Its Eyes Were Jewels
Chapter 36
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As way of disclaimer, I own none of Anne McCaffrey's characters nor do I own her world (though I sometimes wish I did), I'm simply borrowing them for the time being.
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Long hours over the course of many days were spent studying maps. With her self defensive skills greatly improved, Z'den made the executive decision to trade off most of those lessons in favor of teaching her other skills. Land maps transformed slowly into sea charts as she got the hang of things. Sea charts transformed into star charts. Each new change was met with much defiance from Elrenia. It wasn't that she didn't want to learn near so much as she was afraid of disappointing the man. But he maintained that everyone needed to start somewhere, and tried to guide her as gently, and patiently as possible.
Nevertheless, the young woman ended every day bone tired. The weariness usually made for decent sleeping, but somehow this night was different. There'd been an odd sort of electricity in the air the entire day, and everyone seemed to be expecting something. At first she assumed it was the Hatching, but it was still too early. The feeling remained a mystery even as she settled into bed that night, wondering.
Waking up to a voice pushing firmly into her mind, ordering her, Stay, was not exactly the way the young woman expected to start her morning. But when Koth insisted, Small one, do not move, Elrenia listened. The blue had been looking out for her from the very beginning, and it was the least she could do to trust his judgment. Lying perfectly still in her bed, Elrenia only stirred slightly at the sound of a dragon landing on her ledge. Likely Koth, but even then she didn't move.
But after a short eternity spent in silence, the tension was too much and the brunette couldn't help asking, "Koth?" She knew the beast could hear her, though he voice was a whisper. "What in the world is going on? Why are you here? Why can't I move?"
You do not need to be afraid.
"Afraid?" she asked, wishing not for the first time that the winged creature would stop being so cryptic. "Afraid of what?"
Anath has risen.
The way the woman's heart skipped a beat was testament to the wisdom of dragons. The blue knew, absolutely, beyond a shadow of a doubt knew that the notion of a mating flight, any mating flight, let alone a volatile green's would terrify her. What's more, his presence on her ledge meant he was choosing not to participate in the flight, although he was old enough to, and perhaps even clever enough to win.
It was a touching notion, and the girl was rising from her bed, grabbing one of the heavy wherhide jackets H'val had given her to fend off the cold as she padded out to Koth. His eyes were rolling with shades she'd never seen before, excited, and lustful, and anxious to take to the sky.
Reaching out to rub the beasts eye ridge, she murmured, "You can go, you know. If you'd like. I'll—"
No.
"Koth, I can see that you want—"
I will stay here with you. One softly glowing eye seemed to stare straight into her soul, as the boy wrapped his tail around her feet, as he was prone to do. There will be other flights. But this time, you need me.
The beat her heart skipped this time had nothing at all to do with fear. "How can I ever Impress?" she asked softly, reaching out the caress the blue's snout. "There can never be a dragon more amazing then you. Where in all of Pern is there a dragon that will understand me better?"
She will come, he promised, letting out a large puff of air before resting his head on his front legs. I will guard you, if you want to sleep.
Right as he spoke, early morning light reflected magnificently off of Anath's emerald hide, catching Elrenia's complete and total attention. What the flight represented may have bothered her, but the flight itself was beautiful. In that moment, the little green was a Queen, among the ranks of Ramoth herself. Wondering if the creatures ever felt jealous of those ranked higher than them, Elrenia thought that maybe the more frequent flights could be contributed to this.
While dragons of all colors were respected, there was no question that the Queens were revered over all others. And maybe, just maybe, the greens flew just so that they could feel special among their peers for a moment. A feeling that Elrenia knew all too well. Doing special things so as to stand out above her sisters. Trying to be strong to stand out above her brothers.
"Do you ever feel inadequate?" Elrenia asked, moving to sit down against Koth's side.
Shifting so that he could rest his head against the woman's legs, Koth responded simply, Inadequate?
"Do you ever feel… like… do you think that… Arlith, for example, is better than you?"
He is much better in flight.
"But… as a dragon, is Arlith better than you?"
Do you think that he is?
"Of course not."
Then what have I to worry about?
The creature, without fail, warmed Elrenia's heart. He had faith in her like she'd never experienced, and scratched his eye ridge with a great deal of love. Scanning the skies, and the dragons zipping about it, the brunette smiled when she spotted Arlith. It seemed so unlikely that she'd be able to pick him out in flight, but the pattern with which he pumped his wings was so unique to him.
Before living in the Weyr she just thought that flying was flying. A dragon would flap its wings and take to the air, but it was so much more than that. The first difference was that there was no flapping involved. Dragons did not flap. It was far too inelegant to describe what the beautiful beasts did. Unless they were still babies, in which case yes, yes it was flapping.
But the older the dragons got, the more graceful their movements seemed to be. Like the green, soaring effortlessly through the sky, escaping her pursuers. She teased them rather obviously, flaunting her glimmering hide as she twisted and turned. Letting out a cry as a brown tried to sneak up on her from below.
Evading him easily, the beautiful girl clamped her wings to her sides and plummeted, a dangerous act that had Elrenia holding her breath. For a moment she feared that the first flight she ever got to witness would also be the first dragon she had to mourn. But suddenly a daring blue came up beneath Anath. Wrapping himself around her. Falling with her. Opening their wings in the same instance, the two took to the air once more, and the mating flight was won.
"That could have been you, Koth."
I am not the one she wanted.
Almost startled by this calm proclamation, the young woman looked at the blue at her back and murmured, "So dragons do have preferences?" Refusing to answer, Koth closed his eyes and wrapped his tail more tightly around Elrenia's legs, leaving her to think. It seemed she did her best thinking when in the presence of the tranquil blue.
It made perfect sense, as she rested her head back, staring out across the sky. The tail around her legs kept them, and her feet amply warm, though she could see her breath fogging in the cool morning air. Sprinklings of snow happened every once in the while, in the coldest parts of night, but they would surely be arriving in their fullest force soon. Just thinking about the beautiful little dragonets playing in the snow made her smile, because surely the creatures would. They played every chance they got between meals and sleep. What lessons the older ones went to were pretty much games for them as well.
When she got one of her own, it would be a tiring experience. Even now, with the little beasts out of the phase where all they did was eat and sleep, their Weyrlings were so exhausted by the end of the day. Is she mine? Elrenia wondered, staring out at the sun beyond the clouds. Is the queen on the sands mine? Everyone kept telling her she would Impress, but no one said when she would. It was almost ominous.
Do not worry, small one.
"Listening to me?"
Always.
And it was no wonder that the beast made her feel so very safe. Even when he was quiet, and kept his thoughts to himself, Koth was listening to her. He would always be looking out for her. Like when, as the cold was beginning to sink through her jacket, and her cheeks were tingling red, Koth unwrapped his tail and insisted, Go have breakfast.
An order that Elrenia couldn't argue with, as hre stomach rumbled. The whole way down from her ledge, the smell of breads and porridge tantalized her. Teased her until she arrived to find Jaione pouring her a bowl with a cup of klah already.
"Have I ever mentioned that I love you?" she murmured, wrapping frozen fingers around the warm cup with a sigh. "It smells delicious today. Is there a special occasion?"
"Maybe you're just really hungry," Red offered, making a face at his porridge until Elrenia pinched his cheek.
"Be grateful you have any food at all."
"Yes mother."
"So how are you boys?" she asked, helping Jaione to gather a little banquet for them to eat simply because she could.
"Pretty good," Red answered with an apathetic shrug. "I've been worse."
"What's wrong?"
"Farraline's been acting weird."
"Oh?"
"Yeah. She…" The boy trailed off with a shrug, shoving a wad of bread into his mouth in an attempt to cover up how uncomfortable he was.
Elrenia wouldn't just let the situation go, though. She'd thought the talk she had with Farraline helped. There hadn't been a complete turn around, but she hadn't expected there to be. That would have been unfair to the young woman. But the girl had been improving. "What did she do?"
"She…"
"Red," she sighed. "Just tell me. Maybe I can talk to her, and make her shape up—"
"Shape up?" the boy asked, staring at the brunette in confusion. "No. No. She… she thanked me."
"Thanked you?"
"I don't understand," Palmer muttered under his breath, pushing food around on his plate, gaining the attention of the young women.
"Palmer?" Elrenia asked curiously, sitting down between him and Red. "What don't you understand? Was Farraline odd with you too?"
"No,"Red offered easily, even as Palmer huffed in frustration. "Sailing. He's been obsessed for days now."
"How can they travel at night?" he asked. "They have no dragons, no markers, how do they knew where they're going?"
"It's the stars," Elrenia murmured quietly, gently as she took a sip of klah. "You see, the stars act as a sort of marker for them. Because they're never quite in the same place two days in a row, but they move in a sort of… pattern."
"But they all look the same."
"No, Palmer," Elrenia corrected gently. "They don't look the same at all. Look up at the sky one night, really look. The stars paint pictures. Clusters of them, always together as they travel. If you know what you're looking at, and I guarantee you any sailor worth his marks does, the stars can lead you home. Or wherever you're going, of course."
Pulse quickening to realize that she understood the things that Z'den had been trying to teach her, Elrenia finished her meal as quickly as she could. An infectious smile spread across her face when she thought of how proud the man would be. It was easy to know an answer when a teacher was giving prompts, but a totally unprovoked explanation, one that made at least a moderate amount of sense… She needed to go tell him.
Excusing herself from the table first chance she got, Elrenia escaped from the room and took excitedly to the stairs. Maybe they could move to the next topic soon, now that she was getting it. But what came after the stars? More about their patterns? Oh! Maybe Z'den could teach her how to track them! The thought of being able to look up at the sky and see more than just twinkling lights was so very attractive to her!
"Z'den! I—"
The last thing she expected, as she tore into the brown rider's weyr, was for a woman to look up groggily from the bed. Her hair was the darkest shade of black Elrenia had ever seen, her half lidded eyes the brightest blue. She could have been one of her older sisters, had all of them not been dead, and the contrast had the girl's heart in her throat long before she realized the situation she'd just walked in on.
After taking in the soft, rosy glow of the sheet covered woman's face, her eyes shifted lower, revealing the man laying beneath her. His bare chest acted as a pillow for his bedmate until she lifted her head to gaze over at the shocked brunette. Raising one pale, delicate hand to push hair out of her face had the blanket covering the mysterious woman's chest was sliding to the side to reveal one plump breast that had Elrenia red faced in an instant.
Turning away, the horrified girl babbled a series of apologies that carried her to the door. Rushing out of the weyr and down the nearest corridor, Elrenia found that she was shaking so badly by the time she got to the lower caverns that she could not physically stand in one place. Mirah looked up from where she was laughing with Lessa over a cup of klah, took one look at her friend, and forgot what she was doing.
The little blonde was quick on her feet, moving forward to grab both of Elrenia's hands in hopes of calming her that way. It was immediately obvious, however, that this wouldn't do. So Mirah led the girl from the kitchen to one of the side rooms, kicking all of the weyrlings out with a cold stare so they could have privacy. The boys left without a second glance, too young to care much for girl talk, and too old to be dumb enough to risk testing such a firm expression.
"Elrenia, dear, what happened?"
"Z-z-z—"
"Z'den?"
"A woman…" It came off on a soft sound as the girl convulsed, moving to the side to avoid the gold rider's legs when she vomited what breakfast she'd managed to shove into her excited stomach not so long ago. It was both amazing and horrifying to see how pleasure and happiness could turn to horror in an instant.
The violent reaction was all the explanation Mirah needed to gather the older girl into her arms the moment she was done being sick and stroke her hair soothingly. "It's okay, love," she promised. "It's okay. Everything is all right."
"But it's not!"
"Why isn't it?" the blonde asked softly, trying to get the long awaited story out of the troubled girl without prying too much. "Why is it not okay?"
"He shouldn't do that."
"Do what?"
"That!" the girl wailed, digging her face into Mirah's shoulder when she heard footsteps carry someone into the room.
"Go," Mirah ordered softly. "I have it. Go. Leave." Then, after a few moments silence, "What's wrong with doing 'that'?"
"Men shouldn't do that to women!" the hysterical brunette insisted. "I… I thought dragonmen were better than that!"
"Well, they're men," Mirah offered, grasping at withies as to what all was going on in the brunette's head. "All men do that."
The sudden, frantic sobbing of the woman in her arms made the gold rider hold her even tighter, looking up at the wide eyed Weyrwoman in the doorway for assistance. Elrenia flinched when Lessa touched her shoulder, fearing who it was until she saw the little dark haired woman sitting on the other end of the bench. The moment was reminiscent of her stay at Kelby's Hold, when Gralla and Grela had tried to heal and comfort her. This was different though. She'd been getting better, much better. It had been a long while since she'd panicked unnecessarily! Why so suddenly?
Hand in her Weyrwoman's, Elrenia found herself pulled gently to her feet and pulled from the room, led carefully through the Weyr, all the way up to Lessa's personal chambers, crying all the way. F'lar, sitting at the table looking over some sort of document, was quick to vacate the room after a stern look from his woman, muttering good days to all before seeming to blink between like a frightened fire lizard. She didn't know the man to be afraid of anything, even his volatile love, but was pleased for the privacy as Lessa pulled her right to the edge of her bed. Mirah settled down right at her side, to stroke her arms comfortingly as the small woman spoke.
"Dear, hush now," Lessa spoke in an uncharacteristically tender voice. Elrenia was so used to hearing her scold and argue, not… she was never around when the woman was doing anything else, with the exception of dinner, but they didn't sit at the same table! And whenever she was called up to have one of those serious talks about her situation, there was always an uncomfortable tension running through the little woman's body. This… she'd never seen Lessa like this before. "Tell me."
"I can't!"
"Why can't you?"
"He'll hurt you!"
She saw Lessa stiffen through her tear blurred eyes, and was sure she was about to be sent from the Weyr. The one place she'd managed to feel safe, and they were going to send her away for being dangerous. There'd been so much worry about that day, but she'd hoped it would never come. She'd wanted, more than anything else, to be wrong about these people. She wanted the Weyrfolk to be genuinely good, and kind. They'd seemed to be! But… but she was wrong.
"Do you think," Lessa said firmly, strongly, but not unkindly, "that any man could hurt the rider of Gold Ramoth?"
This caught Elrenia's attention, the logic being as infallible as it was. She'd seen Ramoth up close and personal on several occasions, and was sure there wasn't a single creature in all of Pern that rivaled the magnificent gold's size. With the queen at her side, Lessa could never come to any harm. And, perhaps even, the beautiful queen would deign to protect her as well. With the protection of a blue, a small queen, and Ramoth surely there was nothing he could do to hurt her!
The realization that she could be safe at last hit so suddenly that with a shuddering sob the girl moved from Mirah to wrap her arms around the Weyrwoman, who kindly obliged her. The hand stroking her hair down her back was soothing, even as the voice at her ear begged for a story she didn't ever want to tell. "You need to tell me, Elrenia," Lessa spoke softly. "If you don't tell me, Ramoth won't know what to keep an eye out for, and then no one can be helped."
It was with a shuddering breath that Elrenia told her sordid tale, all the while hoping that the woman wouldn't think badly of her for it. Eye contact wasn't made, not even in passing glances as the girl spoke, eyes firmly pinned on her hands. Long fingers wrapped and writhed in the folds of her tunic. Fire seemed to explode, traveling along her skin as she spoke, brushed away only when Lessa reached out and gripped her hands, pulling them from the cloth.
"By the egg," the Weyrwoman murmured, reaching out to pull the trembling girl into her arms again. "Elrenia, why didn't you tell me this sooner?"
"I couldn't."
"Why not?"
"Because I couldn't!" How was she supposed to explain that every time the words tried to bubble up her throat she choked? More than once she'd wanted to blurt it out, but it was… it was better not to. "I should go, shouldn't I?" she asked, prepared to be thrown out. Coughing to clear the sobbing from her throat, she nodded her head and muttered as strongly as she could, "I should. I… I'll… I shouldn't be here…"
"Elrenia…"
"I'll find somewhere," she promised trying not to sound weak, and failing spectacularly. "Maybe I can find my brother? Maybe H'val can drop me off in Fort. I don't…"
"Elrenia."
"I should get going."
Trying to get to her feet, the brunette was restrained by the firm hands of her Weyrwoman, face softened by the most concerned expression she'd ever seen the woman wear. "Elrenia, stop," the woman murmured. "Stop, and listen to me." Hesitant grey eyes lifted to the older woman's, and her hands were squeezed comfortingly. "You are not going anywhere. Not yet. You still have a Hatching to attend, and Robinton knows how to find you here. When we go to meet Lord Holder Raid—"
"We?"
Smilingly knowingly, the woman asked, "Did you think I would make you go alone, Elrenia?"
Yes, actually, she had. But this new knowledge made her smile slightly through her tears. Murmuring a quiet, "Thank you."
Nodding to acknowledge the thanks, Lessa continued, "When we go to meet Lord Holder Raid, you're going to have to tell him this." Exactly what the girl was afraid of, but she nodded anyway. "We will find a way to fix this. Now…" Sighing heavily, the woman asked, "What brought this on today?"
Suddenly Elrenia remembered the woman. The poor, poor woman trapped in Z'den's bed and her eyes started to water once more. "I-I—" If nothing else, she'd felt protected from that in the Weyr! Now… did Koth have to protect her every time there was a mating flight? Would she always be at risk of such violation? "Z'den… he… I went to his Weyr to talk to him…"
Eyes widening seconds before they narrowed, Lessa demanded, "Did he touch you?"
"No!" The denial shot out almost in defense of the man, before she remembered and explained, "A-another woman…"
"Mirah."
"Weyrwoman."
"Go find this woman. I want to speak to her. Now."
"Yes, Weyrwoman."
Mirah, who had been distant and nervous during the entire story, left without another word. Elrenia didn't blame her. No one should be forced to sit through such a retelling, especially one so hysterical, and not be allowed to escape. With the way the brunette wept a person would have thought it had just happened. Weakling. She tried to quiet the voice in her mind, of course, but it couldn't be stopped now. It demanded to be heard as it taunted her. I should be over it by now! Because dwelling was so silly, so childish.
Childish like the way she leaned into Lessa's hands when the woman touched her, craving whatever kind of contact she could get. And the Weyrwoman, who for all Elrenia could tell kept her distance from most people, never released her hands. Thumb continuously caressing Elrenia palm, the woman was very quiet. Lost in what were undoubtedly horrible thoughts.
Elrenia certainly hadn't expected Z'den to be able to do such a thing, and it was likely Lessa… How long had the two known each other? There was a definite familiarity between them. An odd sort of friendship that allowed for rabid insult and argument without hurt feelings. How did the woman feel to know that one of her men was capable of such a thing?
Likely horrid. Disgusted. Possibly as bad as Elrenia felt. If she'd known, she would have done everything in her power to protect the girls. Lessa would have… done so much more. Was capable of doing so much more.
"Lessa, I…"
"Hush, dear. I understand."
"But you don't."
"I don't what?"
"Understand."
"I don't understand the cruelty of man?" the woman would have scoffed, if she didn't sound so… sad. "I understand, Elrenia. You're not the first woman I've seen torn apart by…" Rage, overcoming the sadness, had Lessa snarling at the air. "I can't believe this."
Without announcing her return, Mirah entered the weyr with a woman, the same one Elrenia had seen in Z'den's chambers, and she could only stare in horror. A woman shouldn't have had to walk after being attacked! And the brunette was about to scold Mirah for taking such actions until the woman looked about curiously and asked. "What's going on here now? With all due respect, I was kind of in the middle—"
"Did Z'den touch you?" Lessa asked as emotionlessly as possible, eyes narrowing to vicious lines when the woman nodded her head. "He'll be dealt with."
"Dealt with?" the woman asked in confusion, looking back at Mirah for guidance. But the blonde didn't offer any, just crossed her arms and stared. Eventually, looking from one angry woman to the other, confused eyes settled on the still crying maiden in the Weyrwoman's arms, and the girl seemed to come to a sort of conclusion. "What d'you think he did, child?"
"H-h-he… men shouldn't do that!"
"Men have just as much right to it as a lady does."
Interrupting the denial bubbling up Elrenia's throat as a sob, Lessa demanded, "Did he hurt you?"
"No, ma'am!" the lady snapped defensively. "Z'den takes care of his lovers real good. I promise you that." Then after a brief pause the woman gaped at Elrenia, "What d'you think he did to me, deary?"
"You wanted to sleep with him?" Lessa pressed.
"Yes, I did. Been after him since he got here, but a green only just flew and he got rowdy because Arlith got beat out by the green's favorite. I was happy to oblige him." Big dark eyes settled on Elrenia as she said, "He hasn't done nothing to me I didn't want done, love. I promise."
But this was something Elrenia couldn't accept. What use has a woman for sex? Lessa held her tighter for a moment, before thanking the woman and telling her to go. What use is there for sex? The little brunette sighed and squeezed Elrenia's hands again. There is no use for it.