Baby Now That I've Found You
by aprilhope
Ch. 36 - Never Walk Away
Carly stepped out of the car and was immediately hit with the tropic heat. Staring at the house and thinking about who was inside, she was also hit with fear… not of him, but of how much pain she would find him in and whether or not she could make it better. Though the same thoughts had tried to keep her awake on the jet, she'd managed to steal a couple of hours sleep, knowing she would need all the strength she could muster for facing her husband.
She thanked the driver and waved him away, insisting on carrying her own bag. She hesitated, however, before going in. Where is Dr. Byers? Carly had been hoping he would be waiting outside for her, but no sign… Just then, her cell phone rang.
"Hello?"
"Carly, it's Harvey Byers checking in. How long until you get here?"
"Not long at all," she nearly laughed. "I'm right outside. My hand is on the front door."
"Great. Come in. I'll meet you downstairs in the living room."
"See you in a sec."
Carly entered the house and had just dropped her overnight bag on the couch when she heard footsteps descending the stairs and turned to look. She smiled weakly at Dr. Byers as he came up to her and gave her a small, encouraging hug.
"Thank you for coming so quickly."
"Nowhere else I would be… How's he doing?"
"I don't believe his state has worsened any since I called you."
"But it hasn't improved."
"Give the man a chance, Carly," Dr. Byers gently admonished. "He hasn't even seen you yet."
"Did you tell him I was coming?"
"Yes… Yes, I did."
x
"Sonny… Sonny, it's Harvey. I just spoke to your wife, Carly. She's on her way here. She's going to stay with you."
In his head, Sonny is screaming no… No, Carly isn't coming. She's not. She can't. She stays with Jason, not me. I made sure. I made her leave. She can't come back. My wives come back to me and then they die.
On the outside, he made no sound or movement beyond a blink of his unfocused eyes.
x
"I told him, but I can't even be certain that he heard me."
Carly blew out the breath she'd been holding. "I guess the only way to find out how he'll react is for me to go to him."
"Well, if you're ready, follow me."
"Dr. Byers, wait." Carly stopped him with a hand on his arm. "I should go by myself. I really appreciate so much you staying with Sonny and offering to stay even while I'm here, but I think I've got a better chance of getting through to him if it's like we're the only two people in the world. You know what I mean?"
He paused for a moment, before nodding his head. "Yes, I do. And, while I have some reservations, we'll do this your way. Just remember that I live less than five miles away, so do not be afraid to call me for any reason. I'll be here as fast as my Freud action figure can start up the car."
Carly smiled at the goofiness that made this doctor special, hugged him quickly once more, grabbed her bag and ran for the stairs. "Where is he?"
"Master bedroom. He started in the office… dark, no sunlight, being the only room without windows… lots of things to break. I think he moved to the bedroom because…"
"Why?"
"More personal memories to torture himself with."
Carly realized sadly that was probably true and looked nervously down at the bag in her hand. She prayed what was inside would prove to be healing and not torture. She took a step up and stopped, Dr. Byers calling to her one last time.
"Carly… how are you?"
He was wearing the closest thing to a look of fatherly concern that she'd ever seen aimed at her… besides maybe Mike when he walked her down the aisle… and she was given strength by it.
"I won't really be okay until Sonny's okay. But I'll be fine. I just… I hurt when Sonny hurts. And I need to not let myself. He was so strong for me when we lost the baby. He never let himself feel his own pain, and he's how I got through. I have to do that for him. No matter how much it hurts to see him like this, I can't let myself feel it."
With a small wave and final mouthed "thank you," Carly made her way up the stairs, and Dr. Byers exited through the front door.
Harvey Byers was frustrated with his inability to do more for Sonny. As a friend, the most he could do was be there. And the stubborn man refused to see him as a patient. He knew as well as he knew Freud was a pervert that Sonny Corinthos was manic-depressive, but if Sonny wouldn't go to him… or anyone else, for that matter… in a psychiatric capacity, no true diagnosis could be made, let alone any treatment begun. He prayed Carly was indeed the key to Sonny's recovery, and made a mental note to discuss his informal diagnosis with her down the road.
Meanwhile, Carly crept along the upstairs hallway quietly, listening. She didn't hear anything and couldn't decide if that was a good or a bad sign. All the doors were closed. She bypassed the master bedroom at first to skip down a couple of doors and peek into the office. She almost wished she hadn't. The computer had been turned over and crashed to the floor. The phone had been yanked apart by its cord. Papers were strewn all over the desk and everywhere. The bar had been trashed, evidenced by broken glass all around and wet walls where the liquor had been thrown. A painting had been knocked from its frame and apparently stomped on. Not much she hadn't seen before, but it was still a shock to her system.
Maybe he got all the breaking out of the way, at least.
Closing the door, covering up the mess again, Carly crossed back to the door to their bedroom. She started to knock but decided against it. Instead, she gripped the doorknob to the point of white knuckles, turned it, and pushed open, stepping inside.
"Oh God. Sonny."
xxxxxxxxxx
After an extended embrace, Jason gently set Elizabeth back on her feet and took a half step back. "Did you miss me?" he asked almost shyly.
Elizabeth smiled, knowing he was echoing the question she'd asked him when he tried to end their friendship to protect her. She gave the same answer. "Yes." Then she grabbed his hand and excitedly led him back to the bench, sitting beside him. "When did you get here?"
"Yesterday."
"Are you back for good?"
"We'll see."
"Well, where were you while you were gone?"
Jason shrugged. "Here and there."
"Aarrgh." Elizabeth laughed in frustration. "I forgot what it's like talking to you sometimes. I do appreciate that I get more response from you than, say, that trademark stare you give Taggert, but I'm your friend, right? Tell me something. I mean, if it's business-related, skip it, but geez…"
She was so much fun to tease. "Sorry. Let's see… I rode pretty much across the country on my bike, just stopping where I felt like. Saw some interesting places."
"Yeah? Travel to any foreign countries?"
"Just one."
She thought of places she'd like to go. "Italy? France?"
"Uzbekistan," he said straight-faced, looking for recognition in her eyes and finding it.
"You did not," said Elizabeth.
She wanted to laugh but was too busy trying to decide if he was serious or kidding. This being Jason, serious seemed more likely. She couldn't even believe he remembered that day, staying at her studio last December, when they had spun her globe and he challenged her to tell him something about whatever country his finger landed on… which turned out to be perhaps the country she was least aware of… Uzbekistan.
"I did."
"Uh huh. So what was it like?"
"You know, you were right? I forgot my umbrella and it rained right on my head."
Elizabeth swatted playfully at him, laughing freely now, and Jason joined in. It felt good to laugh. It was something he couldn't remember doing in a long time. It felt good, too, to watch her eyes dance with light and see the smile he'd been without all these months. She'd cut her hair. It made her look older. Not that it had taken a haircut for him to realize she was far from just the teenage girl… his sister's friend… he'd attempted to think of her as.
She started to get lost in the intense blue of his eyes… a color she'd even tried to replicate by mixing paints, but couldn't… but noticed he was looking at her hair. She fingered the silky brown strands… that ended, for the first time, well above her shoulders… self-consciously.
"Too short?"
"I like it. Do you?"
"Yeah," she sighed, knowing he meant it. "Even better now."
For several moments they just locked eyes, as though they were making up for lost time looking at each other. Finally, a fluttering in the corner of Jason's eye pulled his attention away. Before she knew what he was doing, he had run to where she'd been sitting on the dock and run back, handing over her sketchpad.
"The wind's picking up. It was about to get blown into the water."
"Oh! Thanks, Jason." Elizabeth looked at her work and made a face. "Although, the bottom of the harbor is probably where it belongs."
Jason never really knew how to tell her she was crazy when she started criticizing her artistic ability. Jason Quartermaine probably could have, but Jason Morgan was lacking the ability to perceive art well enough to tell if it was good or bad, and she knew that. But he knew what he liked.
"You always say that, and then you end up with a really great painting, like 'The Wind.'," he encouraged, citing the painting she'd done for him.
That made her smile a bit. "Funny you should mention that. I decided to make that painting the first of a series, using the four elements… Wind being a more dramatic form of Air," she giggled.
"Which one's this?"
"Well… this is just the rough sketch. The real thing will be done on canvas, with paints. But it's supposed to be Rain. I could have just done Water and painted the river, but there's just something about the rain. It's so… romantic, don't you think?" She turned her gaze from the sketch back to Jason and nearly gasped. Was he sitting that close to me before?
"I think it depends on who you're with when it's raining."
"Um, yeah, you're probably right," she said nervously, looking back down at the drawing. "Anyway, the weatherman on the news this morning said there was a chance of showers, but when I got here and skies were clear, I didn't want to wait. Plus, actual rain would be difficult to sketch in, so I was just trying to imagine. But I need it to inspire me. I want the painting to actually look almost like it's been left out in the rain."
Elizabeth noticed Jason still staring at her and this time interpreted it as his eyes having glazed over with boredom.
"Sorry, am I babbling?"
"A little bit, but I like it. It's better than your singing." He grinned as her mouth dropped open. "Why don't you just paint a painting and stick it outside in a rainstorm?"
Elizabeth loved the straightforward way Jason thought. "I did consider that. And it might even work. But I like to do things the hard way. I mean, 'The Wind' was a much bigger accomplishment how I did it than it would've been if I'd just painted a regular painting and taken it with me on one of your motorcycle rides to see if the wind made the colors blur… though that might've been more fun."
"Yeah, I guess I get that. And hey, if there's a dry spell in Port Charles…"
"You gonna take me to Uzbekistan?" She winked at him.
"Sure… You gonna take me to your studio and show me everything you've been painting since I left?"
"Um, sure," she stammered, embarrassed. She knew art didn't really interest Jason, so he must just want to spend more time with her. "Maybe not everything. But I might have a few pieces worth seeing. 'Earth' turned out pretty well."
"What about…?" Jason recalled what the fourth element was and stopped, placing a cautious hand on Elizabeth's shoulder. "You painted fire?"
She sighed deeply, painfully. "Not yet. Saving that one for last." She put her hand atop of his on her shoulder. "When I first got the idea, I cried every time I thought of… that element. But I decided it would be good for me. Maybe it would help me get past some things. And if it's true that emotion feeds inspiration, which feeds creation, 'Fire' should be one of my best works."
Jason started to ask how she'd been getting along lately with her grief over Lucky, but Elizabeth continued.
"Besides, ever since Lucky came back, the fire hasn't had quite as much power over me."
Jason thought he must have heard her wrong, but somehow he knew he hadn't. "What? Lucky… came back?"
Elizabeth saw the true confusion in his eyes and realized he didn't know. "Oh my God. Jason, didn't Em tell you? Lucky's back. Jason, he's alive!"
With that joyous news, she hugged him tightly once more. Jason, feeling mixed emotions, forced himself not to smell her hair this time.
xxxxxxxxxx
L&B Records/Chloe Morgan Designs
"Peek-a-boo! You found me! Uh oh, where did I go? Here I am!"
Chloe Morgan was being very silly, hiding and then revealing her face with the aid of a red silk fabric swatch. But little Michael seemed to be enjoying it, smiling and laughing, and saying, "Again, Kwoey!"
She pretended to get bored with their game, taking the swatch and placing it on her head. "See? Now I'm a redhead, too."
Michael burst into giggles and then tried to reach for the swatch and pull it away. Chloe grabbed him in a bear hug and attacked him with kisses.
"You're gonna put me out of a job, woman," Leticia teasingly fussed as she walked back into the room. "I appreciate you inviting us to hang out here with you, but just remember that if Carly hires you as Michael's new nanny, then I'll be forced to design all the pretty dresses and be world-famous. How did you two bond so quickly?"
"No big secret, right Michael? We love a lot of the same people. We both have a fondness for colorful swatches. And for not wearing shoes." She tickled his bare feet. "And hey, we're family." Chloe watched the family comment bring a flash of sadness to Let's face. She was obviously thinking of AJ. "So, who did you call?"
"Your boyfriend, actually."
Chloe raised an eyebrow. "And what exactly did you have to say to him that couldn't be said in front of me?"
Leticia stuck her tongue out at Chloe's mock jealousy, before turning serious. "Not you… Michael. I wanted to ask Johnny if there was an update on… my employers… without Michael thinking there was something wrong." She sat next to them on the couch, slightly ruffling the boy's hair, while he contentedly circled Chloe's bracelet around and around her wrist.
"You and Johnny were both so cryptic about that. What happened?"
"I can't really say. Truthfully, I don't really know, except that Sonny's grief might finally have caught up to him. And now he's trying to push Carly away." Leticia eyed Michael, noting with relief that he didn't seem to be listening.
"Oh dear. Well, I know I don't know Carly as well as you do yet, but I can't see her standing for that."
"No, she won't. They'll… they'll be fine. Somebody deserves to be lucky in love."
"Hey, I'm very lucky. I've been lucky twice over. But, you're not talking about me." Chloe squeezed her friend's hand. "Let, you never did tell me how Carly reacted to the news about you and AJ."
"Maybe it was because Sonny and she had gotten to a really close place and she was happy, but she didn't go nearly as postal as I would have thought. She was shocked, confused, and angry that I kept a secret from her, but in the end…"
"In the end, what?"
"She pretty much told me that if I want to be with AJ, I should go for it."
Chloe smiled and clapped her hands together. Michael looked up and started clapping, too. Leticia knew he was just copying Chloe, but part of her wanted to think he liked the idea of her and AJ together and to take it as a sign.
"So, are you going to?"
Leticia sighed sadly. "I can't. Not after the way I treated him."
Chloe considered those words for a moment. It had seemed to her for a while that there was some unseen layer to this breakup, but she could only react based on what she knew. If there was more, maybe Leticia would open up to her about it.
"How you treated him? Wasn't AJ the one in the wrong? Let, maybe you think it was harsh breaking up with him in front of the whole family, and after he'd just proposed, but what else could you do? He was using you!"
"No, he wasn't," Leticia said quietly.
A-ha… That unseen layer is about to be revealed. "What do you mean?"
"I mean that AJ never used me to get to Michael. He loved me, Chloe. He really loved me, and that's why he wanted to marry me. I lied about what I overheard. I broke his heart… I ruined everything."
Well, that explains why she remained so concerned about him. Chloe shook her head in disbelief. "Let, why would you do that?"
"Because I'm an insecure… jackass." She quickly dropped her voice to a whisper in case Michael was listening after all. "Because I got wrapped up in a bunch of differences that don't matter, or at least shouldn't. Because I… Chloe, I don't want to talk about this anymore. There's no point."
Rather than tell her she needed to talk, Chloe decided to play it Leticia's way… for the moment, anyway. "Okay. Look, you need to cheer up. Why don't you go take a look around the recording studio? It's not being used today, and I don't think Ned would mind."
"Really?"
"Sure. You and Michael have fun."
"Aren't you coming?"
"I'll be up in a minute. I just remembered I have to return a call to Milan."
Leticia nodded, scooped Michael up in her arms, and headed up the stairs to the studio. Chloe took a determined breath and picked up her cell phone, dialing.
"Hi, it's Chloe. I'm at L&B. You need to come over as soon as you can. There's a situation here that I really need your input on."
xxxxxxxxxx
Your past, it bleeds
Haunting, frightening screams
The voice of another soul
Looking for a way to go
Never step in sinking sand
I'll keep both feet on solid land
Carly might have used the expression "déja vu" a few times before in her life, but now she truly knew what it meant. She stood in the bedroom doorway, experiencing a moment for the second time that she wished hadn't happened the first. She didn't wish that she hadn't found him, hadn't been there with him that August, but that he had never had to go through that kind of paralyzing pain…
So much for wishing.
He was sitting in much the same position she had found him in that time. He was on the floor, slumped back against the foot of the bed. He was even holding another broken picture frame. But Carly knew without seeing that the picture underneath the shattered glass had changed.
She set down her small duffle, stepped forward and nearly tripped over what looked like some rags. Kicking them away, she tiptoed to her husband and kneeled down before him.
"Sonny?"
He didn't look up. He just kept staring somewhere between the remains of the picture and whatever his hell looked like this time. She was worried about his lack of response but also wanted to check his hands for cuts. When she said his name again and he still didn't even blink, Carly decided to chance touching him. She gently moved the frame and took his hands in hers, turning them over for inspection.
Carly exhaled a tiny breath of relief at the simple fact that he had let her touch him rather than jerking away, but she was concerned that he was keeping his right hand closed in a fist. The way he was holding it, she could only assume he'd gotten hurt again.
She returned her gaze to his face and realized that he had turned his head to look at her… He was looking at her with the sweetest expression. She smiled back feeling reassured that he was indeed happy to see her.
"Hey you… Aren't you gonna let me see your hand? I'm a pretty good nurse, remember?"
As soon as Carly spoke, it was like a switch flipped in Sonny, and she got the reaction she had feared. He pulled his hands roughly from her grasp, bolted to standing as best he could on unsteady legs, and answered with an accusatory growl.
"What are you doing here?"
Gone was the sweet expression that had graced his face seconds before. His expression was now both angry and afraid, and… he kept squinting at her, almost as if he wasn't sure she was there.
I will never walk away
I will never walk away
"You're here, so that's where I am," Carly said quietly, clearly.
"NO! No, no, no, no, no, no… Last place you should be, it's the last place you should be."
Sonny started pacing, arms wrapping around his head like he was trying to squeeze out what was happening.
"What is, Sonny? The island? Or with you?"
Sonny stopped and fixed her with a look. "Jason. You're supposed to be with Jason."
Carly shook her head. "Sonny, I thought we both got past the days of not knowing any better. I don't know where this Jason idea came from, but it's not gonna happen. I don't want to be with him, he doesn't want to be with me… and I know you don't really want me with him. You're the one I married." She inched a step closer. "I'm your wife."
Sonny stiffened his posture in a warning to stay back. "You're not my wife."
Carly felt a deep sting at that comment, but she reminded herself that Sonny was liable to say things he didn't mean when he was like this. "Yes, I am. I'm your wife, and you need me… like I need you."
"Don't need me. Don't be my wife. Please, don't. Look what happens. One day married to me and look what happens."
At his words, Carly realized Sonny was blaming himself for her accident and the loss of the baby. It was like he thought just by marrying her he had cursed her somehow. Her heart, already fractured, broke still more for him. Of course, she had only learned a partial truth about what was going on inside of Sonny… The details of why he blamed himself for her fall would come out another day.
"Sonny, don't think like that," she whispered. "You… you are the best thing that's ever happened to me."
Sonny tried not to hear her say those words but he did. A torrent of emotion ripped its way through him and his body was racked with sobs. He was so consumed that he allowed her to put an arm around him and guide him to first sit, and then to lie down, on the bed. He cried for nearly half an hour and she stayed beside him… not crowding him, just rubbing his back soothingly… until he exhausted himself and fell asleep.
Your past, it burns
Like the lessons that are learned
Like the night air so cold
In the middle of the road
With the world in your hand
You don't know just where to stand
"You've got to come out of this, sweetie. But no matter how bad it gets, I will never walk away from you."
Carly carefully pried the fingers of his right hand open so she could repair any damage. To her surprise, there was no blood… no cut… Only a crumpled picture and a small piece of cloth. The picture was a wallet-sized one of herself that she did not even know Sonny had. The piece of cloth, when she picked it up and looked at it, brought tears to her eyes… Now she knew what the "rags" she had kicked aside on her way in had really been.
"'If you think I'm cute you should see my daddy.'"
"What can I say? It made me laugh. Great, I can see your head getting bigger before my eyes."
"You think I'm cute."
"Oh shut up and look at the other one."
Looking under the layer of tissue paper, he found the other present. This one was a much larger T-shirt, but with a somewhat similar saying across the chest…
"'IF YOU THINK I'M HOT, CHECK OUT MY WIFE'?"
"I know you won't ever wear it, but… well, it's just so true."
"Maybe I don't want people checking out my wife."
Carly didn't quite know what to say to that, but it didn't matter, because Sonny kissed her… powerfully, passionately…
Carly hadn't even known he'd brought that T-shirt to the island, but there it was cut up into pieces on the floor… and one piece in particular, Sonny had been holding onto for dear life. She laid her picture back on his palm, along with the jagged edged rectangle of cotton… that said only "WIFE"… and closed his fingers back around them. She looked at him sadly, leaning over to kiss his damp forehead.
"I thought you said I wasn't your wife."
Quietly, she cried.
But I will never walk away
I will never walk away…
(Lyrics - Never Walk Away, Amy Pachelli)