EPOV

I knew mom would like Perky. I mean, who wouldn't? Back when I first met her, Perky was just a garbage goddess to me, but now she's so much more. She's funny and smart and engaging, and she looks great naked, and when she's wearing clothes, and she's really good with knots. She makes me want to do big things for her, and for myself - for us, I guess. And she makes me happy when we're doing nothing, all at the same time.

Loving her's surprised the hell out of me. It's changed me forever. It's worth losing the Trash Men. I hold her hand tight the whole way home from my parent's house. She's everything to me, now.

I want to ask Perky if she was just being nice about all the Avon stuff, or if she's really looking to go into door-to-door cosmetic sales, but I can't get a word in edgewise. She's over-the-top excited that my mom's going to help us out.

"Now it's just Aro, Adorable," Perky chatters. "And I really think Pixie might be able to fix that part of it. I can't wait to see what she came up with!"

Avon sales or no Avon sales, that whole thing she did with my mom's business just made me love Perky that much more. She really knew how to connect with mom. And that stuff she said about having a decent life, being happy, she didn't say it out loud, but I'm pretty sure she meant with me. I want to ask her about that, too.

Perky keeps babbling as we pull into her driveway. "I'm so glad we called Alice. I'm so glad we have a plan, kind of. I love having a plan. And a plan to make you all mine, Adorable…" Perky squeezes my hand and kisses my cheek.

"What about a plan like that?" I ask hopefully.

Instead of getting out the passenger door, Perky climbs onto my lap. She takes my face in her hands, her legs straddling mine. "I can't believe you're real, Adorable. I keep thinking any minute now you're going to blink and wake up and realize you're doing this all for an ex-call girl."

"I'm doing it for you," I remind her, pulling out her ponytail and running my fingers through her hair.

"Aren't they the same thing?" she asks, brushing her nose against mine.

"Yeah. That's why I'd do it no matter who you were. Because you're you."

"And that's why I can't believe you're real," she replies, settling on my lap, wrapping her hands around my neck. "I think I need proof, Adorable."

Perky gives me this knowing look with her big brown eyes. Proof? She rocks her crotch over Mr. Ed. Sex? Her tits brush against my chest. Sexy proof?

Maybe she's looking for a number. She knocked down my suggestion about sixty-eight before, and honestly, seventy-one using my finger, sure, but with hers, it makes me nervous. I mean, I'd totally do it. I can't say no to a naked Perky. But I don't know if I'd come right out and suggest it.

Perky's waiting, watching my face, biting her lip. She's so cute, and so hopeful about something. She's kind of giving me a lap dance in the driver's seat of an old white limo.

"Seventy-two?" I suggest.

It wasn't the right answer. Her face falls and Perky slides off my lap and climbs out of the car. "We should go," she sighs. "And don't listen to me. I'm kind of crazy sometimes."

I already know that. It's one of the reasons I love her.

"But Sparkle and Pop?" Perky asks as we walk up the path to the door, like nothing at all just happened. "That part of the plan worries me a little." Perky fishes her keys out of her purse and begins unlocking the front door. "And what about Crackle? We can't just leave him tied up like -"

Perky's words die in her throat and her face goes pale. I follow her through the front door only to see…

"What the fuck?" Perky and I both ask in unison.

Crackle's still bound and gagged, and Pixie and Sparkle are kneeling in front of him, tucking his Johnson into his jeans. Pixie's still got that whip in her hand and she's looking a little flushed. Crackle manages to shrug his shoulders when he sees us, like he had nothing to do with any of it.

"When I handed you the flogger, Pixie, I had no idea you'd put it to such good use," Perky chuckles. "But the man that wanted you dead, and Sparkle too? That's kinky, even for me."

"Oh my god, Bell," Sparkle protests, jumping to her feet. "I was just helping the guy pee."

"P?" I ask. "Are there letters too?"

"Pee," Pixie repeats, and she holds out a big beer stein filled to the top with frothy, oh, right, frothy piss. Pee.

"Pop wouldn't help," Sparkle says, shaking her head at her boyfriend.

"Damn right," Pop agrees from across the room, holding up his hands. "I don't touch anyone's peter but my own."

"Peter?" Sparkle laughs, ogling Pop's crotch.

"No more nicknames," Perky warns.

Pixie seems a little reluctant as she climbs to her feet. She's got the whip in one hand and a beer stein full of piss in the other. Perky's right. Seriously kinky.

"How'd it go with the Avon lady, guys?" she asks as she makes her way to the powder room. The pee splashes into the toilet, and it's pretty obvious that Crackle really had to go.

"Pretty good I think," Perky says as she flops down on the couch. "She said she'd try to help. What's happening on the Aro front?"

I take a seat next to Perky. She snuggles in next to me, but I can't help but think her smile's a little sad.

"Well," Pixie says, walking back into the living room, wiping her hands on a purple towel, "We've got a plan, and Sparkle and Pop are perfect for it. Here's the thing: Aro's got two weaknesses: women and glittery things."

"Wait, wait," I interrupt. "How do you know that, Pixie?"

"Oh, Adorable, that's easy," Perky replies. "All men have those weaknesses. It's a trick of the trade."

Pop and Crackle nod, and I can't help but think she's probably right. I imagine Perky sparkling, kind of like in that Brittney Spears video with that see through, glittering body suit thingy. Shit. I wonder if we can get our hands on one of those.

"Plus, it's my job," Pixie adds, snapping me out of it. "As a P.I., you know."

"Pixie's good," Sparkle agrees. Somewhere along the line she's changed into one of Perky's silk robes, and I can finally look at her without bringing on a migraine.

Pixie smiles at Sparkle before she continues, "So, we're going to use Sparkle to distract Aro, and Pop's going to use his Navy Seal training to infiltrate the organization and get the files we need to bring the organization down."

"That doesn't make any sense," Perky says, shaking her head. "They're not going to have files about murder and stuff, are they?"

"Murder never brings down a mob family, Perky," Pixie offers with a roll of her eyes. "It's stuff like taxes and collusion and trafficking, and cornering certain markets."

"Does Pop even know what collusion is?" I ask, looking between Pixie and my bass player. I'm not convinced. Pop doesn't even know the difference between the Feds and Fed Ex.

"I'll tell him what we need," Pixie says, shaking her head at me like I'm the dense one in the room.

"But, wait, sis," Perky says, suddenly clutching my knee. "We can't sit around and just dangle Sparkle in front of Aro as bait. She just got out, and we're sending her right back in!"

"She won't be alone, Perky."

"I thought you said Perky wasn't a part of this plan!" I said, standing to my feet, towering over Pixie. I'm not letting Perky risk her life for my mistakes. There's only one man I know that's worse than my dad, and it's Aro Volturi.

"Perky's not going," Pixie says with a self-assured smile and a loving glance at her whip. "I'm going too."

A/N: I made you wait for this. Sorry! I'll try not to do that again. Next update, no more than 24 hours. Hopefully sooner. xxx, M