House got more anxious as the time passed, James had already left to get him his 'meal' and returned to give it too him. He looked at the liquid with disgust as he poured it in the feeding tube, "This stuff tastes horrible."

Wilson rolled his eyes, "You're not even tasting it."

"But I can smell it," House countered as he finished his 'meal'.

Wilson threw away the container it had come in. "The feeding tube was the right call, you know that," he said reasonably.

House shrugged, "I just don't want to you start thinking you can stuff me full of healthy crap because I've got this thing in." He said as he rearranged the covers for the tenth time in five minutes.

Wilson knew that House was anxious about the chemo, because every patient was the first time. "You ready?"

House kept his face neutral, "Sure, whenever you're ready."

"Alright, I'll call Roberts to bring it up," Wilson said and made the call. Soon House's office/room was packed again as everyone watched as the chemo was hooked up to House.

House sighed loudly as they watched him. "If you people keep staring at me I'm going to start charging admission."

Cuddy smirked, "You know what, Wilson, I think you should check him for cognitive damage. He seems to keep having problems remembering that I run this hospital and can come and go as I please."

House watched as James smiled, "I saw that," he warned as his eyes narrowed on James, "I'm your patient, you're being paid to be to take my side."

"And what do you want me to do?" Wilson said a little amused.

"Make them leave me alone," House whined like pugalent child.

Wilson smiled at House, then sighed as he looked at his team. "Alright guys, he's going to need his rest, but remember I want someone in the DDX room at all times."

"But we needed to tell..." Foreman started but stopped as Chase shook his head at him.

"What?" House said now interested.

"It's nothing," Chase said back.

House narrowed his eyes on Chase and then looked back at Foreman, "What were you saying?"

Foreman looked at Wilson and Cuddy with a little guilt, "I just wanted to let you know we found a patient."

"You got the file on you?" House asked, hoping for a distraction.

"No," Wilson said before Foreman could answer, "House you're not reading a patient file during your first round of Chemo." He said with exasperation.

"Why not? Does the chemo blind me? Or have there been studies done that prove reading patient files can make the chemo any less effective?" House asked with condescension. "I didn't think so. As I recall it's perfectly fine to read during Chemo treatments."

"House, he's right. You need to rest and relax, not be working," Cameron said.

House looked at her with a cold expression, "Did you hear me ask for your opinion?"

Cameron swallowed as she didn't see any humor in his face, "No," she said softly.

"Good to know you aren't hearing things that aren't there. Now go get me the patient file." House said with a challenging look.

"Dammit House!" Wilson yelled, "You're not working a patient on your first round of chemo and that's final!"

House sighed leaning back and looking at the ceiling, "That's not your decision."

"Yes it is, I'm your doctor and I'm saying no," Wilson said back with frustration.

"You don't get to say what I can or can not read!" House yelled as he glared at James. "I've done everything you asked, I'm taking the medications you want me to take, I got the stupid feeding tube put in, and I'm laying up in a hospital bed. Reading a patient file isn't going to over exhaust me, and it'll be more relaxing than sitting here thinking about the cancer, so back off."

Wilson shook his head, "Whatever House, everyone in this room but you knows you're being an idiot, but it's not like that's ever mattered to you. Read your damn file, I have patients to see who will actually listen to my advice!" He said and stomped out with Roberts following behind him.

House's jaw flexed as the door slammed behind them. "One of you get me the file," House said watching his team.

The entire team looked to Cuddy who gave them a nod and quickly brought in the file putting it on House's side table and then disappearing again. "So, I guess this is were you tell me I'm acting like an idiot and try to talk me out of reading the file," House said looking at Cuddy accusingly.

"Nope," Cuddy said and walked over to the side of the bed and sat down in a chair.

House watched her with suspicion and frowned, "He didn't have any right to tell me what I can or can't read."

"You're right," she said back in agreement as watched him with some concern.

House swallowed as he looked at the file and thought about the fight it had caused.

Cuddy watched him as he stared at the file, "You aren't reading it," she said pointedly.

"It's not worth it," he said bitterly and pushed the file off the table so that fell and scattered on the carpet. "Fuck him!"

She frowned as he closed his eyes and clenched his jaw. "I don't understand, if you're not even going to read the file then why did you fight him so hard on it?"

House swallowed, "Because I'm not going to have him talking to me like that in front of them," he said opening his eyes and looking at the door to the DDX office. "At home he can say or do whatever he wants but here, I'm not going to have him treating me like I have no say about anything. I've given him complete control over my medical care, but he doesn't get to say what I can read or think or say," he said but there was no conviction in his force.

Cuddy hated how defeated he sounded, "If that's true then why aren't you reading the file?"

He frowned, "Because it's not worth more glares and harsh words between us."

"Greg, you can't give into him every time he doesn't agree with you or raises his voice," She said with concern.

House looked down at his stomach, "I have cancer, and even if I get past that, it's very possible I'll never walk again." He looked up at her with truthful eyes, "And yet I'm happier than I've been in years, because I'm with him, to me that's worth it."

Cuddy sighed, "If reading the patient file will help relax you, I think you should read it." She said picking up the file and putting it on the table.

He chewed his lip while looking at the file, "He slept with Julie," he confessed in a soft baritone voice.

Her eyes widened as her mouth hung open some at the news. "When?" was all she say.

"The night I had my pity party he was with her," House said still staring at the file.

"Then he isn't worth fighting for Greg," Cuddy said with anger.

"He's it, do you get that? I'm not going to be doing this circus act of a relationship again, and I want it to last as long as it can." House said looking away as he was a little embarrassed at the slight desperation his words carried. He swallowed and shrugged looking at the blanket, "So he slept with his ex, it isn't like this is the first time he's ever slept with her, and I can't give him what he needs right now."

"That's no excuse to sleep with other people and you know that," She said back with even more concern.

"I'll do whatever it takes to keep him as long as I can," he said as he pulled the covers up and leaned the bed down some. "I'm tired."

Cuddy got up and looked down at him, "You deserve better than this," she said softly.

"Bye," House said and closed his eyes.

11111111111

Cuddy walked out of House's office and into the DDX room, where the his team was waiting for her.

"This is stupid, he doesn't need to be working while undergoing chemo treatment," Cameron said.

Foreman rolled his eyes, "All he's doing is reading a file and thinking, it's not like he's really treating a patient and Wilson was the one who crossed the line. He's suppose to be House's doctor, not his mother." He said with a stern look as he looked at Cameron.

Chase licked his lips, as he watch Cameron and Foreman's eyes lock in a challenging glare. "Maybe he shouldn't be working, but it's his choice of what he wants to read while getting chemo, not Wilson's." Cameron's glare moved to him and he swallowed hard, "Oh don't get made at me, House might be an asshole doctor with no bedside manner, but he's never lost his cool over what a patient was reading, even if it's for the right reasons, you have to admit that Wilson was unprofessional."

"Like House ISN'T!? And it isn't like House has a good record for making personal decisions. Look at how he's suffered for keeping his leg and then the way he handled the whole situation with Tritter," Cameron said back hotly.

Cuddy suddenly felt a surge of anger come over her at Cameron questioning the way House had 'handled' Tritter. Cameron's ignorance on what she was talking about infuriated her. "So he makes a couple of decisions you don't like and you think that give you the right to take away his choice on ANYTHING! Dr. House 'handled' things the way he saw fit and you need to shut up about things you don't know anything about." She said curtly and the team looked at her. "House doesn't need any of you to make his decisions for him or to fight with him right now. What he does need is for you to give him space and to act like professionals. I don't want him to stubbornly refuse to ask you for anything because he doesn't want to have to endure a lecture from you, and he will if that's what he thinks he will have to listen too."

"You're right and we'll make sure we give him good care without judgment," Chase said seriously.

"Thank you," Cuddy said and left, she still had some hunting to do for a brown hair, brown eyed oncologist with a short fuse. She knocked on his door and heard him say to come in, so she did.

Wilson looked up and rolled his eyes, "Nevermind, go away," he said as he returned to his paperwork.

Cuddy closed the door behind her, "What the hell was that in there?"

He scoffed, "It was House being an idiot about his health care for the millionth time, and you know what? I don't blame him for this, I blame you! You're the one that let him use his office as a hospital room! You're the one that was stupid enough to tell him that he could work when he needs to be resting because this chemo treatment is going to take every bit of strength he has if not more!" Wilson said loudly, and realized that at some point he must have stood.

Cuddy was taken a little off guard by his temper at her. "So you're mad at me for giving him CHOICES! Sorry Wilson, I don't think we should strip him of his freedoms and tie him down to a bed so we can force him to do what ever YOU want!"

"DON'T!" Wilson said in a loud deep voice that even he'd never heard as his felt his eye twitch, "Don't compare me to...I'm nothing like the men tha... I'm not them," he said staring her down.

Cuddy suddenly realized what Wilson had thought she had meant by the statement. She'd only meant it wasn't his place as a doctor to try to control his personal decisions, she hadn't even thought about how the fake scene she'd painted had literally been done to House but in a much darker way. "I didn't mean it like that, you piss me off sometimes but I wouldn't never compare you to them," she said softly, regretting her choice of words. "But the way you acted in there was completely unprofessional, being his doctor and boyfriend doesn't give you the right to treat him like a child."

He shook his head as he watched her, "You don't get it, this isn't about him 'reading' a patient file."

"Then what's it about?" she asked.

"It's about what comes later. Right now, him reading patient files and giving his thoughts on a diagnoses isn't going to hurt anything, but later when the chemo starts wearing on him more and he's too stubborn to stop trying to treat patients, that's when it's going to matter. Cuddy, it's not going to take long before it gets there and when it does I'm not going be the one that breaks his spirit by telling him that he's no longer capable of doing the ONE thing he prides himself on." Wilson said with a frown.

Cuddy swallowed as she thought about what he'd said, "He knows that there will be times he won't be able to treat patients. He's smart enough to know that, James." She said but with less confidence than she wished she had.

"He also knows that it's unethical to treat patient when he's high, but it's happened. He knew and we knew, it wasn't right for him to be treating patients while he was detoxing but it happened too. Greg knows more than ten doctors combined but knowing and doing are two different things. He's stubborn, Lisa, and while he's fighting cancer, treating patients will help as a distraction and to give him hope, but it's also going to make the reality of what he's going through that much harder when it's taken away. I doubt there has ever been a room where he wasn't the smartest on in the room, but the medicine and chemo are going to take that away from him at times." He said trying to explain. "If he loses a patient because he didn't think of he correct diagnoses fast enough, how do you think he'll handle that, or if his team figures out the diagnoses when he can't? House prides him self on his mind, in his eyes, it's the only thing worth while he has, and when he loses that I don't know what he'll do."

Cuddy narrowed her eyes on him, "Well I guess we have to hope he'll take it as well as he did when you slept with Julie."

Wilson frowned, "It was a mistake I made after we got in a fight and I got drunk, and quit acting like he's innocent in all of the this. He's the one that said 'I love you' first and now that I'm in a relationship he's the one that's always putting a hold on everything."

Cuddy looked at him with disgust, "He's been raped, you sick son of bitch, and you're holding it against him that he isn't ready to have sex yet. I don't see how you can even look yourself in the mirror."

Wilson swallowed hard, "It isn't just sex. He's keeping things from me, and you know it. He isn't opening up to me like I need him too, he doesn't trust me."

"Maybe if you could quit screwing around on him he would! And he has opened up to you about things, but it's going to take time and you have to give him as much time as he needs." Cuddy said firmly.

Wilson sighed, "Actually I don't. I love him and I want this to work, but I'm not going to wait forever for him to realize I'm not them, or for him finally start opening up to me."

Cuddy stilled herself, "Well last time I heard that he opened up to you and tried to progress your physical relationship, you were the one that backed down."

Wilson was stunned, never in a hundred years would he have thought that Greg would have told anyone about that. His lip shook some as he thought about that night, "What.. they did to him... it wasn't human. The amount of scaring was..." his voice faded off as he looked down. "And then what was carved into him..." he said feeling sick that anyone could do that to any living thing, let alone another person. He took deep breaths as he leaned back on his desk for support.

Cuddy watched as the color had drained from his face, "Wilson, you're a doctor you should have expect that there would be some damage."

"You didn't feel it... all there was was scars... it was," Wilson said as his mouth went dry and his hands began to shake rather violently on their own accord.

Cuddy watched him with worry, "James, are you okay?"

Wilson shook his head absently as his mouth twisted in disgust at the thoughts of what those men had to have done to Greg to leave that much damage. He looked at her with moist eyes, "It wasn't human, Lisa."

Cuddy didn't know what to say back.

Wilson slowly made his way to his chair and sat down. "He agreed to go to therapy with me," he said flatly.

"That's good, right?" Cuddy said chewing her lips some.

"Yeah," Wilson said back flatly.

"I'm sure it'll help," She said hoping to give him some reassurance.

"God, I hope so," Wilson said looking into her eyes and suddenly something that Greg and him had talked about crossed his mind. "There was something I've been meaning to talk to you about," he said taking a deep breath.

Cuddy sighed and sat down, "Whatever it is, you need to think about if Greg would want you to talk to me about it, because if it has to do with him, and he asks, I'll tell him what you tell me." She said seriously.

"Oh I know," Wilson said, "and a word to the wise, you might want to take some of your own advice. I doubt he asked you to come in here and talk to me about the things we discussed, not that I don't understand why you did, I'm just saying he might not like you coming here on his behalf."

Cuddy sat up a little straighter, "Maybe not and while I think your intentions for not wanting him to see patients is good, I don't think your approach was. Wilson, the amount of influence you have over him is troubling."

"Obviously I'm not that influential, he's reading the file and going to continue taking patients," Wilson said with defeat.

"Actually, he's not," she said with worry as Wilson looked at her with interest. "He's so afraid of you leaving him, that he's going to do anything you say."

Wilson's lip twitched, "But he fought me on it just an hour ago."

"Because you demanded he didn't read the file in front of his team and Roberts," Cuddy explained. "He was just fighting with you to save face with them, but when they left he didn't read it. He said that 'it wasn't worth it'."

He leaned his head back and ran his hands over his face slowly as he stared at the ceiling. "What do I do?" he asked softly.

She wasn't sure if he was asking her or God. "The question isn't what you need do, it's how you do it. You need to let him know when you think he's making a bad decision and why, but not make him feel that if he doesn't do what you want that you'll leave him, and I don't know how you can do that."

"The only way that's going to happen is if he feels more secure in our relationship and more confident in himself," Wilson said with a frown.

"Well cheating on him didn't help matters," Cuddy said back seriously.

Wilson let out an exhausted sigh, "I know, we'll talk about it in therapy, maybe it'll help. Anyway, what I wanted to talk to you about was letting Greg carry a gun at the hospital."

She shook her head, thinking she must have misheard him, "What?!"

He looked at her, "You heard me," he said seriously. "Cuddy, he's scared."

"And I hate that he is, but I can't just let people carry guns because their scared, and you know that. He's safe here, Wilson." Cuddy said with confidence.

"No he isn't! He was shot here, or did you forget about that?" Wilson said back as he sat up straight, "And he might of even been raped in this building."

Cuddy swallowed as she looked at his desk, "Did he say he was raped here?"

"No, but where else do you think Vogler cornered him?" He asked.

She chewed her lips at that thought, "Is this you're idea or his?"

"He asked me to talk to you about it," Wilson said watching as she looked up at him surprise.

"How scared is he?" Cuddy asked, shocked that Greg would ask Wilson to speak to her about it.

Wilson frowned, "You now how scared he was of losing the leg, and now how scared he is of not getting out of the wheelchair?"

"Yes," Cuddy said wondering what this had to do with him carrying a weapon.

"A big part of the reason he's scared is that he wont be able to fight them off as good if someone else tries to rape him, and also he thinks that part of the reason that Vogler and Tritter target him was because he used a cane, and therefore thinks more people will target him if he's in a wheelchair." He said with sympathetic look.

Her brows knitted together as she thought about how his disability had hindered him from fighting against Tritter and felt a load of guilt she'd never expected hit her as she gasped and look at Wilson. "It was my fault! If I hadn't done the surgery on his leg he would have been able to get away."

"There's no way to know that he still wouldn't have been raped," Wilson said truthfully.

"But he would have had a better chance fighting them off," Cuddy stated and looked down as she thought about House's request to carry a weapon. "I can't let him carry a gun, James, even if I wanted to it's out of my hands, but I'll agree to let him carry a taser gun."

He smiled as he walked over and hugged her, "Thank you," he said softly. "He's just needs to be able to protect himself. Thank you so much Lisa."

Cuddy gave him a sad smile, "It's the least I can do." She said and left.

Wilson looked at the clock and saw he had a good twenty minutes before his next patient was coming in and decided he would check in on Greg. He walked in the DDX room to see Chase sitting at the table. "How's our patient?" Wilson asked.

Chase shrugged, "He hasn't called for anything."

"Okay," Wilson said as he walked to the door for House's office.

"Wilson," Chase said and continued when Wilson looked back at him, "I know you were pretty mad at him early about the patient file, but I honestly don't think he's read it. If he had he would have called us in to tell us how he would want us to treat her and what he thought was wrong."

Wilson nodded, "I wasn't really mad at him," he provided.

Chase sat up a little straighter, "The way you were yelling at him made it sound like you were, and right now he doesn't need added stress. Roberts gave us the updated file on House. He can't walk, he's got a highly tricky cancer, and today is his first round of treatments; maybe you could give him a break today."

Wilson sighed as he felt more guilty about his earlier fight with House, "That's the plan, thanks."

Chase nodded as he watched Wilson go into see House and close the door.

Wilson closed the door softly as he looked at Greg who was staring off into space with a blank face. "How are you feeling?" He asked as he walked up to the foot of the bed and waited a couple of minutes for a response. Wilson watched as House just kept staring off. "No sarcastic remarks or cutting words?" He asked playfully trying to get Greg to say something as he became more worried because Greg still hadn't responded to his presence. "Listen, I get that I acted like an ass and I'm sorry," Wilson said truthfully.

House glanced at him, "Why, you got what you wanted?" He said flatly and looked away again.

Wilson grimaced, but knew he deserved that. "That's not all that matters to me," he said softly.

House closed his eyes, "Was that all?"

"If you want to read the file then you should," Wilson said and shrugged as Greg looked at him, "I'm not always right."

A ghost of a smile played across House's lips, "You don't really believe that, at least not about this."

Wilson's lip twitched, "No, but it's your choice, not mine."

House nodded, "I know, and I'm choosing to not to have you pissed at me."

"I'm not going to be pissed at you if you decide to continue to take patients," Wilson said with a smile.

"Yes you will," House countered sitting his bed up some.

"No, I won't," Wilson said louder, getting frustrated and sighed as House gave him a 'told you so' look. "Okay, I might not like it but I'd rather you see keep reading patient files because that's what you want to do, rather than for you to not do it in order to appease me, you doing that upsets me more." He said watching Greg.

"So what you're saying is there no way for me to not make you mad on some level," House said with a tired expression as he rubbed his hands over his face. "And I had thought being with a man would be less complicated."

Wilson smiled a little, "What can I say, I'm not a simple man."

"Tell me about it," House said thinking some. "You can't talk to me like that in front of my team anymore, unless your willing to tell them," he said flatly as he watched James.

Wilson sighed as he frowned and nodded. He could tell by the look in Greg's eyes that he was serious, which meant he'd crossed one of those unspoken lines between them. "Do... you.. think we should tell them?" he asked with hesitation.

House raised an eyebrow as he appraised James and the question he'd just been asked. He hadn't seen this question coming up, especially here and now. "Where's this coming from?" He asked searching James's eyes.

"It's just that... I don't know..." Wilson said stumbling over his words as he walked over to the side of Greg's bed. "Part of me thinks it would be better if they knew. It's getting harder and harder to pretend like there isn't something more going on." He said looking down at his hands.

"You're my doctor, James. It's already against the ethics code of you to be treating a patient who's a friend, but if it gets out that I was more than just a friend, it could get a lot worse than a slap on the wrist if I die," House said slowly as he watched Wilson with a serious expression, "And that could go for Cuddy as well, for allowing it."

Wilson nodded, "I know," he said looking Greg in the eyes.

"And?" House asked not seeing why James didn't seem worried about this. "James's I don't want you torching your career for me, and I can't say that I think Cuddy would want to blemish her career either."

Wilson scoffed at Greg softly with a sad smile, "Greg if it gets that bad do you really think that they won't find out? Do you really think that any of them will leave your side if it gets to that point or that I wont be holding you hand and telling you how much I love you?"

"Not if you're smart," House said and swallowed, "James's... I'm not worth it, especially if I'm dead."

"Don't say that," Wilson said as he caressed the side Greg's face.

House could tell that James wasn't getting that he REALLY wasn't worth the sacrifice of James's career. His jaw tightened, as he wanted to argue but could tell that it would do no good here and instead let out a heavy sigh from his nose.

Wilson felt his heartache at the notion that Greg REALLY didn't get how much he was worth, or that no matter who the hell was in the room that he wasn't going to be telling Greg exactly how much he loved him when ever he did die. "Would you really keep it a secret if I dying in a hospital bed for your career, Greg?"

House sighed, "It's not the same."

"Why isn't it?" Wilson asked calling Greg on his statement.

House frowned, "Because you're worth it and we shouldn't even be having this conversation here." He said in a weary voice. "I'm not..." he looked away some, "feeling that great right now."

Wilson nodded, even though he he wanted to yell at Greg that he was worth it too. "Just to let you know I'm still going to hold you to finishing this conversation later with me at home."

House forced a smile, "Like I would expect any different."

Wilson smiled back, "Here," he said as he stood up and put the patients file in Greg's hands. "It was your choice and I had no right to try and take it away. I would stay longer, but I have another patient, but I'll be back in an hour and a half, okay?"

"Yeah," House said looking at the file with more light in his eyes then Wilson had seen when he came.

Wilson smiled feeling better than he did when he walked in, "I'm expecting to here about your case when I come back."

House gave him a soft smile, "Is that an order Doc?"

"You bet it is," Wilson said back jokingly and left.

Sorry it's been so long but I will try my best not to make it habit. I was sick and now I'm back on my feet. I will be trying to write a new chapter on this story every two weeks. I'm very interest in knowing if you readers think that Greg and James should come out to the team and why. Thanks for being so patient. Nicole