please, the samurai in Tetsu no Kuni are even less forgiving than ninja."
"Bah" Tsunade said and stepped outside onto the snow.
X
It was very late when the dedicated apprentice decided to check up on her master. She found Tsunade not far from their hotel, the blonde was obviously returning home from having imbibed at the local bar.
"Tsunade-sama!" Shizune exclaimed in worry. The sannin lay on her back on the snow, seemingly unconscious.
A groan could be heard from the downed kunoichi "The fuck happened?"
The brunette helped her teacher back on her feet "Maybe you just had too much to drink. Oh, no never mind, something hit you."
"The fuck" Tsunade repeated.
"Shizune peered closer at the mark on her master's forehead "It looks like a hoof."
"What?!"
AN: Ok, I know Christmas was two months ago but… well, I wrote a Xmas omake, the first one ever, so I put it here regardless.