The Shadows Behind

As he was finishing the last piece of his toast, Mwu took a quick glance at Natarle across the table, and then a few more. She had been quiet throughout breakfast, and it was rather difficult to ascertain what her mood was when she hadn't spoken a single word.

Murrue was talking with Arnold, and Stellar was saying something to himself, but he signalled the girl to pause and indicated towards Natarle's direction. The young woman was almost done with her meal, and if he were to say what he wanted to say, he had only little time left to do so.

"We were discussing yesterday, Natarle," Mwu spoke, deliberately saying her name a little louder, just to make sure she knew that this conversation was directed at her, "that maybe we should go to the lake again today and have a picnic."

"A picnic?"

"Yes, because the last time we went," he lowered his voice a little before continuing, "Fllay wasn't there." Although Adelaide didn't ever have breakfast with them, he still felt the need to stay vigilant whenever they talked about anything that they could not have her knowing.

The suggestion had Fllay's immediate attention. She sat up straight and pointed her finger at Natarle, at the same time sending a hostile scowl towards Mwu. "I'm not going if she is!"

Mwu sighed heavily. "Fllay, we've talked about this yesterday."

"No, we didn't. You were the one who did all the talking. I had voiced my opinion countless times; you just chose to ignore it!"

"Fllay, it's not fair to Natarle. Don't you think it's about time for you to let go of your grudges? We all would like to spend time with Natarle every once in a while."

"And that's why I said I won't go! Why must I have to tolerate her presence? She will have Neumann to keep her company anyway; he's always following her around like a loyal puppy!" She turned to Arnold, who was already glaring back at her with disdain, and she quickly changed her expression to match his. "Why do you do it anyway? What do you see in her?"

Arnold looked evidently critical of Fllay's question; he did not reply her, opting instead to turn his attention towards Natarle to reassure her of his devotion, but a flash of worry crossed his features when Natarle failed to meet his eyes—apparently she had the same question as her sister did, and under immediate comparison, was less prepared for his response.

Fine then, he shall answer their question. "I see in her qualities that I find captivating and irresistible, which I believe most people distinguish this as love."

The redhead snorted in disgust. "I see that she has you wrapped around her little finger. Just like she did with Muruta." There was an odd, suppressed hysteria in her grey-blue orbs when she said that, and her lips curved into an vile smirk as she spat, "I never realised she had such talent with men."

Arnold had only just enough time to catch sight of Natarle cringe at the brutal jab, before being distracted by another person's response.

"Fllay!" Stellar's voice resonated in the room, heavy with reproach. Everyone was in shock; no one in the room had ever seen the usually docile girl with such temper. She was angry; very angry, in fact, that her face had gone all red. "You of all people have no right to talk about Natarle like this!"

"But Stellar, do you even know what she did?"

"Fllay doesn't know what happened!"

"She seduced your brother just so that he would stop mistreating her!"

The loud bang of a fallen chair hitting the ground was heard, and they all turned to see Natarle, eyes wide, face burning in scarlet, and utterly mortified by the argument ensuing. She muttered in haste, "Please excuse me," and rushed out of the dining room to escape the scene.

Remembering Meyrin's journal entry he read the night before, Arnold had desperately wanted to stay behind to probe for more details and have them explain what exactly they meant by those things they said, but he surveyed the situation and made a swift judgement, deciding that it was much more important to go after Natarle.

Recently, it seemed like all he did—all he could do—was chase after her.

As soon as he caught up he reached out to grab her by her wrist; she resisted, wriggling her hand violently to pull free, though failing at it only because he was stronger and managed to keep his hold on her.

"Let go," she yelled, "let go!"

"Natarle, look at me!" He twirled her around to face him, and stilled her in place with his sturdy hold. "Listen to me! I don't trust one word of what your sister has said; I trust you, and only you. You promised me one day you will give me the truth yourself, and therefore I will take only your word as the truth."

"There is truth in her words!" She cried, her amethyst eyes guilty and fearful at the same time. "This isn't how I had in mind for you to know, and what had happened wasn't exactly how Fllay said it did either, but he and I-… we…"

Arnold pressed his fingers against her lips, halting her words. His heart was burning with a jealousy so fierce that he knew he was so close to letting his self-control fall apart, because he already figured what it was that she was struggling to admit. But he also knew that jealousy was not going to get him anywhere, and if he let his emotions run free it would do nothing but cause damage.

"If now is not the time for you to tell me the truth, then don't tell me anything at all, because if I can't have the whole truth, I won't be able to refrain myself from making speculations. And it won't be fair to either of us."

She was still for a second, digesting what he had just said to her, then nodded tentatively, and gave him a stare that sought for further guidance—for the briefest of moments she appeared as though she was ready to do anything he requested from her. This, at least, he could draw a bit of solace from; he was important to her enough that she would rather put her blind trust in him than to risk them falling apart.

He stroked her hair lightly, and leaned forward to leave a quick kiss on her cheek—this was the most tender he could be with her now; the flames of jealousy threatening to disintegrate his sensibility had not receded by much, yet the power to restrain himself was being pulled thinner and thinner with every moment he spent with her. He needed to leave before he did anything drastic.

"Arnold?" There was a hint of hesitation in her simple query, and he couldn't tell whether or not she had sensed the state of unrest his emotions were in.

He forced a smile. "Tell me again when you've decided what needs to be told. I'll wait a just little longer."

And this time, it was he who turned to leave.

o-o-o

She watched him leave, and with every step he took away from her, the angst gnawing at her heart intensified, to the point that it was agonizing enough to only stare at the now empty space where he stood just moments ago, because she could already foresee that this was exactly what his departure would be like—by his leave, he would be taking away with him everything that he ever gave her, leaving behind an expansive void in her heart.

For the first time, she had a real taste of the bitterness she would be feeling a thousand-fold stronger when he forsakes her.

The end was nearing; he was losing patience in waiting for the truth, and she could no longer delay this process. It had to be done.

Natarle's mind immediately started working on the more practical side of the matter—such as how she would be able to cut short Adelaide's stay and send her away, in order to pave the way for the perfect timing to reveal her story, her crimes—and she was consciously avoiding having to consider the more fundamental question of how she was ever going to deliver him the truth as she had sworn. She was a coward, she decided, but she doubted anyone would have enough nerve to jump straight into the search for an answer to a problem that, upon resolution, would be more devastating than the process itself. She was short on time, but she still needed just enough of it to gather her courage.

She wished that she could have someone to help her, even if it was only for a little; to give her advice, or failing that, at least lend her an ear for her to vent her fears and frustrations.

Naturally, Arnold would be the best candidate, but if he was also half the source of the problem, then who should she go to?

She did not want to burden Mwu with anymore of her troubles, and she felt it wasn't appropriate to solicit Murrue's advice regarding this matter. Considering the other half of her problem's source was Stellar's brother, going to the girl was clearly not a viable option.

And then she remembered that there was still someone who might be willing to spare her a bit of time and listen to her.

Not quite sure what the girl would think of her visit, she considered briefly, then upon deciding she would go ahead with it, she turned around and headed straight for the West Wing. She went swiftly, filled with anticipation, not only because she felt positive that the girl would be kind enough to accommodate her, but also because she was already looking forward to seeing her again.