A/N from moosesaregreat: Thanks to Eilonwycousland, KnightOfHolyLight, Kanafire and Graymalkyn for the reviews, and to those who favorited/followed.

Sorry it's been a bit, guys. I know we've been slow to update but that's my fault with RL and all that jazz. I reeeeeally super duper hope you guys like this chapter! It is my first try at smut, so… *happy dance* ? Awkward happy dance. haha Enjoy.

Bethesda/Bioware own whatever blah blah blah.

Chapter 38

"Dragonborn!" Arngeir exclaimed as soon as Alessia and Anders walked into High Hrothgar, his eyes widening slightly with surprise. "I did not expect to see you here!"

"Well, we've only just got back from talking to Paarthurnax - and the dragons all mourning Alduin on the Throat of the World," Alessia said a bit sadly.

"You've been to the land of the dead," Arngeir nodded. "I can see it in your eyes."

"Why so surprised to see us?" Anders asked curiously.

"It's been a while since you left," Arngeir replied slowly, his gravelly voice lowering an octave. "A few months, as a matter of fact. We did not know if you would return."

"What?" Alessia exclaimed, sharing an incredulous look with Anders. "Between getting back to Whiterun and defeating Alduin, it's only been a week since we were here for the peace conference!"

Arngeir pursed his lips in thought. "Tell me how you got to Sovngarde, Dragonborn." As Alessia related the tale of capturing Odahviing and the dragon taking them to Skuldafn, Arngeir began to nod. "Time would not pass in a place where time means nothing as it does for us here on the mortal plane. Little is known about Skuldafn, unfortunately. It may be that with a gateway to Sovngarde there, time is just as broken as it is inside the gateway."

"What else do you know about Skuldafn?" Anders asked eagerly.

"Only that it is on the dividing line between Skyrim and Morrowind high in the mountains, and that it cannot be reached without wings. I'm sorry Anders, but the only ones to know more than that would be the Dragon Priests, who are thousands of years dead...or undead as the case may be, and they won't tell you."

Anders sighed, rubbing a hand over his face as Alessia politely said goodbye to the Greybeards. The trip down the mountain was silent, and as they descended, Alessia could see that Arngeir had been right about the passage of time. What few deciduous trees dotted the landscape below them were now vibrant, fiery shades of ocher and crimson. Autumn came sooner in Skyrim than it had in Cyrodiil, and after a short stop at the inn in Ivarstead for a meal, they learned that it was the 21st of Last Seed-nearly three months since the peace conference.

Alessia attempted small talk as they made their way to Riften and though he answered, it was obvious Anders was preoccupied with the mirror in the ruins of Skuldafn, so she left him to his thoughts for the time being. Sunset found them back at Honeyside and after building a large fire in the hearth, they fell asleep, exhausted after everything they'd been through and learned.

A few hours later, Alessia awoke to the bed moving. As she turned over towards Anders, his elbow caught her in the shoulder. "Careful," she began, but as her eyes adjusted to the darkness she found him twitching and sweaty, mumbling incoherently.

Alessia shook Anders until he woke, sitting straight up with a gasp. After a moment, he met her worried gaze and nodded sadly.

The nightmares were back.

…

Though Anders was able to finally get back to sleep, Alessia could not. Instead, she lit a candle and pored over Sinderion's journal for clues. The old alchemist had lived double the normal life expectancy of an Altmer, and she knew from what he had written in the journal that the crimson nirnroot they had found in Blackreach was the cause. He had also written that the nirnroot could heal all injuries and diseases a person could have, making her suspect it could help with the Taint that afflicted Anders. They would need to speak about the mirror, she knew - but she also knew how conflicted he was about it and perhaps selfishly, didn't want to push the issue. Until that conversation happened, she would do what she could to help him and that meant trying to heal the Taint that the nightmares were connected to.

Unfortunately to that end, Sinderion had not written much about his actual tonics and potions made with the nirnroot. They had not had the time to gather the 30 specimens the journal had mentioned, but she had grabbed every one they came across while there. Alessia was no master alchemist, but she had some ideas as to things that may work and was still scribbling notes in the last pages of the journal when Anders woke.

"What are you doing, love?" Anders asked sleepily, running a hand down her arm.

Alessia smiled, but said nothing as she finished writing. Finally, she flipped back a few pages and held the journal out to him. "Remember the crimson nirnroot we found at Blackreach? I think it could help with the nightmares. Maybe you have some ideas?"

Anders rubbed the sleep out of his eyes and sat up, reading through Sinderion's notes that Alessia had underlined and what she had written in the margins. "It...could work, I think. You don't have very much though, do you?"

She sighed as she got out of bed to put another log on the fire. "No, I only have 12 of the 30 samples he spoke of. I think its effects could be supplemented with other ingredients, though. Keep reading," she said, rummaging around in the kitchen to start breakfast.

By the time it was done, Anders had brought the journal to the table and finally put it aside when Alessia sat a plate in front of him, then sat across the table with one of her own. "So?" she asked before digging in.

Anders nodded and swallowed. "I don't know if it will work or not, but we can try."

She smiled happily, then prattled on about the few things she needed to get from the alchemical shop in town and how she would send for Bran while she was out.

Anders just nodded and ate mechanically, lost in thought.

…

Alessia dragged Anders along with her, his melancholy mood lessening slightly at her exuberant one. The sun was just appearing over the horizon though the shops were already open. Alessia was still getting used to how different the changing of season was this far north. In the coldest of winter, there would only be a few hours of daylight each day. She didn't find everything she needed at Elgrim's Elixirs, the alchemical shop so after sending a messenger off to Fort Dawnguard, they went down the Ratway to The Ragged Flagon.

"I thought we could stay here in Riften for a while, unless you need to go back to the College," Alessia said as they entered.

Anders shook his head. "Tolfdir knows where to find me if he needs anything. The only thing they would need me for right now is to teach, and I'd rather not at the moment."

Alessia's smile faltered, then flashed brighter. "So, why don't you get your clinic up and working?"

"Yes, why don't you, boy?" a voice called from the alcove to their right. "I can't take care of those crazies like you can! Heh heh."

Alessia laughed. "That's because you're crazier than they are, old man," she said, earning a smirk from Anders.

"And you are much more alive than I thought you were, little girl," Herluin said as he approached, then poked her in the forehead. "You succeeded? Ha! Of course you did, or you wouldn't be here. And with the healer that needed healing. Heh, heh. I healed the healer. HA!"

Anders couldn't help but smile at the old mage. "Thanks again for that."

"Ah, you're quite welcome, my boy. And you are almost welcome a sight as the tiny Guildmaster here," Herluin said, waving a hand at Alessia and peering up at Anders from under his hood. "Many people forced from their homes in the countryside by those damnable dragons make for a very full Ratway. Elderly, children, crazies...they're all here now. All here. Old Herluin does what he can, but only so much he can do."

Anders's eyes widened, and Alessia immediately pulled the few things she needed out of her pack and handed it to him. "I'll send someone to assist you, and I'll be there as soon as I can," she said, getting a quick kiss on her cheek from Anders before he ran off.

Alessia stepped out of the alcove for a moment to yell for someone to accompany him, and walked right into Dirge. "How is it that you can be so large and yet so damn quiet?"

He grunted. "I'm a thief."

Alessia rolled her eyes and snorted. "I wasn't aware of that. Do me a favor and send one of the recruits to the Ratways to help Anders with the sick."

Dirge nodded and stared at her silently for a moment before awkwardly patting her on the head. "I knew you'd save us," he grumbled, then turned to do as she asked.

Alessia watched his retreating form, then chuckled to herself. "That was weird." She ducked back into Herluin's alcove and began going through the ingredients he had for sale.

"He isn't as healed as healed can be," Herluin said a few minutes later, startling her. "Physically yes, but not healed. I may be old and strange, but not blind. In his eyes, I see it. Gave him a task, a goal, a purpose. They will help for now, but not forever. I know you know, you know I know you know."

Alessia sat on the stone bench along the wall and looked up at Herluin. "What do you know?"

The old mage shrugged. "I don't know all you know, but you know what he knows. And he knows you know what he knows. Heh, heh. Maybe you know how to fix what he knows, or maybe he knows anyhow. But what do I know? HA!"

"You seem to know more than you think you do," Alessia said. "And I don't know anything at all."

"I'm an old man, little girl. I know what I see, I don't need to know what's wrong to know something's wrong. I don't know how to fix it, but someone must know." Herluin put a hand on her shoulder. "What I do know is you're a good little girl, and you'll figure it out."

Alessia peered up at him, a smile twitching at the corners of her mouth. "I'm trying to. Maybe you can help," she said, holding out Sinderion's journal. "I can never figure out if you're incredibly insightful or just crazy."

"Why not both?" Herluin chuckled, and thumbed through it with a grin. "A riddle? I love riddles!"

…

The rest of the day was a blur of activity for both Alessia and Anders. Alessia helped Anders where she could, then ran home to make healing potions and balms for both fire and ice burns. Herluin had been right, the Ratways were now full of sick, injured people. Even though Brynjolf had donated Guild funds for pallets and food to help, that many people together made sickness even worse so Alessia made cure disease potions as well. After taking everything she made back to Anders along with a small meal, she returned to Honeyside and began her own work. Talking to Herluin had been a good idea. The way he thought was completely different than she, and she had a good feeling about the potions she was working on for Anders.

At some point in the night, she heard the upstairs door shut and footsteps across the room, stopping where the bed would be. After sitting the mortar and pestle down and adjusting the heat under the alembic, she headed up the stairs to find Anders flopped across the bed in his clothes, snoring softly. Alessia smiled and brushed the hair out of his face. She gave him a gentle kiss and returned to the basement, hoping that his exhaustion would keep his nightmares at bay.

Working through most of the night, Alessia brewed quite a few potions with varying ingredients of varying strengths. To her dismay, Anders had woken up with a nightmare but had fallen back asleep quickly with her by his side and after a short time she succumbed as well.

…

Alessia awoke to knocking after what only seemed like a few minutes. "Go away!" she yelled, putting the pillow over her head. The knocking turned into scratching, and suddenly the door burst open.

"Sorry!" a familiar voice called, followed by a pounding noise across the floor, and what felt like a troll jumping on her.

"GAH!" Alessia exclaimed, sitting up quickly only to get a face full of slobber and fur, vibrating excitedly. "Bran!"

Serana crossed the room with a smile on her face. "Terribly sorry, my friend. He overheard me telling Isran of your success and practically ran here. I'm just happy you two have clothes on."

Bran enthusiastically hopped around on the bed, rousing a groaning Anders. "Ugh. When a cat is happy to see you it rubs it face on you quietly. Maybe some purring. Not...this," he grumbled as he waved a hand at the dog, eyes still shut. Bran lay down next to him, almost nose-to-nose and whimpered. Anders cracked an eyelid open and after a moment, sighed and patted Bran's head, only to receive a slobbery face as well.

Alessia laughed loudly as Anders sat up immediately. "Well! I'm awake and need a bath. Thank you so much!"

…

The two women chatted as the two mortals ate breakfast, then Anders took his leave to return to his clinic in the Ratway.

No sooner had the door shut behind him when Serana piped up, "I know he and I haven't always seen eye to eye, but he seems extra quiet."

Alessia nodded, putting the plate with her leftovers on the floor for Bran to finish. She explained what she knew of the Taint and how Anders had arrived in Skyrim, what they had found in Skuldafn, Sinderion's journal and the nightmares plaguing Anders. "...so, I'm trying to figure out a potion to help," she finished.

"Do you think it will work?" Serana asked, bending down to pet Bran. "I mean, it's kind of a long shot."

"I don't know. He took the first one between his bath and breakfast and just told me it didn't taste as bad as he thought it would."

The vampire's glowing eyes took in the slump in her friend's shoulders and she frowned. "You're worried he will want to go back...that he already does."

Alessia nodded. "It's horribly selfish of me, but yes. I mean, him being quiet...well, he can be broody at times as it is. We haven't talked about it yet. Until then, I'll do what I can to help him with the nightmares at least."

"Is there any reason why you can't go with him?" Serana asked, prompting a growl from Bran under the table. "Oh shush up, you. You'll miss your girlfriends eventually."

"I really don't know. I don't think so. I would willingly give up everything I have and have accomplished here to stay with him." Alessia rubbed her temple with one hand and closed her eyes. "I just don't know. I'll wait until he brings it up."

Serana reached across the table and put her hand on her friend's arm. "I can't tell you what to do, and frankly, I don't know either. Just don't let the mammoth in the room come between you. He might not want to hurt your feelings by bringing it up and just keep it to himself. Men are stupid like that. Do what you think is best."

Alessia smiled and patted Serana's hand. "You're a good friend."

The vampire snorted and stood, pulling her hood over her head. "I try," she said, smiling. "I should go. You know where to find me if you need me."

…

Over the next week, Anders managed to help everyone who needed it in the Ratway but even though he came home completely drained every night and Alessia kept brewing stronger potions, the nightmares only became worse. As time wore on, he became increasingly quiet and withdrawn; more than once Alessia caught him clenching his eyes shut and his skin crackling blue as he pushed Justice away.

"Anders," Alessia said quietly as they lay in bed one evening. "I...think we need to talk." Anders just quirked an eyebrow at her. "The potions aren't working. Your nightmares are getting worse instead of better and I think...maybe we should go back to Skuldafn."

Anders let out a sharp breath and shook his head. "No."

"We have to do something! You are barely getting any sleep as it is; you've got these bags under your eyes and walk around like a draugr. I see you fighting with Justice, too! I just need a day to arrange things with the Guild and we can go back to Thedas. I can call Odahviing and have him take us-"

Anders sat up abruptly and grabbed her by the shoulders, turning her to face him. "You don't understand!" he said roughly, then closed his eyes and sighed, pulling her to his chest. "Alessia, sweetheart. You don't understand, and it's my fault for not telling you. The eluvian in Skuldafn - it's not just a portal to Thedas. When I touched it, all I felt was...evil, seeping into me from whatever was on the other side. Whatever is in my nightmares calling to me is in that mirror and I don't want you anywhere near it."

"But-"

"Shh. I know, my love. I know you'd go to the ends of both my world and yours for me, but I won't let you do this," Anders whispered, wiping the tears from her cheeks with his fingertips. "You are strong and beautiful and pure of heart, even if you are the head of a nationwide group of thieves." Alessia snorted and shook her head. "It's true and you know it, sweetheart. I wouldn't be able to live with myself if something that vile and corrupt touched you."

Anders tilted her chin up and kissed her, long and deep. As he pushed her gently back to the bed, he pulled her shirt over her head and threw it to the side before quickly returning his mouth to hers. He brought one hand up to her breast and gently brushed across the hardening bud at its peak, making her break the kiss with a moan. Kissing down the side of her neck, he stopped where it met her shoulder and grazed the spot with his teeth. Alessia's breath caught in her throat and she bucked her hips off the bed, allowing him to quickly untie and remove her smalls.

She watched with lidded eyes as he made his way down her chest, lightly dusting the crisscrossing scars of her torso with kisses and settling at the apex of her thighs. His tongue and fingers went to work but as she rose to her peak, he wrapped one arm under her knee and rested his forearm over her hips. He held her down to the bed with his arm, keeping her writhing body in place as he coaxed every spasm of ecstasy from her core.

Alessia smiled lovingly as Anders made his way up the bed back to her, kissing him feverishly and reveling in the taste of herself on his lips. He made to enter her, but she broke away and shook her head. She hooked a foot behind his knee, lithely flipped him over to his back and straddled him. Anders chuckled and pulled the tie from her hair. He paused in unraveling her braid, closing his eyes and groaning as she lowered her hips onto him.

Alessia rocked her hips back and forth, finding an easy rhythm as he raised his hips to meet hers. Anders gazed up at her adoringly and raised a hand to cup her cheek. She leaned down to kiss him and he found himself surrounded by a curtain of soft vermilion hair that seemed to glow in the light of the hearth behind her, a moment he never wanted to end. He reached his arms around her and kissed her passionately, holding her to him, before letting go and watching her sit up and move exactly how she knew would drive him to the brink. He thrust into her a few more times and she rolled her hips just so, bringing her to climax again as he did.

Alessia sank to the bed next to him, her heartbeat thundering in her ears. She cuddled her sweaty body to his, and kissed him gently. "I love you, Anders."

"I love you too, Alessia."

…

Anders fell into a deep sleep, and though she tried, Alessia's mind could not stop turning their conversation over and over. Eventually, she got back up and after finding another blanket, she wrapped it around herself. Grabbing a bottle of potent mead out of the rack, she stepped out through the side door of Honeyside onto the porch overlooking Lake Honrich. She left the door open a crack so she could hear if Anders had a nightmare, then sat in the rickety chair, uncorking the mead and took a long drink. Bran nosed the door open enough to fit through and flopped at her feet.

The breeze had an edge to autumn in it, and she wrapped the blanket more tightly around herself, taking another drink. Both moons were nearly full and the sky was clear, except for the green and purple aurora casting its light over the lake. Alessia stared at the beautiful colors entwining themselves together across the sky for some time before taking another long drink and looking down at Bran.

"You know I love that man, right Bran?" The dog merely looked at her sagely, and she smiled at him before emptying the bottle. "I mean...the whole reason he's here is happenstance, I found him by happenstance, and yet I've come to care about him like no other. No offense to you of course. I know why he doesn't want me to go, but I still would. I would move those two moons up there for him if he wanted me to...he's leaving me, Bran. I know he is, and I can't stop it."

Alessia threw her arms around the war dog's shaggy neck and sobbed. "He's going to leave, and all of these memories just aren't enough. Everything we've been through, even if it was hard...it's been the best time of my life and him not beside me will kill me. I just...I wish I had a piece of him to keep forever."

The flap of wings caught both of their attention as a courier raven landed on the railing before them. It cawed frantically, dancing back and forth on the rail. "Don't laugh at me, you asshole!" Alessia yelled, and threw her empty mead bottle at it. It stepped aside easily, the bottle plopping into the lake below. "Go deliver your damned message and leave me be!" The large bird cawed a few more times before rising into the air and flying off into the night.

Alessia growled and stood. "Come on, Bran. Let's go to bed."

…

Alessia stretched as she woke, the hair that usually fell over her face now conspicuously absent. Her hand searching Anders's side of the bed found nothing and she sat up worriedly, knowing that the sickly down in the Ratways were now cured. She stood, wandering through the house and found that she and Bran were the only ones there. Her eyes grew large as she threw open the trunk at the end of the bed, only to find her own belongings. Her braid fell forward and thumped against her chest, and the last dredges of sleep fell away as she realized. My braid...I fell asleep with my hair loose. The conversation she had had with Anders about Nord men braiding their lovers' hair before battle suddenly replayed in her mind's eye. Clutching the braid to her face, she began to weep.

Anders was gone.

...