a little longer than usual. hope no one minds. and too bad, i guess, if anyone does. mind it. or anything else... cuz it is what it is.
38.
i thought my glitches were mostly gone
mostly fixed or replaced with somethings else
and that i did the things i do now with grace and finesse
but that was before i got to see Edward eat
for the first time
and then the second
and the third
he really was starving...
"I guess I've been doing it wrong," i tell him as he wipes some blood from my mouth and chin
"No, not wrong. Just a little messily."
he doesn't mean it in a mean way
his smile tells me that
but "Are you completely disgusted now?"
"No, I'm not disgusted at all. Not with you, anyway."
"You're mad at them."
"I'm furious at them."
"For what Rose did? Or what they all did after? Well, her and Emmett, I guess. And Carlisle, though I still don't know when or why he was here. I just know that he was and Jasper wasn't."
"I didn't know that part. And I know you didn't hear me get any explanations for what I do, Bella... about what Rose did... but I did get one. And I can't be mad at her for that. Not now... that you're right in front of me. And alive. Something you only are because of what she did. Which is exactly what I would have done, the choice I would have made, if I'd been faced with it."
"It is?"
"Yes, Bella. It is."
"So, you're only mad–furious–about them leaving me alone after she did it?"
"No, I'm mad about other things, too... but some of those things are complicated, I guess, so..."
"Are you talking about Jake?"
he looks at me
long and deep
as if trying to get inside of me
my head at least
that he still can't hear
and my heart
that he just can't anymore
but knows he's still in
and not in there alone
"I can't be mad at Jake. I know that he was here for you, even if you didn't know it. That he came... as soon and as quickly as he could... even though he feared how he might find you. And would too late. And then feared in a different way how he did."
"Jasper said he can change back if he wants to. Is that true? Can he really? And does he not because he's really afraid of me?"
"Yes, it's true. He can change back, though I don't think it's quite as simple as merely wanting to. Especially if there's a significant threat to his doing so."
"He thinks I'm a threat? That I would hurt him?"
"Not enough not to be here. Or to stay. Even now, that there are many."
"If one of them lays an icecicled finger on him, it's snow cones for them!"
i said them because i know Edward wouldn't
wouldn't hurt me that way even if he wanted to hurt him
which i don't really think he does
even though Jake has never been his favorite person
well...
wolfperson?
which makes sense i suppose
now...
much more sense if the story Jake told me was true than the reason he used to give me...
that Jakes feelings for me were different than mine for him
different and more
more complex and more layered
and completely visible if i'd stop telling him he was just being crazy and jealous and look at what was there instead
which i didn't because there was nothing to look at or see
and he was just being crazy and jealous
and overprotective
and ridiculous
because Jake could never have thought of me or looked at me in any way but as a friend
the same way i could only ever have thought of or looked at him
because seriously...
talk about EEEEEEEEEW
that's just plain gross
i mean Jake's cute and all but...
yeah just NO
"They won't. I promise. Now, are you ready to go back?"
"Go back?"
"Yeah... to the house. And your unwanted guests. And your not."
well i...
wait a minute...
i had a plan...
a plan for pie!
what the hell happened?
how did i forget?
and get so distracted?
by...
damn you ADD vampire brain!
"I know you wouldn't know this, but Jake is starving. I mean, he can eat... the way we just did... sort of... but he really doesn't like to. And would prefer his meals cooked."
"He is? And he would?"
"Yes."
damn it
of course he would
in this form or the other
the one he won't let me see
because he's afraid to
and therefore couldn't tell me he was starving
which...
just like i couldn't with Edward...
i can't ignore now
damn you wolfpuppy!
"Okay. I don't want him to starve. We can go back and I'll make him something. I think there's still some chicken in the freezer. From before... It should still be good, I think."
"He'll be very grateful."
"Yeah..."
good for him
and for Edward
the 108 year old virgin
depending on whose virginal view you look at
and bad for me
one of them
the virginal view-holders
because...
I WANTED PIE!
..tq..
i'm going to say it before anyone else can... I'M A TEASE. Lol.
but if you still love me... or any of them, at least, i'll see you tomorrow. for today, you'll just have to go to Baker's Square or something. bawahahaha...