Ch 36

Raven woke up feeling conflicted and hurt. She knew it wasn't her own emotions as she dressed and walked out the door and down the hall to the kitchen. Everything felt automatic as she started her tea and took out some fruit, making a salad. Sitting down, her mind wandered to the emotions she felt earlier and they landed on Beast boy, who was still asleep in his room.

Raven sighed. 'Why is this taking so long?' thought Raven. 'My body seems to remember, but it's taking longer for my mind to catch up.'

"Everything ok?" asked Robin as he came into the kitchen, getting a start on his ham and eggs.

"I wish I could remember my past."

"It can be frustrating, but I think I have an idea that will at least remind you of who you are," said Robin as he sat next to her with his breakfast.

Robin brought Raven to the computer and watched as he brought up a list of files. When he clicked on one of them, Raven watched the screen to see herself training with the Titans. She watched herself in action.

"I'll leave you to it Raven," said Robin. "If you have any questions, we'll be around."

"Thanks Robin," said Raven as she turned back to the computer.

Once she finished watching one file, she moved onto the next until she was finished looking at all the training sessions. There were other files that caught her eye, each one labeled the names of the Titans. 'That must be their personal files,' she thought as her own name caught her eye.

Without hesitation, she opened her file and read it and was overwhelmed by what she read. Getting out of her file, she made her way to the couch and sat down. 'I can't believe how much power I have,' she thought as she looked at her hands.

"Friend Raven?"

"Huh? Oh hi Starfire."

"Are you all right?" Starfire asked as she sat beside Raven on the couch.

"Robin let me see the files of us fighting as a team and then I came upon my file."

"And it was not what you expected?"

"I'm very dangerous. It seems so risky to keep me around."

"You're indeed very powerful friend Raven, but we're friends, family. We accept each other and use our powers and skills to protect human kind," she said as she smiled at Raven, made sure she was ok, and then went to make her breakfast.

Raven followed Starfire into the kitchen. "Thank you Starfire."

"For what?" asked Starfire as put her breakfast on a plate, setting across from Raven.

"I don't know exactly. I just feel more at easy."

"Well I'm glad I could be of some assistance," she smiled as she dug into her plate and then paused. "I have a feeling there is something more you would like to talk about."

"Are you an empath to?" asked Raven.

"No, I have as boyfriend Robin says intuition about things."

"Speaking of boyfriends—

"You wish to talk about friend Beast boy."

"Isn't it risky being with him?"

"Recently you have been through a change. You have control over all of your emotions, which is why your outfit is white. It is because of Beast boy that you were able to reach this transformation. You had sex."

"Ye—yeah," Raven blushed. "I figured that out on my own."

"Do you still wish to be with him, even though your memory is lost?"

"I—I don't think it would be right even though I feel something for him. What if I never remember who I am, I would be hurting him."

"I'm sorry friend Raven."

"I—I'm not giving up," Raven smiled as BB and Cy came into the kitchen. Starfire smiled back at Raven before she hugged Raven tightly and went off to find her boyfriend.

"Looks like you two had a good morning," said Cyborg as he set up to make bacon and eggs.

"You could say that," Raven smiled as she felt Beast boy's happiness flowing through her. "Robin and Starfire have been helpful."

"With what?" asked BB as he sat next to her and dug into his tofu.

"Well Robin helped me learn more about my powers and Starfire made me realize what it means to be a part of this team. You're—we're not just a team but family."

"Amen to that!" exclaimed Cyborg as he sat down at the table, scarfing down his meal.

Raven cringed at the site, and Beast boy couldn't blame her. When she looked away from Cyborg, she looked at Beast boy and his heart skipped a beat.

Raven was making an attempt at meditating on the roof of the tower. After breakfast she had gone to her room and her eyes went to the books on her book shelf. Curious about what information they held, she began one book and then another and before she knew it, she felt a headache coming on. Deciding she needed some air, she had discovered the roof of the tower. An urge to clear her mind came to her as she remembered one of the books she read on meditation.

Raven smiled as she stepped down from her floating meditative position. She felt refreshed and at peace and then she turned around to see Beast boy coming towards her. Her heart was beating fast, and she was sure she was sweating through her leotard.

"Hey Raven, everything ok?"

"Yeah I just thought I'd meditate on the roof. I found in one of my books that it can be relaxing."

"Your eyes caught your bookcase huh?" he smiled.

"How did you—?"

"I know how much you love books, especially when you get a new one, your eyes get this sparkle in them."

She could feel his emotions flow through her like they were her own. There was a sadness and longing for things to be the way they use to be, but there was an openness in his heart she found accepting. "I—I'm not giving up, but I know it will take some time to regain my memories."

"Raven, I don't want to force you into something you don't want," said BB.

"But I do Beast boy. I want to remember. I can feel how much this place means to everyone living here. I want those memories back, even the bad ones."

"I won't give up then," smiled BB.

Raven smiled. "Something tells me you wouldn't in the first place."

"You would be right, and we'll figure this out together. I don't care how long it takes."

"Even years?"

"As long as you're with us, that's all that matters."

"This won't last forever Beast boy," said Raven. "Everyone will go their separate ways."

"I won't ever leave you Raven," said BB as he took her hand delicately in his. "You will always have me if you want. I won't—," he said as he felt her squeeze his hand.

"I do Beast boy. I know deep within me that you and I are meant to continue or path together.

He squeezed her hand right back as they looked at the view together.