New chapter,
golnaz, Yes it was always all about the Van Der Bilt in the TV and it is a pity. This is now the end of the story. Serena is now the one who has to prove her love for Nate. She is not going to get help, no worries about it.
xx,
...
Monday had been a busy day to finalize all the details for the funeral. Serena and Nate had to go back to Plainfield to sign some papers again. When they arrived home at the beginning of the afternoon, the house was empty, only Anne and Winnie were there. Anne was waiting for them to have lunch. Winnie said the food was ready and left them alone, she added that she was in her apartment if they needed anything.
...
She was now living on the main floor of the house. Nate cut the space in two when he moved in as the 1076 sq ft were too much for him. He reorganized the space with a separated apartment of 500sq ft from and this is where he offered Winnie to live so she would not have to come everyday from Harlem.
...
Serena asked Anne and Nate if they wanted to be alone. Since the Captain died, they did not really have any moment alone together. Anne saw the opportunity to talk to Nate about her idea.
«Thanks for asking Serena and actually if you don't mind there is something that I would like to talk with Nate, in private. »
Nate looked a his mum perplexed and then looked at Serena. She smiled at him and gave him a kiss on his cheek. It was fine, Serena understood that Anne and Nate needed some space for themselves.
«See you later Natie. I am going to go to see if my mum and Cece or Blair need help. Goodbye Anne. » and she left letting the Archibald alone.
She wondered what Anne was going to ask Nate. She was afraid that Anne was going to say something about her, as Anne asked her to leave it was more than just a possibility.
...
Anne exposed her idea to her son. She said that as they have one extra week before the election, Nate should go with her to the Hamptons
« Just for few days Nate. We will come back on monday morning but I think that few days off are exactly what we need now. Away from the city, from everybody, from. »
«From Serena right. » asked Nate in a sigh
« Yes from her too. Nate, don't get me wrong but I don't really understand what is going on between you two and I am not the only wondering what is going here. Nate, she is not your wife or your girlfriend unless I missed a chapter or many. She just got separated and you are way too confused to think. »
« Mum » he interrupted her
« Look, I go with you to the Hamptons because anyway you won't stop asking until I say yes but my relationship with Serena is no different than it was last week. As my best friend she is just supporting me in this painful moment. Lily is helping you, isn't she and what about Blair and Chuck. »
« Nate, Serena is not your best friend and yes you are right your relationship hasn't changed and it does demonstrate how twisted is your relationship. You do look like a married couple and an happy one and it scares me because we know how is Serena and all her ups and downs and with the election, the loss of your father, I just want to protect you. I am scared for you Nate. What if she changes her mind and tomorrow she wants a fresh start again, away from NYC. I just lost my husband honey, I won't accept to see my son destroyed because he got his heart broken again. »
Nate had no other choice than agreed. It hurt but his mother was right. He was living in his dream but he had not get, yet, any serious proof from Serena. She was with him now but may be she was feeling guilty as he was about his father's death.
« We will leave tomorrow night after the reception. And Nate please stop feeling bad about your father's death . It is not your fault. There is nothing we could have done. »
«I know but haven't you feel sometimes that you are in front of two different doors and you have to choose and no matter what you do, the door you don't open will just disappear. You lost it forever. »
« The point is not what you are looosing but if what you get by opening the other door worth the loss of the other. Your father wanted you to be happy Nate, so if you feel related to his death then ask you this question. » replied Anne who assumed that Nate was talking about Serena
« I am trying mum. The other door is everything I want, it is just that I don't know if it will last forever. » he said with tears in his eyes, Anne stood up and took her son in her arms.
« It is gonna be ok Nate. Take those few days with me to think about you and Serena. You are not going to like what I am going to tell you but Nate love is not enough. I know you love her but who knows may be there is someone who could make you happy without the drama»
« No mom, I tried » affirmed Nate very serious
«She is the only one for me, I am 10000% sure about it and I've been waiting for it a long time now. And I am sure that I am the right man for her too because as you said we look like an happy married couple. The only problem is that she ran away from me, always, as if she was afraid of me and what is killing me is that she can't explain me why. So what are we supposed to do, live like that forever. Being together, sharing the same bed, sometimes make love but never put anything on the table so she can't get scared, this is what I can't do anymore. »he confessed to his mother
« Did you sleep with her on saturday night. » frowned Anne, Nate did not answer her. She did not like that
« Nate is it a simple question. » she said looking into her son eyes
He nodded
« Nate, you have to stop this game before it consumed you. She is the master, she always wins at this game, don't follow her rules Nate. Make her follow yours, make her understand that either she chooses you for real and accept or she sleeps in another bed. »
« I tried but it is not easy. I did not have any intimate relationship with a woman for so long and she is the only one with whom I want and I think I can and the other day I was weak and I could not resist. I know I have to try but it is hard. » said Nate loking down. As far as he could remember it was the first time that he was having a conversation like this with his mother, before he had them with his father.
« And what if she gets pregnant. What would you do, I mean you two have an unhealthy relationship and you have to think about those details. »
« She is under the baby pills mom. Dan did not want to have kids and believe me he was not going to let her forget about it. »
Anne did not want to fight with Nate so she declared forfait and kept her last thought for herself
« Fine. I was just saying it for your own good. »
They finished to eat remembering memories that they have in this house. Anne said that she was happy that Nate bought back the house when he moved back to NYC.
...
That night when Serena fall aspleep, Nate started to think about what his mother told him. She was right, where were they going. He was touching her hair and he felt the tears coming, Serena was not his wife not even his girlfriend.
Serena was not totally asleep yet and she heard Nate's sobs. She raised her head, turned on the light and kissed him.
« Natie, I am here. » and she kissed him again, her hands in his chest, hair. Nate stopped her
« Serena, I don't think that this is a good idea. »
She asked why and he told her that both were too confused right now. She said that no, she was not confused at all and said that she was in love with him and Nate asked her again to give him the answers he wanted. Serena bite her lips and said that the Brown theory had never been possible because she always knew that she would always loved him. She said that she tried so hard to convince herself that neither of them were the right one because it would have been easier for everybody.
« As I could not choose between you two, I tried this theory. When you left my room that day, at Brown, I knew that this theory could never work out. I knew that I hurt you and I wanted to stop you but I could not choose. »
« But you did choose Dan so at some point you chose. I accept the Brown theory not working out but as I asked you already am I the one now because it did not work with Dan. »
« Nate, it is not like this. I did not choose him over you. »
Nate sighed and turned off the light, interrupted her, told her that he did not want to hear the same song again and again. He could feel that this is what he was going to get one more time.
Serena started to cry because now that she was ready to express her feelings, Nate was the one who was stopping her. The funeral was in few hours and they should sleep but Serena spent the night thinking about how to explain Nate why she could not choose him.
...
After the funeral, most of the persons attended the reception that Blair and Chuck had been organizing with the help of William VDB. The reception was at Nate's house. Around 6pm people started to leave, some were going out tonight as it was Halloween. Serena did not really have time to talk with Nate and she had to before he leaves for the Hamptons.
She found him in his room packing. She asked if he needed help. He smiled at her. She closed the door behind her. She said that she was going to miss him but she knew that those few days out of everything would be good for him. She said that she did not want him to be mad at her even if she knew that she deserved it. Nate took her hands and they sat on his bed. He told Serena that he was not mad at her, he was just confused.
She hold her breath and finally said
« Before to marry Dan, Blair asked me if I was finally sure. If I had finally chosen and I said yes. She made this weirdo parallel between us and the love triangle between Kelly Taylor, Dylan and Brandon. I laughed and I told her that even if I ended with Dan, a part of me would always loves you, not the contrary and that was so like Kelly Taylor. Blair added that Kelly picked the wrong guy and even if it was because of the script, I should be careful and be sure about my choice. »
« But you married Dan not me. So I don't really understand what that means. » frowned Nate
« It means that if I am with you, there are no parts of me who are still in love with Dan. You used to believe that I never loved you enough or more than the rest of the guys, it is quite the contrary actually. I love you more and that's why I did not choose you. »
« What » asked Nate who was not just confused anymore but stunned
« You asked me about my theory at Brown, you got the answer, you wanted to know if you were the right guy now that Dan was out of the picture and the answer is what I told you many times. I did not choose Dan over you or loved him more than you and I never truly believed that he was better for me than you. No one is better than you actually and it always scared me. »
« What is different now, why are you not scared anymore. »
She said that she was still scared, a lot but she also wanted to be happy and she was so truly happy when she was with him, no drama, she could be who she really was, no pressure and she was ready to jump in. She insisted on the fact that she did not know what kind of answer Nate was expecting and apologized if it was not the one that he wanted but it was the truth. She could not say anything else because there was nothing to add. Of course she was conscious that from the outside it did not look like that and specially for him as she did reject him many times.
« But I love you Nate, I really do and I will do whatever it takes to prove you that I am all in. »
He was not saying anything, he was assimilating what she just said.
« Nate please say something. »
« I love you too Serena but it is not really clear for me. I got your point of view but I don't understand why now and not four years ago when I went to Brown for example. I think I need time to process the info and accept it. At some point I started to believe that you were never going to be mine and now you wantit, I want it too but I think that my anguish and fears are bigger than yours. »
He stood up and took the clothes on his bed to put them in his bag while he was looking for the correct words
« I mean, I know that you did not end your marriage with me because of Dan and I am glad but at the same time it hurts so much. Because what does that mean Serena, does it mean that if things would not have turn that bad, if Dan had not turn into the biggest asshole of Manhattan, you would have stayed with him even if somehow you loved me more than him. I am sorry Serena but it doesn't make sense for me. May be it does for you but I swear it makes sense only for you. I want to believe you Serena, I really do but if we are having this conversation now it is only because Dan screwed up. »
Serena stood up too, she gave him the rest of the clothes that were on his bed. Her eyes were full of tears. She had to admit that Nate was right, it sounded really ridiculous and unbelievable. Blair told her many times that someday she would regret her decisions and she was now. She was not lying at all but she did know how she will make Nate believe her.
« Natie, please give me a chance to prove you that this is the truth. »
« I am ready to give you a million Serena. I am ready to wait my all life for you but I just don't see how you can make it possible. Now could you please give me few shirts and a pair of socks while I pick up my stuff in the bathroom. » he stepped in his bathroom and immediately regretted what he asked her to do but to let
She had opened the drawer where Nate's socks were and obviously put her hand on the little box that had been here for years. She took the box in her hand, she knew what was inside as Nate told her few days ago. She just simply could not believe that she had found the box today.
...
They were looking at each other in silence. It was intense and sad. She wanted to open the box to see the ring but she could not. She replaced the little box in the drawer and gave few pair of socks to Nate. She was crying so much. Nate was making an effort to do not hug Serena or touch her but for once she was the one falling in tears, she was experimenting the pain that he had to deal with for so long. And his was deeper as at least Serena knew that he was in love with her.
Anne knocked at the door. She opened the door and said that they should come downstairs as people were leaving. She added that their car was ready to and she closed the door behind her. It was painful for her to see them like this.
...
After a long minute of complete silence, Nate closed his bag. Serena stopped him and wrapped her arms around his neck and passionately kissed him.
« I know I opened my eyes a bit late but don't close yours Natie, please. »
He kissed her with the same passion that she just did but did not say anything
« I love you Nate, have a good time with your mother but when you are gonna be back please let us be together. » she said better to let him go.
The pain in her chest was so deep, she was finally experiencing what Nate had been suffering this all time and she felt as the worst perosn on earth but she was going to win back his heart. She had done too many mistakes and she was done with running away or making the wrong choices. On the 2nd grade, they had to write who they wanted to be, she wrote that she wanted to be Mrs Archibald and so will she.