Lacunar

37. Ardor

"Are you remembering those missing pieces?" Bella asked as they sat on the couch.

"Not really," Edward sighed. "I don't remember much from recency. I don't know what Jasper looks like. I don't remember how much of a jerk I've been."

"You've seen Jasper before," Bella replied quietly. "You bumped into him when you were grocery shopping."

Edward frowned, begging his mind for magnanimity. The air became humid; he could feel perspiration in its fullest bliss. As much as he didn't want to remember an incarnation of his blemishes- a faceless man with an alluring touch, realization leaped through Edward's thoughts.

"The blond man," he said.

"That's him," Bella answered before she headed to the kitchen to get a drink.

"But how would you know that I bumped into him?" Edward asked, confused. He followed her and grabbed a glass for himself.

"On the day that you accused me of going to his house, he told me about the encounter," she replied. "He thought it'd be easier if he pretended to have never seen you before, because you didn't know who he was."

Edward grew silent, capturing a listless expression, as he poured water into his glass. Bella could see him struggling to digest the information. The road in front of him seemed to mock him, creating a stairway of ridicule as it dared Edward to make the climb.

They would strive for a requital of their past- destroying secrets with anxious questions and truthful answers. The qualm of fear would be replaced with undying fortitude. She told Edward about Jasper's kiss, holding onto him as stupefaction knocked him over. She knew they could get through this with only honesty uttered between them. He asked her about what she'd been doing while he was in a coma from the accident. She sadly replied that she was drunk with her emotions, having passed out alongside the interlinked lines of her sadness where tears graced her face with a permanent stay.

"I never loved him the way I love you," Bella whispered as she hugged Edward from behind. She walked in front of him, placing her hands on his chest- feeling a pulse that would serve as a regular tempo for their beating happiness.

"I hate how insecure I feel," he admitted softly, displaying the smallest glow of boyhood in his eyes.

"It's my fault," she said, pained to see her husband recover from a man he couldn't recognize.

"Don't say that, Bella," Edward replied angrily. "Please don't blame yourself."

He gathered Bella in his arms before placing her on the counter. She moved her legs apart so that he could stand directly in front of her. In a pageantry of loving tenderness, he kissed her affectionately.

"I love you. I love you," Bella mumbled.

"I love you too, sweetheart," Edward whispered. His feelings were ineffable. But he tried and he would keep trying. "I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I want to make babies with you and if that can't happen, we'll adopt a beautiful household of children."

Pressing herself closer against his chest, Bella continued to kiss her beloved husband as his fingertips traced over her hips. He carried her upstairs to a world of soft pillows and exciting anticipation as the mattress touched her back.

"I only want you. I want everything with you," Bella whispered.

"I can't believe I was so stupid to even think about letting you go," he said, kissing the crook of her neck. "I thought you could be happy... with him."

"He offered to run away with me," she whispered. She didn't want to keep hurting him like this, but he'd insisted on knowing everything that she could give him. It'd help him grow and reach the heyday of his marriage again.

Edward gritted his teeth, waiting for the next part of Bella's statement. She placed gentle kisses over his face, highlighting her devotion to him.

"I told him I couldn't leave you," she said. "Because you're the only person I'll ever love in this lifetime."

"You didn't leave..." Edward murmured. "Even when I gave you the papers?"

"There's only one man who's taken my heart with him, wherever he goes," Bella said as tears gathered in her eyes. "And I'm so glad I married him."

Once upon a time, he'd given her strength, teaching her the fine needlework of love. He gave her a hope and a passion that seemed to exist out on the unreachable horizon. Now it was her turn to show him the same, to allow them both to heal- flourishing under the heat of a new sun that would rise every morning.

Edward stared into Bella's eyes for many moments to follow as he found himself on the verge of tears. Pecking her skin with hot kisses, Edward bathed her in the warmth of love. She was doused in promises and giggles. Moans and heavy panting.

"I love you," Edward said firmly as he moved in her. Kissing her breasts with fervor and eliciting a series of groans, he took her to the highest position above sea level. "I'll never let you go. I can't."

He had a lot to work on but he knew fright was only a creation of his mind. It warned him, trying to guide him onto the safest route. During the periods of time away from his wife- physically and emotionally, he learned that safety didn't guarantee happiness and perturbation could never promise vigor. He knew he'd have to find strength within himself, within his marriage and within his very own soul.

His memories were vital but they dimmed in comparison to the actions that he would perform, right now. Starting today, not tomorrow.

As they moaned though the waves of their passion without taking their eyes off each other, Edward and Bella reached another pinnacle moment in their lives. They knew their love was being created into something else, entirely.

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