Chapter 30

Willow smiled to herself in content, burrowing deeper into the blankets. She was lying on her side, her head resting on Faith's shoulder and her hair fanned over her face, blocking out some of the sunlight creeping through the fabric of the blinds. Faith was warm and very comfy next to her, with a protective arm draped casually over Willow's back.

Trying not to let her mind think about exactly what this would look like to someone walking into the room, Willow tried to fall back asleep. But despite her efforts, she was most definitely awake and without any hope of sleeping again anytime soon. Once her mind started going, even this early in the morning, it was hard to make it stop.

It isn't anything, she argued with herself. We just fell asleep together. After making-out like teenagers for I don't even know how long and making sure the Potentials were banned from the room because Faith needed some 'quiet time to heal.'

But that doesn't mean anything. Nope. Not at all.

Willow, you know this is a bad idea. A bad, bad, bad idea. You like her. A lot. You have no idea if it goes both ways. You're just setting yourself up for a bigger and more painful fall.

The redhead internally stuck her tongue out at the voice in her head, not wanting to listen to rational thought this early in the morning. So they'd kissed – a lot – last night. It wasn't like Faith had been complaining.

The brunette shifted next to her.

I wonder how long she's been awake, Willow thought, knowing her companion wasn't asleep.

Willow's hand slowly snaked over the Slayer's stomach, beginning to play with the fabric of her shirt. She began drawing patterns on it, letting her fingers run over the other girl's ribs and abs in smooth, flowing motions.

Don't think don't think don't think about what this may or may not be just live in the moment and enjoy it don't start analyzing it and over-thinking it and please don't ruin it.

The brunette's arm around her shoulders tightened in response to Willow's movements. Faith was definitely awake.

"Hey," Willow whispered.

She could hear the smile in the other girl's voice, "Hey, yourself."

"How… how long have you been awake?"

"A while."

"Oh?"

"Yeah. You snore. Couldn't sleep."

Willow slapped the Slayer's stomach lightly, "I do not."

"Nah, just messin' with ya."

"We should probably get up soon."

"Yeah."

Neither girl moved for a long moment.

"You're really comfy."

Faith laughed, "Is that so? You know, I… I don't normally… do this… the 'cuddle thing.' Not very often. Or, you know, ever."

"Well, you're very good at it."

"Don't really know what I'm doing."

"Well," Willow began, "You… you just lie there and be comfy. That's a good place to start. You don't let your mind start thinking about what's going on because that's, well, that's just bad news. You just stay where you are, being all warm and smiley and enjoying the other person's company and drawing comfort from them. With occasional teasing and touching. Like this, see," she demonstrated, drawing patterns on Faith's stomach through her shirt again, "Like that. For a non-cuddler, I'd say you're doing fine."

Faith chuckled and Willow relished the sound. "I'm serious though," her voice was gentle but honest, "I've never really done this."

Willow could have assumed as much. Back when Faith had first come to Sunnydale, she had been pretty open about her sexuality and her sexual partners. Faith was confident. She met someone, enjoyed them, and then moved on. Willow could understand the lack of cuddling. It was probably awkward to cuddle with a complete stranger.

The redhead should have been a little put off by these thoughts, thoughts of just how different she and Faith were when it came to relationships. Willow thrived on reassurance and communication from the person she was with. Faith, as she had put it so many years ago, was more 'get some, get gone.'

She should have been put off by this, but she wasn't. Faith clearly was not a cuddle-bunny. Yet here she was, cuddling with the redhead like she did it all the time.

That obviously meant something.

It meant that, knowing how withholding and distanced she was with people, Faith felt comfortable enough to put herself in what could be described as a vulnerable situation with Willow.

Really, she knew she shouldn't be smiling, but the witch couldn't help it.

"I don't want to get up," Willow sighed. "I don't want to break this spell. I don't want to go back to the real world where everything is hard and sharp and painful. I want to just… just stay here and not have to think."

"I know what you mean."

Rolling fully onto her stomach and leaning up on her elbows, Willow peered at the Slayer intently, letting her eyes follow the lines of the face before her. Her voice was hushed when she spoke again, "I don't want to think about what this is. I just want to live it."

"But…" Faith seemed hesitant. She took a deep breath, "But there is something goin' on here." It wasn't a question.

"Yeah."

A nod. "Why… why don't we hold off figuring out what it is then? Whatever is going on, let's just let it happen. There is so much death and despair going on outside that door, how about we let this happen and deal with it after we've saved the world."

She's scared, Willow realized suddenly. I don't want to label what it is because I don't want to deal with what it might actually be. I don't want to deal with Faith not feeling the same way and having this not mean anything to her.

But Faith… she doesn't want to label it because it scares her.

There's so much I don't know about her.

I know she's been with more people than me, that's obvious. But has she… has she ever been with anyone? On more than just a physical level? Has she actually been in a real relationship? I don't want to think about how awful that could be, having as much experience in the world as she has and never having let herself get really close to someone.

But everything about her screams 'I don't do relationships.'

"I can hear those wheels turning, Red."

This is going to turn into a complete and horrible mess, I just know it.

I mean, she doesn't date. I know that. I've seen that. I remember how she was at The Bronze, how she wanted attention, but only for what she could control.

And yet here I am, feeling something for her despite it. I'm just torturing myself. What if it really is something casual to her, all the kissing last night? What if this is all just something to pass the time while we wait for the world to end and she laughs at me because I want it to be something more?

"You okay in that head of yours, Willow?"

"I'm fine," she breathed softly, realizing she was had been ignoring Faith. "Just…thinking."

"I thought we just agreed not to do that."

"I can't help it," she mumbled pathetically, looking down at the bedspread. She let her arms slide out so she was fully lying down on her stomach, face pressed into the pillow. She inhaled deeply, taking in the white fabric's smell of dryer lint and fruity hair shampoo.

Faith sighed heavily. Willow could feel the weight of it hanging in the room, pressing down on her. She felt the mattress shift next to her and knew Faith had rolled onto her side, facing away from Willow. And Willow sighed internally to herself. She hadn't meant to make the Slayer upset. She just… thought too much sometimes.

The redhead lifted one arm to rest it under her head as she turned onto her side, studying Faith's back intently. Her shoulder blades were visible through her thin shirt, and her dark hair on the light-coloured sheets stood out sharply, inviting Willow to touch the brunette locks.

Her free arm reached out nervously, but eventually slid among the strands of hair. She let them flow through her fingers absentmindedly as she thought about what to say to make Faith turn and look at her again.

It appeared that Faith had other plans however; Willow saw Faith's back stiffen the moment her fingers began playing in the Slayer's hair. Studying the girl, Willow continued to comb her fingers through the locks before her; Faith's body language indicated she was not at all relaxed.

Faith's voice was rough when she spoke, "What are you doing?"

"Playing with your hair," Willow hummed in response.

A beat, and then, "Why?"

Because it's what people do when they cuddle?

Oh. Right. Not big on the cuddling.

"D-do you want me to stop?"

Faith waited a long moment before answering, "Um… I'm not… I'm not really sure what's going on."

"I'm playing with your hair," Willow repeated herself slowly, unsure.

"Yeah, but… why?"

The redhead's eyebrows knotted in confusion. What does she mean 'why?' Out loud she tried to keep her voice level, "I don't understand what you mean. Hasn't anyone ever… oh."

She's never had anyone play with her hair.

Oh Goddess, what am I doing? Clearly this is not the girl I should be falling for. She really has no idea what a true relationship is, does she?

"Is this a normal thing people do?" Faith asked, rolling over so her eyes met the redhead's. Willow let her hand drop to rest on the girl's side lightly, feeling her insides melt at the child-like look Faith's chocolate-coloured eyes had taken on.

"Sometimes."

"God, I must be seriously damaged or something. You've got me cuddling and you're playin' with my hair. Since when do I do girly crap like that?"

"…Since me?"

Faith actually laughed, long and hard. Willow's eyes were glued to Faith's lips, watching the way they moved from a smile to a full laugh. "Yeah, Red. Since you."

"Faith… Faith I promise to stop thinking about… this," She indicated between the two of them, "and just let whatever happens happen until we actually have time to deal with it… if you answer something."

"Shoot."

"Is…" her voice faded as she lost her nerve.

"Is what?"

Willow shook her head, indicating she didn't want to finish.

"Come on, Red. Is what?"

Unable to get the fear she felt to leave her voice, Willow asked, "Is… is this just something casual for you?" The words were barely above a whisper; embarrassed at both having to ask the question and subtly admit it was something so important to her.

"Red, I… no. It isn't. This isn't… this isn't like what I used to do. I'm not really sure what I'm doing, but, shit, it feels deeper than that, you know? I… I have no idea what's going on, but I'm thinking you do." Pulling herself into a sitting positing, the brunette looked down at Willow. "I have no idea what's going on. Hell, I've known you for years; I have no idea why suddenly I feel so connected with you. Why I trusted you to come back to Boston with me. Why I trust you around Dani. Why I can feel my walls coming down around you. Why I kissed you last night and then made-out with you for hours. Without trying to take it any further. Why I'm fucking cuddling with you. I don't have a clue what the hell is happening inside me. But I know this isn't just some causal fling. It… I don't know. I don't know what's going on with me."

She feels it to.

Goddess, this is so scary.

I'm attracted to Faith.

And I think… from what she just said… she's attracted to me.

"I think…" How do I say this without scaring her off? If she's never liked anyone before, this has probably got to be really scary for her. "I think… I think that maybe…"

About to say something very heartfelt, the witch lost all train of thought when a loud crash resounded from somewhere below them. And then a scream. And then a curse. And then a then a cacophony of more crashes and screaming.

Right. The real world is still going on down there.

Now I don't remember what I was going to say.

She opened her mouth to apologize but the Slayer cut her off, "It's okay. Duty calls. Go, see what's goin' on down there. I'll go have a shower, get some of the basement dirt from last night off me."

"Your leg?"

"Should be fine. I'll let you know if you need to play nurse."

Willow tried incredibly hard not to blush. But judging from the growing smile on Faith's face, she could tell she had not succeeded and her face was now making an imitation of her hair.

"How long have you been waiting to use that line?"

"Since last night."

"Figures."